I am a married woman and I have four children. My problem is that my husband buys drugs and takes them. He has even allocated a room in the house to these poisons and I fear that he may harm my children and me when he is affected by these drugs. I advised him many times and threatened to expose him, but he threatens me with divorce. How should I deal with him knowing that he really frightens me?
You should not remain with him as long as he is in such a state, because he may harm you and your children. You have to expose him and report him to the authorities concerned, after telling his family and yours. If they see that he may respond to advice or threats, then there is no harm. However, if he continues using these poisons that destroy reason and health, then, staying with him will be very dangerous for you and your children as he may harm or even kill them. He also spends his money in vain in order to have something that destroys reason and health.
Consequently, exposing him is better because it will deter him and his counterparts even if this led him to prison.
His threat with divorce should not frighten you, because it is better for you to be divorced than stay with him while he is an addict. In addition, if he divorces you, he will be the loser as he will lose his wife and no one will accept him after being exposed.
Be sure that Allah The Almighty will make a way out for you, so, save yourself and your children from this great danger.
And Allah knows best.
My husband is kind but he is a drug addict
I am a married woman and I have children. My husband is a good man and respects me very much. However, he takes drugs and I advised him many times but he did not respond to me. What should I do?
He should be advised, censured, and informed about the harms and evil consequences of taking these poisons, which cause insanity and makes the addict worse than animals. He should be encouraged through telling him that is it easy for him to come off these drugs as long as he seeks the help of Allah The Almighty and has strong determination. In such a case, he will succeed in defeating his evil desires and it only requires a couple of days of patience to get rid of these drugs permanently. He should seek the help of Allah The Almighty and show patience in the face of the withdrawal symptoms.
However, if he refuses to respond and continues taking these prohibited drugs, then you have to ask for divorce. In such a case, it is allowed for the woman to report him to the concerned authorities so that he will be punished. That is because this will eventually lead him to insanity, which may harm her and her children.
And Allah knows best.
My husband is extravagant
My husband is generous to the extent of extravagance. When I discuss this issue with him, he says that one will take nothing with him after death except his coffin. However, we live in a leased house.
Is he right? How should I deal with him as he does not respond to my advice?
This is foolish behavior, as it wastes money on unnecessary things. Money is not available for all people and acquiring it requires strenuous efforts. Hence, one should be wise and keep away from extravagance, as Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {…But be not excessive. Indeed, He likes not those who commit excess.} [Quran 7:31]
Allah The Almighty also forbade extravagance; He Says (what means): {…And do not spend wastefully. Indeed, the wasteful are brothers of the devils, and ever has Satan been to his Lord ungrateful.} [Quran 17:26-27]
Allah The Exalted does not love extravagant people who are the brothers of the devils. One should keep his money to secure housing and other needs of his family. The fact that he will only take his coffin when he leaves this world does not mean that he is allowed to be extravagant when it comes to food, drink, clothes, and luxuries.
And Allah knows best.
My stepmother levels ceaseless accusations at me
I am an orphan girl, and my stepmother levels ceaseless accusations at me and troubles me frequently. The real problem is that she pretends that she is kind and good before my father, who believes her. She threatens me that she will encourage my father to marry me off to the first one who proposes to me. What should I do?
Advise me, may Allah reward you.
This is one of the trials through which Allah The Almighty tests some people and it may be greatly rewarded by Allah The Almighty if you endure patiently.
You should advise her to stop this behavior and frighten her with the punishment and torment of Allah The Exalted, who is Exalted in Might and the Owner of Retribution.
You have to treat her kindly to avoid her evil in addition to meeting evil with goodness hoping that she would come to know that she is wrong.
Be kind to her even if she wrongs you, maintain ties with her even if she severs them, and be honest with her even if she betrays you. You should also ask some sisters to advise her and remind her of the punishment of Allah The Almighty and the punishment of lying and injustice, which will be darkness over darkness on the Day of Judgment.
You should do the same with your father when you are alone with him. You should inform him about everything politely and kindly along with serving and obeying him. You should do your best to please him and draw his attention to the evil consequences of unsupported ill thoughts and injustice.
It is good for you to ask some of your male or female relatives to explain the reality to your father and warn him against believing the lies he is told and having ill thoughts.
This may alleviate your suffering and you should have good expectations of Allah The Almighty and be sure that He will facilitate your affairs. So, perform the acts of worship and draw closer to Allah The Almighty through obedience, seek refuge with Him against worries, sorrows, evil morals, gloating of enemies and the oppression of men, and He answers whoever supplicates Him.
My son does not observe the prayers, should I order him to leave the house?
My son does not observe the prayers. Should I order him to leave the house?
I fear that this may lead to what is worse. Please advise me.
If you fear that expelling your son from the house would pervert him more and more such as becoming an addict, gay, an adulterer or so on, then, you should not expel him, especially, if he is still young or under the age of twenty. That is because the youth at this age easily fall into evil given their naivety and heedlessness about potential dangers.
However, you should beat him for neglecting the prayers, as the Prophet said: “Command your children to perform the prayers when they are seven years old, and beat them for (not offering) it when they are ten.” [Ahmad, Al-Haakim and Abu Daawood]
If he does not respond, then, report him to the concerned authorities to come to warn him and make him promise to observe the prayers. If he did not respond, they will punish him by imprisoning him or so on.
He should accompany righteous youth, as they are more capable of influencing him and dissuading him from evil and immorality.
You should also keep him away from bad friends hoping that he will follow the right path.
He rejects the suitors of his daughter
A man used to reject the suitors of his daughter until she became old and he is very regretful. He wants to know how he should deal with this problem and whether he is sinful or not?
There is no doubt that this father is sinful for rejecting the suitable suitors of his daughter, as the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “If someone whom you approve of his religion and morals proposes to you, let him marry. If you do not do so, it will be Fitnah (trial) on earth and a widespread corruption." [At-Tirmithi on the authority of Abu Hurayrah and Ibn Maajah] [Al-Albaani: Hasan]
Since it is too late now as your daughter has became old, I advise you to offer her to a righteous man to marry her even if he has one or two wives, because this is better than depriving her of marriage until she reaches menopause.
And Allah knows best.
My husband steals my jewelry
I am a married woman and I have children. My problem is that my husband steals my jewelry, which my family bought me. I once pretended that I was asleep and saw him doing so. Should I keep silent to protect my family or tell him?
Please advise me.
You are entitled to keep your jewelry and possessions that you bought or that your family bought you. If your husband has stolen anything from it, then show that you are very sorry for the lost or stolen items and ask him to compensate you or search for it.
In my view you should tell him that you know that he is the one who has taken the jewelry, as long as you are sure and that is for the benefit of the family. However, you should excuse him if he took some of your jewelry, because he may be suffering from a financial crisis that forces him to sell some of what he owns or what is accessible to him inside the house, and he may bring it back to you after overcoming this crisis.
And Allah knows best.
Interference of the wife’s family affects the life of spouses
I married one of my female relatives. After two years of our marriage, her family started interfering in our life and caused many problems. This was followed by a calm period and then things worsened. Allah The Almighty provided us with a child while I was absent. When I went to her father to get her back, he accepted, but I found that my wise wife has changed greatly because of her family.
I left her in her father’s house for more than a year in the hope that she would regain her senses and I made some attempts to get her back but I failed. Now, I believe it is better for me to divorce her. However, when I wanted to send her the divorce document, I was asked to bring the marriage contract, which was not registered officially and was lost two years ago. I am perplexed and do not know what to do?
We advise you to try again to reconcile with your wife and ask some mediators to help you in this respect. However, if you have lost all hope and see that separation is inevitable, then there is no harm and you do not need the marriage contract. You are just required to tell her family that their daughter is divorced and then they are free to marry her off to whoever they want. Nevertheless, it is better for you to document the divorce in the Sharee‘ah-based court and then send your wife’s family the divorce document. As for the lost marriage contract, you can go to the nearest court to ask for a new marriage document and bring some witnesses with you.
And Allah knows best.
Should I ask my husband to provide me with a separate house
My brother-in-law wants to marry and live with us, knowing that I never uncover my face before him, sit with him, or even look at him. He has already married and I want to ask my husband to provide me with a separate house due to the difficulty that I will suffer as a result of this situation. Does this mean that I am sowing dissension between the two brothers? Is this request lawful, knowing that my husband sees that it is better for both of them to live in separate houses?
However, my mother-in-law, who lives with us, wants them to live together.
If you adhere to your full Hijab (Islamic covering) and avoid the prohibited private meeting, then it is better to remain together to please the mother of your husband.
However, if this is not the case, i.e., if one of the two wives does not adhere to the full Hijab or avoid the prohibited private meeting with her brother-in-law, then it is better for you to live in a separate house. Living in a separate house is also better if one of the two brothers is not righteous or cannot be trusted to remain with his brother’s wife in the same house. For example, he may harass her, look at her while unawares or enter upon her without permission, and the like.
If this is the case, we advise you to ask your husband to provide you with a separate house to avoid hardship and discomfort.
