Faith and religion are important to every God-fearing family when it comes to raising a child.
Written on the side of every Islamic school and children’s play center is the infamous Arabic proverb that says, “Instruction in youth is like etching in stone.” That’s not very far from the Biblical proverb that says, “Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
I am sure that if time allowed, one would find that each and every culture is full of proverbs that mean the same as the above because it is a proven human tendency that children reflect how they have been raised.
Raising children is no easy task and it is the burden of everyone that comes in contact with the child. This is the reason that parents will also do their best to make sure that their child is surrounded by examples of people they approve of. The conviction of faith sometimes causes parents to draw very tight strings around their children. But when can religion be too much for children? When does adherence to faith become dangerous?
Going Too Far…
Can religion go too far when it comes to children? Is devoted servitude to God too much to ask of a child?
I will admit that like any God fearing Muslim mother, I consider it my duty to teach my children how to be good Muslims. One interpretation of the Glorious Qur’an explains that Allah states, “And I have not created mankind and Jinn kind except to worship me.”
Teaching my children how to worship Allah is as important as teaching them not to touch the hot stove because both are saving them from grave consequences.
Mark Galli states in his article “Focus on Grace, Not Control” that, “Parents who are attracted to religion because it gives them a sense of control can sometimes act too authoritatively toward their children.”
I understand his argument and I am thankful that Islam has taken the middle path. Muslims are to raise their children and have mercy on their age, frail bodies and growing minds.
I instruct my children with all that Allah has commanded His servants with and I explain the beauty and the wisdom of all His commands.
There have been times when rather than ask if the religion was too much for the children I have asked myself if I think that was Allah’s intention. Some issues such as hijab, prayers and manners may need a little customizing while other issues such as diet and cleanliness do not.
My Daughter’s Headscarf
My eldest daughter has been wearing a head scarf since she was seven years old. It was what she wanted and when I tried to trick her into going out without it, we never got very far because of the scene she would make.
At that age, I know that she just wanted to imitate mommy just like every girl plays house with a pocketbook and heels…like mommy. As she got older I gave her many opportunities to change her mind and not wear the scarf. The religion does not obligate her to wear a scarf until puberty and I plan on offering her the choice to remove it until she reaches puberty.
I know of others who actually insist that their girls start to wear the scarf at the age of six and seven. I was afraid that if I forced my daughter to wear the scarf at such a young age when it finally came to time for her to have to wear the scarf, she would not want to anymore.
I was afraid that if she wore the scarf without understanding its importance and significance she would burn out. Without love of hijab in her heart, burn out would be easy because the reward of Allah would not keep her strong and focused.
Islam commands that children begin to pray the obligatory five prayers at the age of seven. As expected, seven year olds can only achieve a certain level of commitment and dedication. The same narration that commands the seven year old to prayers, considers the growing mind of the seven year old and ends in stating, “And discipline them if they refuse to do so by age ten.”
The religion of Islam has mercy built in. If anyone were to claim that Islam is harsh on children they have to blame the people and not the religion. Mankind sometimes takes matters in to his own hands and messes it all up. Islam has been sent by Allah in perfection and for this reason I am convinced that all falsities come from the hand of man.
What Punishment Do You Use?
Islamic manners very easily can run into tradition more than religion. The general consensus is that Muslim children should be generous, fair, truthful, polite, neat and obedient to parents and adults. That makes enough sense…right? Well what happens when your child tells a lie and lying is against your religious doctrine? Will soap in the mouth, bed with no dinner or a beating whip the lying tendency out of the child? I certainly say not.
I do say that children of any and every age should not be allowed to lie. Parents have to customize their discipline tactics so that they are effective but not excessive. Parents must show their children mercy as Allah shows on His creation. How else can we teach our children about mercy and forgiveness if we do not show that example?
The diet and cleanliness of a Muslim are measures that allow no room for interpretation or personal opinions. Pork is absolutely prohibited in Islam unless it is a life and death situation; Notice the mercy factor, yet again. Meat should be slaughtered in the name of Allah and with a sharpened knife to alleviate unnecessary pain to the animal. I don’t give my children the option of choice when it comes to our dietary laws. “Allah has commanded such for your own good. You show your gratefulness through your obedience,” is what I preach to my children.
Their hygiene is another topic of unwavering submission to Islamic law. Again where one might ask if religion is too much, I would argue and say that Islam is inclusive of all aspects of life, thorough, perfect…but not too much.
Proper cleansing after using the bathroom, ablution before prayer and full showers protect our health.
There are skeptics that say that religious upbringing can stifle children. Others claim that religious upbringing can be oppressive. The current debate poses the question, “With children, when does religion go too far?” My response to that question is precise and nonnegotiable. With children, religion goes too far when the religion is other than Islam.
Allah has blessed and safeguarded Islam with mercy, the mercy that He shows to us, which obliges us as parents, to show to our children as we raise them.
When it comes to children, parents nowadays think of good education, health, success, skills…etc. But What about happiness? Did you ask yourself before if you’ve been raising your child to be happy?
Here, we give you some tips on how to raise a happy child.
1- Get Happy Yourself
Happy parents are more likely to have happy kids, while children of depressed parents suffer twice the average rate of depression.
♠ One of the best things you can do for your child’s emotional well-being is to attend to yours: carve out time for rest, relaxation and nurture your relationship with your spouse.
2- Give Real Responsibilities
Happiness depends largely on the feeling that what we do matters and is valued by others. So the more you can convey to your child that he is making a unique contribution to the family, from an early age, the greater his sense of self-worth and his ultimate happiness is.
♠ If your kid loves to organize things, give him the job of sorting out the forks and spoons. If he is particularly nurturing, perhaps his role could be entertaining his baby sister while you get dinner on the table.
3- Provide More Playtime
Today, children are over-scheduled, dialed in and in awe of toys that essentially do the playing for them. Also they spend less time playing both indoors and out. Indeed, playtime isn’t just goofing off; it is essential to help kids grow and learn.
♠ Unstructured play helps children learn how to work in groups, to share, negotiate, resolve conflicts, regulate their emotions and behavior, and speak up for themselves.
4- Let Them Make Choices
Kids have very little control over their lives. They are constantly being told where to go, what to do and what to eat. A little bit of control goes a long way toward feeling happy.
♠ Let your kids choose their outfits. Allow them to choose the dinner menu one night per week. Ask them what classes they want to take.
5- Teach Them To Build Relationships
Researches show that people who are happiest have more people in their lives, and deeper relationships with those people. Teach your child that while relationships take work, they are worth it
♠ It doesn’t take a lot. It can start with encouraging kids to perform small acts of kindness to build empathy.
6- Give Them Unconditional Love
Kids mess up. You tell them not to jump off the couch over and over again. And then they cry. Because childhood is largely based on trial and error, and sometimes kids just need to take chances.
♠ When kids know that their parents love and support them no matter what, they are more likely to take healthy risks. They are confident and secure in their decisions. When children know that their parents will always be there for them, for better or for worse, they are happy.
7- Make it Home, Not House
If your house is disorganized or messy, kids are less likely to want to have friends over. Keeping things neat and in place give kids a feeling of peace and contentment. However, you don’t want to turn into a compulsive neat-freak.
♠ Comfort is a big part of happiness, and kids need to feel free to run, jump, get dirty, and be occasional slobs in their own homes — by themselves and with their playmates
8- Give Affection
First, show your children lots of physical affection: hugs, kisses, back rubs, tummy tickles. Touch has the power to relieve stress and elevate mood. Second, get your kids moving because meeting a physical challenge confers a positive feeling of achievement.
Recently I was at a ladies-only event, but since it was held in a public venue, many of the women remained covered just in case a random man walked in.
At some point, I ended up sitting near a couple of older sisters whom I had never met. For several minutes they sat silently and seemed disinclined to chat. Then, out of the blue, one of them gestured to my twelve year old daughter and asked, “Does she wear hijab all the time?”
Slightly confused by her question, I answered, “Well, yes, when she’s outside. Not at home with family, of course.”
“But not just here, today?” she persisted. “Even at school? Even at the mall?”
“Yes…”
“How do you get her to do that? How do you get her to wear hijab?” the older lady asked, abruptly. “We can’t even get our daughters and granddaughters to do it.”
I can’t be sure of her mindset, but I suspect she was thinking that it was ironic that while some “born-Muslims” struggle with submitting to hijab, here I was, an American convert, and my daughter and I were both covering.
“I can’t take much credit, honestly,” was my reply. “Alhamdullilah she chose to wear hijab when she reached maturity, and it wasn’t a struggle. But it is only by the grace of Allah SWT that any of us obey Him.”
The sister looked at me with interest. Maybe she expected to hear about some bribes or punishment guaranteed to keep a girl properly covered?
“I make du’a almost every day for Allah (SWT) to keep me and my kids on the straight path,” I continued. “I think that’s the best way. None of us should get complacent in our Ibaadah (worship).”
That was the end of my conversation with her, but since that day I have given the matter some deeper thought. While I do believe the grace of Allah (SWT) is the fundamental reason my daughter (or any of us) wear hijab, I realize there ARE some ways that parents can support and encourage their daughters to cover.
Insha’Allah this list will be of benefit to other parents or grandparents who want to give the young ladies in their life the very best support.
1. Make du’a.
As often as possible, ask Allah (SWT) to enable you and your children to live righteous lives, including all of the requisites of Islamic dress and behavior. Allah (SWT) says that a parent’s dua for his/her child will not go unanswered.
2. Start the hijab conversation from a very young age, and keep it positive.
Tell young Muslimahs that modest dress and behavior are for the sake of Allah (SWT), to love and obey Him and to earn His rewards.
3. Do not oversimplify hijab by making it all about men’s desires!
So many people tell their daughters a version of, “Cover your beauty so that you won’t tempt men.” In Islam, the male and female are both commanded to be modest.
Men must lower their gaze and dress and act appropriately. Women, in addition to striving towards modest behavior, are required to cover their body and hair. They should perform this act of worship to obey and please Allah (SWT).
With this proactive mindset, the female is taking ownership of her worship. She is not forced, threatened, or frightened into doing it. It is between her and her Creator. It is an investment, Insha’Allah , in the hereafter.
4. If you are a mother, aunt, or grandmother, wear your hijab with pride, knowledge, and optimism.
Now and then, let the young Muslimahs in your life know why you cover and how eager you are to earn Allah’s blessings. Dress appropriately but also with self-care. One can be modest while still looking “put together.” Daughters will pick up on even the slightest negative comments like, “This hijab makes me look old/fat/old-fashioned.”
Focus on the positive instead. Wear modest clothes that compliment your skin and eye color, that give you energy and make you comfortable and happy. Your love (or hate) relationship with hijab will be obvious.
5. Enable your young Muslimah to spend time with friends who also wear hijab.
Most teens and pre-teens care deeply about what their peers think and are influenced by them. Make sure the people they spend the most time with are good examples! This might require some effort on your part.
Your daughter might not currently have any friends who cover, so you could arrange for her to meet some who do through Muslim youth groups, masjid activities, or family friends.
Having a few very strong Muslim girlfriends made a huge, positive impact on our daughter.
In the case of our own daughter, when she reached maturity, she was blessed to have a few close friends who had already started covering.
However, after we moved to a new city, those friends lived far away. Recognizing how crucial their friendship and example were to our daughter, my husband and I willingly made the three-hour round trip a couple times each month, just to nurture those relationships.
Having a few very strong Muslim girlfriends made a huge, positive impact on our daughter.
6. Throw a hijab party!
Celebrate your daughter’s passage into womanhood by hosting a joyful, girls-only gala. Our daughter’s party featured decorations in her favorite colors, yummy snacks, festive cupcakes, games with small prizes for the winners, and several gifts for my daughter from friends and family.
The party does not have to be extremely elaborate or expensive to make a girl feel special and loved.
Marriage is a serious contract that every Muslim girl should take very seriously. Getting to know your potential spouse is very important in the first stage. The best way to know each other is to ask questions.
So here it is, a long list of the essential questions to ask a potential husband:
Let’s Get Started!
What is your age?
What is your country of residence?
What is your country of birth?
How would you describe yourself?
What are you looking for in a wife?
What do you do for a living?
What is the most thing you value in your life?
Have you been married before?
Do you have physical or mental health illness?
What is your concept of marriage?
What are your expectations of marriage?
What are your goals in life?
Why have you chosen me as a potential spouse?
What is the role of religion in your life?
What is your understanding of an Islamic marriage?
Are you an active person in the Muslim community?
Do you engage in any volunteering activities?
In your understanding, what is the role of a husband and what is the role of a wife?
Do you want to practice polygamy?
How is your relationship with your family?
Do you plan to have someone from your family live with you after marriage?
Do you have friends from the opposite sex?
What is the level of your friendship?
How do you spend money?
How do you save money?
What do you do in your free time?
How do you make your decisions?
How do you express anger?
How do you think marital disputes should be resolved?
Define mental, verbal and emotional abuse.
Are you willing to seek marital counseling if you felt the need?
Do you support the idea of a working wife?
Do you expect your wife to share financial responsibility with you?
Here Are Top Ways to Help Orphans
Losing one or both parents is traumatic for any child in any situation. Each year, millions of children are orphaned due to conflict, famine, and diseases. These children need to be looked after and provided for.
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said “Myself and the caretaker of an orphan will be in Paradise like this,” and he held his two fingers together. (Al-Bukhari).
If your heart breaks for orphaned, abandoned, or abused children, you might be wondering, “What can I do to help?”
There are multiple ways for you to help here, but we have narrowed it down to the following top 6 ways you might want to consider.
1- Donate money
You can donate or respond to any appeal by a well-known Muslim organization.
Muslim NGOs Changing the Lives of Orphan Children
Or you can donate to Muslim charities that only work for orphans, such as:
Orphan In Need – UK
Orphan Care Project – US
The Muslim Foster Care Association – US
2- Sponsor a Child
Child sponsorship is one of the ultimate forms of charity. You can play your part in providing helpless children with food, clothing and education. You can choose to sponsor one child or all of his or her siblings depending on the yearly amount that you can afford to put in the Muslim orphan sponsorship.
The Prophet (PBUH) said“Whoever takes in an orphan among the Muslims to raise, feed and give him drink, Allah admits him into Paradise without a doubt, unless he has done a sin for which he is not forgiven.” (Jami’ at-Tirmidhi)
Prophet Muhammad was himself an orphan. By the time he was eight years old he had suffered through the death of both his parents and his beloved grandfather Abdul Muttalib. His uncle, Abu Talib, was his great supporter and sponsor.
How was the Prophet’s Childhood?
3- Educate yourself
Perhaps you need to research more about orphans, their needs and so on. This is a very good idea for in order to help orphans, you need to understand the full scope of the challenges they face.
There are millions of orphans around the world, and the majority of them live in substandard conditions, usually due more to lack of resources than lack of concern.
- There are approximately 140 million orphans worldwide
- 15 million orphans have lost both parents
- Children become orphans due to warfare, diseases, social instability, and lack of economic opportunity, among other factors.
To learn more about the global orphan crisis, consult the websites of charities and non-governmental organizations (NGOs) that address issues relating to children and families.
4-Raise Awareness & Spread the word
As you become more fully aware of the problems facing orphans close to home and far away, tell your family, friends, co-workers, and others more about the issue and what they can do to help.
For instance, you might tell your kids that there are children all around the world without toys to play with, and encourage them to donate some of their toys to a yard sale that will benefit orphan charities.
“And do good to parents, relatives, orphans and the poor.” [Qur’an 2:83]
Use the power of social media to spread the word, for instance, by posting about – and linking to – news articles about the plight of orphans.
5- Volunteer Your Time
Whether you’re supporting orphans at home or abroad, it’s best to either establish long-term relationships with specific kids, or do more behind-the-scenes work that benefits them.
Always remember that you don’t need to travel halfway around the world to help orphans. There are plenty in your local community who can benefit from your time, talents, and compassion.
6- Organize Fundraisers
People are almost always eager to help children, and especially orphans, but may not feel like they are capable of really helping. Let them know that supporting worthwhile charities, even in the small amount you might collect from a bake sale, can help make a positive difference.
Remember, this world can become a beautiful place for every orphan if each of us plays our part.
