As a Single Mom, How to Raise Good Muslim Kids?


17 July, 2020


QAs-salaam Alikoum, I have two boys, 16 and 13 years old. I am raising them alone for the past 7 years. c

We have no man in our life and now I am coming to realize that I am unable to really give the support they need and I am scared!

My older one is an angel and ahead in his studies, and tries to practice his Deen.

My little one, on the other hand, is very nervous and gets very angry with me whenever he doesn’t get his way.

He is attached more to his friends, video cameras and always on his phone.

I want to change our lifestyle and be more involved in their lives, but sometimes I come home exhausted from work!

Keep in mind that I am the provider for the house as well. Please guide on how to make them the best of the ummah and how to build an environment at home where it feels like a family.

Their father picks up my little one from school and drops him off. He is an angry man, so I really don’t ask him for help or anything because he needs to help himself.

I am always speaking positively about him even when the kids complain about him.

ANSWER

Aisha Mohammad


17 July, 2020


In this counseling answer:


•Get the boys involved in Islamic activities at the Masjid. A lot of Masjid’s do have groups for boys. They meet once or twice a week and discuss “teen life” in an Islamic context.

•I would also consider finding a Muslim male Mentor for your youngest son. It can make all the difference in the world.

•If your younger son continues with his angry outbursts I will kindly suggest sister that you do get him into counseling.

As salam alaykum sister,


Thank you for writing to us. I understand that you have two boys ages 16 and 13 who you are raising alone.

Islam


My Kids Aren't Good Followers of Islam


You do work full time and do your best to keep the home as well as keep your boys on point. You stated that their father is not really involved in the boy’s lives, that he has issues of his own.

Single mom


Sister, you are doing the best that you can to create a home-like environment for your family and support them at the same time. This is no easy task! While your older child is doing very well, you are worried about the younger one who is having anger issues.

I will kindly suggest sister that you get the boys involved in Islamic activities at the Masjid. A lot of Masjid’s do have groups for boys.

They meet once or twice a week and discuss “teen life” in an Islamic context. This may insha’Allah give them great insights (especially your younger one) as well as encourage them to make Muslim friendships that will last a lifetime. You may also seek to take them to Islamic events in the community.

There are other events that go on in communities such as ice skating, going to the park, sports, movie nights, hiking etc. This will help shape your boys’ ideals regarding creating a family conducive home-life based upon Islamic principles.

Muslim male mentor


I would also consider finding a Muslim male Mentor for your youngest son. It can make all the difference in the world.

There are Islamic counseling centers wherein they do pair up a male with a boy, and a female with a girl when there is a need such as a single parent home wherein the child needs some extra assistance. As we are one community/family, it can be a great help insha’Allah.

As a Single Mom, How to Raise Good Muslim Kids? - About Islam


Get counseling help


If your younger son continues with his angry outbursts I will kindly suggest sister that you do get him into counseling.

He may be dealing with some issues related to the absence of his father or he may be getting bullied at school or something else that you are not aware of that is causing this behavior.

All children go through different emotions at this age sister. Some handle it well (like your older son) and some experience difficulties such as your younger son.

I would kindly suggest addressing it now that he is younger, rather than waiting for it to possibly get worse as he gets older.

I’d also kindly suggest that you as well, try to get involved with the sisters at the Masjid and do some fun social activities with them. I

know you are very tired when you get home from work, it’s hard. However, if you also need to have “self” time-which is taking care of you too.

Check out this counseling video:

Sister, you are doing a wonderful job. You are a single mom raising two boys and working full-time.

Conclusion


The above suggestions are conducive to the growth of both boys and as the family as a whole. This, in turn, will insha’Allah, help create a warm, loving Islamic home.

I know this is not a not easy road, may Allah bless you for all of your sacrifice and hard work.

Insha’Allah both of your boys will turn out to be very fine young Muslim men. May Allah swt make it easy on your sister, you are in our prayers.

Raising Children in the West: How?


07 October, 2016


QAs-salamu `alaykum. My question is about parent's accountability on the Day of Judgment for upbringing of their kids. We are working very hard to keep our kids on the straight path in sha' Allah, but I am worried about the second and third generations. In case one of these generations goes astray from Islam, how far will we — as the very first immigrants who planted this seed — be accountable for that? Of course, there is this issue of living in a non-Muslim country without any valid reason, but this is a whole separate discussion. Jazakum Allahu khayran


ANSWER

Dr. Hatem Al-Haj


07 October, 2016


Wa `alaykum as-salamu wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

 In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

 All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings

 Dear brother, thanks for your question and your trust.

Bringing up children is a heavy responsibility. The first concern of Muslims, wherever they may be, has to be holding to the teachings of Islam and bringing up their children by teaching them to stick to the right path.

Muslim children in non-Muslim countries face the danger of melting into the culture and norms of a life that in many aspects contradicts the teachings of their religion. Thus, in these countries, the burden laid on Muslim parents becomes heavier.

A Muslim is allowed to stay in any country in which he or she practices Islam and finds a good environment to raise his or her children on its teachings. What parents are required to do is to spare no efforts in bringing their children upon the teachings of Islam. That is their responsibility. Every generation will be responsible for adhering to the teachings of Islam. In case of inability to practice Islam or to raise children on its teachings, then a Muslim should move to a country where he or she will lead his or her life according to Islam and its values.

Answering your question, Dr. Hatem Al-Haj, professor of fiqh at the Sharia Academy of America, said,

Your concern about the religious commitment of your offspring is admirable and commendable.

 We should do our best to bring up our kids according to the teachings of Islam. We should engrave in their minds and hearts the principle that the deen (Islamic religion and way of life) comes first, and that whenever they feel unable to practice it freely, they should emigrate to another place where they can do so.

Thus, we should not cut our ties with the original lands of Islam. This also applies to the converts who are natives of non-Muslim lands. I know many of them who adopt a particular Muslim country where they feel most comfortable; then they visit this country with their families for long periods of time.

It is permissible for Muslims to live in a non-Muslim land only if they can freely practice their religion and bring up their kids so that they do the same.

Allah Almighty knows best.