5 Years Old and Addicted to Porn
QI am 15 years old and addicted to porn. I’ve tried to stop it, but I failed. It’s really hard. I am good at absolutely nothing whether it be a kind of sport or fighting for my own self. My friends laugh at me because I am clumsy and a failure since I was born. My question is: how can I stop watching porn and be good at things? Also, I like a girl at school who is 16 years old. I haven't talked to her and I think she doesn’t like me. But even though, how can I get her in an Islamic way? Thanks.
Thank you for writing. Yes, as you know, porn is haram. As stated in the Quran:
“But let them who find not [the means for] marriage abstain [from sexual relations] until Allah enriches them from His bounty.” (24:33)
So, we are to keep our bodies chaste until marriage. On the other side of the issue, you are a young adult with completely natural feelings, desires, and curiosities. I want to make it clear that the desires having led you to watch porn is normal, but how you are going about satisfying that desire is haram.
While it seems that you got into a bad habit of watching porn, I want you to look at what precipitates a session of watching porn. I am asking this because some people use it to relieve stress and feelings of desire, to satisfy curiosity as well as many other emotional occurrences. Porn addiction can be the result of lack of intimacy; social isolation or lack of a good social life; life problems, stress and uncertainty, rejection, and fear of intimacy. While you are not married and cannot have intimate relations yet, you need to find the root cause of your addiction to porn.
Make a list of the emotions you feel prior to wanting to watch porn or when you feel the desire to do so. Also, write down any event or negative experience you may have gone through (like finding out that you failed in a test at school) to see if there is a correlation. After a while, you will see a pattern develop that should show you the triggers of your addiction. At this point, you can begin to analyze what you are truly feeling and why you are addicted to porn.
I would also suggest that you increase your social circle of friends and activities. Get engaged in a hobby that you are interested in. In fact, I suggest you make a list of your interests so you will have a clearer picture of what it is that you would like to learn or do. You stated that you were not good at sports, but there are many other things I am sure you are good at in sha’ Allah – you just have to try! Join a Muslim brothers group to meet and have a conversation or do other fun things. With all the haram things that surround us in our everyday life, these connections with our Muslim brothers are very important for spiritual upbuilding and encouragement.
Also, when you feel the urge to watch porn, make wudu’ (ablution) and immediately go into prayer and ask for Allah’s (swt) forgiveness, help, and guidance. Truly repent for your addiction and ask Allah (swt) to help you. Allah (swt) is Most Merciful and knows our needs, desires, hurts, and anguishes. Make du’aa’ frequently about this and in sha’ Allah you will see a change. This, combined with making your list of precipitating factors will also help you overcome this haram habit.
You stated that you wanted this girl from school in an Islamic way. Brother, how can you have her in an Islamic way if you are watching porn which is haram? You stated that you think she will reject you. If you have not spoken with her, you cannot know! But first, I suggest that you prepare yourself for a future wife by drawing closer to Allah (swt), getting rid of the addiction and being what you seek in a girl – a morally upright and chaste young man. These are the qualities that will draw an Islamic girl towards considering your interest.
Lastly, keep in mind that soon, in the future, you will in sha’ Allah have a wife and she will be so happy to have a husband who is pure and chaste. The waiting is well worth it. End your addiction and keep yourself pure and away from haram things. Finally, drawing closer to Allah in prayer, making
Finally, drawing closer to Allah (swt) in prayer, making du’aa’ to Allah for repentance and reading Qur’an help us be strong and stay away from harmful and forbidden things such as porn.
Salam,