Yet in this country it is still a novelty to give the child such rights.

Although the Islamic marriage contract is a civil agreement between the two parties , not a sacrament like the christian one, it is not just a relationship of material convenience. The words used to describe marriage in the Qur’an are poetic and beautiful:

And among his signs is this: that he created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and he has put love and mercy between your hearts, verily in that are signs for those who reflect.

Qur’an 30:21

They are your garments and ye are their garments

Qur’an 2:187

Love, mercy, intimacy and mutual protection and modesty are the qualities expected of an Islamic marriage. Even in paradise marriage remains as one of the great joys:

Verily the companions of the garden shall that day have joy in all that they do; they and their spouses will be in groves of (cool) shade reclining on thrones of (dignity); fruit will be there for them, they shall have whatever they call for; `peace', a word (of salutation) from a lord most merciful.

Qur’an 36:55-57

Husbands are expected to treat their wives kindly during marriage and even during and after divorce . Allah says in the Qur’an:

... Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them, it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.

Qur’an 4:19

The prophet* said:

The most perfect believers are the best in conduct and the best of you are those who are best to their wives.

(hadith: ibn hanbal)

Married couples are urged in the Qur’an to deal with one another in a spirit of mutual consultation and agreement, even when contemplating divorce and the custody of children:

... If they both decide on weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no blame on them ...

Qur’an 2:233

How much more so, then, should this spirit predominate in the happy marriage!

Marriage is also intended by Allah to be fruitful. In the Qur’an he tells us:

... He has made for you pairs from among yourselves, and pairs among cattle; by this means does he multiply you...

Qur’an 42:11

Your wives are as a tilth for you ...

Qur’an 2:223

Yet contraception has never been forbidden in Islam, as the prophet* gave permission for the withdrawal method, so long as the wife agrees. By analogy other methods of preventing conception are also allowed.

The practical aspects of marriage are covered by the marriage contract, in which the wife can specify conditions, and many Muslim women have taken advantage of this to take to themselves the right of divorce if, for example, the husband takes another wife (cards on polygamy). It must include a marriage gift - sadaqah or mahr - to the wife from the husband, of an amount and nature agreed between them.

Usually, according to custom and convenience - a practice later endorsed in the shari'ah - a young inexperienced woman would be represented in the negotiations by a `marriage guardian' or wal_ who is there to see that her interests are served. This wal_ should be her father or grandfather, but it is possible for some older or more experienced women to appoint any person of their choice to act for them. When the prophet* married the widow, umm salamah, her son acted as her wal_, and the prophet* asked his permission to marry her. (ibn rushd) the wishes of close relations, in particular parents, must be taken into consideration, and their permission must be asked. According to some ahadith it is better to break off a marriage which displeases one's parents, as they are the gateway to paradise.

Parents have a responsibility to help their children find spouses,

Umar ibn al-khattab and anas reported god's messenger* as saying that it is written in the torah, `if anyone does not give his daughter in marriage when she reaches 12 and she commits sin, the guilt of that rests on him.'

Hadith: baihaqi

And

Abu sa'id and ibn abbas reported god's messenger* as saying: `he who has a son born to him should give him a good name and a good education and marry him when he reaches puberty. If he does not marry him when he reaches puberty and he commits sin, its guilt rests only upon his father.

Hadith: reported by Al-Baihaqi

But parents have no right to force young women to marry against their will after they have reached marriagable age . There is much evidence in the hadith to show that forced marriages are not legal and the wife has the right to have them annulled:

Ibn abbas reported that a girl came to the messenger of Allah, Muhammad* and she reported that her father had forced her to marry without her consent. The messenger of Allah* gave her the choice ... (between accepting the marriage and invalidating it).

Hadith: reorted by Ibn Hanbal

In another version the girl said,

`actually, i accept this marriage but i wanted to let women know that parents have no right (to force a husband on them).

Hadith: Ibn Majah

The Prophet [pbuh] also advised that couples should see one another before getting married, so there is no Islamic basis for the custom of marrying young couples who have never set eyes on one another. If a woman does find that she cannot bear the man she is married to, even because she finds him ugly, Islamic law makes it possible for a court to give her a divorce from him. It is only necessary to prove that she hates him irrevocably - the court does not need to probe into the reasons for the hatred. The prophet* granted divorces to at least two women in such circumstances. One of them, jamila, the sister of the hypocrite abdullah ibn ubayy, told the prophet* about her objection to her husband thabit Ibn Qais:

Messenger of Allah! Nothing can keep the two of us together. As i lifted my veil, i saw him coming, accompanied by some men. I could see that he was the blackest, the shortest and the ugliest of them all. By Allah! I do not dislike him for any blemish in his faith or his morals, it is his ugliness that i dislike. Had the fear of Allah not stood in my way, i must have spat on him when he came to me. ... I am afraid my desperation might drive my Islam closer to disbelief.

The prophet asked her if she would return the garden thabit had given her, and she agreed to do this and was given a divorce.4 thabit did not do any better with his other wife, habibah. And there are also examples of similar cases from the times of the first three khalifahs.

Ideally speaking, women in Islam are treated like queens, indeed they are better protected than our british royal family is now! Not only are they are allowed to divorce their husbands, rather than live apart and unable to remarry, like princess diana, but they are also protected from scandal-mongers.

No-one is allowed, without permission, to invade their privacy in their houses (24:27-28) not even their husbands when they return from a long journey.

Men are not allowed to treat them with disrespect, to look at them more than once, or to touch them -even, some hadiths seem to show, to shake their hands - and if anyone spreads rumours about their chastity without the support of four eye witnesses to the act itself, they themselves are liable to punishment in this life and the hereafter (24:23)!

To make this demand for respect abundantly clear to the men, the wives of the prophet are asked in the Qur’an to be modest in their appearance, and behavior, to stay quietly in their houses and not make a great display of themselves as some well-known people were (and still are) prone to do; not to speak too pleasantly to men for fear of `those in whose hearts is a disease', and to be pious and virtuous and pure.

Ordinary Muslim women too are urged to lower their gaze and wrap themselves closely in their outer garments, letting their head-coverings fall over their neck opening, so that they may be recognized as respectable women and not molested. The prophet's wives are also reported to have covered part of their faces with their cloaks when they were among strange men. Those who regard veiling as a form of exploitation should ask themselves which is more exploitative of women, the mini skirt or the veil?

Many Muslim women, from the prophet's wives onwards, have aspired to the same degree of modesty and virtue as these passages enjoin and yet managed to participate actively in society by doing good deeds, working to help support their families, and/or pursuing their education. Women figured prominently among the earliest scholars of Islam. The prophet's wife Aishah was one of the foremost transmitters of hadiths and, like other wives and companions of the prophet was often surrounded by students wanting to learn from her: one of her pupils, Urwah Ibn Az-Zubayr said:

I did not see a greater scholar than Aishah in the learning of the Qur’an, obligatory duties, lawful and unlawful matters, poetry and literature, Arab history and genealogy.

Abu Musa al-Ash'ar said:

Whenever we companions of the prophet* encountered any difficulty in the matter of any hadith we referred it to Aishah and found that she had definite knowledge about it.

Hafiz Ibn Hajar said:

... It is said that a quarter of the injunctions of the shari'ah are narrated from her.

The Prophet [pbuh] was keen to see that women were educated in Islam as well as the men and ordered the men to pass on what they had learned to their women:

Return home to your wives and children and stay with them. Teach them (what you have learned) and ask them to act upon it.

Hadith: Bukhari

Muslim women have the right to have education from their husbands and if not, to go elsewhere to get it. An early Muslim scholar, of the Maliki school of law, named Ibn Al-Hæjj, otherwise a strict critic of the over-liberal behavior of the women in Cairo, wrote:

If a woman demands her right to religious education from her husband and brings the issue before a judge, she is justified in demanding this right because it is her right that either her husband should teach her or allow her to go elsewhere to acquire education. The judge must compel the husband to fulfill her demand in the same way that he would in the matter of her worldly rights, since her rights in matters of religion are most essential and important.

Al-Mudhkal

Women can be educated by men. The Prophet sent Umar Ibn Al-Khattab to teach the women of the Ansar:

It is reported by Umm `Atiyah that when the messenger of Allah came to Madinah, he ordered the women of the Ansar (Muslims of Madinah) to gather in one house, and sent Umar Ibn Al-Khattab to them (to convey the teachings of Islam). He saluted them while standing at the door of the house and they returned his greeting. Then he said, `I am a messenger of the Messenger of Allah, sent especially to you.'

Hadith: reported by Bukhari

And women taught men too, not only the wives of the prophet but many others later were teachers of men, e.g. Aishah bt. Sa'id Ibn Abi Waqqas, who taught the first compiler of hadith, Malik; and Sayyida Nafisa, granddaughter of al-Hasan, the prophet's grandson, who taught imam shafi'i, and much later a woman taught Ibn Al-Arabi.

According to the prophet*:

It is the duty of every Muslim (male or female) to seek knowledge.

Hadith: reported by Bukhari

Women's views were listened to, respected, and usually supported, by the Prophet [pbuh] as we have seen. Another example is when the prophet's pilgrimage to Makkah was stopped by the makkans who made an agreement with him that he and the Muslims could return the following year. He told the people to shave their heads and offer their sacrifices where they were, but they did not obey, so he asked his wife Umm Salamah, and she advised him to lead them by doing so himself. He took her advice, and it worked. His successors, even the rather male chauvinist khalifah Umar, did their best to follow his example in this. Umar, trying to regulate the exorbitant demands for mahr marriage gifts that women were making had to retreat after a woman stood up and disputed with him, quoting the Qur’an to support her case:

Umar forbade the people from paying excessive dowries and addressed them, saying: `don't fix dowries for women over 40 ounces. If ever that is exceeded I shall deposit the excess amount in the public treasury.' as he came down from the minbar (pulpit), a flat-nosed lady stood up from among the women audience and said:

'It is not within your right.' Umar asked: `why should this not be of my right?' she replied, `because Allah has proclaimed, "even if you had given one of them (wives) a whole treasure for dower, take not the least bit back. Would you take it by false claim and manifest sin?' (Qur’an 4:20)

When he heard this, Umar said: `the woman is right, and the man (Umar) is wrong. It seems that all people have deeper wisdom and insight than Umar.' then he returned to the minbar and said, `o people! I had restricted the giving of more than four hundred dirhams in dower. Whosoever of you wishes to give in dower as much as he likes and finds satisfaction in so doing, may do so.'

Hadith: reported by Ibn al-Jawzi

Umar also used to seek the counsel of Shaffa the market inspector, pay due regard to her and hold her in high esteem. (Ibn Hajar Al-Isabah quoted by Hasan Turabi)

So, to conclude, these are the ideals to which Muslim women can aspire and frequently have done in the past. In a truly Islamic society, they are guaranteed

- Personal respect,

- Respectable married status,

- Legitimacy and maintenance for their children,

- The right to negotiate marriage terms of their choice,

- To refuse any marriage that does not please them,

- The right to obtain divorce from their husbands, even on the grounds that they can't stand them (mawdudi),

- Custody of their children after divorce,

- Independent property of their own,

- The right and duty to obtain education,

- The right to work if they need or want it,

- Equality of reward for equal deeds,

- The right to participate fully in public life and have their voices heard by those in power,

The Prophet Urged Men to Keep a Good Company with their Wives

Prophet Muhammad – peace and blessings be upon him – has guided his people to keep good company with their wives by word and deed, and there are many traditions of our prophet Muhammad – peace and blessings be upon him – in this regard, and here are some of them:

1- Bukhary & Muslim narrated that Abu Huraira – may Allah be pleased with him – reported that prophet Muhammad – peace and blessings be upon him – said: "treat women kindly, they were created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is the highest part thereof; so, if you tried to rectify the rib it will be broken and if you left the rib as it is, it will remain crooked, and women are like this; therefore treat them kindly".

There is another narration to the same tradition by Muslim stated: "women have been created from a rib. She will never be straightened up in the way you wish. If you enjoyed her companionship, then do it with that crookedness, as if you tried to rectify her she will be broken and breaking her means divorcing her."

The Prophet – peace be upon him – directed men not only to treat women kindly, but also demonstrated their reality to convince men to accept his precious advise, because if the men realized that women are crooked by nature, then they should be patient with women knowing that they cannot be straightforward always, and knowing that they are acting by their very nature; therefore, insisting on the straightforwardness of woman to the ideal level was a point of surprise for the poets, and some of them said:

A woman is like a crooked rib which cannot be rectified; thus, trying otherwise will break such rib.

Another poet said:

The one who tries to use things beyond their nature is like the one who seeks a torch in water.

2- Prophet Muhammad – peace and blessings be upon him – repeated this commandment in several occasions. In his last pilgrimage (Hajj al wadda’), our Prophet – peace be upon him – devoted an essential part of his great sermon to this commandment and said: "treat women kindly, they are captives in your houses, you have no way except to treat them kindly unless they commit a clear-cut abomination, in which case, desert them in the bed, if not feasible, strike them gently but do not cause them any harm, thereafter, if they obeyed you, do not wrong them. You have a right on your wives and your wives have a right on you; your right on them is that they should keep your honor and do not allow any person to enter your houses if you do not like them to enter, and their right on you is to treat them kindly and provide them with clothing and food". Narrated by Muslim.

The Prophet – peace and blessings be upon him reiterated his commandment for woman because he knows well their nature. This nature cannot be tolerated by some of the men who do not have control on themselves when they got angry; thus, their intolerance on the crookedness of women leads them to divorce them; consequently, they lose their wives and scatter their families.

Therefore, the Prophet – peace be upon him – guided Muslim husbands in another tradition to the right way of dealing with their families by saying:

3- "The faithful husband should not hate his faithful wife, because if he hates certain manner in her character, then he should not forget the other good manners in her character."

Narrated by Muslim.

4- The Prophet – peace be upon him – said also: "those who are the best believers are those who have the best manners and the most kind to their families."

Narrated by Tirmithi and others.

5- The Prophet – peace be upon him – said also: "the best of you is the best to his family and i am the best of you to my family".

6- The Prophet – peace be upon him – said also: "anything not involving the extolment of Allah is vanity or negligence except four things: exercising shooting, training the horse, playing with his family and learning swimming".

Narrated by al-Nasa'i.

There are plenty of traditions urging the Muslims to have good manners with their families and relatives

Muhammad – peace and blessings be upon him – disciplined his wives if it was necessary

True, the Prophet – peace be upon him – was all the time treating his wives – mothers of the believers, may Allah be pleased with them – kindly and compassionately but this was not the case all the times; because the prophet – peace be upon him – was wise & prudent, and was taking the right action at the right circumstances; therefore, if the kind treatment was feasible and useful, then he will never hesitate to treat them kindly, but if discipline, prevention and desertion were more appropriate, then he will apply it. A poet said in this regard:

Patience and forbearing will not be feasible or useful if there were no determination and strictness.

Women are by nature crooked, tending to their sentiments and need always to be educated, cultivated and disciplined; therefore, Allah almighty has assigned this responsibility to the men by saying: {men are the ever upright (managers) (of the affairs) of women for what Allah has graced some of them over (some) others and for what they have expended of their riches. So righteous women are devout, preservers of the unseen. And the ones whom you fear their non-compliance, then admonish them and forsake them in their beds, (literally: a madajic= reclining) and strike them, (i.e. Hit them lightly) yet in case they obey you, then do not seek inequitably any way against them; surely Allah has been ever-exalted, ever-great} an-Nisaa': 34.

The Prophet – peace be upon him – has applied this manner with his family in order to teach Muslims the right way of education and discipline as he taught them to be kind and forbearing with their families.

When the wives of the prophet – peace be upon him – asked him for spending on them more than the normal limits and wanted to enjoy more pleasures and delights in this transitory life beyond what the prophet – peace be upon him – determined and elected to himself, he deserted them for one month until Allah almighty revealed this verse on him: {o you prophet, say to your spouses, "in case you would (like) the present life (literally: the lowly life, i.e., the life of this world) and its adornment, then come, and i will allow you (the necessary) enjoyment and will release you a becoming release ¯ and in case you would (like) Allah and his messenger and the last home, then surely Allah has prepared for the fair-doers among you a magnificent reward} (al-Ahzab: 28-29)

Therefore, the Prophet – peace be upon him – gave them the choice either to stay with him with the minimum necessary to support living or separation; so, they elected to obey Allah almighty and his prophet – peace be upon him – as mentioned before in the narration of Anas, Um Salama and Abdullah Bin Abbas in Bukhary & Muslim.

The Prophet – peace be upon him – was like this if the matter required determination in treating his wives, such as in case of committing any religious mistake which cannot be disregarded, in which case, the prophet – peace be upon him – denounce such mistakes without taking any regard to anything except the pleasure of Allah almighty; therefore, he was using several methods such as preaching, instructing, frightening and getting angry according to the circumstances of each case.

All of this proves the sublime morals, manners, and wisdom of the Prophet – peace and blessings be upon him – as he was taking the right action in the right circumstances.


The Prophet's Dealing Justly with his Wives

Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) dealt justly with his wives. He loved them and showed his feelings towards them. He was also patient and loyal with them. His actions were arising from sense of responsibility and because Allah the almighty created him righteous and equitable by nature.

Lady ‘A'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) said that the Prophet of Allah (peace be upon him) never preferred one wife over another and he used to see all of them in their homes everyday even though he spent the night with one only.

He was constant in his equitable treatment of his wives despite the changes in his conditions. He remained the same whether he was traveling or present at home. When he had to travel he would choose without personal preference - (by drawing straws) which wife would accompany him.

He used to spend one day and one night with each wife except when lady Sawda bint Zam'a reached old age and no longer had sexual desire. She dedicated her day and night to lady ‘A'isha (may Allah be pleased with them). In this way, lady Sawda was also seeking to please the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him).   

Another example of how the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) dealt justly with his wives was that when he married a non-virgin he would stay with her for three nights so that she would not feel lonely or not pampered. After that, he would spend the same period of time with her as his other wives. When he (peace be upon him) married um Salama, he said to her: "there is no lack of estimation for you on the part of your husband. So, if you desire i can spend a week with you, and if you like i may spend three (nights) and then i will visit you in turn." she said: "spend three (nights)." narrated by Muslim.

Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) treated his wives equally even during his last days when he was very ill. He used to go to each of his wives in her turn. Lady ‘A'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) said that when the Prophet (peace be upon him) became very sick he asked his wives for permission to be nursed at my house. Naturally, they agreed.

In another narration, lady ‘A'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) said that Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to ask in his last days: "where should i be tomorrow?" he was hoping that it would be the turn of ‘A'isha. His wives permitted him to stay wherever he wanted. He stayed with lady ‘A'isha until he died and he died in her arms.

Although the Prophet (peace be upon him) treated his wives with perfect equity in what he could control, he apologized to Allah the almighty that he could not be equitable in what he could not control; meaning, the feelings in his heart. Lady ‘A'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) reported that the Prophet of Allah (peace be upon him) used to treat his wives equally, and say:

"Oh Allah, this is how I divide what I can control. O Allah, do not blame me for what you control and I cannot control." Abu Dawoud said: "Prophet Muhammad meant what is in his heart.” And it was said that it is love and cordiality as interpreted by at-Tirmidhi. What is meant, is that Allah the almighty controls our feelings and hearts and made the love of lady ‘A'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) greater in the heart of the Prophet (peace be upon him) than the love of any other woman. Indeed, he could not control that.

As our feelings are out of our hands and are in the hands of Allah; men who are married to more than one wife are not obliged to love each wife equally, but they are bound to be equal in spending time with them and paying for their expenses. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) implored Allah the almighty to forgive him for loving lady ‘A'isha more. Allah the almighty says: "And those who dispense their charity with their hearts full of fear, because they will return to their Lord." (al-Mu'minun: 60)

Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) stressed the importance of dealing justly with wives because otherwise on the Day of Judgment the man will be severely punished.

Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) is the best example for the faithful believers. Allah the almighty says: "Indeed, you have already had a fair example, in the messenger of Allah, for whoever hopes for Allah and the last day and remembers Allah much." (al-Ahzab: 21)

The words and actions of Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) are legislations guiding his 'Ummah' (nation) to the right path. We should follow in the footsteps of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) except for the actions intended by Allah the almighty to be for him alone.

The Loyalty of the Prophet (PBUH) Towards his Wives

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was immensely honorable and loyal to his wives especially to lady Khadija may Allah be pleased with her. Although lady ‘Ai'sha never saw lady Khadija and was never harmed by her, she said: "I have never been more jealous of a wife of the Prophet than i was of Khadija because the prophet (PBUH) mentioned her and praised her a lot." 'Narrated by al Bukhary'

The loyalty of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) to his wives was clear when the “verse of choosing” was revealed-: {O Prophet (Muhammad)! Say to your wives: if you desire the life of this world, and its glitter, then come! I will make a provision for you and set you free in a handsome manner (divorce). }(Al Ahzab:28)

 First he went to lady ‘A’isha and told her that he will tell her something and that she should not rush to make a choice until she discusses it with her parents. Considering that she was young, he was worried that she would choose worldly pleasures and lose this life and the hereafter. But she knew what was good for her more than her parents. She told the Prophet (PBUH): "do you want me to discuss this with my parents? I choose Allah, his prophet, and the hereafter."

After lady ‘A’isha had made her choice she asked the prophet not to reveal it to any of the other women. He told her that Allah had not sent him obstinate but a tutor and a facilitator and he shall tell any of his wives if they ask. Then he went to tell his other wives and reported what lady ‘A’isha may Allah be pleased with her had chosen.

They all chose Allah, his prophet, and the hereafter. They had the great manners of the Prophet (PBUH) and so chose what he chose, and like him they abstained from pursuing worldly pleasures and only wanted the hereafter.

The Patience of the Prophet (PBUH) with his Wives

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) is the ultimate human example on being patient with one's wife(s). In spite of his highness at Allah's sight and at people's, it has never been heard of a man who had more patience with his wife(s). Researching Prophet Muhammad's patience, you will come across enough evidence.

It was reported that Umar Bin Al Khattab may Allah be pleased with him said: "we-the tribe of Quraish- used to overpower our wives. When we were encountered by al Ansar we found out that the women overpowered the men. So our wives started to learn from al ansars' women their ethics. So, once i vociferated to my wife and she disagreed with me, but i disapproved her disagreement. She said: “why do you disapprove? By Allah, the wives of the Prophet (PBUH) sometimes disagree with him and abandoned him for a whole day.” Umar was dismayed and told her that whoever did this did it to her loss. Then he went to lady Hafsah and told her: o Hafsah, do any of you stay angry with the Prophet (PBUH) a whole day? She said: "yes.” He said: "you are in loss, don’t you fear Allah’s anger because of the Prophet’s, so that you will be doomed?”. This saying 'hadith’ is taken from al Bukhary. 

Note how Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, was angry because of a simple disagreement from his wife, while the Prophet (PBUH) accepts the same from his wives with great patience being the generous Prophet and great 'imam'. 

Moreover, in such situations he used to treat them kindly. Lady ‘A’isha, may Allah be pleased with her, said: "Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) told me: "i can tell when you are pleased with me and when you are not.” I said: "how can you tell?" he said: "if you are pleased with me you swear saying: "no, by Muhammad's lord" and if you are not, you swear saying: "no, by Abraham's lord."" she said: "yes by Allah, Prophet of Allah. I can only abandon your name."

This saying 'hadith' is from al Bukhari.

Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, reported: "the Prophet of Allah (PBUH) was with one of his wives then another wife sent him a plate of food. The one that the Prophet was at her home hit the hand of the servant who was carrying the plate. It fell down and broke into two pieces. The Prophet collected the broken pieces and the food and said: "your mother [his wife] is jealous." he then kept the servant until he brought a new plate from the wife who broke the plate to give it to the other wife and kept the broken one at the home of the one who broke it." -  Narrated by al Bukhari

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) overlooked all the doings of his wives, forgave them and was ever patient, even though he was capable of leaving them. Allah would have compensated him with better worshipping, muslim believing women, virgins and non virgins as promised in case he divorced them.

“…and (remember) when the Prophet disclosed a matter in confidence to one of his wives (Hafsah), so when she told it (to another i.e. 'A’isha), and Allah made it known to him, he informed part thereof and left a part. Then when he told her (Hafsah) thereof, she said: "who told you this?" he said: "the all-Knower, the all-Aware (Allah) has told me (3) 

if you two (wives of the Prophet , namely 'A’isha and Hafsah) turn in repentance to Allah, (it will be better for you), your hearts are indeed so inclined (to oppose what the Prophet likes), but if you help one another against him (Muhammad ), then verily, Allah is his Mawla (Lord, or Master, or Protector, etc.), and Jibrael (Gabriel), and the righteous among the believers, and furthermore, the angels are his helpers.(4) 

It may be if he divorced you (all) that his lord will give him instead of you, wives better than you, Muslims (who submit to Allah), believers, obedient to Allah, turning to Allah in repentance, worshipping Allah sincerely, fasting or emigrants (for Allah's sake), previously married and virgins.(5) “

(Quran- Surah - At-Tahrim: 3-4-5)

 But the Prophet (PBUH) was merciful and the more he was mistreated the more he was patient.  

 The Prophet's Adornment for his Wives

To apply love between couples you need to be an inventor, a creative woman like lady ‘A’isha. Lady Safeya (may Allah be pleased with her) asked ‘A’isha one day to try to let the Prophet excuse her because he was angry with her because of some matter and she will give ‘A’isha her day. Lady ‘A’isha wore a long saffron colored veil after and spread water on it to make it smell well. She went to the Prophet and sat beside him but he said: "‘A’isha , go now it is not your day." she said: "it's the favor of Allah being given to whom he want" and she told him the story.


A woman asked lady ‘A’isha about henna. She replied”: my beloved (PBUH) loved its color and hated its smell.” Notice how she used the love language in describing the Prophet’s opinion.


From the Prophet’s side, he has also his ways in applying love.

Lady ‘A’isha was asked about the first thing the Prophet was making when entering his home. She replied: he was using siwak (arak stick for tooth cleaning).Narrated by Muslim

Some scholars said that the Prophet did that to kiss his wives when arriving home.

Al Bukhary narrated”: lady ‘A’isha said that she was perfuming her husband; his head and beard. She was also combing the Prophet's hair even if she was menstruating."

Now some of men don't beautify themselves for their wives, besides the bad smell of smoking persons. Some don't care for their bodies and armpits smell, clothes, hairs, and nails. They neglect embellishments towards their women.

Women have rights to see and smell all good from their husbands. Follow the Prophet’s example in that matter and you will see how these things increases love between husbands and wives.

Ibn abbas said that he was beautifying himself for his wife because it is her right to see him in his best conditions as he likes the same from her.

Allah the almighty said: “and they (women) have rights (over their husbands) similar (to those of their husbands) over them to what is reasonable "(Al Bakara: 228)

Another example:

A woman came to Omar Ibn Elkhattab and asked him to divorce her from her husband. When the caliph saw him he knew the reason of his wife’s hatred towards him. So he ordered him to have a bath, adjust his nails, his hair, and his clothes. His wife didn't recognize him at the beginning, and then she knew him and yielded the idea of divorce because she became very happy with this great change.  

Yahia Ibn Abdelrahman Alhandhaly mentioned that he saw Muhammad Ibn Alhanafia in a red wrap and his beard was dropping some scents from it. When he asked him about that, he answered him that it is for the sake of his wife who likes to see him like that, the same way he likes to see her in.


Learn the ways of increasing love between you and your wife…follow the example of the Prophet and his companions may Allah be pleased with them…

Apply what you like to see from your wife upon yourself to strengthen all love relationships and live a happy life

Pampering his Wives and Treating them Kindly

We all read about the life of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) in the fields of education, faith, politics, war, or economy but seldom was written or published about his life (PBUH) inside his house and his relationship with his wives. A person well informed about the familial relationships of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) finds out that it included meanings that we desperately miss in our present time. These meanings would contribute to the stability of our homes and marriages. In this article we are giving some examples of Prophet Muhammad's (PBUH) consideration to the feelings of his wives, his appreciation, and manifestation of love.

Calling one's wife with the name she loves most or with a nickname or a musical name is one of the forms of pampering and being kind to one's wife. This can be seen in the life of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) who, in a saying 'hadith' that is agreed upon by scholars, used to say to his wife ‘A’isha: "o ‘A’ish, this is Gabriel saying peace be upon you.” She replied:” and may peace and Allah’s mercy and blessings be upon him. You see what i don’t” (she meant the messenger of Allah (PBUH)

He also used to call ‘A’isha: (Homayraa') a short form of ("hamraa’) which, according to Ibn Kathir in 'An Nehaya’, means the white skinned woman with blushed cheeks. Adh-Dhahabi also said that "Hamraa'" in the language of the people of 'hejaz' means white and blushing-a rare feature among them. So Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) used to treat ‘A’isha kindly and call her with lovely names.

From the Prophetic traditions ‘A’isha narrated about fasting; imam Muslim reported that she said: ‘the messenger of Allah (PBUH) used to kiss one of his wives while fasting, and then she laughs, may Allah be pleased with her.


In another Prophetic tradition narrated by ‘A’isha, she said that Muhammad (PBUH) said that the best of the believers is the one who is best in manners and kindest to his own wife.

These sayings 'hadiths' demonstrate how Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) cared for his wives and how well he treated ‘A’isha, may Allah be pleased with her.


One of the forms of cuddling and well treating one's wife is feeding her with one's own hands. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: "whatever you spend is considered charity even the mouthful that you put in your wife's mouth."

 Even the food that one feeds his wife with his hands is considered an act of charity that is rewarded by Allah the almighty and not only an action that guarantees her love and cooperation.

Cuddling and being kind to one's wife has a tremendous emotional effect on her. This action of following the example of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) costs a man nothing and grants him Allah's reward, his wife's love and cooperation. Therefore a man is commanded to cuddle and treat his wife kindly.

A man's nature dictates him a certain way of expressing his feelings that is different from a woman's. A woman expresses her love with words like; I love you, I miss you, I need you, etc. On the other hand, a man expresses love in actions and production and seldom with words. If a man wants to tell his wife that he loves her he buys her something she wants or brings some food and drinks or furniture for their house. According to a man, this is a form of love expression.

The generous Prophet has indeed overcome this negative trait in the nature of men. He used to express his love and passion verbally for lady ‘A’isha, may Allah be pleased with her, treated her kindly, pampered her, and let his wives hear what they wished from their beloved husband and this is a significant aspect in a man - wife relationship. Ibn Assaker narrated- on the authority of lady ‘A’isha, may Allah be pleased with her- that she said that the Prophet (PBUH) told her: "won’t you be pleased to be my wife in this life and in the hereafter?, i said: “yes,” he said: “you are my wife in this life and the hereafter."

Imagine lady ‘A’isha’s emotions having heard the words that guaranteed her security, love, and peace in this life and in the hereafter.

‘Aas Ibn Ar Rabee'- the husband of Zainab the daughter of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)- leaves Makkah escaping from Islam. She sends to him to return and embrace Islam. So he sends her a letter, an extract of which is: "by Allah, i don't see your father as an offender and i love nothing more than following the same rout with you dear beloved. However, i hate being said that your husband has let his people down. Would you consider this and pardon me?" the letter demonstrates that al ‘Aas loved Zainab and wanted to be with her in whatever road. Moreover he hated that people would talk in a way that displeases her. At the end he asks her to consider and pardon him, for the sake of that love Zainab managed to go to him and return with him a Muslim.

Some writers demonstrate the respect of the west to women by giving examples like a husband opening a car’s door to his wife. Although this apparently is respect, yet, a mature person can see many aspects in which a woman is being offended and disrespected in the west. Muslims do not have the issue of man/woman conflict because they believe each one completes the other and that mutual respect is a must.

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) is our example in this. One time during his stay alone in adoration of Allah in the last ten days of Ramadan (observing i’tikaf), his wife lady Safeya came to visit him and spoke with him for some time, then went to the door. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) led her to the door to say goodbye. In another narration, he told her: "do not hurry to leave till i come with you." her house was at Ussama's and he (PBUH) left with her. Respect is the source of continual love and stability in a family. Therefore we wish that it prevails between a man and his wife.

If spouses treated each other in such way, a marriage would definitely be beautiful. We desperately need to leaf through the life of the Prophet (PBUH) and the Islamic history to discover the most beautiful theories in the art of marriage.