A Happy Home
Allah the almighty says (what means): {and Allah has made for you from your homes a place of rest.}[Quran 16:80]
You have told the truth, o our lord! the home is a place of rest, stability, comfort, reassurance, safety and tranquillity, in which we live, and with which we protect ourselves from the heat of summer and the cold of winter. It is also our shelter in which we take refuge after the trouble and toil of the day.
If a little bird's nest is its shelter, place of rest and abode of reassurance, it would be more worthy for man to have his home an abode of happiness and a source of his pleasure. A home is not only walls, furniture and linen, but it is also a place of worship, an institute, and a place for cordiality and comfort. The spouses fill it with love and affection, and tranquillity, calmness and stability shade it.
In the Muslim home, material and sensual rest is combined with spiritual and emotional rest; thereby the home is comprehensive and balanced. Also, Allah the Almighty has made the home a place of rest for the couple; He has made the husband a source of tranquillity for his wife, and the wife a source of tranquillity for her husband. Allah the Almighty says (what means): {And of his signs is that he created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and he placed between you affection and mercy. indeed, in that are signs for a people who give thought.} [Quran 30:21] thus, marriage is a source of tranquillity, and homes are places of rest – a favour from Allah the almighty which should be appreciated, maintained and preserved.
some of us might wonder: “why a Muslim home? is there a difference between a Muslim and a non-Muslim home?”
Undoubtedly, the Muslim home differs from any other. Its inhabitants carry in their chests a glorious belief which fills their hearts with the light of faith, and this light is reflected on all aspects of their life. A Muslim person should be (an example of the) Quran among people, the same as was the moral character of the messenger of Allah, PBUH . For this reason, a Muslim home, with its corners, furniture, and the way it is arranged, should express the Islam of its owner.
The Muslim home might be a simple hut, or a graceful palace, and in either there is pleasure, gratitude, satisfaction and living in the shades of the noble Quran and Sunnah. The family members are happy, not because they have great furniture or expensive fittings, but because happiness springs from their believing hearts and reassured souls. This is because they are pleased with Allah the almighty as their Lord, Islam as their religion and Muhammad,PBUH sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may allaah exalt his mention ), as their Prophet and Messenger.
The houses of the Prophet,PBUH sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may allaah exalt his mention ), were a good pattern for an Islamic home. As small in size and modest in building as they might have been, they were full of happiness and satisfaction, and remained the highest ideal for the homes of the companions May Allah be pleased with them may allaah be pleased with themand any of the Muslims who wished to lay the foundation of a home afterwards.
The houses of the Prophet, PBUH sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may allaah exalt his mention ), were established on obedience and seeking the satisfaction of Allah the Almighty, thereby representing the best example of the real Islamic home. Allah the Almighty says (what means): {Then is one who laid the foundation of his building on righteousness [with fear] from Allah and [seeking] his approval better or one who laid the foundation of his building on the edge of a bank about to collapse, so it collapsed with him into the fire of hell? and Allah does not guide the wrongdoing people.} [Quran 9:109]
Although the houses of the Prophet,PBUH sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may allaah exalt his mention ), were as humble, only enough as to satisfy his need, as simple as to cover (the minimum requirements of) his living, they were full of happiness, where their inhabitants were well-pleased with the fate and sustenance endowed to them by Allah the almighty, and believing in the statement of the Prophet,PBUH sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may allaah exalt his mention ): “He, upon whom morning comes while being safe and sound, healthy in his body, and having the sustenance of his day, seems as if the entire world has been granted for him.” [At-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah]
The houses of the Prophet, PBUH sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may allaah exalt his mention ), were based on worship and obedience to Allah the Almighty, where humbleness, simplicity and abstinence from the enjoyment of this worldly life seemed evident. all his houses surrounded the mosque. Some of them were built of palm reeds covered with mud, others of stones piled on top of each other, having their ceiling made of palm reeds.
The home of the mother of believers, Aisha May Allah be pleased with her may allaah be pleased with herthe dearest of his wives to him after Khadeejah may allaah be pleased with herconsisted of one chamber, built of bricks covered with mud, and another room annexed to it, made of palm reeds, covered with animal hair. Its door had a single wooden post, and its ceiling was low, like all the other houses of the Prophet, PBUH sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may allaah exalt his mention ). It had simple furniture: a bed of pieces of wood tied with fibre ropes, having a cushion of leather stuffed with fibre; a water-skin; and clay vessels for his food and ablution.
Simplicity and contentment also seemed evident in the homes of the companions of the Messenger of Allah,PBUH sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may allaah exalt his mention ). The furniture of Faatimah may allaah be pleased with herthe daughter of the Prophet, PBUH sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may allaah exalt his mention ), with which she was wed to Ali Ibn Abi Taalib may allaah be pleased with himconsisted of a mantle of velvet, a cushion of leather stuffed with fibre, a millstone, a water-skin and two jars. That was the furniture of the leader of the women of paradise, and the daughter of the master of all the prophets, may Allah exalt their mention. This shows how the houses of the Prophet, PBUH sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may allaah exalt his mention ), and of his companions may allaah be pleased with themwere a good model for the Islamic home.
If such was the state of the houses of the Prophet, PBUH sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may allaah exalt his mention ), and his companions may allaah be pleased with themthis does not mean that Islam impedes one from being blessed in a graceful spacious home; on the contrary, according to Islam, that is a sustenance, favour and grace bestowed by Allah the almighty upon whomever he pleases. Allah the almighty says (what means): {Say, “who has forbidden the adornment of Allah which he has produced for his servants and the good [lawful] things of provision?”} [Quran 7:32] the Messenger of Allah, PBUH sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may allaah exalt his mention ), said: “Four things bring about happiness: a righteous woman (i.e., wife), a spacious residence, a good neighbour, and a comfortable means of transport.” [Al-Haakim] man then has to utilize this pleasure in all that is good, for he would be held accountable about it on the day of judgment as confirmed by Allah the almighty in the verse (which means): {Then you will surely be asked that day about pleasure.} [Quran 102:8]
Like other human beings, the Muslim family inclines to possess the best, the most spacious, the prettiest, and the richest of homes. Allah the almighty says (what means): {Beautified for people is the love of that which they desire - of women and sons, heaped-up sums of gold and silver, fine branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. that is the enjoyment of worldly life, but Allah has with him the best return.} [Quran 3:14]
The Muslim family knows well that real happiness is to make the home, whether it is small or large, a garden full of faith, satisfied with contentment, shaded with tranquillity and reassurance; and to have its members adopt high morals and upright conduct. It perceives that in whichever state it might be, it is living in a favour bestowed by Allah the almighty for which gratitude is due. Gratitude for a favour develops, purifies and proliferates it as confirmed by Allah; Allah the almighty (what means): {If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favour].} [Quran 14:7]
The Muslim family neither boasts nor shows pride over others because of the favours of Allah the almighty bestowed upon it. it always shows the bounty and favour conferred by Allah the almighty upon it in response to his statement (which means): {But as for the favour of your Lord, report [it].} [Quran 93:11] and, acting upon the statement of the messenger of Allah,PBUH sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may allaah exalt his mention ): “Indeed, Allah likes to see the signs of his favour on his slave.” [At-Tirmithi and Al-Haakim]
But, at the same time, the Muslim family should not engage in worldly pleasures and neglect obedience to Allah the almighty, nor be mainly concerned with their house in this worldly life, which diverts them from working for their house in paradise, Allah willing. To this meaning a poet refers, by saying that one shall have no abode to reside in after death other than the one he built before his death. If he built it well, his residence (in the hereafter) would be good; and if he built it with evil, he would fail.
Once, Ali Ibn Abi Taalib May Allah be pleased with him, may allaah be pleased with himpassed by a man who was building a house, thereupon he said to him, “You were dead before you came to life, and in a short while you will be dead [yet again]. You are building a house for the perishing abode [i.e. this worldly life], so build a house for the eternal abode [i.e. the hereafter as well].”
Blessed be the Muslim family if it is to have the world in its hand and not in its heart; and blessed be it if it is to utilize all things surrounding it correctly in such a way as to help it obey Allah the almighty, acting upon the following wisdom, “Work for your worldly life as if you would live forever, and work for your hereafter as if you would die tomorrow.” [Ibn Al-Mubaarak in Az-Zuhd]
To talk about the Muslim home, its components and furniture, does not mean that all those specifications should be comprised in every home. But, it is an ideal we ask Allah the almighty to give to every Muslim on the face of the earth.
The main point lies not in the walls and furniture of the house so much as it lies in its inhabitants. Hence, every family member could bring about happiness and satisfaction to his household with the smallest thing available to him. The faithful believer is intelligent and prudent, as the Messenger of Allah,PBUH sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may allaah exalt his mention ), said: “The sagacious one is he who holds himself accountable [for his deeds], and works for [the life] after death; and the incompetent is he who subjugates his self to its fancies and has hopeful expectations from Allah.” [Ahmad, At-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah]
Unforgettable Love Story
The love between Prophet Muhammad and lady Khadijah was like a blooming rose.
She was one of the noblest women of her time, coming from a very prominent family. She was also quite beautiful and the holder of a considerable amount of wealth, for she successfully ran her own business. To marry her would have been a great feat for any man, and indeed, quite a few of the most prominent and wealthy men in society had asked for her hand, yet she rejected them all. Being a widow, she had lost the desire to marry again. Until “he” came into her life. He was a young man of 25, and although he was also of a noble family, he was an orphan and was not a man of many means. He had made a meager living tending sheep in the hills surrounding the city, yet he had an impeccable moral character and he was widely known as one of the most honest men around. That is what attracted her to him: she was looking for someone honest who could conduct business for her, as she – a woman in a fiercely patriarchal society – could not do it herself. So, he started working for her. After he came back from his first business trip, she asked her servant, whom she had sent with him, about him and his conduct. The servant amazed her by his report: this young man was the kindest, gentlest man he had ever met. Never did he treat the servant harshly, as many others do. There was more: as they traveled in the heat of the desert, the servant noticed that a cloud had followed them the entire time, shading them from the blazing sun. Upon hearing this, she became quite impressed with her new employee. Not only that, this new employee proved to be an astute businessman in his own right. He took his employer's merchandise, sold it, and with the profits bought other merchandise that he sold again; thus, profiting twice. All this was enough for her: the embers of love in her heart that were once extinguished were re-kindled again, and she desired to marry this young man, who was 15 years younger than her. So, she sent her sister who asked him, "why are you not married, yet?" "For lack of means," he answered. "What if I could offer you a wife of nobility, beauty, and wealth? would you be interested?" she told him. He replied in the affirmative, but when she mentioned her sister, the young employee chuckled in amazement. "How could I marry her? she has turned down the most noble men in the city, much wealthier and prominent than me, a poor shepherd," he said. "Don't you worry," the sister replied, "I'll take care of it". Not long after, this wealthy business-owner married her young employee, and it was the beginning of one of the most loving, happiest, and sacred marriages in all of human history: that of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and Khadijah, the daughter of Khuwaylid.
When they were married, the Prophet was 25 years old, and Khadijah was 40. yet, that did not bother the Prophet one bit. He loved her so deeply, and she loved him as deeply. They were married for 25 years, and she bore him six children: 2 sons and 4 daughters. All of the sons died at a young age. Khadijah was a source of immense love, strength, and comfort for the Prophet Muhammad, and he leaned heavily on this love and support on the most important night of his life. While he was meditating in cave of Hira, the Angel Gabriel came to Prophet Muhammad and revealed to him the first verses of the Quran, which Muslims believe is the word of God, and declared to him that he was to be a Prophet. The experience terrified him, and he ran home and cried to Khadijah , "cover me! cover me!" she was startled by his terror, and after soothing and comforting him for a while, the Prophet was able to calm down and tell her about his experience (Al-Bukhari). The Prophet feared he was going mad or being possessed. Khadijah put all his fears to rest: "do not worry," she said, "for by him who has dominion over Khadijah's soul, I hope that you are the Prophet of this nation. Allah would never humiliate you, for you are good to your relatives, you are true to your word, you help those who are in need, you support the weak, you feed the guest and you answer the call of those who are in distress." She then took him to her cousin, Waraqah Ibn Nawfal – a Christian scholar well-versed in the Judeo-Christian scripture – and he confirmed to Muhammad that his experience was divine and he was to be the Prophet they had all been waiting for (Al-Bukhari). After his ministry began, and the opposition of his people became harsh and brutal, Khadijah was always there to support Prophet Muhammad, sacrificing all of her wealth to support the cause of Islam. When the Prophet and his family were banished to the hills outside of Makkah, she went there with him, and the three years of hardship and deprivation eventually led to her death. the Prophet Muhammad mourned her deeply, and even after her death, the Prophet would send food and support to Khadijah's friends and relatives, out of love for her.
Once, years after Khadijah died, he came across a necklace that she once wore. When he saw it, he remembered her and began to cry and mourn. His love for her never died, so much so, that his later wife Aishah became jealous of her. Once she asked the Prophet if Khadijah had been the only woman worthy of his love. the Prophet replied: "she believed in me when no one else did; she accepted Islam when people rejected me; and she helped and comforted me when there was no one else to lend me a helping hand" (Al-Bukhari). Much has been made and said about Prophet Muhammad's multiple marriages. There are many who smear him as a womanizing philanderer, citing those multiple marriages. This is, of course, totally false. If, God forbid, the Prophet was as they claim, he would have taken advantage of his youth to act on these desires, but he did not. He was with no other women before Khadijah, who was 15 years his senior, and he had no other wife alongside her, although multiple marriages was common custom at that time. It was only after Khadijah died (God rest her soul) that he took on more than one wife at a time. All his subsequent marriages were undertaken based on divine instructions. Most of these wives were widows, whom the Prophet married to care of, or they were the daughters of prominent Arab chieftains, so that the Prophet could form a cohesive Muslim society out of a fiercely tribalistic Arab culture. the smears against the Prophet fall flat on their faces once the light of truth shines brightly upon them. In a song about the Prophet and khadjiah, Muslim Rappers Native Deen sing: "we look for stories of love in places dark and cold. When we have a guiding light for the whole world to behold."
Many of what we call "love stories" today are nothing more than stories of lust and desire, physical attraction disguised as love. Yet, I can find no love story more powerful, more spiritually uplifting, more awe-inspiring than that of the Prophet Muhammad and Khadijah. It is a shining example of what an ideal marriage is, and if I ever claim that I love my wife, I must gauge my actions with that of the Prophet. As the country commemorates valentine's day, and everywhere we turn this month, "love is in the air," I cannot help but reflect upon, what is to me, the greatest of all love stories: that of Prophet Muhammad and Khadijah. Even with all of its amazing creative talent, Hollywood could not have come up with a story greater than this.
The Ideal Husband
Prophet Muhammad personifies the roles of perfect father and husband. He was so kind and tolerant with his wives that they could not envisage their lives without him, nor did they want to live away from him. He married Sawdah, his second wife, while in Makkah. After a while, he wanted to divorce her for certain reasons. She was extremely upset at this news and implored him, "O Messenger of Allah, i wish no worldly thing of you. I will sacrifice the time allocated to me if you don't want to visit me. But please don't deprive me of being your wife. I want to go to the Hereafter as your wife. I care for nothing else" (Muslim).
The Messenger did not divorce her, nor did he stop visiting her.
Once he noticed that Hafsah was uncomfortable over their financial situation. "If she wishes, I may set her free," he said, or something to that effect. This suggestion so alarmed her that she requested mediators to persuade him not to do so. He kept his faithful friend's daughter as his trusted wife.
Separation Calamity
All of his wives viewed separation from the Messenger of Allah as a calamity, so firmly had he established himself in their hearts. They were completely at one with him. They shared in his blessed, mild, and natural life. If he had left them, they would have died of despair. If he had divorced one of them, she would have waited at his doorstep until the last day.
After his death, there was much yearning and a great deal of grief. Aabu Bakr and `Umar found the Messenger's wives weeping whenever they visited them. Their weeping seemed to continue for the rest of their lives. Muhammad left an everlasting impression on everyone. at one point, he had nine wives and dealt equally with all of them and without any serious problems. He was a kind and gentle husband, and never behaved harshly or rudely. In short, he was the perfect husband.
Each of his wives thought that she was his most beloved.
A few days before his death, he said, "a servant has been allowed to choose this world or his lord. He chose his Lord" (Al-Bukhari). Abu Bakr, intelligent and smart, began to cry, understanding that the Prophet was talking about himself. His illness got worse daily, and his severe headache caused him to writhe in pain. But even during this difficult period, he continued to treat his wives with kindness and gentleness. he asked for permission to stay in one room, as he had no strength to visit them one by one. his wives agreed, and the Messenger spent his last days in `A'ishah's room.
Most Beloved
Each wife, because of his generosity and kindness, thought she was his most beloved. The idea that any man could show complete equality and fairness in his relationships with nine women seems impossible. for this reason, the Messenger of Allah asked God's pardon for any unintentional leanings. He would pray, "I may have unintentionally shown more love to one of them than the others, and this would be injustice. So, O Lord, I take refuge in your grace for those things beyond my power." (At-Tirmidhi).
What gentleness and sensitivity! I wonder if anyone else could show such kindness to his children or spouses. When people manage to cover up their lower inborn tendencies, it is as if they have done something very clever and shown tremendous willpower. But they sometimes expose these very defects unconsciously while bragging of their cleverness. The Messenger, despite showing no fault, sought only God's forgiveness.
His gentleness penetrated his wives' souls so deeply that his departure led to what they must have felt to be an unbridgeable separation. They did not commit suicide, as Islam forbids it, but their lives now became full of endless sorrow and ceaseless tears.
The Messenger was kind and gentle to all women, and advised all other men to follow him in this regard. Sa`d Ibn Abi Waqqas described his kindness as follows:
`Umar said: one day I went to the Prophet and saw him smiling. "May God make you smile forever, O Messenger of God," I said, and asked why he was smiling. "I smile at those women. They were chatting in front of me before you came. When they heard your voice, they all vanished," he answered still smiling. On hearing this answer, I raised my voice and told them, "O enemies of your own selves, you are scared of me, but you are not scared of the Messenger of God, and you don't show respect to him." "You are hard-hearted and strict," they replied. (Al-Bukhari )
`Umar also was gentle to women. However, the most handsome man looks ugly when compared to Joseph’s beauty. Likewise, `Umar's gentleness and sensitivity seem like violence and severity when compared to those of the Prophet. The women had seen the Messenger's gentleness, sensitivity, and kindness, and so regarded `Umar as strict and severe. Yet `Umar shouldered the caliphate perfectly and became one of the greatest examples after the Prophet. he was a just ruler and strove to distinguish right from wrong. His qualities enabled him to be caliph. Some of his qualities might seem rather severe; however, those very qualities enabled him to shoulder very demanding responsibilities.
Consultation
The Prophet did consult with his wives. The Messenger discussed matters with his wives as friends. Certainly he did not need their advice, since he was directed by revelation. However, he wanted to teach his nation that Muslim men were to give women every consideration. This was quite a radical idea in his time, as it is today in many parts of the world. He began teaching his people through his own relationship with his wives.
For example, the conditions laid down in the treaty of Hudaybiyah disappointed and enraged many Muslims, for one condition stipulated that they could not make the pilgrimage that year. They wanted to reject the treaty, continue on to Makkah, and face the possible consequences. But the Messenger ordered them to slaughter their sacrificial animals and take off their pilgrim attire. Some companions hesitated, hoping that he would change his mind. He repeated his order, but they continued to hesitate. They did not oppose him; rather, they still hoped he might change his mind, for they had set out with the intention of pilgrimage and did not want to stop half way.
Noticing this reluctance, the Prophet returned to his tent and asked umm Salamah, his wife accompanying him at that time, what she thought of the situation. So she told him, fully aware that he did not need her advice. In doing this, he taught Muslim men an important social lesson: there is nothing wrong with exchanging ideas with women on important matters, or on any matters at all.
She said, "O Messenger of God, don't repeat your order. They may resist and thereby perish. Slaughter your sacrificial animal and change out of your pilgrim attire. They will obey you, willingly or not, when they see that your order is final" (Al-Bukhari).
He immediately took a knife in his hand, went outside, and began to slaughter his sheep. The companions began to do the same, for now it was clear that his order would not be changed.
Counsel and consultation, like every good deed, were practiced by God's Messenger first within his own family and then in the wider community. Even today, we understand so little about his relationships with his wives that it is as if we are wandering aimlessly around a plot of land, unaware of the vast treasure buried below our feet.
Two Halves
Women are secondary beings in the minds of many, including those self-appointed defenders of women's rights as well as many self-proclaimed Muslim men. In Islam, a woman is part of a whole, a part that renders the other half useful. we believe that when the two halves come together, the true unity of a human being appears. when this unity does not exist, humanity does not exist — nor can Prophethood, sainthood, or even Islam.
Our Prophet encouraged us through his enlightening words to behave kindly to women. He declared, "the most perfect believers are the best in character, and the best of you are the kindest to their families" (Abu Dawud and At-Tirmidhi). It is clear that women have received the true honour and respect they deserve, not just in theory but in actual practice, only once in history — during the period of Prophet Muhammad.
This World or the Next
The wives of the Messenger were given the choice of remaining with him or leaving:
[ O Prophet, say to your wives: "If you desire the life of this world and its glitter, then come! I will provide for your enjoyment and set you free in a handsome manner. But if you seek God, his Messenger, and the home of the hereafter, verily God has prepared for you, the well-doers among you, a great reward." ] (Al-Ahzab 33:29)
A few of his wives who wanted a more prosperous life asked, "couldn't we live a little more luxuriously, like other Muslims do? Couldn’t we have at least a bowl of soup every day, or some prettier garments?" at first sight, such wishes might be considered fair and just. However, they were members of the family that was to be an example for all Muslim families until the last day.
The Messenger reacted by going into retreat. the news spread, and everyone rushed to the mosque and began to cry. The smallest grief felt by their beloved Messenger was enough to bring them all to tears, and even the smallest incident in his life would disturb them. Abu Bakr and `Umar, seeing the event in a different light as their daughters were directly involved, rushed to the mosque. They wanted to see him, but he would not leave his retreat. Eventually, on their third attempt, they gained entry and began to rebuke their daughters. The Messenger saw what was happening, but only said, "I cannot afford what they want" (Muslim).
The Qur'an declared [O wives of the Prophet! you are not like any other women ] (Al-Ahzab 33:32).
Others might save themselves by simply fulfilling their obligations, but those who were at the very centre of Islam had to devote themselves fully so that no weakness would appear at the centre. There were advantages in being the Prophet's wives, but these advantages brought responsibilities and potential risks. The Messenger was preparing them as exemplars for all present and future Muslim women. He was especially worried that they might enjoy the reward for their good deeds in this world and thereby be included in [you have exhausted your share of the good things in your life of the world and sought comfort in them ] (Al-Ahqaf 46:20).
Life in the Prophet's house was uncomfortable. For this reason, either explicitly or implicitly, his wives made some modest demands. As their status was unique, they were not expected to enjoy themselves in a worldly sense. some Godly people laugh only a few times during their lives; others never fill their stomachs. For example, Fudayl Ibn `Iyad never laughed. He smiled only once, and those who saw him do so asked him why he smiled, for they were greatly surprised. He told them, "today I learned that my son `Ali died. I was happy to hear that God had loved him, and so I smiled" (Abu Nu`aym, Hilyat Al-Awliya' ). If there were such people outside of the Prophet's household, his wives, who were even more pious and respectful of God and regarded as mothers of the believers, would certainly be of a higher degree.
It is not easy to merit being together with the Messenger in this world and the hereafter. Thus, these special women were put to a great test. The Messenger allowed them to choose his poor home or the world's luxury. If they chose the world, he would give them whatever they wanted and then dissolve his marriage with them. If they chose God and his Messenger, they had to be content with their lives. this was a peculiarity of his family. Since this family was unique, its members had to be unique. The head of the family was chosen, as were the wives and children.
The Messenger first called `A'ishah and said, "I want to discuss something with you. You'd better talk with your parents before making a decision. "Then he recited the verses mentioned above. Her decision was exactly as expected from a truthful daughter of a truthful father: "O Messenger of Allah, do I need to talk with my parents? By Allah, I choose Allah and his Messenger" (Muslim).
`A'ishah herself tells us what happened next: "the Messenger received the same answer from all his wives. No one expressed a different opinion. They all said what I had said."They did so because they were all at one with the Messenger. They could not differ. If the Messenger had told them to fast for a lifetime without break, they would have done so and endured it with pleasure. However, they endured hardship until their deaths.
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Some of his wives had enjoyed an extravagant lifestyle before their marriage to him. One of these was Safiyyah, who had lost her father and husband and had been taken prisoner during the battle of Khaybar. She must have been very angry with the Messenger, but when she saw him, her feelings changed completely. She endured the same destiny as the other wives. They endured it because love of the Messenger had penetrated their hearts.
Mothers of the Believers
Safiyyah was a Jew. Once, she was dismayed when this fact was mentioned to her sarcastically. She informed the Messenger, expressing her sadness. He comforted her saying, "if they repeat it, tell them, 'my father is Prophet Aaron, my uncle is Prophet Moses, and my husband is, as you see, Prophet Muhammad, the chosen one. What do you have more than me to be proud of?'"
The Qur’an declares that his wives are the mothers of the believers (Al-Ahzab 33:6). Although 14 centuries have passed, we still feel delight in saying "my mother" when referring to Khadijah, `A'ishah, Umm Salamah, Hafsah, and his other wives. We feel this because of him. Some feel more love for these women than they do for their real mothers. Certainly, this feeling must have been deeper, warmer, and stronger in the Prophet's own time.
The Messenger was the perfect head of a family. Managing many women with ease, being a lover of their hearts, an instructor of their minds, an educator of their souls, he never neglected the affairs of the nation or compromised his duties.
The Messenger excelled in every area of life. People should not compare him to themselves or to the so-called great personalities of their age. Researchers should look at him, the one to whom angels are grateful, always remembering that he excelled in every way. If they want to look for Muhammad they must search for him in his own dimensions. Our imaginations cannot reach him, for we do not even know how to imagine properly. God bestowed upon him, as his special favour, superiority in every field.
Ideals and Role Models for Women in Qur'an, Hadith and Sirah
Exhibitions portray ideals: all that is best in a person's work, a society, a period of artistic endeavor and so on. A talk at an exhibition should do the same, so i shall begin by putting forward the ideals of Islam concerning women, and their role models. I shall show how these ideals are set forth in the Qur’an, which Muslims consider to be the revealed word of god - Allah - in the Arabic language, and also refer to the Hadith and Sunnah, the reports of the sayings and the model practice of the prophet Muhammad*.
These two sources make up the basis for the Islamic law, Shari'ah, the body of legislation and moral guidance constructed by the Muslim scholars. Although the Qur’an is taken as unchallengeable, each Hadith is open to well-founded scholarly question as to its authenticity; and the interpretations given to the Qur’an and Hadith, which frequently result in differences of opinion, are open to still further questioning. The many different opinions expressed by the scholars give latitude to Muslims to choose between them to find acceptable guidelines. The Islamic law is not as monolithic and unchangeable as it might appear, although it does have a base of absolutes on which to stand.
This preamble is important with regard to women in Islam, because it has often been observed by Muslim scholars that the Islamic family law as practised in some Muslim countries bears little resemblance to the liberating and sympathetic treatment of women pioneered by the prophet Muhammad himself (pbuh). Even mawdudi, considered by some to be among the most conservative of modern Islamic revivalist commentators, Abul A'la Mawdudi, has criticisms to make of the why indian Muslim law has been practised1. So it is important to distinguish between current, or even past practice, and the spirit of the law - the ideals as laid down by Allah in the Qur’an and exemplified by the prophet Muhammad*.
Most modern writers on women in Islam are agreed that it is vital to go back to these original sources and reinterpret them in the context of the societies in which we all live now in order to clear up corruptions which have been incorporated into the laws, both from indigenous cultural sources and European colonialist efforts to, as they thought, `reform' the Shari'ah. So it is to these original sources, the Qur’an and Hadith that I shall mainly refer.
The Qur’an has much to say both about women, and to women. One surah is called `women', another is named after Maryam the mother of Jesus (pbuh). Women appear in many other parts. In stories of the prophets we have
- Hawwa (Eve) the wife of Adam, no longer the temptress who leads adam to sin but a partner jointly responsible with him and jointly forgiven by Allah soon afterwards.
- There is the wife of nuh (Noah) (pbuh) who betrays her husband and is held up along with the wife of lot as an example of a disbeliever (66:10-11).
- There is the wife of Ibrahim, who laughs at the news the angel brings, of the baby she is to have in her old age;
- the wife of Pharaoh, who saves the infant Musa (Moses) (pbuh) and, along with Maryam, mother of Jesus, is one of the two female examples of the good believer held up in surah 66:10 & 11.
- the wife of Aziz, who tried to seduce Yusuf (Joseph), is nevertheless treated with some sympathy, when she shows her friends how handsome he is and they all cut themselves with their knives because they are distracted by his beauty;
And there are more women besides.
It is noteworthy that the four women I have mentioned as examples are presented to both male and female Muslims to show how it is possible to be true believers in difficult circumstances, and disbelievers in favourable circumstances.
- The two good examples believed in spite of the attitudes of those close to them, pharaoh's wife saving Moses from her husband's wicked command to kill all the hebrew firstborn sons, and Maryam confronting accusations of immorality when she brought home her baby after the virgin birth.
- The two bad ones disbelieved in spite of being married to prophets of Allah. In neither case do these examples show the traditional picture of the `submissive' woman.
Then there are the contemporary women of the Prophet's household, his wives and daughters. One of his wives, Umm Salamah, complained to him that the Qur’an was addressed only to men, and then a long passage was revealed to the prophet* addressed clearly to men and women in every line, which states clearly the equal responsibilities and rewards for Muslim men and women.
For Muslim men and women - for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who are patient and constant, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in charity, for men and women who fast (and deny themselves), for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in god's praise - for them has god prepared forgiveness and great reward.
(Qur’an 33:35)
Aishah, his youngest wife, caused a scandal when she went out into the desert to look for a necklace she had lost there and got left behind by the caravan. She was rescued by a young man and came back with him and rumours spread that she had been dallying with him. This caused great pain to her and to the prophet and it was a long time before they were relieved by another revelation (24:4), demanding thatpeople making such accusations against chaste women must produce four eye witnesses to the act or suffer a flogging themselves and have their evidence rejected ever after.
There are passages specifically addressed to the wives of the prophet as a group. For example:
O consorts of the prophet! Ye are not like any of the (other) women. If ye do fear (Allah) be not too complaisant of speech, lest one in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire, but speak ye a speech (that is) just.
And stay quietly in your houses, and make not a dazzling display, like those of the former times of ignorance, and establish regular prayer, and give zakat (welfare due) and obey Allah and his messenger. And Allah only wishes to remove all abomination from you, ye members of the family, and to make you pure and spotless.
And recite what is rehearsed to you in your houses of the signs of Allah and his wisdom, for Allah is all-subtle, all-aware.
Qur’an 33:32-34
Other passages are addressed via the prophet to his wives, daughters and the women of the believers.
Still others were revealed in answer to questions from ordinary women, like the one concerning the practice of divorce by abstinence within the marriage (zihar). A woman complained to the prophet about this practice, which left the woman with no sexual satisfaction, but still not free to marry another husband and a verse was revealed condemning this practice.
Allah has indeed heard (and accepted) the statement of the woman who pleads with thee concerning her husband and carries her complaint (in prayer) to Allah...
Qur’an 58:1
Another passage was revealed in answer to a woman's complaint about the way her husband wanted to have intercourse with her (2:223).
So the Qur’an is a book which has a lot to say to women and about women. What does it say? We have already seen that it does not condemn all women in the image of eve as christianity has been known to do; that it is often on the side of women who complain about injustice, in marriage, divorce and in false accusation. How does it view the creation of woman? Is she just a part of adam and an afterthought? This is what it says, in the first ayah (verse) of surat an-nisa - the women:
O mankind, be conscious of your duty to your lord who created you from a single soul, and from it created its mate (of the same kind) and from them twain has spread a multitude of men and women.
Qur’an 4:1
`A single soul' is neither male nor female, although it could be understood to mean adam it is not necessarily so. In fact `soul' is feminine and `mate' is masculine! Not that i'm suggesting that women came first, because in other parts of the Qur’an the creation of adam is described. But the gender relationship here is ambivalent. And the mate was created from the `soul' not the humble `rib'. No Muslim scholar could ever argue, after reading this, as some christians have done, that women do not have a soul! They are made of the same soul as men. Their capacity for good and evil is identical with that of men. In 49:13, of the Qur’an we find that it is good deeds and awareness of Allah which make the believer, male or female, noble in the sight of Allah:
Indeed the noblest of you in the sight of Allah is the most pious.
And in 40:40:
Whoever does right, whether male or female, (all) such will enter the garden
The works of male and female are of equal value and each will receive the due reward for what they do:
Never will i suffer to be lost the work of any one of you, male or female...
Qur’an 3:195
Whoever works righteousness, man or woman, and has faith, verily to him will we give a new life that is good and pure, and we will bestow on such their reward according to their actions.
Qur’an 16:97
The same duties are incumbent on men and women as regards their faith:
For Muslim men and women - for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who are patient and constant, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in charity, for men and women who fast (and deny themselves), for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in god's praise - for them has god prepared forgiveness and great reward.
(Qur’an 33:35)
There are a few exceptions: women are given exemption from some duties,
- fasting when they are pregnant or nursing or menstruating,
- praying when menstruating or bleeding after childbirth, and
- the obligation to attend congregational prayers in the mosque on fridays.
- they are not obliged to take part as soldiers in the defence of Islam, although they are not forbidden to do so.
But under normal circumstances they are allowed to do all the things that men do.
- even when they are menstruating, on special days, like the two id festivals, they are still allowed to come to the id prayers, and menstruating women can take part in most of the actions of the hajj pilgrimage.
But are women's duties in social life different and complementary as most scholars assert? Is their sole function to keep house and bear and rear children while the men do everything else? Does the fact that they suffer disruption to their health when they menstruate make them unsuitable for any job outside the house, and fit only to maintain a happy and peaceful home, as mawdudi would have us believe?This is an argument that is grossly exaggerated by male scholars everywhere to justify all kinds of discrimination against women. Mawdudi would have us believe that women scarcely enjoy a few days' sanity in their lives, so disruptive are the effects of menstruation and childbearing. No doubt there is some truth in his description of such disruption, and allowances should be made by men, and other women for this, but this does not disqualify women from any task that men can do any more than it disqualifies them from creating happy and well-run homes.
Nor is there any basis in the Qur’an or hadith for such an attitude. The Qur’an mentions menstruation in 2:222:
They ask thee concerning women's courses. Say: `they are a hurt and a pollution, so keep away from women in their courses, and do not approach them until they are clean. But when they have purified themselves, ye may approach them as ordained for you by Allah.'
According to the interpreters of Islamic law, this means only that sexual intercourse is not allowed at such times, but any other form of intimacy is still permissible. To put it briefly, menstruation may be messy and painful but it is not a major disability.
Islamic law makes no demand that women should confine themselves to household duties. In fact the early Muslim women were found in all walks of life. The first wife of the prophet, mother of all his surviving children, was a businesswoman who hired him as an employee, and proposed marriage to him through a third party; women traded in the marketplace, and the khalifah umar, not normally noted for his liberal attitude to women, appointed a woman, shaff'a bint abdullah, to supervise the market. Other women, like laila al-ghifariah, took part in battles , carrying water and nursing the wounded, some, like suffiah bint abdul muttalib even fought and killed the enemies to protect themselves and the prophet* and like umm dhahhak bint masoud were rewarded with bootyin the same way as the men. Ibn jarir and al-tabari siad that women can be appointed to a judicial position to adjudicate in all matters, although abu hanifah excluded them from such weighty decisions as those involving the heavy hadd and qisas punishments, and other jurists said that women could not be judges at all. The Qur’an even speaks favourably of the queen of sheba and the way she consulted her advisors, who deferred to her good judgement on how to deal with the threat of invasion by the armies of Solomon. (Qur’an 27:32-35):
She (the queen of sheba) said, `o chiefs, advise me respecting my affair; i never decide an affair until you are in my presence.' they said, `we are possessors osf strength and possessors of mighty prowess, and the command is thine, so consider what thou wilt command.' she said, `surely the kings, when they enter a town, ruin it and make the noblest of its people to be low, and thus they do. And surely i am going to send them a present, and to see what (answer) the messengers bring back.'
Women have sometimes headed Islamic provinces , like arwa bint ahmad, who served as governor of yemen under the fatimid khalifahs in the late fifth and early sixth century.
A much vaunted hadith that the prophet said, `a people who entrust power to a woman will never prosper', has been shown to be extremely unreliable on several counts. It is an isolated and uncorroborated one, and therefore not binding in Islamic law, and in addition there is reason to believe it may have been forged in the context of the battle which Aishah the prophet's widow led against the fourth khalifah ali. In view of the examples set by women rulers in history, it is also clearly untenable and false.
To sum up, the qualifications of women for work of all kinds are not in doubt, despite some spurious ahadith to the contrary. Women can do work like men, but they do not have to do it to earn a living . They are allowed and encouraged to take the duties of marriage and motherhood seriously and are provided with the means to stay at home and do it properly.
The Muslim woman has always had the right to own and manage her own property , a right that women in this country only attained in the last 100 years. Marriage in Islam does not mean that the man takes over the woman's property, nor does she automatically have the right to all his property if he dies intestate. Both are still regarded as individual people with responsibilities to other members of their family - parents, brothers, sisters etc. And inheritance rights illustrate this.
The husband has the duty to support and maintain the wife, as stated in the Qur’an, and this is held to be so even if she is rich in her own right . He has no right to expect her to support herself, let alone support his children or him. If she does contribute to the household income this is regarded as a charitable deed on her part.
Because of their greater financial responsibilities, some categories of male relations, according to the inheritance laws in the Qur’an, inherit twice the share of their female equivalents, but others, whose responsibilities are likely to be less, inherit the same share -mothers and fathers, for instance are each entitled to one sixth of the estate of their children, after bequests (up to one third of the estate) and payment of debts. (Qur’an 4:11):
For parents a sixth share of the inheritance to each if the deceased left children;
If no children, and the parents are the (only) heirs, the mother has a third; if the deceased left brothers (or sisters) the mother has a sixth...
Women are thus well provided for: their husbands support them, and they inherit from all their relations. They are allowed to engage in business or work at home or outside the house, so long as the family does not suffer, and the money they make is their own, with no calls on it from other people until their death.
Nor are women expected to do the housework. If they have not been used to doing it, the husband is obliged to provide domestic help within his means, and to make sure that the food gets to his wife and children, already cooked. The prophet* himself used to help with the domestic work, and mended his own shoes. Women are not even obliged in all cases to suckle their own children. If a divorcing couple mutually agree, they can send the baby to a wet-nurse and the husband must pay for the suckling. If the mother decides to keep the baby and suckle it herself, he must pay her for her trouble!
This is laid down in the Qur’an itself, (2:233):
The mothers shall give suck to their offspring for two whole years, if the father desires to complete the term, but he shall bear the cost of their food and clothing on equitable terms...if they both decide on weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no blame on them. If ye decide on a foster-mother for your offspring, there is no blame on you, provided ye pay what ye offered on equitable terms ...
What basis does all this leave for the male attitude that women are only fit for maternal and household duties?
Nevertheless the womanly state in marriage is given full respect in Islam, and so are the rights of children. No Muslim woman could feel ashamed to say she was only a housewife. She is the head of her household, although the husband has the final say in major decisions. According to a hadith:
The ruler is a shepherd and is responsible for his subjects, a husband is a shepherd and is responsible for his family, a wife is a shepherd and is responsible for her household, and a servant is a shepherd who is responsible for his master's property.
Hadith: bukhari
The wife must defer to her husband in respect for the fact that he maintains and protects her out of his means (Qur’an 4:34), but not if he tries to make her break the laws of Allah. Likewise children's obedience and respect for parents goes only to the limits set by Allah. If the parents try to make them disobey Allah, then it is their duty to disobey the parents. If the husband wilfully fails to maintain his wife, she has the right to divorce him in court.
Women are also entitled to respect as mothers: Allah says in the Qur’an (31:14):
And we have enjoined on man (to be good to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him...
The prophet* said:
Paradise lies at the feet of mothers...
And in another hadith the prophet* told a man that his mother above all other people, even his father, was worthy of his highest respect and compassion.
In cases of divorce, the mother has first claim to custody of the young children, followed by other female members of her family, if she remarries or is unable to look after the children. The right reverts to the husband's family only after the children reach an age of greater independence, which varies according to the school of law, and then the wishes of the child must be taken into consideration, if the example of the prophet* is to be followed. In a disputed case, he asked the child:
This is your father and this is your mother, so take whichever of them you wish by the hand.
Hadith: abu dawud, nasa'i, darimi
The boy went to his mother.
In another case a woman approached the prophet telling him that her husband had embraced Islam while she had refused to do so, adding that her daughter was being deprived of mother's milk as her father was taking her away. The prophet made the child sit between mother and father and said both of them should call her. The child would go to whoever she chose. The child responded to the mother. The prophet prayed to Allah to guide the child and the child then chose the father, and hence rafi (the father) took the child (hadith: abu dawud)3
