education by punishment

recent studies proved the need to use punishment when necessary by the parent/educator. as, the child whose parents always act lenient and forgiven no matter how big his mistake is, will keep commit the same mistake and upset his parents ([1]). punishment, when needed, rectifies the attitude and improves manners of the child. punishing the child should be gradual, starting from frowning, giving an angry look, withholding from the child and not to deal with him for a while, renouncing, grounding or restraining the child from doing activities he usually likes to do, not giving him an allowance or pocket money and finally the last resort is spanking or beating.

yet, the parent/educator should avoid spanking or beating the child as much as he can. if he has to do so, after applying all other methods of education with no result, then he should use this method when the child is old enough to know his mistake and realize the reason for receiving such punishment ([2]).

 

* measures of punishment:

* if the child makes the mistake for the first time, he should not be punished, but rather to be directed and disciplined through advices ([3]).

 

* the child should be punished immediately after he makes the mistake. the parent/educator should clarify to him his fault and explain to him the reason of punishing him. as, the child might not remember that he made a mistake and that is why he is being punished, he might get confused and feels wronged if he does not understand the reason for the punishment or discipline if they have not been applied immediately when he made the mistake ([4]).

 

* if the child makes a clear mistake in front of his siblings and household members, then he should be punished in front of them, because such a policy would achieve an educational function for the whole family ([5]).

 

* if the punishment is spanking or beating, then it should be preceded by warning and threatening. the parent/educator should avoid beating the child on the head, chest, face or abdomen. if he uses a stick, it should be light and thin not thick ([6]), it also should not be hard or dry. the beating should be one time to three times, if he did not reach puberty yet and it should not be in one place of the body. if the child mentions allah’s name and asks for allah’s help, then beating should be stopped at once ([7]) because this would instill and set the majesty of allah’s name in the child and the glorification of the creator.

 

* the parent/educator should be the one who beats the child as a punishment, not a sibling or someone else in the household, because that might cause animosity between the child and his siblings ([8]).

 

* the parent/educator should not punish the child when he is angry; because he might exaggerate in the way he applies the punishment which would make the child feel wronged and oppressed ([9]).

 

* the parent/educator should not punish or beat the child if the child senses, realizes his mistake and feels remorse. if he is fully aware of his bad deed, admits it and apologizes then it is enough ([10]).

education by reward

using reward and punishment (carrot and stick policy) is a basic element of developing the child’s behavior, disciplining and asserting social morals ([1]).

it has an essential role at the first stage of the child’s life, because the duties and tasks that he has to make for the first time are difficult at the beginning and need a motive for him to do them till they becomes easy and natural ([2]). using reward teaches him behaviors and habits that continue all over his lifetime, they are hard to abandon when he becomes an adult or at any stage of his life.

 

there are two kinds of reward: moral and materialistic rewards. reward also has different degrees such as a warm smile of acceptance and contentment, a kiss, a hug, a compliment or praise and all the gestures that would cheer up the child and give him a rewarding feeling to continue work.

 

some educators think that giving moral reward has the priority and is more beneficial than giving materialistic reward, so that we elevate the spirit of the child from loving or waiting for materialistic or physical reward ([3]). some of them think that reward should be of the same nature of the good deed, if it is a physical or materialistic good deed, we should reward him physically or materially and if it is a moral act, then the reward should be a moral one ([4]).

* there are certain measures that guarantee the success of the parent/educator such as:

* reward should be the first step then we should take the child to the second and more important level which is reminding him of the reward of allah in the present life and in the hereafter. for example, parents should encourage the child to behave in good manners, then they should say to him “act in good manners so that your mother and father love you”, then to take him to a following step by saying to him “act in good manners so that almighty allah loves you and be pleased with you.” this graduation suits the mentality of the child and his development ([5]).

 

* reward should not be a requirement to work, we should be careful of not rewarding the child for doing a task he must do like eating or arranging his room. reward should be offered only after the child does a good deed or behaves in a good manner ([6]). reward should not be a future promise to the child, for example if he does a good deed he will be rewarded, because this way the promise turns to be a precondition to fulfill or do such a deed.

 

* reward should be directly after the child’s good deed or praised behavior ([7]) at the early childhood. the parent should keep his promise to the child, so that the child does not learn to lie and be committed to his promise. at the late childhood, we can postpone the reward a bit after promising him, so that he learns to do good deeds on the long run like how muslims should work for the afterlife, also giving a reward on the long run makes him forget any tiredness and becomes happy for the long waited reward.

education by advice and the guidance of predecessors in that regard

advice depends on two aspects; the first is clarifying righteousness and uncovering falseness and the second is to raise the conscience of the child, so that he becomes affected by correction of the error and he makes fewer mistakes ([1]). as for raising the conscience, it works because the human spirit has an innate willingness to listen, rationalize and be affected of what is delivered or guided ([2]). advice motivates the child to do the right thing.

* kinds of advices:

1- advice by telling a story: when the storyteller uses an interesting way of narrating the story, it will attract the attention of the child and influence him. it is one of the most successful methods ([3]).

 

2- advice by having a dialogue: it draws the attention of the child and ends his boredom, especially if the dialogue is active ([4]). it gives the parent/educator the chance to know the doubts and thoughts of the child, so that he can deal with them wisely.

 

3- advice by illustrating examples: the parent/educator should illustrate examples and use figures of speech to clarify his idea to the child.

 

4- advice by incident: whenever something happens or when a situation takes place, the parent/educator should use it educationally, like commenting on the scenes of war destructions and droughts to remind the child of allah’s blessings on people. this method affects and softens the spirit, because it happens in a sentimental moment, when guidance can be so influential on the child on the long run ([5]).

guidance of predecessors in giving advices: their method was dedication and follow up. if the parent/educator was not following or applying his own advice and honest about it, then spirits and hearts will not listen to him ([6]). also, the good predecessors used to address the child according to his level of understanding, so that their guidance is easily accepted and comprehended by the child ([7]). also, it is better to choose the proper time when the child is fully alert and calm to direct him. the parent/educator can use the time when the child is ill, because at this time his heart is soft and his natural disposition is ready to listen and learn ([8]). yet, it is not practical or suitable to discipline the child while he is playing or in front of strangers, because when the child is playing he might not fully listen as his mind is busy, and when he is directed in front of strangers he might feel embarrassed or shy. so, this eventually does not achieve the aim of discipline.

also, the parent/educator should be careful not to over preach or advise, it should be done in a smart way and at a proper time. he should be sure not to make the child bored by the many directions. also, since the effect of the advice can be temporary, it is preferred to repeat it on different times as the chance arises.

education by gesture

education by gestures is used in some situations such as when the child makes a mistake in front of some guests, in a big gathering or when he makes the mistake for the first time. at such situations, one angry look is enough or a gesture by the hand, because punishing the child in front of people might make him more stubborn as people are looking at him, or it might make some children shy so one sign to the child is enough to make him realize he made a mistake. this method should be applied with the sensitive polite child.

also, one of the methods of educating by gestures is when the parent says: “a child made such and such, which is a bad conduct, and if he makes it again he will be punished.” this indirect way of disciplining the child keeps the dignity of the erring child, and directs the attention of other members of the household who make the same error to stop doing it ([1]).