raising the smart child by individuals and institutions
the smart child needs special education because if skills are not discovered early, they fade. skills have to be developed through education, if the smart child does not receive a proper education to develop his potentials and a positive environment to encourage them to grow, his skills will decay and he might feel lonely and depressed when he feels the difference or gap between him and his peers ([1]). the intelligence of the child can be discovered through his traits, as a smart child responds positively to orders because of being mentally mature ([2]) and cooperative. he learns fast, thinks in a logic way and asks precise questions. he tends to like people older than him and imitate them with awareness. he is a child who likes to invent and innovate, and the same time he hates monotonous repetition ([3]).
the parent is responsible for keeping the smartness and talents of his intelligent child in some ways such as: moderation in treating the intelligent child and in estimating his skills. talking too much about the child’s intelligence would make the child conceited and underestimating his intelligence would make him face psychological problems later in life. encouraging the child should be moderate by giving him the proper environment to embrace his talents and develop them and the time to innovate and discover ([4]), such as educational games, picture books, educational videos, audios and games that absorb and upgrade the skills of the child.
as for institutions that help the child develop his talents they are many such as: libraries, information and culture centers and schools. there are specialized schools for intelligent children, yet many academics and education specialists suggest enrolling intelligent children with average children in public schools provided that we dedicate certain classrooms for them ([5]). some education specialists suggest admitting intelligent children into schools earlier than the specified age ([6]). their classrooms have to be equipped with the tools, labs, books and all available educational methods. their syllabuses have to be diverse and developed to suit their capacities ([7]).
raising the orphan and the need to combine firmness with compassion
the orphan needs special education, it also applies to children who lost one or both parents due to a chronic disease, divorce, traveling, jihad or any sort of struggle.
the most important needs of the orphan are the emotional satisfaction, feeling of security and having replacements of parents who fulfill their role in guidance and discipline of the child. the child also needs to socially adjust to the new environment to accept the idea of a guardian or a surrogate parent who assumes the position of the parent.
the orphan feels weak, helpless and lacking strength ([1]). he also misses the true source of kindness; this is why islam urged muslims to fulfill the needs of orphans by giving the highest reward for any person who helps the orphan by doing to him any sort of favor or act of kindness. almighty allah says: “it is not al-birr (piety, righteousness, and each and every act of obedience to allah, etc.) that you turn your faces towards east and (or) west (in prayers); but al-birr is (the quality of) the one who believes in allah, the last day, the angels, the book, the prophets and gives his wealth, in spite of love for it, to the kinsfolk, to the orphans, and to al-masakin (the poor), and to the wayfarer, and to those who ask.” (al-baqarah: 177)
allah also says in the qur’an: “worship allah and join none with him in worship, and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, al-masakin (the poor), the neighbour who is near of kin, the neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and those (slaves) whom your right hands possess. verily, allah does not like such as are proud and boastful” (an-nisa': 36)
the best example of hadiths that promote and encourage muslims to take care of orphans is what abu umamah narrated that the prophet muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "the one who passed his hand on the head of an orphan, only for the sake of allah, will have as many acts of virtue recorded in his favor as the number of the hair on which his hand passed, and the one who treated an orphan boy or girl well will stand in paradise with me like this...saying this the prophet joined his two fingers together." (musnad ahmad, tirmidhi).
the conditions of orphan differ, as some of them lose their fathers when they are so young so it becomes easy to merge him in a new embracing environment that he easily accepts and adjusts to. the living parent might remarry and the orphan child is raised with other siblings so he grows up normally without any psychological problems, provided that the person who marries the widow or widower is kind and understanding of the needs of the orphan.
the child might lose his parents or one of them but he still has adult siblings who take care of him. the adult brother can replace the father, especially if he has a firm strong character to be a father figure. the mother should respect and cooperate with the older brother and give him the leadership of the family, because that would facilitate the obedience of younger children to the older brother. no matter how strong and firm the mother is with her young children, when they grow up to be teens they need a stronger leader or authority like the older brother.
another similar example is the orphan who loses one of his parents as a result of divorce, constant absence or a chronic disease. if he is an only child or more than a child and the mother preferred not to marry for their sake and stayed at her parents’ house, there has to be a guiding authority like the grandfather or the uncle. the mother has to hand such leadership to the grandfather or uncle so that when children become adolescents who are difficult for the mother to handle or control, then there is always the authority of the grandfather or uncle. the man is firmer and wiser by nature than the mother who becomes easily driven by her feelings to pamper and act lenient with children.
there are methods that guarantee, by the will of allah, the orphan’s psychological and educational wellbeing such as:
(1) the surrogate parent or guardian should be aware, understanding and responsible for the child. he should understand the feelings of orphans very well and also the feelings of the divorcee’s children ([2]). the stepfather should satisfy the needs of his wife’s children for love and affection, and not to favor his own children over them as much as he can.
(2) the guardian should be firm in the way he raises the child, because usually people are lenient with the orphan which might spoil him. the guardian, stepfather or surrogate parent should treat the orphan as their son in terms of upbringing methods and discipline ([3]).
(3) the guardians of the orphans should give him the chance to mingle and socialize with other children especially if he is an only child. they should not worry a lot about him, or interfere in every matter related to him but rather to give him some personal space to develop mentally and socially ([4]). the mother should treat her adolescent child with trust by giving him some authority and showing him that he is her hope for the future, that way she would help him mature and become an adult ([5]).
(4) in case of divorce, parents should be prudent and deal with the situation with a lot of maturity so that the child grows up to be healthy without suffering from any complexities as a result of divorce. they should show respect, appreciation and not to attack or blame each other in front of the child ([6]). this helps the child to adjust and accept divorce by time. this would also save the right of parents in upbringing and disciplining the child, because if the child sees them respecting each other, he will keep a positive image of them in his mind. he would listen to them when they direct him for the best, but if he sees them criticize and insult each other, the child’s trust in his parents will shake and his respect for them will be negatively affected. at this point, the lack of trust would cause inability by the parents to raise the child properly or direct him for the best of his interest.
how to raise our children
taking advantage of innate motivations
the innate motivations contribute to raising and educating the child if the parent uses them moderately and in balance:
(1): inspiration: it should be used in favor of the child, in the sense that the parent/educator should broaden the imagination of the child. yet, parents should not inspire or lead the child to feel afraid like telling him stories of monsters and ghosts etc. it should be used moderately because too much inspiration can make the child a submissive follower to others without showing any sort of independence ([1]). to succeed in inspiring the child, the parent/educator should be truthful and show the qualities of what he is calling for like courage and patience. he should be skillful in the way he demonstrates his ideas, using an effective moving voice tone ([2]). the parent should be aware of whom his child is inspired by. he has to protect him from falling in the trap of admiring spoiled singers and actors, he should explain to him the negativity they spread in society which would make the child disapprove their activity and instead of being inspired by them, he would take the righteous and pious people as his role model ([3]).
(2) playing: it builds in the child the ability to think and gain different skills ([4]). as for group playing, it is a sort of school in which the child learns leadership, obedience, commitment and behavioral measures ([5]). it also teaches him to learn about his future career or social roles ([6]); the boy plays sometimes by pretending to be a father, teacher or doctor and the girl pretends to be a mother and teacher or any other career that suits her nature. yet, there has to be some balance between group and individual playing so that the child does not withdraw and stop interacting with others, he should learn how to deal with his peers, endure harm, preserve his rights and become a team player ([7]). he can learn all that from playing in a group.
(3): imitation: it is a method to form habits and social manners of the child. imitation usually happens when the child takes a role model that he follows and looks up to him ([8]). the child gains the positive social manners easily if his parents or guardians are characterized with these manners. if the parent/educator trains his child to be brave ([9]), it should start from an early age. imitation becomes clear in the character of the child at the end of his first year ([10]), it starts when the child imitates the parent without intention then this unintended imitation becomes a sort of guidance to the child as he feels attached to his parents through this imitation, in addition to feeling proud of having a role model ([11]). if parents or role models are brave, this can be an effective cure to the child’s fear; also associating with brave friends or peers helps the child to overcome his fear ([12]). imitation can be effective in encouraging the child to take medicine, eat healthy and overcome laziness and other negativities. for example, if the child has an older sibling who eats important foods for development such as vegetables, protein and all sorts of healthy nutrients, most likely the younger brother or sister will imitate his/her older sibling.
(4): constructive competition: it originates in the child feelings and capacities that do not appear except through competing ([13]). the parent/educator can transfer competition into an educational method if he makes sure that competing children have the same level of abilities, for example we should not make a very smart child compete with a child with average intelligence; it would be unfair for both of them. the parent/educator should direct children to respect each other when they are competing and congratulate the winners ([14]). he should avoid any kind of comparison that might despise the child or belittle him; he should not also use comparison as a way of punishment that makes the child feel bitter and small. if we use comparison, then we should use it to remind him of who is better than him yet in a smart way to push the child to work harder and also to remind him of who is less than him to build up his confidence ([15]). all this should be done with awareness, balance and without exaggeration.
(5): cooperation: the child prefers group playing when he is four years old ([16]). the parents should benefit from this innate tendency in the child to belong to a group to engage him in shared meals and banquets and teach him to cooperate in carrying and organizing things. he learns from group playing high values and moralities such as being merciful with the young, seriousness, healthy competition, friendliness and love. cooperation has positive clear effects such as speed and easiness of achieving tasks no matter what kind they are, for example cooperation among household members helps in cleaning, arranging and decorating the house quickly.
