There is no doubt that different aspects of the human personality are integrated and affect each other. They constitute a cohesive unit and cannot be separated except in the field of theoretical study. From the time a person is born until he fully grows up, the different elements of his formation interact and affect each other, sometimes evidently and at other times in a hidden way, owing to the close relationship between the soul and the body. The soul affects the body and the body affects the soul. They are not separated from each other. Therefore, the growth of the body affects the other aspects of growth: mental, psychological and social, and it is affected by them.

Growth of the Body and the Effect of the Psychological and Social Atmosphere:

Physical growth is affected by the psychological and social atmosphere in which youngsters live with their families and also by nervous tension, as well as emotions and anxieties. The physical growth of youngsters might be afflicted with some diseases and ailments, which have a neural and psychological origin and yet affect the biological and physiological functions of the body and hinder physical growth. Pedagogical researches proved that anxiety is detrimental to the general health of individuals and to their digestive system, blood circulation and sleep. If anxiety and fear persist, leading to system disorder for a long period of time, then they will slow down the process of physical growth.

The Effect of Mental Growth on Physical Growth:

The broader the mental faculties of an individual and the more he grows, understands and comprehends, the more he adopts healthy methods pertaining to nutrition, cleanliness, and preventive and curative health habits. In other words, he develops his sound health awareness in such a way that he maintains the health of his body, caring for it, protecting and treating it in case of ailments. This guarantees him better growth and integration of the bodily functions.

The Effect of Physical Growth on Other Aspects is Certain:

There is no doubt that health, strength, good growth and physical fitness contribute directly or indirectly to the mental development of an individual, to the integrity of his personality and his success in life. They confirm the famous Latin saying “a healthy mind in a healthy body” as being a general health rule that is evident in our lives. This is because the source of human happiness lies in the integrity of mind and body together. An individual who suffers from diseases, feebleness and a weak body cannot benefit from his intelligence and mental abilities because he is disabled by his sickness and ailments.

Intelligence Tests Confirm the Theory:

Many researches indicate that intelligence is linked with the soundness of one's physical constitution. In his book about intelligence and diseases, Sandwick measured the intelligence of 423 students and chose the forty students who were proved by experiment as having the highest rates of intelligence. He subjected the forty students to a comprehensive medical examination and found that 52 percent of the brilliant students had no physical disabilities. In the meantime, none of the forty students with below average intelligence were like that.

In this sense, while seeking to form an integrated Muslim personality, we should concentrate on the growth of the body and physical upbringing. By means of sound bodies, the children’s mind open, their insight is illumined and they get rid of boredom. Likewise, anxiety and sadness are removed, and Satan retreats. There is a strong relation between the righteous child, whom we talked about before, and the active athletic child, whom we seek. The righteous child is athletic, because paying attention to the body, nutrition and upbringing strikes the core of faith.

The noble Sunnah (Prophetic tradition) emphasizes the necessity of caring about the body. It assigns rights towards the body, on the grounds of the importance of health, comfort of the body and its good growth, in the life of man, his happiness and ability to undertake his duties as well as obligations related to the World and the Hereafter. In addition, the Sunnah realizes that mental, psychological and social growth is linked with physical growth. No wonder, the body is the bowl of the brain, the frame of the soul and beauty where the powers of the soul interact, and the body is also the means of achieving one’s purposes and wishes. Therefore, due care must be paid to the body.

It was narrated on the authority of ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn Al-‘Aas  that he quoted the Messenger of Allah  as saying:  “'O 'Abdullah. Is it true that you fast during the day and pray during the night as I have been informed?’  ‘Abdullah said, ‘Yes, Messenger of Allah.’ He said: ‘Do not do that. Fast and breakfast, pray at night and sleep, because your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you and your spouse has a right over you.’”  [Al-Bukhari]

Following is the research plan and steps to success on our way to raising an athletic child, or to how to raise your children physically so that you can make them athletic children.

     • Developing sound nutritional awareness

     • Encouraging them to pay attention to the methods of personal cleanliness

     • Inviting them to take care of their physical fitness

     • Encouraging them to relax when feeling exhausted

     • Guiding them towards beneficial means of recreation

     • Encouraging them to have an interest in the methods of hygiene

     • Encouraging them to be careful about the methods of sound medical treatment

     • Stressing the act of investing the strength, capabilities and energies of the body in a fruitful manner

 

Question

Assalamu alaykum. First of all, thank you for your assistance. I would like to know about my rights regarding my sister-in-law. She has been living with us for a long time. From the beginning, she never helped me with the tasks, she comes and goes as she wishes, but she comes at lunch time with everything ready. She just does some things when my husband is at home. She does not show any respect for me and takes every chance to make that clear; for instance, she leaves empty bottles in the middle for me to throw them, or when I have just finished to clean the kitchen, she leaves a glass or a dish in the sink... small things maybe, but always one after another. The worst is that she does not care about her nephews, my children. She was really cruel with them on occasions, while she shows her nicer side to other nephews. What I do not understand is why she is living with us instead of with the other brothers... though they and their wives do not have the same consideration as we have. I tried from the first day to be her friend, and nobody knows all the things that I did for her (except my husband). I love my husband very much, but I cannot stand living with her any longer. What can I do? What do you suggest for me to do? By the way, I have tried to talk with her many times, but it is useless. My husband knows, and even he himself has complained to me about her selfish behavior, but he never told her.


Thanks in advance. May Allah reward you!

Answer

Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullah.

May Allah make it easy for you. Everything that happens in our lives is by the Wisdom of Allah. He created us to worship Him alone; therefore, it is an act of worship to know how to deal with people in your life. We are ordered to have good manners with others. The Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet  have many evidences for us to learn and submit to. He  said, “Among the dearest of you to me and those who will be seated closest to me on the Day of Resurrection are those of you who are best in manners.” [At-Tirmithi] You come across people who have good manners and others who do not. Allah, the Most Merciful, wants from you to have the best manners in both situations.

In your case, I would advise you to ignore the bad behavior that you described from your sister-in-law, and react to it – to the best of your ability – with the best manners. This is a very difficult task, of course, unless you sincerely seek the rewards from Allah. The devil will whisper that your sister-in-law will take advantage of your good manners and will increase her bad behavior; these are whispers of the devil, and Allah ordered us to disobey him. The outcome is definitely good for you if you treat her nicely and patiently. You did not mention the reason why she is staying with you. There are two possibilities: either she stays somewhere else, or it is not an option.

If there are other places but she chooses to stay with you, that that is a good sign for you and your husband, so continue to show perseverance and compassion. If there is no other choice, then that is an even more important reason to remain patient.

There is another important point to consider: when people live together, the worst of them comes out. She might not be that bad of a person. Those who live with us receive the worst of our behavior. This is wrong, of course, as the Prophet  said, “The best among you are the best to their families, and I am the best to my family.” [At-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah] Part of the understanding of the hadith is to be more patient with one’s family and those who live with you, because there are no formalities in the relationship.

The same thing applies to what you said, that she does not care about your children and cares more about other nephews. This is definitely wrong, but part of it is the fact that she sees your children all the time, so there are no formalities in the relationship. This is like when our children think that we as parents are harsher than uncles or so, because all they see from the uncles are the occasional visits that are full of smiles and gifts, etc. I am not trying to find excuses for bad manners but rather giving you reasons to remain patient.

Also, a great help for you is that your husband is supportive to you. It would be extremely difficult for you if your husband was taking his sister’s side. That would help you to work it out with your husband so that you continue to help your husband to be kind to his relatives.

It is a matter of fact that Allah, the Most High, does not waste the deeds of those who do good, and the outcome of good deeds and patience is so great that you would wish that you would do more of it. Your patience and good manners can be a means for the Mercy of Allah and blessings in your family and children.

If you are not able to take that route of patience and perseverance and it is a valid option for her to move out without a sin or severing the ties of kinship, then, with proper consultation and wise steps, your husband can take this route.

So seek help from Allah and continue to be kind, and may Allah reward you for it.