Question

Assalamu Aleykum. I got married at the age of 25, while my wife was 18. After one year of marriage, we had a son, and he is 2 years old now. At first, we were happy, but after some months, I started to abuse her and beat her. After that, I realized (my mistake) and started being friendly with her. After a year, I moved to another city and brought my family here after another year. My wife had some problems with my parents. My father is an angry man. He sometimes abuses my wife, and she started arguing with him. As I was away for a year, I used to calm her by calling her. Now, after moving here, she started pointing towards my parents. I get angry all the time when she talks about my parents. She is very rude to me. I started beating her when she was arguing about my parents. Once, she tried to drink Phenoil in front of me. I was so worried about my situation. Then I sent her to her home. As my mother is sick, she refused to go to my home; however, I sent her to my home before going to her home with her brother. She did not give them the salam greeting, and she remained quiet and called her mother after a few hours and started crying and went home. Five days passed, and I have not received a call from her. I drank alcohol and called her and started arguing with her mother. I do not know how to get out of this situation. As for information, she is very rude to everyone. She will not behave like a woman should in Islam. I cannot explain it in my words, as I am not very good in English. My parents saw her behavior, and they suggested divorcing her. I love her and want to have a happy family. Please help me; what am I to do?

Answer

May Allah make it easy for you and your family.

Life is a struggle, and the only way to be at ease and content is to seek the pleasure of Allah alone. The only way to do that is to follow the Qur’an and Sunnah of the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. There are many verses in the Qur’an and hadiths on the subject of marriage which show that it is part of our religion, but we need to learn and then have patience in applying what we have learned.

In order to have a successful marriage, you need to increase your faith by being obedient to Allah and staying away from sins. If a person strengthens his relationship with Allah, Allah will fix his problems with others. He created us to worship Him alone, turn to Him alone, love Him, fear Him, hope for His rewards, and be truthful with Him. Guard your obligatory daily prayers, and put what Allah ordered you to do before your personal desires. You mentioned that you drank alcohol; this is a major sin, for which you should repent to Allah. Many people do not know that personal sins have an effect on their relationships; therefore, strengthening your faith is the most important step in having a successful marriage.

Being the head of the family, you have the responsibility to bring the family back to order and compassion. You said that you abused your wife, so apologize to her and show her that you love her and that you regret doing anything harmful to her. When you do that for the sake of Allah, Allah will change your situation.


To change your situation, you have to be patient with what I am about to tell you and not be in haste or be unconvinced. Here is my advice to you:

1- As mentioned before, change your life by strengthening your faith.


2- Repent to Allah from all sins.


3- Guard your prayers on time, especially in the masjid.


4- Do not leave your wife by herself; live together. Even if it is more expensive, it is important to stay together.


5- You have to be extremely kind to your wife; never say harsh words to her, let alone beating her, and treat her with respect and love.


6- Oppose her rudeness with gentleness and patience.


7- Advise your wife to be patient with your parents, and show her that you understand that they are harsh towards her so that she feels that you are supportive and not against her.


8- Minimize the interaction between your parents and your wife by keeping your wife with you. At the same time, be very kind to your parents.


9- What you mentioned in your letter is not sufficient to divorce your wife; rather, you need to change, and so does she, so be patient.


10- Supplicate Allah that He bless your family; it is the most successful tool ever.

May Allah make it easy and bless your family for you.

Question 

I am going through a terrible time. My husband filed for a divorce from me. My family tried through many means and people to make reconciliation. His family keeps saying no. They do not even answer the phone. Sadly we also have a small son, and my husband and his family clearly do not care about him. And there is no good reason for the divorce except that his parents are forcing him to do so. They also made his younger brother divorce his wife.

In my severe state of desperation, I did many bad things which I regret, like going to soothsayers, astrologers, and magicians so that they could tell me what will happen and try to do something to save my marriage. The charlatans and magicians say send us money and we will do some prayers and you will get patched up. The astrologers all say different things; some said that I will definitely get divorced. I now know that these people are mostly just telling lies since everyone says something different and only Allah knows what will happen and can change what is happening. I really regret going to these people. Is Allah punishing me by not making any reconciliation happen between my husband and I? How can I gain Allah's forgiveness? I do pray and ask Him to forgive me and produce a miracle so that I may return to my husband. What will happen to me and my son? It was difficult getting married the first time around. If I get divorced, who will accept me and my son? I am extremely depressed and suicidal. I really do not know what to do anymore.

If I cannot get married again, who will take care of me and my son? My parents are old and will not be around forever. There are so many things to worry about. I have no friends or anyone to talk to. Everything seems so hopeless.

Answer:

May Allah make it easy for you. Life in this world is full of challenges and trials. Whoever thinks that life can be as we wish for it to be is deceiving himself and prone to a miserable life. The only way for you to live a good life is to realise its purpose and worship Allah accordingly. Before we get into the issue of your marital problem, you should know that you committed a major sin when you went to soothsayers and the like of them. This is an act of disbelief if a person believes them, and just going to see them is a major sin. It is a good thing that you repented to Allah from this major sin; may Allah accept your repentance. Remain steadfast in your repentance to Allah, and increase your acts of worship and charity. Allah Is the Most Merciful, and He accepts the repentance of His slaves if they are sincere and truthful in it, so always think well of Allah.

Your repentance should not be because you discovered that the soothsayers are liars but rather because Allah forbade going to them; thus your repentance will be sincere and truthful.

As for the future, the worst thing that seems to worry you is that your husband divorces you, though that would not be the end of the world, neither is it comparable to Hellfire, which Allah warned us from. One of the important things that help one to be patient is to stop magnifying problems. You are not going to be the first or the last that ever gets divorced. Life goes on, and Allah is the One Who is able to give you a better husband and a better life.

So do not be a pessimist, and have good expectations of Allah. Allah only decrees what is good, even if it comes in the form of calamities. The good side is for the believer to remain patient and steadfast on the religion, which increases their rewards, and on the Day of Resurrection, they will wish that the test and tribulation had been even harder. We are ordered to ask for strength in this life, and when calamities take place, we should be patient because Allah promised the patient ones great rewards.

Many women never get married in the first place, and they can only wish to have gotten a son, as you did, so be grateful, and Allah will increase His bounties over you.

May Allah keep your family strong, but you need to be strong while facing trials in this life. As long as you use the means to avoid divorce, then there is no blame on you. Here are some points of advice to try to avoid the breakup of your family:

1- Turn to Allah with sincere supplications. Make sure you never miss the prayer at its appointed time, repent to Allah from all sins, wake up at the last third of the night and pray with sincere supplications to Allah. See where your shortcomings are, and fix them by repenting to Allah. Make religion the most important thing in your life, so much so that you feel that if you would lose everything but your religion, then you really would not have lost anything at all.

2- Look into the reason why your husband wants to divorce you. His family probably have a reason for that, even if it is false and not true, but try to be sincere in doing the opposite of what they are accusing you of.

3- Treat your husband well, and never dispute with him; if he says harsh words to you, then be patient and remain kind.

4- Remind your husband about the goodness between him and you, and also about your son, as he needs his father as much as he needs his mother, and that anything can be fixed and you can change to be as he expects.

5- Seek help from scholars whom your husband respects in your locality; they can advise him and work things out.

6- Be strong by relying on Allah, and if the worst happens, then be patient and know that Allah wants something better for you with patience and devotion.

7- Suicide is a major sin; there is warning of eternity in the Fire of Hell for those who commit this evil act. No matter how big your calamity is in this world, it is not equal to one dip in the Hellfire. Therefore, remain patient, and Allah is the Provider, and He is Merciful and All-Knowing.

May Allah make it easy for you, and if you apply this advice, then, by the Will of Allah, everything will be good.