We all have stress and burdens in our daily lives. Whether it is school or work or just the trials of life, we carry much on our shoulders. Some of us carry our own loads and some of us carry loads that we share with others, such as health problems, personal family issues, financial dilemmas, marital discord, employment troubles, and the list could go on. These burdens that we bear can be heavy. In fact, most of us may say that at one time or another, these burdens are too hard to bear.

However, Allah the Almighty promises us that we will never have to carry a burden that is greater than what we can bear. Allah Says (what means) {Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned.} [Quran 2:286] So why do we feel then that the burden is too heavy for us to carry? Why do we feel as if we had the weight of the entire world on our shoulders and as if we had more than our share of worries and woes?

We feel this way not because of the weight of the burden, but rather the way we carry it.

Bend at the knees

When we physically carry heavy loads in our arms, we are always told to `bend at the knees' to avoid breaking our backs and injuring our necks. There is great wisdom in ensuring that something is sincerely done in our own best interest, and not just done as a task that we want to get rid of. Likewise, a burden that is carried with little or no care or concern for our own well-being does not make much sense. In a short amount of time, one would `burn out' and be of much less use to the same people that we were intending to help in the first place. So, a burden carried on our shoulders should be carried with care as well, otherwise it could similarly become a `pain in the neck'. In other words, a burden on its own is not such a pain but a mere responsibility; but a burden that is not carried well becomes a pain, a hassle that one harbors reluctantly.

No matter how heavy our burden is, if we carry it with confidence and self respect, we can handle the weight of it and carry it to fruition or to the point that it needs to be carried.

Sometimes, this weight that we carry is for a short period and sometimes it is for a long period; whatever the duration, our attitude determines in large part the outcome. The way that we handle any situation determines how that situation can end. Think about many of the burdens that you may have in your life at this very moment. The way you see them can have a huge impact on the way they affect your life. If you think they are enormous, then you tend to visualize them as such.

If you imagine that it is the end of the world, you would probably feel as if the world was about to come crashing down on you.

Instead, if we can remember at times like this that there is no such thing as a burden too great, we can take a deep breath and remind ourselves that we can handle it. We have to remember that Allah Almighty Knows what we can handle. After all, He Almighty created us and thus Knows better than anyone else what we can and cannot handle.

Pulling our own weight

In remembering this, it would be better for us to handle our responsibilities not with complaints and grouchiness but with self-restraint and grace. The burdens placed on our shoulders should not weigh us down to the point of immobility. Instead, we can think of them as challenges that we can learn to face and overcome. The reality is that, no matter how bad the situation is, there is always someone out there whose situation is harder than ours. Maybe we can't see that person when we need to, but we need to know that this reality exists and that our own burdens are meant for us. The burden of other people could be much worse.

All of the burdens that we have are a test from Allah Almighty—we know that already. Not only the burdens but the favors and blessings also a trail as Prophet Suleiman (Solomon), may Allah exalt his mention, said and that Allah the Almighty quoted in the Quran. Allah Says {what means: "This is from the favor of my Lord to test me whether I will be grateful or ungrateful} [Quran 27:40] However, what we sometimes forget is how to handle those burdens. Usually, we complain about everything that is ‘going wrong’ in our lives. If we can change our perspective and balance those burdens with a stronger back and with a more positive attitude, we will see that the burden is not as heavy as the reward for being grateful for those things that we have in our lives that are going well.  

Good manners, respecting others, and ensuring their rights result in friendly bonds between people, and removes dislike and grudges from their hearts. In this way the hearts become pure, sympathetic, and kind; so feelings of love and brotherhood prevail. The Messenger of Allah  said: “He is not from my nation, he who does not respect our elderly, have mercy upon our young, and honor our scholars.” [Musnad Ahmad]

Good moral conduct is the path to beneficial knowledge:

Allah The Exalted Says (what means): {…Allah will raise those who have believed among you and those who were given knowledge, by degrees. And Allah is acquainted with what you do.} [Quran 58:11]

We are so much in need today for beneficial knowledge that leads us towards the progress, glory, and dignity that we have lacked for a long time. At the same time, this would achieve for us the satisfaction of our Lord and knowledge that is not a result of [following] the inseparable two: whims and ignorance. Good manners save us from such things.

A student of knowledge – any type of knowledge –cannot obtain it without acquiring good manners first. Should a person obtain some knowledge without obtaining good manners, it shall have negative consequences on him in this life and in the Hereafter, because he risks being a bad scholar.

Our predecessors frequently cautioned about taking knowledge from someone who lacks good manners.

One of the righteous predecessors said, “One who seeks religious knowledge and does not have good manners is likely to tell a lie about Allah [The Exalted] and His Messenger.”

Another person said, “Through good manners, knowledge can be understood, and through knowledge, deeds are soundly performed.”

Good manners are a necessity:

Good manners are necessary for every Muslim with Allah The Exalted, the Prophet Muhammad  and with all creation. Allah The Exalted Says (what means): {…And speak to people good [words]…} [Quran 2:83]

When there is interaction between a Muslim and another person, each one should fulfill the criterion of rights and obligations; and it is necessary to understand the principles needed for interacting with others. This is what is meant [here] by good manners. This can only be gained through acquiring knowledge. Some would say good manners are a kind of etiquette; but in reality they are a Sharee‘ah (Islamic legislation) and religion and a way by which to draw nearer to Allah The Exalted; and they are subject to the five basic Sharee‘ah rulings. Good manners are an obligation upon every Muslim to seek and to abide by [in everyday life]. Good manners constitute the following five basic Sharee‘ah rulings: that which is obligatory, forbidden; recommended, and that which is permissible, and that which is disliked.

• Obligations are known through good manners:

Through good manners a Muslim knows what his obligations are in worship, in daily practices, in his interaction with others and in his conduct. The Messenger of Allah  said, “May Allah have mercy upon a man who is forgiving if he sells, [who is forgiving] if he buys, and [who is forgiving] if he collects money due to him that he had lent out.” [Al-Bukhari]

• Good manners are the nation's image:

We require good manners so that a youth respects his elders, a student respects his teacher, a teacher respects his students, offspring respect their parents; a wife respects her husband. The Messenger of Allah  said, “He is not from my nation he who does not respect our elders, have mercy upon our young, and honor our scholars.” [Musnad Ahmad]

• Good manners are the result of the Da‘wah of the Prophets:

Good manners are the means to every virtue, and they are one of the purposes for sending messengers and the result of their Da‘wah (call to Islam).

The Messenger of Allah  said:

- “I was sent to perfect righteous manners.” [Ahmad]

- “A believer reaches with his good manners the rank of one who is fasting and praying throughout the night.” [Ahmad]

- “There is nothing heavier in the scales [of the Hereafter] than good manners.” [Abu Daawood]

- “I guarantee a house on the outskirts of Paradise for he who leaves arguing even if he is right; and a house in the center of Paradise for he who does not lie even when he jokes; and a house in Upper Paradise for the one who has good manners.” [Abu Daawood]

When you realize the value of good manners in Islam and how Islam gives much importance to it then know that acquiring good manners is comprised of two stages:

First: The manners that parents teach their children.

Second: The manners that a person acquires as he grows up.

Parents should teach their children basic manners, so that they become an essential part of their lives and they can easily acquire them as they grow up. Should teaching a young child good manners be ignored, it is very difficult to achieve that after he has grown up.

Allah The Exalted Says (what means): {O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is people and stones…} [Quran 66:6]

Ibn ‘Abbaas  said (that protecting them in the verse means): “Educate them and teach them good manners.”

The manners required for a person when he is grown is to supplement what was missed, and this is what is required, because it is necessary for the reformation of the soul. With a righteous soul the body becomes sound; rather, a person’s whole life and affairs become sound.

Allah The Exalted Says (what means): {He has succeeded who purifies it [the soul], And he has failed who instills it [with corruption].} [Quran 91:9-10]