“You will never understand a man until you walk a mile in his shoes.”
For the past 10 years, I have helped facilitate dialogue with many different people, answering questions about Islam and addressing misconceptions about my faith. It has always been my belief that understanding comes with dialogue, so I would like to take this opportunity to share some reflections about the dialogues I have had over the years.
One of my earliest lessons as a WhyIslam volunteer was that there are three main types of visitors. The first type hates Islam and Muslims, no matter what we may say. They have a right to their opinion, and as the Qur’an says: You are only responsible for conveying the message. (13:40) So I learned to keep emotionally aloof, replying only with enough objective facts to address their issue or refute their accusations. This has the benefit of keeping the conversation from degenerating into unproductive arguments. While these visitors rarely turn over to reconciliation, it does happen occasionally, so it behooves us to keep a level head, to speak to the talking points, and to restrain from comments that will only lead to escalation.
The second type is supportive of Islam and Muslims and usually come requesting clarification and advice. For these visitors, I learned that they are hungry for details; therefore, it is okay to go more in depth, with tangential comments or background stories. These extra details add substance to the conversation and often lead to other lines of inquiry that these visitors find very valuable to them.
The third type is the truly undecided, and it is this type that provided the most memorable and soul-shifting conversations. To me, these visitors represent the essence of what we are trying to achieve: to touch the minds and hearts of those who do not know us and bring them from a position of not knowing about Islam and Muslims to a position of knowing Islam and Muslims. Even if they do not agree with us at the end of the conversation, what is important is that there was dialogue and the opportunity for improved understanding.
The last thing I learned is that sometimes people disengage and stop responding. You may have noticed a few times in your own conversations with a friend or colleague that he or she would end it abruptly. While this is not satisfying, it is unfortunately the nature of modern electronic communications. Nobody is obligated to reply, and for this reason every reply is precious. Likewise, remember that “in real life,” nobody is obligated to return your greeting or your salutation of peace; therefore, everyone who does respond to you — whether neighbor or classmate or coworker — is likewise precious.
Many times we get blind-sided by our negative emotions: fear, disappointment, anger, resentment, etc. We become intolerant of the shortcomings we see in others, but we don’t look closely at ourselves. You will find that some of the best people you know are people of other faiths, and by “best people” I mean people who are ethical, caring, and altruistic; people who are civil and well-mannered.
The Prophet’s (pbuh) trademark in dealing with ignorance was mercy. At no point should Muslims have our noses in the air. We should focus on keeping a soft heart towards everyone, because this is what our Prophet taught. While it is true that many of today’s Muslims are full of hate and rage, I would argue that MANY MORE, in fact the majority, are not this way.
They are quietly and humbly trying to live a God-conscious life and keep their families fed, educated, and raised. That is why we always remind people that we must look to what Islam teaches at its source (Qur’an and Hadith) in order to judge, not what the followers of Islam do.
Humans make mistakes, often even critical and chronic ones, but the final arbiter is Allah, not people. It is for this reason we see the wisdom of constant reminders and returning to the Book of Allah for spiritual renewal and rejuvenation. The rituals and worship of Islam are cyclical, in that every day, week, month, and year there is a reminder to bring those who have become negligent or heedless of Allah can refresh their relationship with the Creator and become aware and grateful to Allah. On the daily basis, we have the ritual prayers and supplications. On the weekly basis, we have the Friday sermon and the recommended fasting. On the monthly basis, we have another set of recommended fasting and recommended night prayers. And on the yearly basis, we have the month of Ramadan and the month of Hajj. This is how individual Muslims can polish their personality and reconnect with their Creator. As the Qur’an says: So remind, perhaps it will benefit the reminded. (87:9)
About the Author
Ahmed Lotfy Rashed was born in Egypt and raised in Maryland. Since coming to Boston in 2004, he has been an active volunteer at several mosques in the Greater Boston Area. He has been the head instructor for the local Islam101 class since 2006. Also, he has been a volunteer for WhyIslam.org since 2009. He has presented Islam at schools and churches, and he has hosted visits to several major mosques in the area.
Ahmed’s debut book, What Would a Muslim Say: Conversations, Questions, and Answers About Islam, is available on Amazon in both Kindle and Paperback — https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N7V28AK.
You can find more samples of the author’s work — plus free presentations, lecture notes, and resource guides — at http://www.whatwouldamuslimsay.net.
When people say “Islam is a way of life,” they really mean it. The religion dictates so much more about one’s existence than spirituality, worship, and prayers. It advises how one should act with parents, children, animals, the home, wealth, health, and the list continues on. It follows then, that being a good Muslim requires a lot more than praying on time or fasting in Ramadan. Among other things, being a good Muslim means upholding the rights of family members, caring for the needy, and being a kind neighbor.
Recently, I moved to a new apartment, so trying to be a good neighbor has been on my mind. There are three other apartments on our level, and for almost a month after moving in, I had no idea who lived in them. I never once saw them enter or exit their front door. Knowing they likely did not look like us—a Muslim couple donning a headscarf and beard—we thought we ought to leave a friendly first impression.
We baked up some already frozen cookie dough, wrapped three plates with about a dozen cookies each, wrote a little note “From your new neighbors!” and signed our names. One evening we mustered up the courage to ring the doorbells of the three apartments that surrounded our own. Yes, we had to muster up some courage…essentially, these people were strangers to us and us them, so we were not sure how we would be received.
Each neighbor had a look of surprise on their face to see someone dropping by on a weekday evening right around dinner time. One neighbor even nervously said, “Wrong house” upon cracking open the door. We later found out she was Muslim, and she confused us for visitors coming to see the new Muslim couple (us!) who moved in down the hall. We had a laugh about it. After the initial and even slightly awkward explanation of why we were there, we exchanged names, hellos, smiles, and hand-shakes with all three neighbors. The entire event lasted maybe ten minutes—that is all it took to make a small, friendly gesture to ensure we start our neighborly relationships on the right foot.
After we got back into our own apartment, I started wondering, “What does Islam say about neighbors?” I was happy to find a number of sayings of the Prophet Muhammad (may the blessings and peace of God be upon him) with wisdoms that would be quite easy to implement. For example, “When you make broth, add more water and give some to your neighbor” (Ibn Majah). My neighbor growing up did this for us all the time, and boy, was that was some stellar soup! May God give her good.
In another narration, the wife of the Prophet Muhammad (may the blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) narrated that he said, “Gabriel continued to recommend me about treating the neighbors kindly and politely so much so that I thought he would order me to make them as my heirs” (Bukha-ri). That is no ordinary kindness—that is a genuine, deep kindness coming from the heart that the Prophet (may the blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) encouraged his wife (and by extension, all the Muslims to this day!) to show to her neighbors. Similarly, Christianity also preaches that same deep kindness. “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” (Mark 12:31) and “Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up” (Romans 15:2) are just two examples of verses highlighting the proper etiquette to maintain with neighbors. The message both Islam and Christianity teach about interacting with the people next door is one and the same.
From this, it is clear Muslims are supposed to be good neighbors. In addition to their prayer, outings to the mosque, and other worship, good Muslims will show the utmost kindness to their neighbors if they truly try to make Islam their way of life. May God make us among those who show generosity and hospitality to our neighbors.
When traveling to a new place, I like to do my research. Plan out the itinerary, where I will go when, how much time I will need to rest, and of course, where I will eat. With Islamic dietary restrictions, finding a restaurant to dine in that will cater to my needs can become a challenge. Recently, I traveled to San Diego. It was my first time in California and the West Coast in general. People tell you about the weather, the palm trees, the sunset on the beaches, the friendly Californians—and yes, that has all been wonderful! But it was not so wonderful trying to find a spot that fit with our diet (and our personal tastes). We came across one place, a twenty minute drive away from the hotel we were staying at, but only a walking distance from the mosque. Score.
I hardly noticed any visible Muslims roaming the Gaslamp district of downtown San Diego during our strolls, save for one or two hijab donning women. But when we called our cab to drive us to the mosque for the final prayer of the day, we were pleased to hear an “Asalaamu Alaykum”—the Islamic greeting meaning, “Peace be upon you”—as we entered the vehicle. We thought we had ample time to make it to the mosque, but our driver knew we were fifteen minutes off. He did his best to get us there on time. After dropping my husband and I off, he also made his way into the prayer hall.
It was a Tuesday night, nothing special. I expected to be alone on the women’s side of the mosque, but when I opened the door I saw a young girl in a bright red scarf. I asked her what time the prayer starts, and she looked to the screen peeping into the men’s side and said, “Now,” as the men began to form the rows that would pray in congregation.
Phew, we made it right on time. I smiled.
The imam, or leader of the congregation, began the prayer with the words “Allahu Akbar” meaning “God is the Greatest.” Both the girl in the red scarf and I raised our hands to enter the state of worship. As the imam began his recitation of the familiar words that echo in the halls of every mosque in the world each day, I felt at home. I felt at peace.
After hours of sitting in our hotel room, Googling restaurants, calling them up, inquiring about how they prepare their meals only to discover we would not be able to eat there, we felt very much like outsiders. We were newcomers to the area, sure—more than 2,800 miles away from home—but it was just a heart sinking feeling to realize no one here gets it. People have no idea of the struggle.
That is what made the prayer in the mosque that much more sweet. We were among people who understood. I did not even catch that girl in the red scarf’s name, but that did not stop us from standing next to one another, shoulder to shoulder and foot to foot as we prayed with the congregation ahead of us. There was a bond of sisterhood between us, though our skin colors varied in pigment, our language was most likely different at home, and our styles of headscarf did not match one bit.
After the prayer, we walked down the road to the restaurant and were greeted by smiling faces of young Somali brothers. They prepared for us some of the best food we ever had (no exaggeration there at all, believe me!), totally identified with our hopeless Googling of restaurants, and made us feel right at home.
The bond you experience as a Muslim with other Muslims is one of the best feelings. Sometimes it takes getting out of one’s comfort zone, like traveling to a new place, in order to reignite those sparks of brotherhood and sisterhood and realize how downright cool it is to feel connected with an otherwise complete stranger. It has been a good stay San Diego, ’til next time, God willing!
