How Did I “End up” a Muslim?

That’s the question I often get asked, but, in my opinion, it’s more of a how did I get so lucky to see the mercy, love and peace in Islam, especially in a world where Muslims are often untolerated and misunderstood.

As I sit here listening to the Quran, I try to think back to the moment I became Muslim but it wasn’t a moment, a split decision, nor a quick change…

It was over a period of two years from first resisting any religion, to trying to convince my Muslim partner that Islam is man-made, like all other religions, to discovering the truth about Islam.

Oftentimes, my heart would beat faster, the hair on my arms would stand up straight and my jaw would literally fall open with shock at all the things I learned.

However, back to the beginning, I now know that there is a thing called ‘Qadar Allah’ – i.e. preordained destiny. Your life is already perfectly planned and mapped out, but I didn’t always have that conviction… I believed that everything happens for a reason, sure, but oftentimes contradicting myself by asking, “Why?!” “Why did this have to happen to me?” etc.

My Muslim Partner

At the tender age of 20, I decided to travel. First stop, Egypt. I got a job and met some friends and stayed in a lovely resort for months and months. With minus a million intention (i.e no intention) of meeting a man, I was as surprised when I found myself in a relationship with a Muslim.

Time passed, we got more serious, we moved in together and we began to share life. Then one day, he changed. He started to pray all the time (now I know he was praying Sunnah along with Fard), he began to fast even though it wasn’t Ramadan, he liked watching Sheikhs and he would show me a few.

I was convinced that Islam was a misogynistic religion and that scared me…

What if my partner becomes a bully? Or derogatory? Or worse, a woman beater? I had to do something… So, I had to stop him from practicing Islam.

I began to watch some programs on Islam, I’d watch a variety of shows from different Sheikhs and learned a great deal about Islam from authentic sources…

Also, I read a lot of books and booklets and eventually bought my own Quran. I distinctly remember the first chapter I skipped to was Surah an-Nisa (The Women) however I didn’t understand very much. But I read anyway… I continued reading and some time later, Ramadan came. I was already in a relationship with my now Muslim husband, so we spent it together with his family.

During the day, we would sit quietly reading Quran, all of us with our own and in different levels of Iman. There was no pressure from them on me to do anything, but I felt encouraged knowing that I am doing something new, something I have never thought about before…

So I fasted for the first time… I managed five days which were magical days that I will never forget…

The Search Continues…

The search on Islam continued… my heart was softening… I no longer repelled the religion, however I didn’t think I would ever become Muslim myself but I could tolerate my partner practicing it.

We spoke of marriage and I asked him to marry me as a Christian. He agreed but he would never stop talking to me about Islam, about the Prophet Muhammad, and about Allah’s final religion… we had so many interesting and brilliant talks.

Oftentimes, we would go for a walk in the evenings after work and all we could talk about was life, God, religion, afterlife and for once, I felt like I was finally understanding all the confusing life questions that no one has ever been able to answer before.

Time passed and till now I am amazed and in awe at religion: Do we need religion in the first place? Why does God punish people? How can one religion, Islam, be the right one and be for all of mankind? Someone from Australia is surely different to someone from India, can they both be Muslims? Can Islam be for everyone? Is Islam for Arabs only?…

And until this very day, I have never thought of a question and not found the answer. The answer is ‘Islam’.

I finally realized this religion is perfect and it makes me feel good. It encourages me to make better decisions. And it has the power to change my perception on everything. I understand my purpose and with that brought a new found characteristic I hadn’t really felt before: Confidence.

Taking the Shahadah

For the first time, I made decisions based on Islam, based on Allah’s guidance and the Prophet’s advice. Despite what society deems as normal or acceptable or desirable, it didn’t matter. What mattered was becoming a Muslimah. So I did it.

I traveled to Al Azhar Mosque, Cairo and I filled in a form, signed my certificate and declared the Shahadah in the worst Arabic you have ever heard, to two Sheikhs.

And I have since learned how to recite some Arabic much better but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that I found the courage to commit whole-heartedly despite the fact that a few years before, I had no desire to become ‘religious’, rather I thought about travel, money, make-up and parties…

Subhan Allah how much you can change with a positive influence and what better influence than Islam?

As I sit here and reflect, I realize that I now say things I never imagined saying before. My whole perspective on life, people, friends, and family changed. I became soft towards people yet strong in my heart. And I forgive but keep my integrity.

I became so honest I won’t even make a prank in case my Lord became sad with me. I found good role model: the Prophet Muhammad, who cared for everyone, who showed strength during struggles and relied on Allah for everything.

So I became less afraid of people, more afraid of Allah. I no longer chase the life and live by “YOLO” – and I began to realize this life is a test– but I can win. I can leave this world better than I found it and no deed is too small.

How beautiful is Islam. The only religion which calls people to prayer. Five times a day, the Adhan is heard throughout the city, it says:

“Come to Prayer, Come to Success.”

Your First 3 Practical Steps as a New Muslim

Much has been written on what a new Muslim should do after converting. What the first steps after shahadah should be is a topic even I have expounded on many times—like the article I wrote entitled, The First Step A New Convert Should Take which is all about intentions, motivation, and matters of the heart.

But sometimes this kind of advice makes it seem as if material matters aren’t important. But you should know that they are.

Islam teaches us a balance, to be in this world and to take care of one’s worldly needs while also thinking of the life of the hereafter and taking care of one’s spiritual needs.

We are beings of duality. We have a physical existence and a spiritual existence. When the needs of one or the other are ignored, bad things happen.

Far too often the worldly needs of new Muslims are brushed off as less important than spiritual needs. And what comes from this kind of treatment is understandable.

New Muslims often complain that being a Muslim is impractical or difficult. If the Islam presented to you seems Impossible, excessively difficult, or impractical, know that this is a kind of imagined Islam that ignores the worldly needs in favor of the spiritual needs.

However, Islam demands balance and that all needs are met. Here are a few practical things to think about after taking the shahadah.

Know Your Rights as a New Muslim

As a new Muslim, one of the first things you should understand about your faith are your rights in Islam. Often new Muslims’ complaints about Islam have nothing to do with Islam at all, but a failing on the part of other individual Muslims or even their community as a whole.

It is critical that you, as a new Muslim, understand that Allah has instructed your community to provide you with support. If it is not offered to you, or if support is not given when you seek it, then you need to know that that is man’s failing, and not Islam’s.

Muslims have an obligation to help new Muslims in a number of ways, including but not limited to mentorship, counseling, education, supportive community, and even financial support if need arises. You can read a declaration of the rights of new Muslims here that discusses this in more detail.

It is important to note that new Muslims should also know their rights in marriage. More often than not new Muslims seek out marriage soon after converting. And sadly, they know little about their rights and responsibilities in marriage. And as a result, many new Muslims are taken advantage of because they don’t know their rights. Arm yourself with knowledge. Here, here, and here are a few resources to start with.

Find Friends and Community

Most new Muslims face debilitating loneliness after the shahadah. Even those who are introverts and enjoy being alone most of the time feel extreme isolation after converting to Islam. Friends you’ve had your whole life may distance themselves from you. Family may disown you. And many people in your life will look at you differently or just challenge everything you do as a Muslim.

This loneliness is not something that should be minimized. The human being is a social being. You need other people to talk to, to seek advice from, to confide in, and so on. You need community and when all those around you that you have relied on leave, distance themselves, or stick around just to berate you for your choice of faith, it is devastating.

But as a new Muslim, you have a huge community to look, to befriend, to take as brothers and sisters. Sometimes this community is not perfect at being there for new Muslims, but there are still many Muslims who are more than willing to be the listening ear or shoulder to lean on.

If you find some Muslims who are not responsive or sympathetic to your struggle, keep them in your life and dua, but also know that you can keep looking for other fellow Muslims who may be more empathetic to your situation.

This is a time for many new beginnings in your life. Do not shy away from reaching out to fellow Muslims. And in this day and age, this doesn’t even have to be in person at the local masjid. You can find a lot of support from fellow Muslims and even fellow converts online. Read more tips for new Muslims to overcome isolation here.

Find a Teacher (or a few)

Not many people become Muslim just to say they are Muslim. People come to Islam to live Islam. And this takes learning. As you start to learn more and more about your faith, you will seek out other Muslims around you to learn from.

But be careful with taking everything a Muslim says about Islam as the absolute truth. This will be difficult at first since it might seem like someone who has been raised as a Muslim will know a lot about their faith and will be able to teach you a lot. This is not always the case.

Sometimes what lay Muslims know about Islam is not actually Islam. It all gets very confusing very quickly. But there are plenty of scholars from which you can learn authentic knowledge that is not confusing or contradictory nor piecemeal or independent study.

What you, as a new Muslim, should do is find a teacher who speaks your language fluently, who lives and understands the culture in which you live (culture has its place in Islam), who has a high degree of learning, and who takes both the Quran and Prophetic tradition (Sunnah) into account. And learn from that person or persons.

Thankfully, YouTube has many resources like this. A few scholars who are effective teachers are Yasir Qadhi, Suhaib Webb, Shaykha Reima Yosif, Nouman Ali Khan, Dr. Ingrid Mattson, Tariq Ramadan, Omar Suleiman, Anse Tamara Gray, Dr. Shabir Ally, and many, many more. Here are some more learning resources for new Muslims.

Above all, no matter what, trust in God. Take those steps toward Him and keep going. First steps are always shaky. It will get easier. And you will grow and change in amazing ways.

4 Ways For Combating Loneliness as a New Muslim

The day you took the shahadah, or testimony of faith, at the mosque was hands down the greatest moment of your life. Everyone shouted “Allahu Akbar” at the glorious news of a new Muslim joining the Ummah and stood in line just to give you a hug while wishing the heartiest of congratulations.

For that instant, you were surrounded by your brethren in faith and cloaked in the warmth of your community.

However, as is true for most new Muslims, the people that were surrounding you at the beginning of your journey to Islam have most likely faded back into their own lives. And you’re left on your own to try and figure out what comes next while grappling with loneliness.

The good news is that you can combat loneliness on your own and enrich your life without waiting for anyone else to do it for you!

Rediscover Yourself

Your life most likely did a complete 360-degree tilt upon embracing the Islamic faith. Old friendships may have ended while new ones never had a chance to take root.

This moment in your life is ideal for rediscovering yourself. Get in touch with what makes you tick, where you see your life going and what things interest you.

Instead of wasting time thinking about what ‘could’ or ‘should’ have been, make your life happen! Concentrate on the gifts and talents that Allah Almighty has blessed you with while strengthening your shortcomings. That could mean going back to school to learn a new skill or switching up your career to something more meaningful.

Make Positive Use of Your Time

When the feelings of loneliness seep in, it’s essential that you keep things in perspective and count all the other things that are going well in your life, such as your health or career. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:

Take advantage of five matters before five other matters: your youth, before you become old; and your health, before you fall sick; your richness, before you become poor; and your free time before you become busy; and your life, before your death. (At-Tirmidhi)

Even though you are lonely, you still have to make the most of your free time. Prayer and worship are the absolute best occupiers of your time and will draw you closer to Allah Almighty.

Community service and volunteerism are the next best use of your free time as you will get back tenfold of what you give to help another person. Best of all, as you give of your time, you’ll meet a lot of people who are just as lonely as you are and in need of your company.

You’re Never Really Alone

You might feel alone but, truth be told, you’re never alone. As Allah Almighty says in the Noble Quran: 

And We have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein. (Quran 50:16)

Your Lord and Cherisher is near you all the time and during your most loneliest moments. Seek comfort in your Creator, the One who loves you more than anyone ever could. Open your heart to Allah and ask for your life to be enriched with good friends and even a spouse of a like-minded nature. Never forget that Allah knows what it is that you need the most, ask of Him and pray to receive it!

Just Do YOU!

Instead of allowing the loneliness to take over, embrace it! There are countless people in the world who would love to be alone to focus on their own regrowth and development. You have that opportunity now! So make the most of it rather than wallow in self-pity.

Seize the moment and do something unexpected like taking a scuba diving class or even planning a trip to perform Umrah. Best of all, imagine all the possibilities of meeting new people from all walks of life and sharing your faith with them.

It’s the responsibility of all Muslims to lower a wing of kindness and great care to new Muslims entering the Islamic faith.

Unfortunately, not all Muslims have the same level of benevolence and goodwill to newcomers. It is a sad reality that must be rectified for the sake of all Muslims across the globe.

We’re only as strong as our weakest member; therefore we must provide a safe haven for new Muslims to grow their Deen.

Seeking Knowledge for New Muslims – Where to Start?

One of the biggest challenges new Muslims face is in regard to seeking knowledge, especially nowadays when there is so much information available and so many apparently contradictory views.

It’s difficult to know where to start, where to look and who to turn to.

It is also difficult to give specific advice about seeking knowledge, as God brings people to Islam along many different paths, according to what would suit them best.

Here are some basic suggestions that can be referred to.

Initial Sources

Prophet Muhammad said:

Seeking knowledge is obligatory upon every Muslim (male and female). (Ibn Majah)

There is no doubt in this, but what sort of knowledge should you learn?

The priority is to learn what will bring you closer to God in the way that He wants you to come closer to Him. And the only way you can find out how to do that is to learn about Islam from sound sources.

In the early days, it’s very difficult to know what the sound sources are; and it is something that will take time to discover, as it does when learning any subject. So all you can do in the early days is to find the best source that is available to you, as soon as you can.

Don’t delay your learning while looking for the best source; start as soon as you can with what you have. That may be with the person who has helped you to come to Islam, a local group that supports new Muslims, someone from the mosque or even someone you have found on the internet.

The main thing is to start somewhere. If later on you find a better source, you can turn to them instead, but don’t wait too long.

First Priorities

You will already have learned quite a bit about Islam to have brought you to the point of wanting to say your Shahadah (Testimony of Faith); but it is likely that your learning will have been random and incidental and there are likely to be some significant gaps in your knowledge.

If we look at the example of how Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) taught the early Muslims about Islam, you can use that as a guide to the priorities of what gaps you should initially try to fill.

Read Also: Converts – Seeking Knowledge is Power

For the first 13 years, while the Muslims were in Makkah, the Prophet Muhammad concentrated on teaching his followers about God; he helped them to understand who He was and what their relationship with Him should be.

So the first thing that a new Muslim needs to learn is about the Creed or Aqeedah of Islam, as this is the basis of the faith and the foundation for the sound practice of the religion.

At this stage it is important to understand the basics and not get involved with all the different schools of thought. It’s important to develop your relationship with God and get closer to Him.

Your intention should be to learn the basics of the prayer; so you can gradually build up to praying all the five obligatory daily prayers on a consistent basis.

Next Priorities

Once these basics have been established, the next stage is to start learning about the other obligatory acts of worship, such as fasting, Zakat and Hajj, so you can put them into practice when the time comes. As Prophet Muhammad said:

Knowledge has priority over preaching and action. (Al-Bukhari)

So seek out the knowledge you need to enable you to put your faith into practice.  It is obligatory on Muslims to learn Arabic, at least to the level that they can perform their prayers.

Alongside the acts of worship, you’ll need to learn the Islamic guidance that relates to your daily life so you can develop the manners, conduct and morals that please God.

This will include subjects such as how to treat your family and neighbors; the relationship between men and women, and marriage… This may sound a bit heavy at this stage, but it’s worth checking these things out.

I also suggest that all new Muslims should try to read the Quran in its entirety at least once. If you read it like an ordinary book from page 1 to the end, it will give you an amazing impression of the message that God set down to us.

You can study it in more detail later on, but reading it once is so beneficial. The other books it would be useful to read or at least dip into are Sahih Al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim, the two main reference sources of Hadith.

Further Study

For most Muslims the above is as much as they need to learn about Islam, as this will enable them to live as a practicing Muslim; but for others this isn’t enough and they want to take their studies further.

There are many different organizations being set up these days to teach Islamic knowledge in English, some of them use distance learning methods, others teaching via the internet and others are now establishing face to face degree level programs.

A good place to start for people in the UK is through a program specifically designed for new Muslims, such as The Muslim Now Retreats; New Muslim Academy which offers free online courses. Following on from that there are more advanced classes online, such as the one taught by the Islamic Online University or the weekend courses run by Al Maghrib Institute and AlKauthar Institute.

It is admirable to learn as much as you can about Islam.

But knowledge without practice or conviction is baseless. If you look at how the Prophet’s companions used to learn the Quran you will have the best example to follow: “It is reported on the authority of Abu `Abdur-Rahman As-Salami, who said:

‘We used to learn ten verses of the Quran and not to continue on to the next ten until we had made ourselves well-acquainted with its rules, as well as its commands and prohibitions.’

So take your time, learn as much as you can about your new faith, but make sure to understand and implement it as best as you can, before going onto study further.

When I Converted to Islam, I Lost Everything

This is Abdullah’s story. He is from Indonesia and embraced Islam eight months ago.

I grew up in a strict Christian family in Indonesia. Although my family has lived in a majority Muslim country, we have always held tight to our Christian faith and identity.

We had mostly Christian friends, and my father dealt almost exclusively with his Christian business partners. We went to church regularly and I went to a Christian school. Later I spent two years acquiring deep knowledge of the Christian faith in a Christian seminary.

The First Step Towards Conversion

However, from an early age I also learned about Islam. Only later did I know that I learned about it in such a way to be able to do missionary work.

Nevertheless, looking back, the first step in my conversion to Islam was actually found in one of the books I was given to read by my father. It was about the crusades and was supposed to strengthen my spirit of doing missionary work in different areas of Indonesia. I liked the book very much, especially the role the great warrior Salahuddin Al Ayyubi played.

Tolerance and Chivalry

He was totally different to the Christian crusaders, who killed left and right, men and women, old and young. I was impressed by this Muslim commander, who respected religious minorities, tolerated them and even gave them rights after his army took over the territory.

I was in my early teens during this time and the chivalry Salahuddin Al Ayyubi displayed towards religious minorities impressed me tremendously. He did not force anybody to accept Islam. People were free to practice their religion peacefully. Secretly he became my idol. Although I never told anybody.

Reading and Learning about Islam

This story stayed with me. And whenever I felt that we, as a Christian minority, were not being tolerant (although behind doors), I was reminded of Salahuddin Al Ayyubi.

In my late teens I started reading more about Islam. So I visited Muslim websites. I genuinely wanted to know about the true message. I started to have online-Muslim friends. They were very kind and tried to answer my questions as good as they could. I had started working in my father’s construction company. I worked well and he trusted me. So finally, I was given my first independent contract in another city.

Outside My Familiar Circle

Being outside my familiar circle was great. I finally felt that I could try and connect with people who were not our close Christian family or friends. Whenever I went out to have lunch or dinner, I would talk with the people who sold the food or with other customers. I met with friendliness and openness.

One day I met a guy who became one of my best friends. Faisal was also new to the city. He was Muslim. And he introduced me to Islam. I loved it when he talked about Islam. He was full with love and passion for his religion. One day I just followed him to a mosque and announced my shahadah and converted to Islam.

Everything Changed

I felt like a new person. And I felt alive. I loved the mosque. I loved the prayer. And because I was so happy and so convinced, I told my father when he came to visit to check on his construction project. He was furious.

In a matter of seconds my whole life changed. I cannot tell what he did and what he said because I still want to respect and honor him because he is my father. But in a matter of seconds I lost everything. I lost my father and my family. I lost my money and my work. And I lost all my business contacts and friends.

Alhamdulilah, Faisal helped me out in the first few months after this. I stayed with him and he helped me out financially.

Not the Only Case

This is almost one year ago. Together with my brothers in faith from the mosque, I was able to get quickly back on my feet.

We are trying to set up our own business. At the same time we want to help converts who experienced something similar to me. We want to establish a support network. I now know that most Indonesians who converted to Islam have similar experiences. Their families have stopped all contacts. They cannot visit their homes. They are basically outcasts.

I Accepted Islam and Islam Accepted Me

When you belong to the online world of Muslim converts, very often you will be exposed to “revert stories.” Muslims love a good revert story of how someone saw the light against all odds and accepted Islam. But if I’m honest, they all start to look a tad samey after a while, very seldom does a revert story make me sit up and really pay attention.

Yet this account from Sister Anna[1] is the first of its kind that I have heard in my years as a Muslim. This story shows that Islam is for everyone and everyone is loved by Allah. She has kindly allowed me to share it with you here.

Anna’s Story

I was convinced I was meant to be male, I had visions and fantasies about it. As a result, I started to feel more and more insecure about my body; the more the thoughts came the more I yearned for it. It was so intense that I was disgusted, even ashamed, of my body.

Being desperate to acknowledge my gender identity I changed my name legally to make it appear more gender neutral.

At the same time, I was experiencing growing doubts about the faith I had been raised in and started to research other religions in earnest, trying to find something that would ignite my weary soul.

I’m hoping to use my understanding of sexuality and gender identity issues to reach out to others and reassure them that they are loved and understood. And I’m eager to use my experience of looking into different faiths to help those who are confused.

I believe I’ve gone through almost every type of mindset a non-Muslim could have. Because of that, Allah has given me great insight and understanding.

A Brief Background

I left Catholicism at the age of 13 when I realized that I was attracted by other girls. I then got involved in the occult before gravitating towards Paganism, which I followed for about 6 years.

Yet, once again, I started to question what I believed in and was left feeling quite confused. I felt very lost, frustrated even, that after all the years of studying and searching, nothing really stuck or made sense. Nothing was clicking in my head or sticking to my soul.

It was during a time when I wasn’t following any religion in particular that I heard a discussion between my father and grandfather. An ignorant topic came up about Muslims and I began to defend Islam; I knew it was wrong to generalize people regardless of their religion, which is why I spoke up. They began to get mad so I played devil’s advocate just to spite them.

Later that night, after things settled down, I sat in my room and started to ponder upon what I had said. It was then that I realized: “I really don’t know anything about Islam…”

Thirst For Knowledge

Many days after that incident I was using Pinterest, idly scrolling through images, not really paying much attention. It happened that I came across a quote from the Quran. I don’t remember the details, only the emotion I felt. I clicked to read more and suddenly burst into tears. The best way of describing this feeling is that I felt ‘found’. I felt like I was never as abandoned as I thought I had been.

Hurt and Ashamed

When I began reading and collecting quotes from the Quran, I felt hurt and ashamed of myself. I had struggled with so many body, identity and sexuality issues when Allah had made me exactly how I was meant to be.

I started researching Islam and joining online groups for Islamic reverts to learn more. And I began to get a little obsessed with reading Islamic related topics. It was like food for my starving soul!

I couldn’t stop or contain myself with the love, desire and the devotion to be closer to my Lord. And I started to realize that everything in my life happened for a reason. What I went through and all the signs I saw were not mere coincidence. They were real and they were from Allah.

Read Also: I Found in Islam the Truth I Was Searching For

Could I Be a Muslim?

But there was a problem: I was trans and bisexual.

In my heart, I knew Allah could help me. In a prayer, I shyly asked Him to bring light to this matter. The next day my prayer was answered.

I came across a Muslim brother who helped me perform my Shahadah. It was such a beautiful day.

Afterwards he asked me if I had any questions. I said yes, I’m struggling with my gender identity, are there any answers to this? I got really nervous, I wasn’t sure how Muslims reacted to such a topic.

He then said, “I used to struggle too, but in another sense. I had feelings for men at one point. But I abstained from it and it got better. In life you go through tests and trials, at age 20, you may struggle with being gay but at age 45, you might struggle with something else. Know that life is a test from Allah.”

Inner Battle

I understood this and from that moment I decided to battle the desires I used to yearn for. I would hear whispers and provocative thoughts that I would be better as a male than as a female. But I decided that this wasn’t true.

Even though, deep down, I still really wished to be male I had to accept the reality of what Allah had offered me. Allah knows what’s best and what’s fitting for me. He wouldn’t make me female only for me to modify or change my gender.

Allah makes no mistakes. This was how I was.

Moving Forward

Through abstaining from sin, things are better. Sometimes I struggle but Allah rewards us for striving for His sake.

Satan tempts us to give in to our desires but Allah knows we are stronger. He knows we can change and adapt, we just need to trust Him first. My trust in Him has freed me from so much.

I never thought I’d ever get married but I am engaged to a very patient and kind man. He knows my background story and helped me through it.

I can’t ask for anything more, except to have children one day, inshaAllah.

I’m sure Allah made this story of hardship as a gift and as a mercy to those who need it.

If You Have the Same Struggle…

I asked Anna what advice she had for anyone struggling with similar issues.

“Don’t ever think that Allah would abandon you for one or two sins, or a thousand sins. He is always near and He knows your struggles. He knows you’re trying.

Just don’t give up hope.

Don’t give up on His All Encompassing Love and Mercy. He will help you as long as you put your trust in Him. And in all this, be patient. Allah is with those who are patient.”