All praise is due to Allah, the One who said in the clear verses of His Book:
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from
among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He
has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are Signs
for those who reflect”. [al-Room 30:21]
May the prayers and peace of Allah be upon His Prophet
Muhammad, the one who said in an authenticated hadith: “Marry the
loving and fertile, for I will compete with the other Prophets with the
number of my followers on the Day of Qiyama”. [Ahmad and at-
Tabaarani with hasan isnaad. And declared saheeh from Anas by Ibn
Hibbaan. And it has witnesses which will be mentioned in Question
19]
After this opening: There are in Islam, certain etiquettes upon anyone
who marries and
wishes to consummate his marriage with his wife.
Most Muslims today, even those who exert themselves in Islamic
worship, have either neglected or become totally ignorant of
these Islamic etiquettes. Therefore, I decided to write this beneficial
treatise clearly explaining these issues on the occasion of marriage of
someone dear to me. I hope that it will be an aid to him and to other
believing brothers in carrying out what the Chief of the Messengers
has ordained on the authority of the Lord of the Worlds. I have followed
that by pointing out certain issues important to every one who marries,
2
and with which many wives in particular have been tested.
I ask Allah Most High to bring about some benefit from this treatise,
and to accept this work solely for His glorious countenance. Surely,
He is the Righteous, the Merciful.
It should be known that there are many etiquettes in the area of
marriage. All that I am concerned with here in this quickly compiled
work is that which is authenticated of the Sunnah of the Prophet
Muhammad, that which is irreproachable from the standpoint of its
chain of narration and upon which no doubt can be cast in terms of its
constructions and meanings. In this way, whoever reads and follows
this information will be on a clearly established basis in religion, and
will have full confidence in the source and validity of his acitons.
I hope for him that Allaah will put the final seal of felicity on his life, in
reward for beginning his married life with the following of the sunnah,
and to make for him among His slaves whose statement He has
described in the Qur’an saying:
And those who pray, “Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring
who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the
righteous.” [al-Furqaan 25:74]
The final disposition of things is for those of pious practise, as the
Lord of the Worlds said: As to the Righteous, they shall be amidst
(cool) shades and springs (of water). And (they shall have) fruits, - all
they desire. “Eat ye and drink ye to your heart’s content: for that ye
worked (righteousness).” Thus do We certainly reward the Doers of
Good. [al-Mursalaat 77:41-44]
2
toward the Wife
Showing Kindness
3
Showing Kindness towards the Wife
It is desirable, when one goes into his wife on his wedding night, to show
her kindness, such as presenting her with something to drink, etc. This is
found in the hadith narrated by Asmaa’ bint Yazid ibn As-Sakan who said:
“I beautified ‘As’ishah for Allaah’s Messenger, then called him to come to see
her unveiled. He came, sat next to her, and brought a large cup of milk from
which he drank. Then, he offered it to ‘Aa’ishah, but she lowered her head and
felt shy. I scolded her and said to her: “Take from the hand of the Prophet.”
She then took it and drank some. Then, the Prophet said to her, “Give some
to your companion.” At that point, I said: “O Messenger of Allaah, rather
take it yourself and drink, and then give it to me from your hand.” He took
it, drank some, and then offered it to me. I sat down and put it on my kness.
Then, I began rotating it andfollowing it with my lips in order that I might
hit the spot from which the Prophet had drunk. Then, the Prophet said about
some women who were there with me: “Give them some.” But, they said: “
don’t want it.” (ie. we are not hungry). The Prophet said:We “Do not combine
hunger and fibbing!” [Ahmad and al-Humaidi. Ahmad reports it with 2
isnaads - one of which supports the other, and it is supported...]”
Placing your hands on your wife’s head and praying for her
The husband should, at the time of consummating the marriage with his
wife or before that, place his hand on the front part of her head, mention the
name of Allah Most High, and pray for Allah’s blessings. As in the statement
of the Prophet: “When any of you marries a woman ... he should hold her
forelock, mention Allah Most High, and pray for His blessings saying:
4
“O Allaah, I ask You for the good in her and the good with which You
have created her, and I seek refuge in You from the evil in her and the evil
with which You have created her.” {Allaahumma innee as’aluka min khairiha
wa khairi maa jabaltaha ‘alaihi wa a’oodhubika min sharriha wa sharri maa
jabaltaha ‘alaihi} [Aboo Dawood and others. Al-Bukhari in “Af ’aalul -’Ibaad”,
Aboo Dawood, Ibn Majah, al-Haakim, al- Baihaqee and Aboo Ya’laa with
hasan isnaad ...]
The praying of husband and wife together
It is desirable for the husband and wife to pray 2 rakaat together on their
wedding night.This has been narrated from the earliest generation of
Muslims, as in the following 2 Narrations:
First: On the authority of Abu Sa’eed Mawla Abu Asyad who said: “I got
married while I was a slave. I invited a number of the companions of the
Prophet, among them was Ibn Mas’ood, Abu Dharr and Hudhaifa. When
the prayer was called, Abu Dharr began to step forward when the others said
to him: ‘No!’ He said: ‘Is it so?’ And they said: ‘Yes.’ Then, I stepped forward
and led the prayer though I was a slave possessed. They taught me, saying:
‘When your wife comes to you, pray 2 rakaat. Then, ask Allaah for the good
of that which has come to you, and seek refuge in Him from its evil. Then it is
up to you and it is up to your wife.’” [Ibn Abi Shaibah and ‘Abdur-Razzaaq]
Second: On the authority of Shaqeeq who said: “A man named Abu Hareez
came and said: ‘I have married a young girl, and I am afraid that she will
despise me.’ ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’ood said to him: “Verily, closeness is from
5
Allaah, and hatred is from Shaitaan, who wishes to make despicable that
which Allaah has allowed. So, when your wife comes to you, tell her to pray
behind you 2 rakaat.’” In another version of the same story, “’Abdullah went
on to say: ‘And say: ‘O Allah give Your blessings on me in my wife, and to
her in me. O Allaah join us together as long as You join us in good, and split
us apart if You send to us that which is better.’” [Ibn Abi Shaibah and at-
Tabaraani and ‘Abdur-Razzaaq: Saheeh].
What to say at the tim e of making love
When a Muslim man is about to enter his wife, he should always say first:
Bismillahi, Allahumma jannibnaa ash-shaitaan, wa jannib ash-shaitaan maa
razaqtanna [In the name of Allah, O Allah, keep us away from the devil, and
keep the devil away from that which You may grant us (ie. offspring).]
About this, the Prophet said: “After that, if Allah decrees that they will have
a child, the devil will never be able to harm that child”. [al-Bukharee]
[Some Scholars say that children are disobedient to their parents usually
because the parents forget/forgot to say the above duaa before having sex.]
How he should come to her
It is allowed for a Muslim man to enter his wife in her vagina from any
direction he wishes - from behind or from the front. About this Allaah
revealed the following verse:
6
“Your wives are a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how
ye will” [al-Baqarah 2:223]
There are also various hadith on this subject, of which I will give only 2:
On the authority of Jaabir who said: “The Jews used to say that if a man
entered his wife in the vagina but from behind, their child would be crosseyed!
Then Allaah revealed the verse:
“Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how
ye will;” [al-Baqarah 2:223].
The Prophet said : “From the front or the back, as long as it is in the vagina”.
[Al-Bukharee and Muslim]
On the authority of Ibn ‘Abbaas who said: “The Ansaar, who had been
polytheists, lived with the Jews, who were people of the book. The former
viewed the latter as being superior to them in knowledge, and used to follow
their example in many things.
The people of the book would only make love to their wives from the side,
this being the most modest way for the woman, and the Ansaar had followed
their example in that.
These people from the Quraish, on the other hand, used to expose their
women in an uncomely manner. They took pleasure in them from the front,
from the back, or laid out flat.
When the Makkans came to al-Madeenah at the time of the Hijrah, one of
them married a woman from among the Ansaar, and began doing that with
her. She disapproved of it and told him: “We used only to be approached
from the side, so do that or stay away from me!” This dispute became very
serious until it reached the ears of the Prophet. So Allaah, revealed the verse:
“Your wives are as a tilth unto you, so approach your tilth when or how
ye will;” [al-Baqarah 2:223] (ie. from the front, the back, or laid out flat).
7
What is meant here is the entry which produces children.” [Aboo Dawood,
al -Haakim and others: Hasan isnaad and is supported].
The prohibition of Sodomy
It is forbidden for a Muslim man to enter his wife in her anus. This is
understood from the verse quoted above (i.e. since a “planting ground” can
only refer to a place where something might grow), and from the narrations
cited above. There are also other hadith on the subject, among them:
First: On the authority of Umm Salama who said: “When the Muhajireen
came to Ansaar at al-Madeenah, some of them married women from the
Ansaar. The women of the Muhajireen used to lie on their faces (during
intercourse), while the women of the Ansaar never did it that way. Then, one
of the men of the Muhajireen wanted his wife to do that.
She refused until such time as she could ask the Prophet about it. She went
to the Prophet but was embarassed to ask the question, and so Umm Salama
asked him. Then the verse was revealed which says: “Your wives are as a tilth
unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;” [al-Baqarah 2:223].
The Prophet said: “No! (not any way you wish) Except in one opening! (ie.
the vagina)”. [Ahmad, at-Tirmidhee and others : Saheeh]
Second: On the authority of Ibn ‘Abbaas who said: “’Umar ibn Al-Khattaab
came to the Prophet and said : ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I am destroyed!’
The Prophet asked: ‘And what has destroyed you, O ‘Umar?’ ‘Umar said: `I
turned my mount around last night.’ (An expression which means he has
sexual intercourse with his wife penetrating the vagina while mounting her
from the rear.) The Prophet gave him no answer and when the revelation
8
came and the verse was revealed which says: “Your wives are as a tilth unto
you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;” [al-Baqarah 2:223] and
the Prophet said: “From the front and from the back, just beware of her anus
and her menses”. [an- Nasaa’ee in “`Ishratun-Nisaa” with hasan isnaad, at-
Tirmidhee and others].
Third: On the authority of Khuzaima ibn Thaabit who said: “A man asked
the Prophet about entering women in the rear, or the entering by a man
of his wife in her rear, and the Prohet answered: `Halaal (ie. permissible).’
When the man turned to leave, the Prophet called him or ordered for him
to be called back and said : “What did you say? In which of the 2 openings
did you mean? If what you meant was from her rear and in her vagina, then
yes. But if what you meant was from her rear and in her anus, then no. Verily
Allaah is not ashamed of the truth - do not enter your wives in their anuses!”
[as-Shaafi, al -Baihaqi and others: Saheeh]
Fourth: “Allaah does not look at one who comes to his wife in her anus”.
[an-Nasaa’ee: Hasan isnaad and supported in “al-’Ishrah”; at-Tirmidhee and
Ibn Hibbaan].
Fifth: “Cursed are those who come to their wives in their anuses.” [Aboo
Dawood, Ahmad and others with hasan isnaad and is supported].
Sixth: “Whoever has sexual intercourse with a mentruating woman, or a
woman in her anus, or approaches a soothsayer and believes what he is told
has disbelieved in that which was revealed to Muhammad.” [Aboo Dawood,
at-Tirmidhee and others: Saheeh].
3
the2ed Intercourse
Performing “Wuduu’ “ before
10
Performing “Wuduu’ “ before the 2ed Intercourse
When a Muslim man has had sexual intercourse with his wife in the legal
manner and then wishes to return another time, he should first perform
wudhuu’, based on the statement of the Prophet : “When one of you comes
to his wife and then wishes to return another time, let him perform wudhuu’
between the 2 times (In another version, the same wudhuu’ which he performs
for prayer) for verily, it will invigorate his return.” [Muslim, Ibn Abi Shaibah
and others].
Bathing is preferable
Bathing, however, is preferable to merely making wudhuu’ in such situations.
Abu Raafi’ narrates: “That the Prophet made the rounds of all his wives one
night, bathing in the house of each one. He (i.e. the narrator) asked the
Prophet: “Couldn’t you have just bathed once (i.e. at the end)?” The Prophet
answered: “This way is purer, cleaner and better”. [Aboo Daawood, an-
Nasaa’ee: Hasan in “al-’Ishrah”, and others].
The Bathing of husband and wife together
It is permissible for the husband and wife to bath together in the same place
even though he sees her private parts, and she sees his. This is established by
a number of authentic hadith, among them: On the authority of ‘Aa’ishah
(radiallahu anha) who said: “I used to bathe with the Prophet from a single
container of water which was placed between us such that our hands collided
11
inside it. He used to race me such that I would say: `Leave some for me,
leave some for me!’ She added: `We were in a state of Janaba (i.e. the state of
having slept together).’” [Al-Bukharee and Muslim].
On the authority of Mu’aawiya ibn Haida, who said: “I said: `O Messenger
of Allaah, which of our nakedness is allowed, and of which must we beware?’
The Prophet answered, “Guard your nakedness excpet from your wife or those
whom your right hand possesses.” (So it is permissible for both spouses to
look at and touch the body of his or her companion even the private parts).
He said: `O Messenger of Allah, what about if the relatives live together
with each other?’ The Prophet answered : “If you can make sure that no one
ever sees your nakedness, then do so.” He said: `O Messenger of Allah, what
about when one is alone?’ The Prophet said: “Allah is more deserving of your
modesty than are the people”.” [Ahmad, Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhee and
others: Saheeh].
Making Wudhuu’ after Sex and Before Sleeping
It is best for husband and wife not to sleep after having sex until they first
perform wudhuu’. There are various hadith about this, among them:
First: On the authority of ‘Aa’shah who said: “Whenever the Prophet wished
to sleep or eat while in a state of Janaba (i.e. after having sex and before
bathing), he would wash his private parts and perform wudhuu’ as for prayer.”
[Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim].
Second: On the authority of Ibn ‘Umar who said: “O Messenger of Allah,
12
should we go to sleep in a state of janaba?” The Prophet answered: “Yes, after
making wudhuu.” [Al- Bukhaaree and Muslim]. In another version: “Perform
wudhuu’ and wash your private parts, and then sleep.” [Al -Bukhaaree and
Muslim]. And, in another version: “Yes, you can perform wudhuu’, sleep, and
bathe whenever you want.” [Muslim and al-Baihaqi]. And, in still another
version: “Yes, and perform wudhuu’ if you wish.” (This last version proves that
this wudhuu’ is not obligatory.) [Ibn Khuzima and Ibn Hibban: Saheeh].
Third: On the authority of ‘Ammaar ibn Yaasir, the Prophet said: “There are
three which the angels will never approach: The corpse of a disbeliever; a man
who wears perfume of women; and, one who has had sex until he performs
wudhuu’.” [Abu Dawood, Ahmad and others: Hasan].
The Ruling of this Wudhuu’
This wudhuu’ is not obligatory, but is very highly and definitely commendable.
This (i.e. its not being obligatory) is based on the hadith narrated by ‘Umar
in which he asked the Prophet: “Should we go to sleep in a state of janaba?”
To which the Prophet answered: “Yes, and perform wudhuu’ if you wish.”
[Ibn Hibbaan: Saheeh]. This is also supported by other hadith, among them
a hadith narrated by ‘Aa’ishah who said: “The Prophet used to sleep in a state
of janaba without having touched water, until he would get up later and
bathe.” [Ibn Abi Shaiba, at-Tirmidhee, Abu Daawood and others: Saheeh].
In another version narrated by ‘Aa’ishah , she said: “”He used to spend the
night in a state of janaba until Bilal came in the morning to make the adhaan.
Then, he would get up, bathe while I looked at the water dripping from his
head, and go out. Then, I would hear his voice in the Fajr prayer. Then, he
would remain fasting.” Mutarrif said:
13
“I said to Aamir: In the month of Ramadhaan?” He said: “Yes, in Ramadhaan
and in other than Ramadhaan.” [Ibn Abi Shaiba, Ahmad and others: Saheeh].
Making Tayammum in a state of Janab a instead of Wudhuu’
It is also permissible to make Tayammum sometimes instead of wudhuu’
before sleeping.
This is based on a hadith of ‘Aa’ishah in which she said: “When the Prophet
was in a state of janaba and wished to sleep, he used to make wudhuu’ or
Tayammum.” [Al- Baihaqi: Hasan]
Bathing before Sleeping is perferable
Bathing however, is perferable to any of the above- mentioned possibilities
as is clear in the hadith of `Abullaah ibn Qais who said: “I asked ‘Ai’ishah
: What did the Prophet do when in a state of janaba? Did he bathe before
sleeping or sleep before bathing?” She answered: “He did all of those things.
Sometimes he bathe and then slept. And sometimes he performed wudhuu’
and then slept.” I said: “Praise be to Allah who made things flexible.” [Muslim,
Ahmad and Abu `Auwaana].
The Prohibition of Sex when she is Menstruating
It is forbidden for a Muslim man to have sexual intercourse with his wife when
she is menstruating. This is clear in the following verse of the Qur’an:“They
ask thee concerning women’s courses. Say: They are a hurt and a pollution: So
14
keep away from women in their courses, and do not approach them until they
are clean. But when they have purified themselves, ye may approach them in
any manner, time, or place ordained for you by Allah. For Allah loves those
who turn to Him constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure
and clean.” [Al-Baqarah, 2:222]
There are also hadith about this, among them:
First: “Whoever has sexual intercourse with a menstruating woman, or a
woman in her anus, or approaches a soothsayer and believes what he is told
has disbelieved in that which was revealed to Muhammad.”
Second: On the authority of Anas ibn Malik, who said: “When one of their
women has their period, the Jews used to put her out of the house, and they
would not eat, drink, or sleep with her in the house. The Prophet was asked
about this, and Allaah revealed the verse: “They ask thee concerning women’s
courses. Say: They are a hurt and a pollution: so keep away from women in
their courses, ...
Then the Prophet said: “Be with them in the house, and do everything except
for intercourse itself.” The Jews said: “This man wants to leave nothing which
we do without doing something different.” Then, Asyad ibn Hudair said: “O
Messenger of Allah, verily the Jews says such-and-such, shoudl we not then
have sexual intercourse during menstruation?” The Prophet’s face changed
such that they thought that he was enraged with them, so they left. As they
were coming out, they saw a gift of milk being brought to the Prophet. The
Prophet then sent someone after them to give them a drink of milk, so they
felt that he was not actually angry with them.” [Muslim, Abu ‘Auwaana and
Abu Daawood].
15
The Penitence of one who has Sex during Menses
Whoever is overcome by desire and has sexual intercourse with his wife when
she is menstruating and before she becomes clean must give the value of
one dinar’s weight of gold or about 4.25 grams (4.2315 to be more precise),
or half that amount. This is based on a hadith narrated by ‘Abdullaah ibn
‘Abbaas from the Prophet in relation to one who enters his wife while she
is on her period as follows: “Let him give one dinar in charity, or one half
dinar.” [At-Tirmidhee, Abu Dawood, At-Tabaraani and others: Saheeh].
What is Permissible when she is on her Periods
It is allowed for him to enjoy pleasure with his wife in any way except for her
private parts when she is on her period. There are several hadiths about this:
First: “and do everything except intercourse itself.” [Muslim, Abu ‘Auwaana
and Aboo Daawood]
Second: On the authority of ‘Aa’ishah who said: “When we were on our
periods, the Prophet used to order us to put on a waist cloth that her husband
can then lie with her.” One time she said: “... her husband can then fondle
and caress her.” [al-Bukhaaree, Muslims and others].
Third: On the authority of one of the wives of the Prophet who said: “When
the Prophet wanted something from one of his wives who was on her period,
he put a cloth over her private parts, and then did whatever he wanted.” [Abo
Daawood: Saheeh]
16
When is it Allowed to Resume Sexual activity after Menses?
When she becomes clean of any menstrual blood, and the flow stops
completely, it is allowed for them to resume sexual activity after she washes
the place where the blood had been, or performs wudhuu’, or takes a complete
bath. Whichever of these three alternatives she does makes it allowed for
them to resume sexual activity, based on Allaah’s statement in the Qur’an:
“But when they have purified themselves, ye may approach them in any
manner, time, or place ordained for you by Allah. For Allah loves those who
turn to Him constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure and
clean.” [Al-Baqarah 2:222]
This is the position of Ibn Hazm, ‘Ataa, Qatadah, al-Awzaa’ee and Daawud
az-Zaahiree and of Mujaahid: as Ibn Hazm says: “All three of these are
a purification - so whichever of them she uses after the cessation of her
periods, then she is lawful for her husband.” The same term is used to mean
washing the private parts in the Aayah revealed concerning the people of
Qubaa: “In it are men who love to be purified; and Allah loves those who
make themselves pure.” [at-Tawbah 9:108]
There is nothing here in the Aayah however, or in the Sunnah, to restrict
the Aayah in question to any of the three meanings - and to do so requires a
further proof.
The Lawfulness of Coitus Interruptus
(Withdrawl of the penis from the vagina at the time of ejaculation with the
17
purpose of avoiding impregnation. This can be done only with the permission
of one’s wife).
It is allowed for a Muslim man to practise coitus interruptus with his wife.
There are several hadith about this:
First: On the authority of Jaabir who said: “We were practising coitus
interruptus, and the Qur’an was being revealed.” [al-Bukhaaree and Muslim].
In another version, he said: “We used to practise coitus interruptus in the
lifetime of the Prophet. This reached the Prophet, and he did not prohibit us
from doing it.” [Muslim, an-Nasaa’ee and at-Tirmidhee].
Second: On the authority of Abu Sa’eed al-Khudhriy, who said: “A man
came to the Prophet and said: “I have a young girl (right-hand possession),
and I practise coitus interruptus with her. I want that which men want, but
the Jews claim that coitus interruptus is minor infanticide.” The Prophet said:
“The Jews have lied, the Jews have lied. If Allaah wished to create a child, you
would not be able to prevent it.” [An- Naasaa’ee in al-’Ishrah: Abu Dawood
and others: Saheeh].
Third: On the authority of Jaabir, a man came to the Prophet and said: “I
have a slave girl who serves us and waters our date trees. Sometimes I go to
her, but I dislike that she should become pregnant by me”. The Prophet said:
“use coitus interruptus if you like, but whatever has been ordained for her
will come.” After some time, the man again came to the Prophet and said:
“She has become pregnant!” The Prophet (Salla Allahu ‘Alayhee wa Sallam)
told him: “I told you that whatever has been ordained for her will come.”
[Muslim, Abu Dawood and others].
18
It is Preferrable not to Practice Coitus Interruptus.
Not practising coitus interruptus is preferable for a number of reasons:
First: It is harmful for the woman, since it reduces her pleasure by cutting it
short. If she agrees to it, it still contains the following negetive points.
Second: It negates part of the purpose of marriage which is enlarging the
Muslim nation through offspring, as in the statement of the Prophet: “Marry
the loving and fertile, for I will compete with the other Prophets with the
number of my followers.” [Abu Dawood, an-Nasaa’ee and others: Saheeh].
This is why the Prophet once referred to it as “minor infanticide” (and not
because it is forbidden as infanticide is forbidden) when asked about it saying:
“That is minor infanticide”. [Muslim, Ahmad and al-Baihaqi]. For this was
preferable in the hadith narrated by Abu Sa’eed al-Khudhriy saying: “Coitus
Interruptus was mentioned in the presence of the Prophet and he said: “Why
would one of you do that? (note he did not say “let none of you do that”)
Allah is the Creator of every single soul.” [Muslim]. In another version, he
said: “You act and you act. There are no people destined to be from now until
the day of Qiyama but that all of them will be.” [Muslim]
What the Two Spouses should intend with their Marriage
Both spouses should enter into marriage with the following intentions: freeing
themselves of unfulfilled sexual desires, and protecting themselves from
falling into that which Allaah has forbidden (i.e. adultery and fornication).
What’s more, a reward as the reward for sadaqa (voluntary giving of charity)
19
is recorded for them every time they have sex.
This is based on the following hadith of the Prohpet narrated by Abu Dharr:
“Some of the companions of the Prophet said to him: ‘O Messenger of Allaah,
the affluent among us have taken the rewards (of the hereafter)! They pray as
we pray, fast as we fast, and then they give charity from the surplus of their
wealth!” The Prophet said: “Did Allaah not make for you that from which
you can give sadaqa? Verily for every time you say Subhannallah (Exalted
is Allah) there is a sadaqa, and for every time you say Allahuakbar (Allah is
Most Great) there is a sadaqa, and for every time you say Al- Hamdulillah
(Praise is to Allah) there is sadaqa, and in every act of enjoining what is
right there is sadaqa, and in every act of forbidding what is wrong there is a
sadaqa,and in your sexual relations there is a sadaqa.” The Companions said:
“O Messenger of Allaah , is there a reward for one of us when he satisfies
his sexual desire?” The Prophet said: “Don’t you see, if he had satisfied it with
the forbidden, would there not have been a sin upon him?” They said: “Why,
yes!” He said: “In the same way, when he satisfies it with that which is lawful,
there is for him in that a reward.” [Muslim, an- Nasaa’ee in al-’Ishrah, and
Ahamd].
What he should do the Morning after his Wedding Night
It is desirable for the husband to go to his relatives who came to visit him
in his house, on the following morning, to give them greetings and pray for
them. It is also desirable for them to do likewise for him, as in the following
hadith narrated by Anas : “The Messenger of Allaah gave a feast on the
morning of his wedding night with Zainab, at which he fed the Muslims
20
to satisfaction on bread and meat. Then, he went out to the Mothers of the
Believers (i.e. to his other wives), gave them greetings and prayed for them,
which they returned in kind. This is the way he used to do on the morning
after a wedding night.” [Ibn Sa’d and an-Nasaa’ee: Saheeh].
The House must have a Place for Bathing
The married couple must have a place to bathe in their house, and the husband
must not allow his wife to go to the public bath houses. This is forbidden, and
here are various hadith about it, among them:
First: On the authority of Jaabir who said: “The Prophet said: “Whoever
believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him not allow his wife to go to the
Public baths. Whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him not
go to the baths except with a waist- cloth. And whoever believes in Allaah
and the Last Day, let him never sit at a table at which intoxicants are being
circulated.” [Al-Haakim, at-Tirmidhee and others: Saheeh]
Second: On the authority of Umm ad-Dardaa’ who said: “I came out of
the public bath and I met Allaah’s Messenger who said to me: ‘From where
have you come O Umm Dardaa’?’ I said: ‘From the baths’. Then he said: “By
the One in whose hand is my soul, every woman who removes her clothes
anywhere except the house of one of her mothers has torn down all that veils
her before ar-Rahman.” [Ahmad : Saheeh]
Third: On the authority of Abu al-Maleeh who said: “Some women from
Ash-Shaam entered upon ‘Aa’ishah and said : “Where are you from?” The
21
women answered: “We are of the people of Ash-Shaam (the area of presentday
Syria).” ‘Aa’ishah said: “Are you perhaps from that district which allows
its women to enter the public baths?” The said: “Yes”. She said: “As for me, I
heard the Messenger of Allaah say: “Every woman who removes her clothes
other than in her house has torn down all veils of modesty between herself
and Allaah.” [at-Tirmidhee, Abu Dawood and others: Saheeh]
The Prohibition Of Spreading Bedroom Secrets
It is forbidden for either the husband or the wife to spread any of the secrets
of their bedroom to anyone outside. The following two hadith are about this:
First: “Verily among the worst people before Allaah on the Day of Judgement
is a man who approaches his wife sexually and she responds and then he
spreads her secrets.” [Muslim, Ibn Abi Shaiba, Ahmad and others].
Second: “On the authority of Asmaa bint Yazid who narrated “that she was
once in the presence of the Prophet and there were both men and wo men
sitting. The Prophet then said: “Perhaps a man might discuss what he does
with his wife, or perhaps a woman might inform someone what she did with
her husband?” The people were silent. Then I said: “O, Yes! O Messenger of
Allaah verily both the women and men do that.” Then the Prophet said: “Do
not do that. It is like a male shaitaan who meets a female shaitaan along
the way, and has sex with her while the people look on!” [Ahmad: Hasan or
Saheeh due to supports]
22
The Obligation Of A Wedding Feast
The husband must sponsor a feast after the consummation of the marriage.
This is based on the order of the Prophet to ‘Abur-Rahman ibn ‘Auf to do so,
and on the hadith narrated by Buraida ibn At-Haseeb, who said: “When ‘Ali
sought the hand of Faatimah (the Prophet’s daughter) in marraige, he said
that the Prophet said: “A wedding (and in another version “a bridegroom”)
must have a feast.” The narrator said: “Sa’ad said: ‘(a feast) of a sheep.’ Someone
else said: ‘Of such and such a quantity of corn.” [Ahmad and at-Tabaraani:
Its isnaad is acceptable as al -Haafiz Ibn Hajr says in Fathul -Baaree: 9/188]
The Sunnah Of The Wedding Feast
The following should be observed with regard to the wedding banquet:
First: It should be held (‘aqb - Fathul Baaree: 9/242-244) three days after
the first wedding night, since this is the tradition of the Prophet which
has reached us. On the authority of Anas who said: “The Prophet entered
upon his wife and sent me to invite some men for food.” [al-Bukhaaree and
al-Baihaqi]. Also on the authority of Anas, he said: “The Prophet married
Safiya, and her freedom was her dowry. He gave the feast for three days.”
[Abu Ya’laa and others: Hasan].
Second: One should invite the righteous to his banquet whether they be rich
or poor. The Prophet said: “Do not be the friend of any except believers, and
have only the pious eat your food.” [Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhee and others:
Saheeh].
23
Third: If one is able, he should have a feast of one or more sheep. Based on
the following hadith, Anas said: “Abdur-Rahmaan came to al-Madeenah,
and the Prophet assigned Sa’ad ibn Ar-Rabee’ al-Ansaariy as his brother.
Sa’ad took him to his house, called for food, and they both ate. The Sa’ad
said: “O my brother, I am the wealthiest of the people of al-Madeenah (in
another version: “... of the Ansaar”), so look to half of my property and take
it (in another version: “... and I will divide my garden in half ”). Also, I have
two wives (and you, my brother in Allaah, have no wife), so look to which of
mine pleases you more, so I can divorce her for you. Then upon the completion
of the prescribed waiting period, you may marry her.” ‘Abdur-Rahmaan said:
“No, by Allaah, may Allah bless you in your family and your property. Show
me the way to the market- place.”And so they showed him the way to the
market-place and he went there. He bought and he sold and he made a
profit. In the evening , he came back to the people of his house with some
dried milk for cooking and some ghee. After that some time elapsed, until
he appeared one day with traces of saffron on his garments. The Prophet said
to him:
“What is this?” He said: “O Messenger of Allaah, I have married a woman
among the Ansaar.” The Prophet answered: “What did you give her for her
dowry?” He answered:
“The weight of five dirhams in gold.” Then, the Prophet said: “May Allaah
bless you, give a feast if only with one sheep.” ‘Abdur-Rahmaan said: “I have
seen myself in such a state that if I were to lift a stone, I would expect to find
some gold or silver under it.” Anas said: “I saw after his death that each of his
wives inherited one hundred thousand Dinars.” [Al-Bukhaaree, an-Nasaa’ee
and others].
24
Also on the authority of Anas he said: “I never saw the Prophet sponsor
such a wedding feast as the one he gave for Zainab. He slaughtered a sheep
and fed everyone meat and bread until they ate no more.” [Al-Bukhaaree,
Muslim and others].
Wedding Feasts Without Meat
It is allowed to give the wedding banquet with any food which is available and
affordable, even if that does not include meat. This is based on the following
hadith narrated by Anas:
“The Prophet stayed between Khaibar and al-Madeenah for three days during
which he had entered with his wife Safiya . Then I invited the Muslims to
his Wedding feast.
There was neither meat nor bread at his feast. Rather, leather eating mats
were brought out and on them were placed dates, dried milk, and clarifi ed
butter. The people ate their fill.” [Al-Bukhaaree, Muslim and others].
Participation Of The Wealthy In The Feast
It is commendable for the wealthy to help in the preparations for the wedding
feast based on the hadith narrated by Anas about the Prophet’s marriage to
Safiya: “Then, when we were on the road, Umm Sulaim prepared her (Safiya)
for him (the Prophet and brought her to him at night, and so the the Prophet
awoke the next morning a new bridgegroom.
Then he said: “Whoever has something, let him bring it.” (In another
25
version, he said “Whoever has an excess of provisions, let him bring it.”)
Anas continues: “And so the leather eating mats were spread out and one
man would bring dried milk, another dates and another clarified butter and
so they made Hais (hais is a mixture of the above three things). The people
then ate of this hais and drank from pools of rainwater which were nearby,
and that was the wedding feast of the Prophet.” [Al-Bukhaaree, Muslims
and others].
3
The Prohibition of spreading
Bedroom Secrets
26
The Prohibition of spreading Bedroom Secrets
It is forbidden for either the husband or the wife to spread any of the secrets
of their bedroom to anyone outside. The following two hadith are about this:
First: “Verily among the worst people before Allaah on the Day of Judgement
is a man who approaches his wife sexually and she responds and then he
spreads her secrets.” [Muslim, Ibn Abi Shaiba, Ahmad and others].
Second: “On the authority of Asmaa bint Yazid who narrated “that she was
once in the presence of the Prophet and there were both men and wo men
sitting. The Prophet then said: “Perhaps a man might discuss what he does
with his wife, or perhaps a woman might inform someone what she did with
her husband?” The people were silent. Then I said: “O, Yes! O Messenger of
Allaah verily both the women and men do that.” Then the Prophet said: “Do
not do that. It is like a male shaitaan who meets a female shaitaan along
the way, and has sex with her while the people look on!” [Ahmad: Hasan or
Saheeh due to supports]
The Obligation Of A Wedding Feast
The husband must sponsor a feast after the consummation of the marriage.
This is based on the order of the Prophet to ‘Abur-Rahman ibn ‘Auf to do so,
and on the hadith narrated by Buraida ibn At-Haseeb, who said: “When ‘Ali
sought the hand of Faatimah (the Prophet’s daughter) in marraige, he said
that the Prophet said: “A wedding (and in another version “a bridegroom”)
must have a feast.” The narrator said: “Sa’ad said: ‘(a feast) of a sheep.’ Someone
27
else said: ‘Of such and such a quantity of corn.” [Ahmad and at-Tabaraani:
Its isnaad is acceptable as al -Haafiz Ibn Hajr says in Fathul -Baaree: 9/188]
The Sunnah Of The Wedding Feast
The following should be observed with regard to the wedding banquet:
First: It should be held (‘aqb - Fathul Baaree: 9/242-244) three days after
the first wedding night, since this is the tradition of the Prophet which
has reached us. On the authority of Anas who said: “The Prophet entered
upon his wife and sent me to invite some men for food.” [al-Bukhaaree and
al-Baihaqi]. Also on the authority of Anas, he said: “The Prophet married
Safiya, and her freedom was her dowry. He gave the feast for three days.”
[Abu Ya’laa and others: Hasan].
Second: One should invite the righteous to his banquet whether they be rich
or poor. The Prophet said: “Do not be the friend of any except believers, and
have only the pious eat your food.” [Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhee and others:
Saheeh].
Third: If one is able, he should have a feast of one or more sheep. Based on
the following hadith, Anas said: “Abdur-Rahmaan came to al-Madeenah,
and the Prophet assigned Sa’ad ibn Ar-Rabee’ al-Ansaariy as his brother.
Sa’ad took him to his house, called for food, and they both ate. The Sa’ad
said: “O my brother, I am the wealthiest of the people of al-Madeenah (in
another version: “... of the Ansaar”), so look to half of my property and take
it (in another version: “... and I will divide my garden in half ”). Also, I have
two wives (and you, my brother in Allaah, have no wife), so look to which of
28
mine pleases you more, so I can divorce her for you. Then upon the completion
of the prescribed waiting period, you may marry her.” ‘Abdur-Rahmaan said:
“No, by Allaah, may Allah bless you in your family and your property. Show
me the way to the market-place.”And so they showed him the way to the
market-place and he went there. He bought and he sold and he made a
profit. In the evening , he came back to the people of his house with some
dried milk for cooking and some ghee. After that some time elapsed, until
he appeared one day with traces of saffron on his garments. The Prophet said
to him:
“What is this?” He said: “O Messenger of Allaah, I have married a woman
among the Ansaar.” The Prophet answered: “What did you give her for
her dowry?” He answered: “The weight of five dirhams in gold.” Then, the
Prophet said: “May Allaah bless you, give a feast if only with one sheep.”
‘Abdur-Rahmaan said: “I have seen myself in such a state that if I were to lift
a stone, I would expect to find some gold or silver under it.”
Anas said: “I saw after his death that each of his wives inherited one hundred
thousand Dinars.” [Al-Bukhaaree, an-Nasaa’ee and others].
Also on the authority of Anas he said: “I never saw the Prophet sponsor
such a wedding feast as the one he gave for Zainab. He slaughtered a sheep
and fed everyone meat and bread until they ate no more.” [Al-Bukhaaree,
Muslim and others].
Wedding Feasts Without Meat
It is allowed to give the wedding banquet with any food which is available
and affordable, even if that does not include meat. This is based on the
29
following hadith narrated by Anas: “The Prophet stayed between Khaibar
and al-Madeenah for three days during which he had entered with his wife
Safiya . Then I invited the Muslims to his Wedding feast.
There was neither meat nor bread at his feast. Rather, leather eating mats
were brought out and on them were placed dates, dried milk, and clarifi ed
butter. The people ate their fill.” [Al-Bukhaaree, Muslim and others].
Participation Of The Wealthy In The Feast
It is commendable for the wealthy to help in the preparations for the wedding
feast based on the hadith narrated by Anas about the Prophet’s marriage to
Safiya: “Then, when we were on the road, Umm Sulaim prepared her (Safiya)
for him (the Prophet and brought her to him at night, and so the the Prophet
awoke the next morning a new bridgegroom.
Then he said: “Whoever has something, let him bring it.” (In another
version, he said “Whoever has an excess of provisions, let him bring it.”)
Anas continues: “And so the leather eating mats were spread out and one
man would bring dried milk, another dates and another clarified butter and
so they made Hais (hais is a mixture of the above three things). The people
then ate of this hais and drank from pools of rainwater which were nearby,
and that was the wedding feast of the Prophet.” [Al-Bukhaaree, Muslims
and others].
