In the Name of Allah,
the Most Gracious,
the Most Merciful
STEPS ISLAM Takes to
Regulate Inappropriate
SEXUAL DESIRE
Islam prohibits everything, which arouses
one sexually – except what occurs between
spouses – for fear that a person would do
what is unlawful. The following steps
are carried out in Islam to prevent one
from becoming sexually aroused.
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01 Separating children in their
sleeping places.
The Prophet said:
‘‘Command your children to perform
prayers when they are seven, and beat
them [if they do not perform prayer] when
they are ten, and separate them in their
sleeping places.” (Abu Dawood)
This is to prevent anything that would
arouse them sexually while they are asleep.
Islam orders Muslim women to cover
themselves, act with modesty (Hijab) and
not to socialize with non-Mahram(1) men,
so that they can preserve their chastity and
avoid arousing their sexual desires. Allah
says:
“O Prophet, tell your wives and your
daughters and the women of the believers
to bring down over themselves [part] of
their outer garments. That is more suitable
that they will be known and not be abused.
And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful.”
(33:59)
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Islam has made it lawful for elderly women,
who neither desire marriage, nor are
desired by others, to take off their outer
garment (abaya). Allah says:
“And women of post-menstrual age who
have no desire for marriage – there is no
blame upon them for putting aside their
outer garments [but] not displaying adornment.
But to modestly refrain [from that] is
better for them. And Allah is Hearing and
Knowing.” (24:60)
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02 Lowering the gaze.
The Muslim is ordered to lower his gaze
and not look at prohibited things. The concern
is that a person would stare passionately
after the initial look, then imagine,
and finally do the unlawful. Allah says:
“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze
and guard their private parts. That is purer
for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with
what they do. And tell the believing women
to lower their gaze and guard their private
parts and not expose their adornment
except that which [necessarily] appears
thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their
headcovers over their chests and not expose
their adornment except to their husbands,
their fathers, their husbands’ fathers,
their sons, their husbands’ sons, their
brothers, their brothers’ sons, their sisters’
sons, their women, that which their right
hands possess, or those male attendants
having no physical desire, or children who
are not yet aware of the private aspects of
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women. And let them not stamp their feet
to make known what they conceal of their
adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance,
all of you, O believers, that you
might succeed.” (24:30-1)
Ibn al-Qayyim, may Allah have mercy on
him, said(3):
‘‘Since [fornication] stems from what one
sees, the command to lower the gaze is
given precedence over safeguarding one’s
private parts (to be chaste). All incidents
stem from what one sees. Similarly, a fire
starts with small sparks. An unlawful look,
evolves into a thought [in the heart] which
leads one to action and finally to the sin
itself. That is why it is said:
‘‘Four things: the eyesight, thoughts, utterances,
and actions. Whoever safeguards
these, he preserves his Deen.’”
One may happen to glance at something
unlawful, but it is prohibited for him to
look at it intently or a second time.
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The Prophet said to Ali:
“O Ali, do not look over and over. You
would not be chastised on account of the
first glance, but would be chastised on account
of the second.”
In order to encourage Muslims to lower
their gaze, the Prophet stated the reward
a Muslim receives when he lowers his gaze
out of fear of Allah and in hope of His reward.
He said:
“A glance is similar to a poisoned arrow of
[Satan]. Whoever leaves it due to the fear
of Allah and to seek His pleasure receives
reward and his faith increases, the pleasure
of which he feels in his heart.” (Weak Hadith
– Targheeb, Al-Albaani)
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03 Seeking permission before entering
upon someone, so that he
would not see something that is
unlawful.
Allah says:
“O you who have believed, let those whom
your right hands possess and those who
have not [yet] reached puberty among you
ask permission of you [before entering] at
three times: before the dawn prayer and
when you put aside your clothing [for rest]
at noon and after the night prayer. [These
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are] three times of privacy for you. There
is no blame upon you nor upon them beyond
these [periods], for they continually
circulate among you - some of you, among
others. Thus does Allah make clear to you
the verses; and Allah is Knowing and
Wise.” (24:58)
Allah continues by saying:
“And when the children among you reach
puberty, let them ask permission [at all
times] as those before them have done.
Thus does Allah make clear to you His
verses; and Allah is Knowing and Wise.”
(24:59)
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04 Islam prohibits men to imitate
women and women to imitate
men.
Ibn Abbas said:
“The Messenger of Allah cursed men
who imitate women and women who imitate
men.” (Bukhari)
05 Islam prohibits looking at things
that arouse one sexually, such as
evil pictures.
Abdurrahmaan b. Abi Sa’eed al-Khudri
said that his father said that the Prophet
said:
‘‘A man should not look at another man’s
private parts, nor should a woman look at
another’s private parts. Two men should
not lay naked under one garment, and two
women should not lay naked under one
garment.” (Muslim)
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06 Listening to things that arouse
one sexually, such as certain
types of music.
Certain types of rhythms have the effect of
provoking one to do evil and can arouse
the individual sexually. The scholars were
truthful in their statement about music,
when they said, “Music leads to fornication.”
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07 The Prophet forbade sitting with
pre-pubescent youth and looking
at them intensely, especially if
they are attractive.
Abu Hurairah said that the Prophet said:
‘‘The son of Adam will commit his due
share of fornication. The eyes fornicate
and their fornication is looking at prohibited
things. The ears fornicate and their fornication
is listening to prohibited things.
The tongue fornicates and its fornication is
speaking to female strangers. The hand
fornicates and its fornication is to touch
unlawful things. The feet fornicate and
their fornication is walking to the prohibited.
The heart wishes and desires. Thereafter,
one may actually fornicate or come
close to doing it.” (Muslim)
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08 The Prophet forbade secluding
oneself with a woman not
from his immediate family.
In such a case, a person may fall prey to
satanic desires and fornicate with her. The
Prophet said:
‘‘Let not one of you seclude himself with a
woman [stranger], for Satan would be their
third.” (Ibn Hibban)
Free intermingling between both sexes is
prohibited in Islam, for prohibited relationships
may result. Hence, all that leads
to the prohibited is prohibited as well.
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Muhammad Qutub said in his book, Man
Between Materialism and Islam:
“Innocent coeducation was a great myth
that originated from the West. When the
West headed to secularism [and lost its ideals]
and aimed to treat sexual tension, the
sociologists and psychologists presented
the benefits of coeducation. Thereafter the
West realized the fallacies of these values
and benefits. Psychiatrists and psychologists
withdrew their opinions regarding
coeducation, and stated that slow dances,
innocent parties, mixed tea parties and picnics,
even under the supervision of parents,
arouse one’s desire. If these desires
are suppressed due to social circumstances
or shyness, this creates mental and nervous
anxiety after the calmness one feels during
these occasions. In this case, the youth resorts
to one of two things; either to go to a
place where he can do these things without
the barriers present, or reside in this state
of anxiety which leads to certain disorders.
Therefore, what kind of innocence and
nurturing is this?”
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09 Islam prohibits a woman to
describe another woman to her
husband for fear that he may dislike
his wife on account of that.
Some qualities that his wife tells to him
about her may be preferable to him and are
not present in his wife. Satan may even
provoke him to seek this woman. Abdullah
b. Masood said that the Messenger of Allah
said:
“A woman should not sit with another
woman in order to describe her to her husband
as though he is looking at her.” (Abu
Dawood)
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10 Women are forbidden to leave
their homes while they are perfumed
and beautified, for this
would cause people to look at them,
and hence lead to the unlawful. Allah
says:
“And abide in your houses and do not display
yourselves as [was] the way of the
former times of ignorance.” (33:33)
She is also prohibited to speak softly in a
submissive tone. This safeguards her from
weak men who desire fornication. A woman
should talk to men (strangers) when
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needed only, and when she does, she
should not talk in a flirtatious manner.
Allah says:
“If you fear Allah, then do not be soft in
speech [to men], lest he in whose heart is
disease should covet. Instead, speak with
appropriate speech.” (33:32)
Allah says:
“... And when you ask [his wives] for
something, ask them from behind a partition.
That is purer for your hearts and their
hearts” (33:53)
Islam forbids nudity and the displaying of
woman’s adornments. Allah says:
“O children of Adam, We have bestowed
upon you clothing to conceal your private
parts and as adornment. But the clothing of
righteousness – that is best. That is from
the signs of Allah that perhaps they will
remember.” (7:26)
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Abu Hurairah said that the Messenger of
Allah said:
“There are two types of people who will be
punished in Hell whom I have not seen:
men having whips like the tails of cows
and they will be beating people with them,
and women who will be dressed but appear
to be naked, inviting to evil, and they
themselves will be inclined to it. Their
heads will appear like the humps of the
Bactrian camel inclined to one side. They
will not enter Paradise and they will not
even smell its fragrance which is perceptible
from such a far distance.” (Muslim)
Islam clearly lists with whom the woman
is allowed to uncover her apparent adornment.
Allah says:
“And tell the believing women to lower
their gaze and protect their private parts
and not expose their adornment except that
which [necessarily] appears thereof and to
wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over
their chests and not expose their adorn-
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ment except to their husbands, their fathers,
their husbands’ fathers, their sons,
their husbands’ sons, their brothers, their
brothers’ sons, their sisters’ sons, their
women, that which their right hands possess,
or those male attendants having no
physical desire, or children who are not yet
aware of the private aspects of women.
And let them not stamp their feet to make
known what they conceal of their adornment...”
(24:31)
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11 It is prohibited for the woman to
travel alone, without a Mahram
(male guardian) such as the husband,
father, brother, or relative who is prohibited
for her to marry. The Messenger
of Allah said:
‘‘A man should not sit in seclusion with a
woman [stranger], nor should she travel
without Mahram.’ A man then asked the
Prophet , ‘O Messenger of Allah I have
enlisted to go in such and such battle, and
my wife has left to make pilgrimage!’ The
Prophet said, ‘Go make the pilgrimage
with your wife.” (Bukhari)
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The wisdom behind this is to preserve and
safeguard the woman’s chastity, for usually
traveling is not easy, and presents many
unique challenges. Furthermore, the woman
has special circumstances in that she
menstruates, may be pregnant, and may
need to breastfeed her child. Therefore,
during travel, she benefits from a person
who safeguards and protects her from
those who wish to harm her in any way or
take her money. She is also in need of
someone who provides her with her needs,
and ensures her comfort. The Mahram is
obliged to do all this, so she would not require
the assistance of a stranger.
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12 The Prophet commanded Muslims
to approach their wives if they
see a woman who stimulates their
sexual desire, in order to relieve
themselves from this desire in a lawful
manner.
By doing this, he safeguards himself from
falling into evil, and rids himself of the
whispering of Satan. The Messenger of Allah
said:
‘‘The woman comes in a shape similar to
Satan, and goes in a shape similar to Satan.’
(Muslim)
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13 Islam commands both spouses to
satisfy each other’s sexual desire
when either spouse desires.
It is prohibited for a woman to refuse her
husband’s request when he wants to satisfy
his sexual desire, since this would lead him
to evil. He may search for other methods to
satisfy his desire, or develop mental pressure,
and both are detrimental to health.
The Prophet said:
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‘‘If the husband calls his wife to sleep with
him, and she refuses, and he sleeps that
night angry with her, the Angels curse her
until the morning.” (Abu Dawood)
The husband must also satisfy his wife’s
desires in order to protect and safeguard
her from evils. Imam Ibn Hazm, may Allah
have mercy on him, said:
‘‘It is a duty of the husband to have intercourse
with his wife, when she becomes
purified if he is capable of doing so. Otherwise,
he is a sinner. The proof of this is in
the words of Allah:
“And when they have purified themselves,
then go in unto them as Allah has ordained
for you.” (2:222)
Due to the severity of this matter, if the
husband does not fulfill the wife’s desire,
she can raise her matter to the legal courts
– if needed – so that she can take her due
rights. This maintains the safeness of society
from all evils.
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Allah has indeed threatened those who
love to see evil become widespread in the
community with a most severe punishment.
He says:
“Indeed, those who like that immorality
should be spread [or publicized] among
those who have believed will have a painful
punishment in this world and the Hereafter.
And Allah knows and you do not
know.” (24:19)
If this is the punishment of those who like
illicit relations to become apparent (in society),
what is the punishment of those
who engage in it and help spread it in society?
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To download and read the complete book,
click on the cover picture here.
This is an excerpt
of a larger book titled
«Islamic Perspective on Sex»
by Abd Ar- Rahman
bin Abd Al-Kareem Ash-Sheha.
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