In the Name of Allah,


the Most Gracious,


the Most Merciful


STEPS ISLAM Takes to


Regulate Inappropriate


SEXUAL DESIRE


Islam prohibits everything, which arouses


one sexually – except what occurs between


spouses – for fear that a person would do


what is unlawful. The following steps


are carried out in Islam to prevent one


from becoming sexually aroused.


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01 Separating children in their


sleeping places.


The Prophet  said:


‘‘Command your children to perform


prayers when they are seven, and beat


them [if they do not perform prayer] when


they are ten, and separate them in their


sleeping places.” (Abu Dawood)


This is to prevent anything that would


arouse them sexually while they are asleep.


Islam orders Muslim women to cover


themselves, act with modesty (Hijab) and


not to socialize with non-Mahram(1) men,


so that they can preserve their chastity and


avoid arousing their sexual desires. Allah


says:


“O Prophet, tell your wives and your


daughters and the women of the believers


to bring down over themselves [part] of


their outer garments. That is more suitable


that they will be known and not be abused.


And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful.”


(33:59)


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Islam has made it lawful for elderly women,


who neither desire marriage, nor are


desired by others, to take off their outer


garment (abaya). Allah says:


“And women of post-menstrual age who


have no desire for marriage – there is no


blame upon them for putting aside their


outer garments [but] not displaying adornment.


But to modestly refrain [from that] is


better for them. And Allah is Hearing and


Knowing.” (24:60)


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02 Lowering the gaze.


The Muslim is ordered to lower his gaze


and not look at prohibited things. The concern


is that a person would stare passionately


after the initial look, then imagine,


and finally do the unlawful. Allah says:


“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze


and guard their private parts. That is purer


for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with


what they do. And tell the believing women


to lower their gaze and guard their private


parts and not expose their adornment


except that which [necessarily] appears


thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their


headcovers over their chests and not expose


their adornment except to their husbands,


their fathers, their husbands’ fathers,


their sons, their husbands’ sons, their


brothers, their brothers’ sons, their sisters’


sons, their women, that which their right


hands possess, or those male attendants


having no physical desire, or children who


are not yet aware of the private aspects of


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women. And let them not stamp their feet


to make known what they conceal of their


adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance,


all of you, O believers, that you


might succeed.” (24:30-1)


Ibn al-Qayyim, may Allah have mercy on


him, said(3):


‘‘Since [fornication] stems from what one


sees, the command to lower the gaze is


given precedence over safeguarding one’s


private parts (to be chaste). All incidents


stem from what one sees. Similarly, a fire


starts with small sparks. An unlawful look,


evolves into a thought [in the heart] which


leads one to action and finally to the sin


itself. That is why it is said:


‘‘Four things: the eyesight, thoughts, utterances,


and actions. Whoever safeguards


these, he preserves his Deen.’”


One may happen to glance at something


unlawful, but it is prohibited for him to


look at it intently or a second time.


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The Prophet  said to Ali:


“O Ali, do not look over and over. You


would not be chastised on account of the


first glance, but would be chastised on account


of the second.”


In order to encourage Muslims to lower


their gaze, the Prophet  stated the reward


a Muslim receives when he lowers his gaze


out of fear of Allah and in hope of His reward.


He  said:


“A glance is similar to a poisoned arrow of


[Satan]. Whoever leaves it due to the fear


of Allah and to seek His pleasure receives


reward and his faith increases, the pleasure


of which he feels in his heart.” (Weak Hadith


– Targheeb, Al-Albaani)


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03 Seeking permission before entering


upon someone, so that he


would not see something that is


unlawful.


Allah says:


“O you who have believed, let those whom


your right hands possess and those who


have not [yet] reached puberty among you


ask permission of you [before entering] at


three times: before the dawn prayer and


when you put aside your clothing [for rest]


at noon and after the night prayer. [These


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are] three times of privacy for you. There


is no blame upon you nor upon them beyond


these [periods], for they continually


circulate among you - some of you, among


others. Thus does Allah make clear to you


the verses; and Allah is Knowing and


Wise.” (24:58)


Allah continues by saying:


“And when the children among you reach


puberty, let them ask permission [at all


times] as those before them have done.


Thus does Allah make clear to you His


verses; and Allah is Knowing and Wise.”


(24:59)


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04 Islam prohibits men to imitate


women and women to imitate


men.


Ibn Abbas said:


“The Messenger of Allah  cursed men


who imitate women and women who imitate


men.” (Bukhari)


05 Islam prohibits looking at things


that arouse one sexually, such as


evil pictures.


Abdurrahmaan b. Abi Sa’eed al-Khudri


said that his father said that the Prophet 


said:


‘‘A man should not look at another man’s


private parts, nor should a woman look at


another’s private parts. Two men should


not lay naked under one garment, and two


women should not lay naked under one


garment.” (Muslim)


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06 Listening to things that arouse


one sexually, such as certain


types of music.


Certain types of rhythms have the effect of


provoking one to do evil and can arouse


the individual sexually. The scholars were


truthful in their statement about music,


when they said, “Music leads to fornication.”


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07 The Prophet forbade sitting with


pre-pubescent youth and looking


at them intensely, especially if


they are attractive.


Abu Hurairah said that the Prophet  said:


‘‘The son of Adam will commit his due


share of fornication. The eyes fornicate


and their fornication is looking at prohibited


things. The ears fornicate and their fornication


is listening to prohibited things.


The tongue fornicates and its fornication is


speaking to female strangers. The hand


fornicates and its fornication is to touch


unlawful things. The feet fornicate and


their fornication is walking to the prohibited.


The heart wishes and desires. Thereafter,


one may actually fornicate or come


close to doing it.” (Muslim)


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08 The Prophet  forbade secluding


oneself with a woman not


from his immediate family.


In such a case, a person may fall prey to


satanic desires and fornicate with her. The


Prophet  said:


‘‘Let not one of you seclude himself with a


woman [stranger], for Satan would be their


third.” (Ibn Hibban)


Free intermingling between both sexes is


prohibited in Islam, for prohibited relationships


may result. Hence, all that leads


to the prohibited is prohibited as well.


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Muhammad Qutub said in his book, Man


Between Materialism and Islam:


“Innocent coeducation was a great myth


that originated from the West. When the


West headed to secularism [and lost its ideals]


and aimed to treat sexual tension, the


sociologists and psychologists presented


the benefits of coeducation. Thereafter the


West realized the fallacies of these values


and benefits. Psychiatrists and psychologists


withdrew their opinions regarding


coeducation, and stated that slow dances,


innocent parties, mixed tea parties and picnics,


even under the supervision of parents,


arouse one’s desire. If these desires


are suppressed due to social circumstances


or shyness, this creates mental and nervous


anxiety after the calmness one feels during


these occasions. In this case, the youth resorts


to one of two things; either to go to a


place where he can do these things without


the barriers present, or reside in this state


of anxiety which leads to certain disorders.


Therefore, what kind of innocence and


nurturing is this?”


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09 Islam prohibits a woman to


describe another woman to her


husband for fear that he may dislike


his wife on account of that.


Some qualities that his wife tells to him


about her may be preferable to him and are


not present in his wife. Satan may even


provoke him to seek this woman. Abdullah


b. Masood said that the Messenger of Allah


 said:


“A woman should not sit with another


woman in order to describe her to her husband


as though he is looking at her.” (Abu


Dawood)


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10 Women are forbidden to leave


their homes while they are perfumed


and beautified, for this


would cause people to look at them,


and hence lead to the unlawful. Allah


says:


“And abide in your houses and do not display


yourselves as [was] the way of the


former times of ignorance.” (33:33)


She is also prohibited to speak softly in a


submissive tone. This safeguards her from


weak men who desire fornication. A woman


should talk to men (strangers) when


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needed only, and when she does, she


should not talk in a flirtatious manner.


Allah says:


“If you fear Allah, then do not be soft in


speech [to men], lest he in whose heart is


disease should covet. Instead, speak with


appropriate speech.” (33:32)


Allah says:


“... And when you ask [his wives] for


something, ask them from behind a partition.


That is purer for your hearts and their


hearts” (33:53)


Islam forbids nudity and the displaying of


woman’s adornments. Allah says:


“O children of Adam, We have bestowed


upon you clothing to conceal your private


parts and as adornment. But the clothing of


righteousness – that is best. That is from


the signs of Allah that perhaps they will


remember.” (7:26)


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Abu Hurairah said that the Messenger of


Allah  said:


“There are two types of people who will be


punished in Hell whom I have not seen:


men having whips like the tails of cows


and they will be beating people with them,


and women who will be dressed but appear


to be naked, inviting to evil, and they


themselves will be inclined to it. Their


heads will appear like the humps of the


Bactrian camel inclined to one side. They


will not enter Paradise and they will not


even smell its fragrance which is perceptible


from such a far distance.” (Muslim)


Islam clearly lists with whom the woman


is allowed to uncover her apparent adornment.


Allah says:


“And tell the believing women to lower


their gaze and protect their private parts


and not expose their adornment except that


which [necessarily] appears thereof and to


wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over


their chests and not expose their adorn-


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ment except to their husbands, their fathers,


their husbands’ fathers, their sons,


their husbands’ sons, their brothers, their


brothers’ sons, their sisters’ sons, their


women, that which their right hands possess,


or those male attendants having no


physical desire, or children who are not yet


aware of the private aspects of women.


And let them not stamp their feet to make


known what they conceal of their adornment...”


(24:31)


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11 It is prohibited for the woman to


travel alone, without a Mahram


(male guardian) such as the husband,


father, brother, or relative who is prohibited


for her to marry. The Messenger


of Allah  said:


‘‘A man should not sit in seclusion with a


woman [stranger], nor should she travel


without Mahram.’ A man then asked the


Prophet , ‘O Messenger of Allah I have


enlisted to go in such and such battle, and


my wife has left to make pilgrimage!’ The


Prophet said, ‘Go make the pilgrimage


with your wife.” (Bukhari)


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The wisdom behind this is to preserve and


safeguard the woman’s chastity, for usually


traveling is not easy, and presents many


unique challenges. Furthermore, the woman


has special circumstances in that she


menstruates, may be pregnant, and may


need to breastfeed her child. Therefore,


during travel, she benefits from a person


who safeguards and protects her from


those who wish to harm her in any way or


take her money. She is also in need of


someone who provides her with her needs,


and ensures her comfort. The Mahram is


obliged to do all this, so she would not require


the assistance of a stranger.


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12 The Prophet  commanded Muslims


to approach their wives if they


see a woman who stimulates their


sexual desire, in order to relieve


themselves from this desire in a lawful


manner.


By doing this, he safeguards himself from


falling into evil, and rids himself of the


whispering of Satan. The Messenger of Allah


 said:


‘‘The woman comes in a shape similar to


Satan, and goes in a shape similar to Satan.’


(Muslim)


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13 Islam commands both spouses to


satisfy each other’s sexual desire


when either spouse desires.


It is prohibited for a woman to refuse her


husband’s request when he wants to satisfy


his sexual desire, since this would lead him


to evil. He may search for other methods to


satisfy his desire, or develop mental pressure,


and both are detrimental to health.


The Prophet  said:


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‘‘If the husband calls his wife to sleep with


him, and she refuses, and he sleeps that


night angry with her, the Angels curse her


until the morning.” (Abu Dawood)


The husband must also satisfy his wife’s


desires in order to protect and safeguard


her from evils. Imam Ibn Hazm, may Allah


have mercy on him, said:


‘‘It is a duty of the husband to have intercourse


with his wife, when she becomes


purified if he is capable of doing so. Otherwise,


he is a sinner. The proof of this is in


the words of Allah:


“And when they have purified themselves,


then go in unto them as Allah has ordained


for you.” (2:222)


Due to the severity of this matter, if the


husband does not fulfill the wife’s desire,


she can raise her matter to the legal courts


– if needed – so that she can take her due


rights. This maintains the safeness of society


from all evils.


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Allah has indeed threatened those who


love to see evil become widespread in the


community with a most severe punishment.


He says:


“Indeed, those who like that immorality


should be spread [or publicized] among


those who have believed will have a painful


punishment in this world and the Hereafter.


And Allah knows and you do not


know.” (24:19)


If this is the punishment of those who like


illicit relations to become apparent (in society),


what is the punishment of those


who engage in it and help spread it in society?


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To download and read the complete book,


click on the cover picture here.


This is an excerpt


of a larger book titled


«Islamic Perspective on Sex»


by Abd Ar- Rahman


bin Abd Al-Kareem Ash-Sheha.


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