“And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts.” (Quran 30:21)

Love and mercy between your hearts is a beautiful way to describe a tranquil relationship between a man and a woman. Marriage is a sacred contract, one made not between a man and woman but between a couple and God. It is a relationship where rights and responsibilities are clear and the purpose is to please God by striving to secure a place in Paradise.  Just as mothers are able to exert great influence over their sons, wives too are able to influence their husbands. Great women, woman who love God above all else are a mercy and their husbands are often great men due to the unwavering support they receive from their wives.

Prophet Muhammad, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, said, “The best among you are those who are the best to their wives.”[1]  Why would he have made this clear on numerous occasions? Possibly because a partnership built on love and mercy cannot help but be successful, whereas a relationship built on dominance and mistrust rarely succeeds except in heartache and sorrow. Another reason might be due to the fact that in pre-Islamic Arabia females were so undervalued that baby girls were buried alive and women were owned like livestock.

One of the greatest role models for women, particularly wives, was born in this time of ignorance, yet she was able to rise above the discrimination around her and have one of history’s most successful marriages. She was Khadijah, the first, and for 25 years, the only wife of Prophet Muhammad. What do we know about Khadijah that made her such a fantastic wife and incredible role model?   Why do we consider Khadijah, the daughter of Khuwaylid, to be a great women standing by the side of a great man?

"Mary, the daughter of 'Imran, was the best among the women (of the world of her time) and Khadija is the best amongst the women (of this nation)."[2]  

Khadijah was 40 years old and twice widowed when she married Muhammed, then aged 25, who had not at that stage been granted prophethood. She was an accomplished businesswoman, wealthy in her own right with a reputation of dealing with the disabled, orphans, widows and the poor with kindness and compassion. Just as Prophet Muhammad was known as Al-Amin – the trustworthy one, Khadijah was known as At-Tahira, the pure one. Khadijah was impressed by Muhammad’s honesty when she employed him to trade for her in Syria and on his return to Makkah she defied the conventions of her time and proposed marriage to him. Muhammad accepted eagerly and promptly.

Islam teaches that a woman should always display tenderness and care towards her husband. Khadijah loved and supported Prophet Muhammad through the difficult years of the establishment of Islam. In the spirit of partnership and companionship inherent in a truly Islamic marriage, great men and women find no difficulty helping each other. Prophet Muhammad was known to perform many household chores such as cleaning and mending garments. It was narrated regarding him, “He used to keep himself busy in household chores and went out when the time for prayer came.”[3]

Khadijah, for her part kept a home that was a refuge from the trouble and problems Muhammad faced every day.  She also gave freely of her time and knowledge. She supported her husband with advice, and opinions and generally helped in practical ways. Prophet Muhamad said: “This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world is a righteous woman.”[4](Wife, mother, daughter)

When Prophet Muhammad first received revelation from the angel Gabriel, it was a very frightening experience. Although it was his habit to spend time alone in a cave meditating and pondering the wonders of the universe he did not expect to be visited by an angel demanding that he, an unlettered man, read. He ran home to his loving supportive wife as soon as he was able, saying “Cover me, cover me!” Prophet Muhammad told her what had happened and expressed his fear. Khadijah did not belittle him or disbelieve him rather she responded to his request to “cover me” and reassured him with kind loving words.

“God would never forsake you. You uphold the ties of kinship, speak the truth, spend money on the needy, give money to the penniless, honour  your guests and help those beset by difficulties”[5]

Consequently Khadijah was the first person to accept the message of Islam and she stood by her husband as family and friends turned against him, and plotted to kill him. As the fledgling band of Muslims grew, Khadijah supported the rise of Islam with her wealth and health. She provided food, water and medicines for the banished and boycotted community. Even though she was not accustomed to deprivation, Khadijah never complained about the poor conditions she was forced to endure nor did she begrudge that all her money went to support her husband in his mission.

 Khadijah was the perfect role model for wives in any situation or century. A marriage in the eyes of God makes two people one. They love and protect one another and never lose sight of the big picture. Khadijah understood that her real and everlasting life with Muhammad would be in Paradise where they would not need money nor want for comfort and shelter.

One day the angel Gabriel came to Prophet Muhammad and said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, Khadijah is coming to you with vessels containing food and drink. When she comes to you, convey to her the greeting of peace from God the Cherisher and Sustainer and from me, and give her the glad tidings of a house of pearls in Paradise, in which there is no noise or hard work.”[6]

Khadijah died shortly after the banishment ended, almost surely as a result of the poor conditions she endured. However, the love and mercy between the Messenger of God and Khadijah had continued to grow through their trials and tribulations and not even death could break the ties that bound them. Aisha[7] asked Prophet Muhammad if she had reached what Khadijah had reached in terms of the Prophet’s love. He replied, "She believed in me when no one else did; she accepted Islam when people rejected me; and she helped and comforted me when there was no one else to lend me a helping hand."[8] Aisha’s words also reveal the depth of love that is possible between a man and a woman whose marriage is based on seeking the pleasure of God.


 

Never did I feel jealous of any woman as I was jealous of Khadijah. She had died three years before he married me. I often heard him praise her, and his Lord, the Exalted and Glorious, had commanded him to give her the glad tidings of a palace of jewels in Paradise: and whenever he slaughtered a sheep he presented (its meat) to her female companions[9].

It is said that marriage is half of one’s religion[10] and this becomes understandable and obvious when we are able to observe a marriage such as that of Prophet Muhammad and Khadijah. This great woman stood beside a great man when he felt lost, alone and worried.

 

“The best women of humankind are four: Mariam, daughter of Imran, Assiya, the wife of Pharaoh, Khadija, daughter of Khuwailid, and Fatima the daughter of the Messenger of God[1].”

The key to success for any woman is to live life according to God’s guidance.  This guidance is contained in the Quran and the traditions of Prophet Muhammad.  In our discussion about great women standing with their men we have talked about the role of wives and mothers, today it is the turn of daughters.  Daughters can hold great sway over their beloved fathers.  You might have heard the expression, “she twists her daddy around her little finger”, meaning that the daughter is able to persuade her father easily.  That certainly holds a great deal of truth but daughters can also guide, protect and support their fathers. 

A daughter’s love can propel a father on to new and greater things and  a daughter’s support can be invaluable.  The daughter we will discuss is Fatimah, the beloved youngest daughter of Prophet Muhammad and his wife Khadijah.  Fatimah was the youngest of four living children, all daughters.  She was a quiet, sensitive child, devoted to her parents, and close to her sisters.  However by the time she was ten years old she had occasion to stand before what must have appeared to be invincible men and speak up for her father.  She had the shape of a child and the heart of a lion.

One day when the Prophet was praying near the Kaba some men from the noble families of Makkah bought a pail of she-camel intestines and dumped them on his back while he was in prostration.  They were undoubtedly heavy and smelly yet the Prophet continued with his prayer.  Fatimah stood amongst the men unafraid of their menacing behaviour.  She removed the intestines and verbally lashed out at the men, who stood by but did not respond to the little girl.[2]

On another occasion Fatimah was with her father as he circumambulated around the Kaba.  The mob gathered around him and tried to strangle him with his own clothes.  Young Fatimah screamed and shouted for help and on this occasion Abu Bakr came to the Prophet’s rescue and was beaten severely.  While other little girls were running and playing Fatimah witnessed her father’s ordeals.  Instead of gaiety and laughter Fatimah worried about her father and defended his mission.  Both Father and daughter became very close companions.

The Prophet’s treatment of Fatimah clearly shows the love and respect he had for his youngest child.  He is known to have said, “Fatimah is a part of me, and he who makes her angry, makes me angry.”[3]  Life for Fatimah continued to be difficult and depressing.  The persecution and boycott of the Muslims continued unabated and the Prophet, his family and followers were forced to abandon their homes and seek refuge in a small valley.  There they were forced to undergo months and months of hardship and suffering and it is said that the wailing of hungry children could be heard across the valley and in the township of Makkah.   

Fatimah’s mother, the great lady Khadijah died shortly after the boycott ended, probably due to the months of deprivation.  Fatimah was grief stricken and her family feared for her health but she rallied and grew even closer to her father.  She cared for him and supported him so completely that she for a time was known as Umm Abi-ha, the mother of her father.  On one occasion her father returned home covered in the mud and dust thrown on him by a mob.  Young Fatimah cried as if her heart would break and her father said to her, “Do not cry my daughter,” he said, “for God shall protect your father.”[4]

Prophet Muhammad loved Fatimah, however, he did not show her any special treatment as far as following a path of righteousness was concerned.  Prophet Muhammad was concerned, as all good father’s are with his daughter’s hereafter.  One day when dealing with a thief the Prophet was heard saying, “The people before you were destroyed because they used to inflict the legal punishments on the poor and forgive the rich.  By Him in Whose Hand is my soul! If my daughter Fatimah did that (i.e.  stole), I would cut off her hand.” 

Fatimah married her cousin and childhood friend Ali ibn Abu Talib.  Although many men asked for Fatimah’s hand including Abu Bakr and Omar ibn Al Khattab, Prophet Muhammad facilitated the marriage between his daughter and Ali.  The bond between father and daughter remained strong and Prophet Muhammad was often seen to visit Fatimah after he returned from a journey or battle before he visited any of his wives.  What comfort the Prophet must have found in the presence of Fatimah.  Perhaps she reminded him of his beloved Khadijah; perhaps he loved to be in the presence of the little girl who stood up to the mob to protect her father time and time again.  That little girl was now a strong and resourceful Muslim woman. 

Fathers do not only inspire their daughters but are often inspired by them.  Fatimah’s reputation for piety and charity would have made her father proud and happy.  However no matter how close they were, a father is a father first and last, and when he discovered that Fatimah and Ali did not regularly pray the recommended night prayers, he voiced his disapproval in no uncertain terms[5].  Another time when Fatimah asked for a servant, Prophet Muhammad taught her and Ali the words of remembrance still said by millions of Muslims around the globe today.

“Shall I direct you to something better than what you have requested? When you go to bed say ‘Subhan Allah (How Perfect is God)’ thirty-three times, ‘Alhamdulillah (All praise and thanks are due to God)’ thirty three times, and Allahu Akbar (God is the Greatest)’ thirty four times, for that is better for you than a servant.”[6]

When Prophet Muhammad became seriously ill he called for his beloved daughter Fatimah.  He kissed her and whispered some words in her ear.  Fatimah wept and her father drew her close and whispered again, she smiled.  When Prophet Muhammad’s wife Aisha asked her about the conversation she replied, “He first told me that he would meet his Lord after a short while and so I cried.  Then he said ‘Don’t cry for you will be the first of my household to join me.’ [7]  So I smiled.” In another narration Prophet Muhammad is said to have told Fatimah that she would be the leader of the women of Paradise.[8]

Fatimah is one of the four great women of Islam.  She was a wife and a mother but before that she was first and foremost, a daughter.  One of the most distinguishing characteristics of a Muslim daughter is her treatment of her parents.  Fatimah was kind and respectful, and full of compassion and love.  She learned her manners from the lady Khadijah; she learned forbearance from her father.  God fashioned a daughter worthy of emulating.