My Parents Won’t Let Me Practice Islam Until I am 14
13 June, 2020
QMy parents won’t let me practice Islam until I am 14. I still want to pray but can’t fast. Should I convert behind their backs or obey their orders? I don’t know what to do because I really believe in Allah(SWT).
ANSWER
Daud Matthews
13 June, 2020
Short Answer: I believe it is never a good thing to start something in the wrong way. Let us see if we can get your parents to accept your fasting. Having said that, I have found some Muslims actually do hide their conversion to Islam from their families. They announced their conversion after some time, even years. Personally, while I don’t favour that approach, I can see it might be an alternative in specific situations.
Thank you for your question. It is one which is often asked by the children of born Muslims as well.
“O you who believe! Fasting is prescribed for you, as it was prescribed for those before you, in order that you may be among those that have taqwa.” [Quran 2:183]
Where taqwa can have many meanings: piety, fear of Allah, consciousness of Allah, in the case of fasting – restraint, and many more.
Summary
Choose the shorter days in summer. Commence on a weekend and, initially, break the fast at lunchtime and then fast again for the afternoon. Encourage your parents to try it with you, so he can experience for himself any (perceived) hardship or even benefit. Fasting Ramadan in this day and age can be compared to a detox course in terms of health benefits.
Disclaimer
I believe it is never a good thing to start something in the wrong way. Let us see if we can get your parents to accept your fasting. Having said that, I have found some Muslims actually do hide their conversion to Islam from their families.
They announced their conversion after some time, even years. Personally, while I don’t favour that approach, I can see it might be an alternative in specific situations.
Obligatory fasting – What age?
Fasting is one of the five pillars of Islam. That is, it is one of the main obligatory acts of worship. The question is when to start? This is usually answered by when one reaches puberty. However, puberty can occur between the ages of 9 and 19.
My Parents Won’t Let Me Practice Islam Until I am 14
Many children are asking to fast and even encouraged to do so from the age of 10. However, there is no specific age defined in Islam.
13 is usually taken as the age of puberty. Initially, children are not expected to just commence the full fast. Some parents encourage their children to fast two fasts in a day. That is, they end the fast with lunch and then again afterward, until sunset.
It is usually best to commence fasting on weekends, where the parents can see for themselves whether there is any distress for their child. Again, since the fasts in summer, in the Northern Hemisphere, are longer than in the winter.
Winter is an easier time to commence fasting. The cooler weather suggests the fasting person will not have possible dehydration (lack of water) problems that they might encounter in the summer.
Can anything extra be done in hot weather?
This writer, originally from the UK spent 23 years in Saudi Arabia and fasted without problems, praise be to God. Initially, it was suggested to him, if he felt uncomfortable then he should do wudhu’ / ablution.
This had the effect of cooling him down. He found in rinsing his mouth he had a problem, making sure no water was actually swallowed. He was uncomfortable with this and dispensed with the extra ablutions.
A recommended course of action
My recommendation to you is to request your parents to let you fast two fasts in a day to start with (breaking at lunchtime). To start your first fast on a weekend in summer. This way your parents can see for themselves how you cope.
Of course, strenuous exercise (e.g. playing football) is not recommended during fasting periods and certainly not in hot weather. God Willing, you will ease your way into fasting in this manner and your parents will support you through it.
Son Engaged in a Haram Relationship
11 June, 2020
QMy son committed zina with his girlfriend. He is 20 years old, and still living with me, what should I do?
ANSWER
Aisha Mohammad
11 June, 2020
In this counseling answer:
•Sit down with your son and have an open discussion about sexuality, Islamic values, the importance of repentance and finally marriage.
•Ask your son if he is ready to get married and if not, ask him if he is able to refrain from sexual intercourse.
•Discuss with him why zina is haram, what the consequences are spiritually as well as ask him if he has repented and if not.
•Encourage him to read Qur’an, keep his 5 daily salats and make dua.
As-salamu alaykum,
Your son is at the age wherein many young adults, both Muslim and no-Muslim slip into this type of haram behavior.
Son Engaged in a Haram Relationship - About Islam
I Caught My Son Surfing Porn Websites!
As hormones and desires are at a high level, it is hard to control, hence the Islamic rules for not dating or being alone with the opposite sex.
I would kindly suggest that you sit down with your son and have an open discussion about sexuality, Islamic values, the importance of repentance and finally marriage.
Getting married
I would ask your son if he is ready to get married and if not, ask him if he is able to refrain from sexual intercourse. If he is not ready to marry this girl, as the parent and as it is your home, it is within your rights as he is an adult to state that as a condition of him living there, he must abide by Allah’s laws as well as yours-which means he needs to stop seeing this girl and live within Islamic boundaries.
Calm talk
I would also suggest that when you do talk to him, try to keep the conversation calm, non-accusatory and non-judgmental. While this may be hard as the offense is severe if you do not- it will only shut him down and push him away.
Son Engaged in a Haram Relationship - About Islam
Your goal is to make him feel comfortable in speaking with you so you can bring him closer to you and closer to Allah as well as getting on the right path in Al-Islam insha’Allah.
Why zina is haram
I would offer him a set of skills to help him overcome his desire to commit zina as is prescribed in many Islamic video’s, articles and lectures.
I would also kindly suggest that you discuss with him why zina is haram, what the consequences are spiritually as well as ask him if he has repented and if not, explain repentance to him as well as the dire need for him to do so.
While he may already know, reminders are needed for everyone in this life from time to time. Seek to build up his iman as well as try to connect him to Islamic study groups for young single men.
Encourage him to involve himself in Islamic social outings rather than being immersed in haram activities. Talk to him about the benefits of purity and remaining free from zina.
Check out this counseling video
Ask him if he wishes for his future wife to be pure, and if so, should she expect him to be pure as well. This will encourage him to think insha’Allah.
By engaging him in an open conversation and allowing him to express his needs, fears and struggles, you are opening the door to true communication which insha’Allah may bear great fruits of repentance, understanding and a change in behaviors.
Get your son on the right path
Encourage him to read Qur’an, keep his 5 daily salats and make dua. As he is your son and you love him, your goal is to draw him closer to you and Allah as his life depends on his relationship with Allah SWT.
As a parent it is beneficial to try as best we can to get our children on the right path, even when they are grown, they are still out children.
Lastly, I would begin to prepare your son for marriage for either now or in the future.
Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said, “ Oh young men! Whoever is capable [financially and otherwise] to [afford the expenses] of marriage, let him do so. [Marriage] helps one control his eyesight and chastise his private parts. But, he who can’t afford the marriage expenses, let him observe fast as it would [act] as a protector for him”
You and your son are in our prayers, please let us know how you are doing.
