Allah Created Women for Men’s Sexual Pleasure?
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QI am feeling suicidal because of Allah and Islam. I am depressed about how Allah has given excessive power to parents and husbands. Islam’s stance on slavery is impacting me badly. How Allah mentions in the Quran ‘Whom He pleases’ several times despairs me.
Allah places extreme conditions on us in order for our prayers to get answered. Allah is unfair with women and children in every way: from wealth inheritance to freedom to choose our own way of life.
Allah has bestowed immense power to both parents and husbands that if we, minor, don’t obey them he’ll be a sure quarantine. I believe Islam is no less bad and harsh than other religions.
I have read Q/A on other Islamic platforms and they are so disturbing and traumatizing. It disgusts me to learn that Allah created women for men’s sexual pleasure, while children are to serve as servants to their parents.
I am really considering leaving this faith as Islam is taking a huge mental toll on me that it is impacting my life to a point of suicide. I am sure that there are many children and women like me who think the same as me. I feel cursed to be a Muslim. Could you please help me?
ANSWER
In this counseling answer:
Please, contact your physician or go to the nearest community center for counseling. If you feel that you’re going to harm yourself, please call the National Suicide Hotline in your country. Also, tell someone who is close to you.
Sister, I understand you are feeling horrified, depressed, and traumatized by what you are learning. However, you are only learning a very small part of the logic and rulings.
Additionally, you have not yet learned of all of the rights you do have nor of your elevated status in Islam as a woman and that of children. I kindly suggest that you join a women’s study group in order to add to your current knowledge base.
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Status of Women in Islam
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There is always wisdom in what Allah has created for our way of life and for Islamic foundations.
Learn about the life of Prophet Muhammad’s wives.
As salamu alaykum dear sister,
I am so sorry that you are feeling distraught due to what you have been reading about Islam, but please sister, be assured that this is not the case. Allah is most fair, merciful and just.
Oftentimes when we study things, we can perceive them in a distorted way if we do not have a clear understanding of what is being said, in what context, as well as other things that may influence our perceptions.
Depression, Suicidal Ideation
Sister, first of all, I want to address your feelings of depression, distress, and suicide ideation. I would highly suggest at this point since you are so traumatized and distraught that you do seek counseling if possible.
Please, contact your physician or go to the nearest community center for counseling. If you feel that you’re going to harm yourself, please call the National Suicide Hotline in your country. Also, tell someone who is close to you.
In sha Allah dear sister please do make a promise to yourself that you will not harm yourself because nothing is worth taking your life or hurting yourself, not even that which you perceive to be Islam.
By further studying and understanding, the contexts of what you are learning you will see that Islam is not one-sided, Allah is not unfair to women, in fact-in Islam women and children are elevated in society.
Allah Loves You
Secondly, I would like you to know that Allah swt does love you very much He desires the very best for you in every aspect.
Currently, there are many misconceptions in your understanding of Islam, women, and children which need to be resolved.
You need to understand and feel the full freedom and empowerment as a young Muslim woman.
With that said, I would like to address the rest of your question with the assurance that you will Insha’Allah seek mental health counseling to help address some of the depression, trauma, and despair that you feel.
Allah is Just and Fair
Sister Allah is most loving, fair, merciful, and he does not favor men over women. Some hadiths and verses you may have read may appear to show favoritism towards parents and men. However, there is always wisdom in what Allah has created for our way of life and for Islamic foundations.
For instance, respect for parents is very important in Islam. Rightfully so as our parents have brought us into this world, sacrificed for us, and took care of us when we were growing up.
Disrespect of parents is universally condemned unless of course there are situations which go against the safety and well-being of a child such as abuse or neglect.
There are some wisdom and conditions that Allah puts on men and women. Yes, they are different sometimes. Men have greater responsibilities thus they have greater accountability to Allah for certain things.
Women and children have responsibilities and accountability as well, although it may be in different ways. At times, these ways and accountabilities may seem as if they are put below men but I can assure you that they are not.
If we look at the following verses and hadith, it can give us a better understanding:
In the Quran, Allah states
“…Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you…” (Qur’an: 49:13).
Sister, this does not say men or women, it says those who are most righteous. The Qur’an also states
“To whoever, male or female, does good deeds and has faith, we shall give a good life and reward them according to the best of their actions.” (16:97).
Just from these two examples, we can see there is no favoritism. Men and women are not identical but they are equal.
Now there are hadith which say “a man repeatedly asked Muhammad (pbuh), “Who amongst the people is the worthiest of my good companionship?” Each time, the Prophet (pbuh) replied, “Your mother.” When the man asked for the fourth time, he replied, “Your father.” And “Emphasizing the importance of mothers, the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said, “Heaven lies under the feet of your mother.”
As a female, you might be comforted to know one day that your elevation and status as a mom are highly regarded in Islam.
Rights and Statuses
The prophet Muhammad (PBUH) granted many rights and statuses to women in Islam that they did not have previously! These include the right to inheritances, to vote, to be educated, and to become scholars. Some women fought on battlefields; some were sought for their political advice.
Women are able to work if they so choose, but the money they earn is theirs. They are under no obligation to pay household bills, share it with their husband or other family members. The financial maintenance of a home is a husband’s responsibility.
Rights Over Parents
Sister, there are a lot of rights of children over parents as well. For instance, a child has the right to marry whomever they want as long as the person is acceptable Islamically.
Parents cannot force a child to marry someone whom the child does not want. According to AboutIslam, “a Muslim parent is not allowed to force their adult son or daughter into a marriage against their will, or to decide their marriage without consulting them/garnering their consent first.”
Additionally, Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) instructed parents to show their love to their children. The prophet (PBUH) stated
“He is not one of us who does not have mercy for children and respect for our seniors. (At-Tirmidhi). The prophet (PBUH) also stated that “He who does not show mercy (towards his children), no mercy would be shown to him” (Al-Bukhari).
Conclusion
Sister, I understand you are feeling horrified, depressed, and traumatized by what you are learning. However, you are only learning a very small part of the logic and rulings.
Additionally, you have not yet learned of all of the rights you do have nor of your elevated status in Islam as a woman and that of children. I kindly suggest that you join a women’s study group in order to add to your current knowledge base.
Additionally, Insha’Allah please do read about the prophet’s (PBUH) wives to gain a full understanding of who these women were and how powerful they were, each in their own way.
I have a feeling you will be amazed by these women, their rights, and their accomplishments. Lastly, and again, please do seek counseling as soon as possible to address your mental health status.
Please let us know how you are doing, we wish you the best.