I Was Attracted to Women, but Now I Feel I’m Gay

QHi, recently, nearly a month ago, I started to have homosexual thoughts. I’ve never really looked at a guy and been attracted to him. It’s always been like “oh he probably gets all the girls”.

My whole life I’ve been straight, always wanted to be with a girl, had many crushes growing up (alhamdulillah nothing happened there). I never had a problem with my sexuality. Nowadays, however, I keep doubting myself. Asking myself questions such as “what if I am really gay”? “What if I really do like this man”? I often think about my future wife and how nice that would be. I think about how nice it would be to have a kid with her, thinking about all the good times we can potentially have.

My attraction to women has kind of been off since I’ve been having these thoughts though. Before I would be able to look at women and instantly know whether or not I was attracted to them, nowadays I find myself being unsure and overthinking every time I see women.

I believe these thoughts are from shaytan as I know he knows that this is a vulnerability point of mine. I’m just not quite sure how to return back to my original state (no gay thoughts, full attraction to women).

I don’t know how to fully convince myself and put my heart at ease that I’m straight and there’s nothing to worry about.
ANSWER

In this counseling answer:
since you have always liked girls, this is probably just a phase you are going through which will diminish if you do not constantly put attention to it.

Same-Sex Feelings: How to Get Rid of Them?

Insha’Allah, try the divert and ’let it go” methods.

***

As salamu alaykum,
You have a common question that a lot of young people experience, but may fear talking about or asking. I applaud you for writing to us with your question.

Homosexual Thoughts
Suppport AboutIslam.net
Many teens have these thoughts. They often come and go. Sometimes however such as in your case, it can be disturbing. When it becomes disturbing to the point that your thoughts are interfering with daily life or are becoming so troublesome that you doubt or question who you are, then maybe it is time to examine the possibility of anxiety and intrusive thoughts.

Anxiety & Intrusive Thoughts
Intrusive thoughts are related to anxiety and anxiety is related to situations that become very uncomfortable. It is kind of like the mind’s way of dealing with the uncomfortableness.

It is almost like the mind keeps checking itself over and over to make sure it is thinking and processing information in the correct manner. However this intrusive and repetitive thinking often time only increases the anxiety.

Diverting Thoughts
What you may be experiencing can be resolved insha’Allah by diverting your thoughts to something else. For instance, if you start thinking you are confused about how you feel about a girl, divert your thought to a task at hand, or in remembrance of a fun event.

When you stop putting a lot of emphasis and thoughts on a subject, it tends to diminish.

For instance, some people when they pray keep having bad thoughts and doubts about Allah. Though they love Allah very much it is oftentimes their worry and anxiety which causes overthinking and doubts. This in turn stimulates the amygdala to overreact and produce more fear worry and anxiety.

Letting Thoughts Come & Go
I would kindly suggest dear brother that you try to let thoughts come and go. If a thought comes up such as ’what if you really like this man” or being unsure of yourself regarding your attraction to women, let the thoughts come and go.

Don’t focus on them, don’t try to analyze them, don’t create new thoughts. Just let them come and go. When we stop giving attention and significance to intruding thoughts, they tend to decrease and go away. They lose their power. In sha Allah this will happen for you if you try these techniques

Common Feelings
As noted earlier many teens both male and female go through these feelings where they may have thoughts and desires for the same sex. Most of the time these feelings go away if not given a lot of thought and power. Sometimes they do not.

Yes, there are some people who are born gay. However, they usually are not attracted to the opposite sex and then suddenly switch up, it is not that simple. At this point, since you have always liked girls this is probably just a phase you are going through which will diminish if you do not constantly put attention to it.

Conclusion
In conclusion, as a Muslim, these can be troubling thoughts. However, they are just thoughts/feelings. Try not to give them the power to overcome you so that you think about them all of the time.

Insha’Allah, try the divert and ’let it go” methods.