How Can We Speed Up Our Marriage Process?

QI know a friend of mine for 8 years. Three years ago, he proposed me and I asked him to approach my parents. His parents are separated and he is not in touch with his father.

My parents initially did not accept him because of his background, but within a year they accepted.

Soon after that, his mom called my parents from Kuwait as she stays there and said she would be coming in few months and will marry us off. But she hasn’t come yet.

She is stuck with a legal process and has a travel ban. My parents now have lost hope of this guy as there are a lot of problems with his family and they can’t marry us off without his mom.

However, over time I have developed feelings for him. Now we want to get married. We cannot wait for his mom to come.

Please suggest what I should do.

ANSWER

In this counseling answer:

Seek Allah’s guidance through prayer, talk with your fiancé , his mother and your parents about possible solutions.

If none can be found and this man is a good husband for you, I kindly suggest that you do not delay your marriage.

If his mother can’t attend, you can skype her in for the wedding, if possible.

It is, after all, your lives, and your right to marry.

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As Salamu ‘Alaykum sister,
Thank you for writing us. As I understand, you have someone you wish to marry whom you have known him for 8 years. Alhamdulillah sister, congratulations on your upcoming marriage, insha’Allah!

Happy event

While this should be a happiest and joyous event, there are a few problems as you stated. First, your family was not going to accept him as his parents are separated and his father has lost touch.

How this affects this young man’s practice of Islam and his suitability as a spouse is unknown to me and it is possibly a sign of cultural preferences and traditions rather than Islamic ones as we all stand in front of Allah alone.

With that said, I am happy dear sister to hear your family is finally applying true Islamic principles and values when it comes to situations such as your marriage.

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In regards to his mom having a travel ban, did she say how long it might be?
While there seems to be much confusion around your marrying this man, if you both truly want to marry then you should insha’Allah wait until his mom is able to come.

If it is an unknown or if it is very long, I would kindly suggest that you both get married now and have a walimah when she gets here so she may be part of the festivities.

If possible, you can skype her in for the wedding. While this, of course, is not optimal, it would provide marriage for you both and Islamically, we are to not put off marriage.

Another option would be for you and your family and your fiancé to fly to Kuwait and marry. Of course, I do not know the financial implications of this or if it is even a possibility.

Time limit
However, as his mom has been saying she is coming month after month for over a year and a half, something does not sound right. I am not familiar with the laws in Kuwait, but a travel ban this long does not sound right.

I am not sure if it has to do with the separation from her husband although I cannot see why there would be one. Or it could be something else. A year and a half is a long time to be under a ban.

I would kindly suggest dear sister that you sit down with your fiancé, your parents and his mom and discuss these options. Please do insha’Allah bring Islamic proofs as to why delaying a marriage is not good nor recommended.

Seek Allah’s Guidance
Lastly, and most importantly, seek Allah’s guidance in this matter through prayer, du’aa’ and istakhara prayer. Perhaps, this is a test from Allah in regards to patients. Or perhaps it is time for you both to more actively pursue your married life regardless of who objects or who can attend.

While this is meant as no disrespect to your parents, as much honor and due respect are accorded to them. It is sometimes a wakeup call for those who seek marriage but find familial obstacles such as you are experiencing.

Conclusion
Often times families will go back and forth on dates, details, availability and so on, while the couple who wish to be married, wait and wait till it is sorted out. This can take years!

Also, waiting until everyone else figures out what is best for them can lead to despair for the couple, as you are going through now.

Sister, please, do insha’Allah seek Allah’s guidance through prayer, talk with your fiancé and both your parents about possible solutions. If none can be found and this man is halal for you and will make a good Islamic husband, I kindly suggest that you do not delay your marriage. It is, after all, your lives, and your right to marry.