A Newlywed: “I Can’t Believe What My Husband Did in His Past” My discovery is literally driving me crazy. It makes me feel like he is not the pure and pious man I thought he was. It also makes me think of him as a hypocrite who only went to Hajj to cleanse his sins before seeking marriage. My present husband is literally amazing, kind, loves Allah SWT and has such great character. I know he regrets his past so much but I can’t stop thinking about the man he was (the women he used to be with in haram ways). The fact that he had his past saved in his phone also makes me see him as a man of playing games and not the man he is today. To make it clear, he is very different today, very clean hearted, on the straight path without a doubt and I know he loves Allah SWT way too much. However, I keep thinking about his past that was on his phone; I can’t trust him and I can’t see him as a man of honor. It drives me crazy knowing he used to sleep around. We fight a lot because I don’t trust him, only because of his past. I don’t think Allah would give me a bad man because I used to pray day and night for a good righteous man. I also prayed isthikhara plenty of times before marrying him. I love him so much, I don’t know if I am ruining my marriage by being stuck in his past. At the same time, I have a hard time trusting him, especially when out with his male friends. Do I let go of what I saw on his phone and see him for who he is today? Aisha Mohammad Ensure that the pictures are deleted, and ask your husband to give you some time and comfort while you heal from what you have seen. Support AboutIslam in 2021 By taking marriage classes, you and your husband will learn a lot about trust, communication, the rights of a husband and a wife over each other, how to resolve issues, and much more. As salamu alaykum, Newlyweds’ Guide to Marital Intimacy As you indicated you found pictures of women on your husband’s phone. You stated they were old pictures and that he is very pious now but you cannot forget his past. Past Sins As long as your husband has repented to Allah and asked for forgiveness for these sins and has truly changed, then you as well need to let it go. If he is righteous and pious in his life right now and has changed, he does not need to be reminded of his past. We All Sin Removing Things Associated with Past Sins In this case your husband should have deleted all of the pictures, contacts, and so forth. Why he did not do that, I do not know. In order to ease your mind and help you to heal, you may want to ask him this question. After you saw the pictures he should have erased them. Perhaps he forgot they were there, I don’t know; however, he should delete them as he did start fresh after he repented. A Newlywed: “I Can’t Believe What My Husband Did in His Past” - About Islam If that is the case, leave it at that and make duaa to Allah to help you overcome your feelings regarding trust, disappointment, and fear. If your husband has truly turned back to the right path on Islam, he will have no problems deleting the pictures as well as comforting you, understanding and soothing your concerns and fears. Trying to Forget As your husband is currently on the right path, it would not be good for you to keep throwing in his face these past mistakes especially if he repented for them. Understandably, the disappointment and shock you feel is natural, Sister and I’m sure every wife would feel that way. This may be a test which will turn into a trial to determine how much faith and love you have for your husband at this point. Of course, if he gives you reason to think that he is not the righteous and pious man you married, then you may consider other options. However, you state that he has changed, and is a good and pious husband. With that said, look at his past just as that, the past. View your husband as a new person in Islam with a new dedication and determination to please Allah, to be a good husband, and to make you happy. Time and Trust Insha’Allah try to move past what you have seen on the phone. Ensure that the pictures are deleted, and ask your husband to give you some time and comfort while you heal from what you have seen. Insha’Allah he will understand and be by your side and help you through this. The more you think about the pictures from the past, the bigger the issue and the pain will be. This will be especially troublesome if your husband has repented and has truly changed his life. Your ruminating and thinking about this will not be pleasing to Allah. It is understandable that it hurts; however, as Muslims we are supposed to forgive as well.
14 July, 2021
QAssalamu aleikom. I’m a newlywed. In the first month of my marriage, I’ve discovered my husband’s disturbing past with women while looking through his phone. Old messages and pictures with women he never deleted. These were a year or more before he completed pilgrimage.
ANSWER
14 July, 2021
This may be a test which will turn into a trial to determine how much faith and love you have for your husband at this point.
Insha’Allah try to ensure that the foundation of your marriage is built upon Islam. You may wish to make it a point to pray together more, read Qur’an together, go to the Masjid to pray and attend Islamic events.
Sister, I am sorry to hear about the things that have been going on since you were recently married.
Newlyweds’ Guide to Marital Intimacy
Sister, if this happened in the past, you should try as hard as you can to erase this from your mind. I know it’s very difficult to do. Once you’ve seen a picture, it is hard to erase; however, as we want to be forgiven by Allah, we should seek to forgive others.
We all sin, we all fall short and alhamdulillah we have the mercy of Allah’s forgiveness. With that said, it is best not to bring up past mistakes once we have repented as I’m sure your husband has.
The question that remains is why the pictures are still on his phone. Once one has repented for a sin, they usually let go, delete, get rid of the Haram things that are attached to that sin.
Once you have spoken with him about why he saved them on his phone and you get a satisfactory response, please realize that it may be that he just simply forgot.
Trying to forget what you saw will take work on your part, Sister. No one gets married to someone they view as righteous and pious and expects to find these things but it does happen. Insha’Allah you will be able to move forward as Allah would want you to.
If everybody decided not to trust, love, and give someone a chance based on past sins, no one would be married. Pious means a lot of different things, so does righteousness, and everyone falls short in their own way.