forbearance

there is a strong link between self-confidence on the one hand and forbearance and tolerance towards others on the other. a true great man is the one who opens his heart, acts patient with people, gives people excuses and accepts their apologies.

 

fruits of forbearance:

1- forbearance is the mean to win allah’s reward and paradise. narrated al-tirmidhi and abu dawood that the prophet (peace be upon him) said: “whoever controls his anger despite having power to express it on his opponent, then on the day of judgment allah will call him in front of everyone and will give him the choice of picking the hoors ([1]) of his choice.”

 

 

2- forbearance is a proof of the strength of the person because it reflects self-control. abu huraira reported that the prophet muhammad (peace be upon him) said in this regard:  "the strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger." (sahih al-bukhari, the book of good manners, hadith no. 6182) this kind of strength is reflected in the actions and sayings of the prophet muhammad (pbuh). he was the strongest human as he was the best controller of anger and the most forbearer.

 

 

3- forbearance is the mean to turn your opponents into friends. almighty allah says: “and not equal are the fair deed and the odious deed. repel with that which is fairest; then, only then, he between whom and you there is enmity will be as if he were an intimate constant patron.” (fussilat: 34)

 

 

4- forbearance is the mean to gain people’s love and respect. once it was said: “the first thing that the forbearer gets as a reward for his tolerance is that people become his allies.”

 

even though forbearance is a good trait and leads to goodness among people, and that anger is evil yet anger is necessary sometimes but even a must. there are two kinds of anger:

 

1- praised anger:

it is the anger due to violating sanctities of allah. no doubt that anger is negative trait except when it is for the sake of allah as the prophet muhammad (peace be upon him) used to do. he did not get angry for something personal and never avenged for himself. he only got angry when sanctities of allah were violated.

 

2- dispraised anger:

it is the anger that is not for allah’s sake, or for a trivial thing. this kind of anger usually ends with bad consequences.

we can obtain and instill forbearance into our natures through some methods such as:

 

1- upbringing, education and repetition.

 

2- remembering the reward of forbearance, its values and the negative consequences of anger and fury.

 

3- accompanying the patient forbearing people and learning from their life stories.

 

4- training the self on embracing a forbearing attitude and controlling the feelings of anger.

 

5- avoiding the cursing and insulting language because it is an honor for the spirit and a sign of morality.

 

we pray to almighty allah to perfect our manners and discipline our souls. may allah benefit us of what we write and preach.

 

forbearance status:

* forbearance is an attribute of almighty allah; he is the ever-forbearing. he sees the sinners but he gives them time to repent to be forgiven: “and know that allah knows what is in your minds, so fear him. and know that allah is oft-forgiving, most forbearing.” (al-baqarah: 235)

 

 

* forbearance is a trait in the prophets of allah. he describes ibrahim in the qur’an: “verily ibrahim (abraham) was al-awwah (has fifteen different meanings but the correct one seems to be that he used to invoke allah with humility, glorify him and remember him much), and was forbearing.” (at-tawbah: 114, tafsir al-qurtubi). the prophet (peace be upon him) was very tolerant. he never got angry or harsh when some muslims made mistakes. aisha (ra) reported: the messenger of allah (pbuh) said, "allah is forbearer and loves forbearance in all matters.'' (al-bukhari and muslim)

 

 

* forbearance is a trait that almighty allah loves. the prophet muhammad (pbuh) said to one of his companions: “you have two qualities that allah loves: forbearance and patience.” (sahih muslim)

 

 

what is forbearance?

forbearance is to control the self, repress the anger, avoid violence and meet the bad attitude with goodness. this does not mean to accept humiliation and insult; it rather means not to curse or use a foul language with people and to respect them. this way, we elevate our soul over anger and violence and spread goodness and tolerance in society.

altruism and regard for others

if you are a person who gives easily to others without being affected for giving then you are philanthropist, if you give most of what you have and you keep some for yourself then you are generous.

if you are someone who gives others even though you need what you give but you favored them over yourself and you give them the priority then you have reached altruism.

altruism is the highest degrees of giving.

altruism meaning:

altruism is when the person prefers others’ needs over his needs, despite that he really requires these needs. he might even stay hungry to feed others his food, and stay thirsty to let others drink.

mother of the believers, aisha (ra), said: “the family of the prophet mohammed (pbuh) never felt filled (had enough) from the bread of wheat two consecutive days until he died. (agreed upon by the scholars) she also said: “the messenger of allah never filled his stomach for three consecutive days until his death. if we wanted we would have eaten till we feel full, but we preferred others over ourselves.”

altruism status:

1- allah praised the altruistic people and called them the successful. almighty allah says: “and those who, before them, had homes (in al-madinah) and had adopted the faith, love those who emigrate to them, and have no jealousy in their breasts for that which they have been given (from the booty of bani an-nadir), and give them (emigrants) preference over themselves, even though they were in need of that. and whosoever is saved from his own covetousness, such are they who will be the successful.”

2- altruism is a proof of the completeness of faith, righteousness, perfectness of islam and high morals.

3- altruism is the way to gain allah’s love and favor.

4- it is the method to achieve bounty and protection against covetousness.

altruism degrees:

scholars divided altruism into degrees, imam ibn qayyim al-aawziyya, may allah have mercy on him, said:

the first degree is: to favor others over yourself provided that it does not affect your faith or actions of worship and does not cause harm against you. it means to give others the priority over yourself.

as for the means that reform your heart and strengthen your link with allah, then you should not favor anybody with them over yourself. if you do so, then it would be like favoring satan and listening to him not to almighty allah on purpose.

the second degree is: to favor allah’s satisfaction over anybody else’s, despite the greatness of turmoil and the heaviness of tribulations.

to favor almighty allah’s satisfaction over anyone else, it is to seek and do what gains the approval of allah, even if it angers the creatures. this is the degree of the prophets, above them the messengers, above them 'uluu al-'azm ([1]), above them the prophet muhammad (peace be upon him).

fruits of altruism:

1- promoting cooperation and closeness between muslims.

2- achieving economic interdependence when the rich help the poor in society.

3- altruistic behavior leads to completeness of belief. the prophet (peace be upon him) said: “none of you will be a believer until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” (al-bukhari)

4- altruism helps you give up all the negative traits like envy, animosity, hatred, selfishness and greed.

motives of altruism:

1- the desire to follow good manners and avoid bad ones. the more good manners the person has, the more altruistic behavior he shows in dealing with others.

2- hating covetousness and stinginess, as who hates covetousness knows that there is no to overcome it except through altruism and generosity.

3- training the spirit on bearing hardships and difficulties, because that helps achieving altruism.

4- respecting rights and keeping them. when rights are respected, it would be easy for the person to fulfill them. the muslim knows that he will not reach altruism unless he gives the rights to their owners, so he will do his best to give them.

we ask almighty allah to guide us to the best of morals, sayings and deeds, none but him guides to them.