To develop the proper conduct of the child, you should teach him the duties that he has to do, and this takes place by being a role model and by sound upbringing and guidance.

The child will not learn to be truthful except from a truthful educator.

The child will not learn honesty except from an honest educator, and so on.

The father who picks up the phone and does not want to talk to the caller, then gives his child the phone and says to him, "Tell the caller that I am not here," is teaching his child to lie and is a bad example.

Moral upbringing is the spirit of the Islamic upbringing, which does not mean neglecting other aspects. It is necessary to care for all matters related to the child, since he needs physical, mental, spiritual and academic strength. Therefore, we find that the spiritual and worship-related side is inseparable from the moral side.

Morality in the Sunnah (tradition) of the Prophet  did not leave any aspect of human life but has drawn the ideal methodology for the sublime attitude in harmony, integration and structure. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhsallam, was the peak of morality, and the best way to noble morals is the way of the Messenger of Allaah  whom Allaah The Almighty Addressed Saying (what means): {And indeed, you are of a great moral character.} [Quran 68:4]

Stages of the child's moral development:

Man's moral development begins from the early stages of his life and will continue until the age of maturity, which is the basis of religious assignment and bearing responsibility. Man is born with a natural inclination to goodness, and the environment plays its effective role in shaping this natural inclination according to its readiness and inherited capabilities. Righteous upbringing helps it grow soundly and form perfectly, whereas corrupt upbringing erases the features of goodness in it and makes it tend to corruption and evil.

It was narrated on the authority of Abu Hurayrah  that the Prophet said: "Every human being is born with a sound innate inclination to the truth (i.e. Islam), yet it is his parents who convert him to Judaism, Christianity or Magianism." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

Moral development can be divided into three stages in line with dividing growth into three stages: the stage of early childhood, the stage of middle and late childhood and the stage of adulthood and adolescence.

The first stage of moral development:

The process of moral development begins in the first stage of man's life during his early childhood, and at this stage the child's instincts, needs and inclinations control him. These things need to be satisfied to help him lead a stable and happy life, and any deficiency in them, or severe and harsh treatment may lead to disorders in the child's psychological, mental, emotional and physical health. Parents at this stage should not give the child any moral responsibility for his actions, attitudes, patterns of behavior, emotions and reactions, because he is incapable of distinguishing, understanding and making sound judgments. They should treat him with mercy, kindness, gentleness and tolerance.

This is what our noble Prophet  instructed us to do. He did not give children any responsibility for their wrong actions and inappropriate behavior according to the moral judgments of adults. Rather, he treated them with mercy, kindness and compassion, taking into account their powerless childhood, while being aware that they are not responsible for their actions and behavior because they have not yet attained the age of distinction and discernment. Abu Qataadah  said, "The Prophet came out while Umaamah bint Abu Al-‘Aas was on his shoulder. Whenever he bowed, he would put her down, and when he stood, he would lift her."[Al-Bukhaari] This Hadeeth (narration) shows the mercy of the Prophet  his gentleness with his granddaughter and not holding her accountable for what she was unaware of, i.e., riding on his shoulders during prayer, which is the most sacred act of worship.

The second stage of moral development:

In the second stage of man's life, i.e. the stage of middle and late childhood, the child's social relationships and contact with others in the neighborhood, school and social relationships expand. He needs to adapt well to the situations and new attitudes in his life, and he begins to distinguish between the acts and behavior that others approve or disapprove of. The child's happiness is associated with the satisfaction of others with him, and his pain and misery are associated with their anger at him. This constitutes the correct start of forming good conduct.

This positive moral development motivates the child to permanently create a balance between his wishes and the desires of others, and between his trends and religious and moral values; social customs, habits and traditions; and rules and laws. In that way, the features of the child's moral responsibility emerge until they culminate in the third stage of moral development as his mental and emotional maturity is complete. At this stage, we should care for the child's natural tendency to imitate, emulate and follow others because it is one of the most important foundations of the moral upbringing, the acquisition of values and virtues and the development of inclination to goodness.

The purified Sunnah of the Prophet  highlighted this aspect and stressed the necessity for it to be considered wisely by parents, people assuming the upbringing process and all those responsible for the education and upbringing of youngsters. It urged them to be ideal role models in proper conduct, noble behavior, self-restraint, self-esteem and adopting good qualities and virtues.

The third stage of moral development:

At this stage, which is the stage of puberty and adolescence, moral development begins to take root and be firm. It culminates as mental, psychological and social maturity is completed. After that, man is able to control his inclinations and motives, and subject himself to the sublime ideals that he instilled and implanted within himself and made it a criterion for his moral and behavioral actions. He committed himself to them, regardless of the presence of an external authority represented in the laws, regimes, customs, habits, and traditions as well as the presence of social control.

 

Dr. ‘Ali Hassoon spoke about the upbringing of Sultan Muhammad Al-Faatih saying,

Since his succession to the throne of the Ottoman Empire in 855 A.H. (1451 CE), he was looking forward to the conquest of Constantinople and thinking about it. He was raised by scholars who instilled love for Islam in him and taught him how to adhere to the Quran and the Sunnah (tradition). So, he grew up with a strong love for Sharee‘ah (Islamic legislation), adherence to piety, reverence for scholars and affection for spreading knowledge. His sublime religiousness was due to the religious upbringing that he received since his early childhood in accordance with the directions of his father and with the help of a number of senior scholars who supervised his education and upbringing.

Muhammad Al-Faatih was influenced by the righteous scholars since his early childhood, particularly the senior righteous scholar, Ahmad ibn Ismaa‘eel Al-Kooraani  who was known for his virtue. This righteous man was the greatest teacher of Muhammad Al-Faatih during his father’s reign.

At that time, Muhammad Al-Faatih was the ruler of Magnesia, and his father sent him a number of educators and teachers. However, he disobeyed them and refused to let them teach him anything. He did not even memorize the whole Quran. So, his father asked for a man with gravity and seriousness and they told him about Al-Kooraani . Hence, he appointed him as the teacher of his son and gave him a stick to beat Muhammad if he disobeyed him. 

Al-Kooraani  went to Muhammad with the stick in his hand, and said, “Your father sent me to teach you and beat you if you disobey me.” Muhammad Al-Faatih laughed much when he heard this, but Al-Koorani  beat him severely until he showed due respect for him and started memorizing the Quran until he completed it within a short period.

This great leader was educated and brought up by scholars who provided him with a true Islamic upbringing. Those revered educators used to tear up the decrees of the Sultan if it contained anything that contradicted the rulings of Sharee‘ah (Islamic legislation). They used to address the rulers with their names. They never bowed before the rulers or kissed their hands; on the contrary, the rulers used to kiss their hands. Hence, it is not strange for such educators to graduate a great leader like Muhammad Al-Faatih, who was a religious Muslim who complied with the rulings of Sharee‘ah and glorified it. He was a righteous and pious ruler who consulted the scholars and asked them to supplicate for him. 

Dear educator, consider this extraordinary example Muhammad Al-Faatih, who conquered Constantinople, and how his father brought him up in accordance with this influential theory. 


He attached him to the righteous scholar, who taught him the Quran. Interestingly, Al-Kooraani  was not the only influential scholar in the life of Muhammad Al-Faatih, but there was another scholar (Aaq Shams Ad-Deen ) who drew the attention of Muhammad Al-Faatih to conquer Constantinople.

Sahl ibn ‘Abdullaah At-Tustari learns from his uncle: 

Al-Ghazaali reported that Sahl, May Allaah Have mercy upon them both, said,


I was three years old when I used to wake up at night to watch the prayer of my uncle Muhammad ibn Siwaar. One day, he said to me, “Should not you remember Allaah The Almighty who created you?” I said, “How should I remember Him?” He replied, “Say in your heart, whenever you are alone at night in your bed rolling from side to side, three times without moving your tongue: Allaah is with me, Allaah is ‎ Looking at me, Allaah is ‎ Watching me.”

I did that and informed my uncle.

“Say the words seven times each night,” he said to me.

I did that and informed him.

“Say them eleven times.” I did that and found sweetness in my heart therefrom. A year passed. Then my uncle said, “Remember what I taught you and continue that practice until you go to the grave. The fruits thereof will be yours in this world and the Hereafter.”

Years passed, and I used the same words until their sweetness penetrated the depths of my heart.

“Sahl,” said my uncle, “As long as Allaah is with you and Sees you, how can you disobey Him? Beware of disobeying Him.”

Through this good instruction, guidance, and continuous training as well as this religious upbringing, Sahl  became one of the senior righteous worshippers in the history of Islam.

Finally, dear educator, you must be sure that the child who sees his father lying can never learn truthfulness, and the child who sees his mother cheating his father or his brother, will never be honest. The child, who sees that his mother is heedless, will not learn cooperation or adhere to discipline.

The family is the incubator that sows the early seeds of morals and behavior in the child and shapes his emotions and feelings through the behavior of its members.