Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. I am shameful to ask this question, but now it has come to a time that I feel that I need some personal, righteous guidance. Dear shaykh, I have read almost all fatwas regarding masturbation and many others, but I feel I want some personal attention please. I dearly love Allah and want to prove this to Him by giving up this grave sin. I try to keep away from the sources which cause me temptation, but I have been doing this for five years now, and when I do not do it, there comes a period that I forget Allah completely and carry out my haram desire. I cry many times out of fear of Him. I performed Hajj and ‘Umrah and almost gave up this sin only to go back to it. I want Jannat-ul-Firdaws (the highest level in Paradise) with my true heart, but I am very afraid that because of this sin which I am not able to give up, I might not make it into Heaven. I want to fear Allah by my breath, but I just feel like I get very far from Him at times. I just cannot understand how to give this up, because of this sin which is among the other major sins which I commit, and it feels as if my ability to cry in solitude is also fading. Crying is my only hope, and the tears which flow make me happier than owning the whole earth. I do not want the blessing of tears to go, I want to enter Al-Firdaws, the highest, and also give up this sin as well as other major sins like lying, backbiting, slandering, and disobedience of the parents at times. Please help me, and do not look me over, for I will love you if you bestow the righteous knowledge upon me. I need Allah's help, and yours too, to bring light into my heart and enter Al-Firdaws.
Answer
Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullah.
May Allah make it easy for you, the concern you have because of the sin is a very healthy concern, and it is a sign of faith. When the heart is still alive and not dead by the effect of the sin, it keeps regretting and feeling bad. So be grateful to Allah that your heart is in that condition.
We, as human beings, are bound to sin; this is a fact. No one is sinless after the Prophet . The Prophet stated that all the sons of Adam are sinners and that the best of them are the repentant ones. So our job after fulfillment of the Tawheed (pure monotheism) and being a Muslim is to be always in a state of repentance.
There are two types of people with regards to sinning. One type of people do not really care, and they are persistent, they are in great danger if they do not repent to Allah. As for the others, they are constantly repenting to Allah, and never persistent in sin. Every time they fall into sin, they immediately repent to Allah. They are the successful ones.
Shaytan (the devil) has many ways to lead people astray, one of which is to make sinners despair of the forgiveness and Mercy of Allah. He would whisper to the sinners that they are so evil that Allah will not forgive their sins till they give up repenting to Allah, in order for them to join the first type, that of the persistent sinners. Knowing that, it is important to remain steadfast in repentance and never give Shaytan hope that you will give up on the Mercy of Allah. At the same time, you should take the truthful means to quit the sin and never commit it again. If you become weak and commit the sin, then repent, and never quit repentance. Put your trust in Allah, and seek His forgiveness and Mercy.
Here are some important things you have to do if you are sincere in finding a way out of this predicament:
1- Strengthen your faith and Tawheed by learning the correct belief and getting to know Allah with His Names and Attributes.
2- Guard your prayer in the Masjid five times a day, as the prayer washes away the sins and reforms the hearts and makes them steadfast on the religion. Never leave the prayer in the Masjid, even if you committed a sin, because Shaytan will try to deceive you by saying that you are not righteous, and that you are a sinner, and that you should not go to the Masjid or you will become a hypocrite. This is all part of the deception of the Shaytan. Therefore, never leave the prayer in congregation in the Masjid.
3- Try to get involved in your local Masjid with the good people.
4- Read about the evil effect of the sins, like in the book of Ibn al-Qayyim Ad-Daa’ wad-Dawaa’ (The Illness and the Medicine).
5- Make a lot of Istighfaar (asking for forgiveness) daily.
6- Go to Hajj and ‘Umrah frequently.
7- Make the morning and evening Thikr (expressions of remembrance of Allah) from the authentic books like Hisn al-Muslim (The Fortress of the Muslim).
8- See what causes you to fall into sin, and stay away from taking the initial steps to it. For example, if it is being alone, then try not to be alone, etc.
9- Get married if you have the ability; otherwise, fast constantly, as the Prophet, sallaAllaahu alayhi wa sallam, said.
10- Supplicate Allah, the Most High, to protect you from the sin; that is the most effective tool: sincere supplication. Get up at night and pray and cry, and ask Allah for help like a drowning person hanging on a log.
May Allah make it easy for you and protect you from the evil within yourself.
Allah Says (what means): {And it is not [possible] for one to die except by permission of Allah at a decree determined..} [Quran 3:145]
The eternity we all wish for, Muslim or Non-Muslim, is everlasting life in Heaven, Paradise, the Garden of Eden, the Blue Yonder, whatever you want to call it, with its beauty, splendor, ease, and closeness to the Divine Light of our Creator, but who is willing to make sure that the lilt of their voice is recognized when they are lying amongst white sheets with tubes fixed, cloudy eyes staring, barely able to lift a finger to make the Shahadah, doctors and nurses rushing around in their futile dealings, all those involved anxiously awaiting the inevitable moment.
Which beliefs will bring you comfort at that intersection of life and extinction? The belief that this is it and there is no more? Can you really reconcile your fleeting lifetime to this thought, and not feel that your life had no meaning? We are warned that if we are not ready for death, if our connection to this lifetime is too strong, that at that precise moment when we need Allah, we might end up pushing Him away in blinding fright, clawing at the shreds of lifetime we recall in our stupor of death. This scenario could result in an eternity; I will say it again, an eternity {i-tur-ni-tee - definition - adj 1. infinite time, past or future. 2. the endless period of life after death} of punishment in Hell. You know, fire hotter than any 70 fires in the lifetime, smoke, ash, boiling fluids to drink... alright, alright, I'll leave the rest to your lively imagination.
My point is, who will you call upon and expect an answer? How can you call on Allah when He doesn't recognize the sound of your voice? How late is too late?
To feed my ever-constant yearning for tidbits on our earthly departure, I stayed up recently, way past my bedtime, to watch a documentary about death. They showed a series of people who were close to death, young and old, and how the living around them reacted to their slow weaning off of this life. There was a current of palpable dread coming through the TV directly into my living room as the families surrounded their loved ones, struggling with their own mortality. The patients' faces were white, frozen, mouth drooping open, with no strength left, the muscles no longer willing to obey the commands of the brain to pull the jaw closed, unaware of the clamor around them, stripped bare, as all is peeled away at death. It was then that I realized that these valiant attempts to heal were for the living, and that those passing on were fighting a whole different battle. They looked calm on the outside, but we are told that they are in turmoil, agony, at the time of death.
Where is the line between living and dying? Does the spirit know before the body does? Let's stop right now to see how fine a line this is. Take a minute and hold your hand over your mouth and nose, letting no air in or out. Okay, now hold it...hold it... hold it.... there, now breathe—ahhh that wonderful elixir of existence. That was a small taste of death; the simple, but complex tightrope we walk every day. The fact that we have life speaks to something vivid that must fade, like calico patterns left to bleach in the sun. No one wants to die; Allah chooses who lives and dies and this is written before we are born. The critical point is not when, but how you die. Will it be the good, peaceful death, being eased out of your shell like a drop of water from a jug, eager to meet your Lord, or the reluctant passage out, being yanked, kicking and screaming, like a swatch of wool being pulled from a thorny branch, in paralyzing fear of Divine retribution? I know which one I am going to work for in the time allotted to me.
In my very early years as a Muslim, I had a brother die in his sleep. He was only 50 years old at the time; and, unaware of his imminent fate, went to bed and never woke up. That sobering event had a profound effect on me, and put me on a quest to learn all I could about the "destroyer of pleasures." After that time, I never missed my prayers before sleep. Whether Allah gives us a long illness with purification and a chance to make amends, or He takes us suddenly like my brother, we need to be ready. I realized then that no matter who you are or what you own, at that precise moment of death, it is between you and your Lord. We have all heard the Prophetic saying that three things follow you to your grave; your family, your possessions, and your deeds. The first two come back, leaving only your deeds to speak to how you lived your life, but do we really internalize this and live it every moment? Ask anyone who has had a car accident how quickly lives can change—it's an instant, and we must be ready with good works and remembrance of Allah waiting for us in our personal `Ethereal Bank'.
For Muslims born into the religion, this will be your reality also. You are not immune to the trappings of death and its suffering and there are no guarantees on that day. For converts to this beautiful religion, do you want your non-Muslim families making your decisions for you at that moment, or the strength of your Lord lovingly watching over you because He knew your pleading voice in the lifetime. For non-Muslims, the Mercy of our Creator is given to all on Earth until death, and then it is reserved for those who believed and called on Him at all times.
If these words caused a ripple in the folds of your heart, then take time right now to connect to the Merciful, the Compassionate One... He is waiting for you.
