The Muslim society is a harmonious one where love and unity prevail. The Sharee‘ah encourages everything that strengthens the spirit of brotherhood among members of this society and prohibits anything that may negatively affect this spirit. One of the negative morals that has been prohibited by Sharee‘ah is abandonment.

The Meaning of Abandonment

Abandonment means forsaking others, and this may occur in different ways:


- Physically, as mentioned in the Quranic verse where Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {forsake them in bed} [Quran 4:34]

- Morally, by the tongue and heart, as mentioned in the Quranic verse where Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {And the Messenger has said, “O Lord! Surely, my people have taken to themselves this Quran as a thing abandoned.”} [Quran 25:30]

- Physically and morally, as meant in the Quranic verse (which means): {And [endure] patiently what they [the disbelievers] say, and abandon them with gracious abandonment.} [Quran 73:10], or as meant in the Quranic verse (what means): {And uncleanliness abandon.} [Quran 74:5]

Types of Abandonment and Its Islamic Ruling

In principle, abandoning Muslims is prohibited; however, in some cases it is permissible. The ruling of abandonment varies according to the case of the abandoned person.

Abandoning the Wife

Abandoning the wife is permissible in certain cases if she becomes arrogant or is feared to become so. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed.} [Quran 4:34] The wife is only to be abandoned in bed. This is supported by a Hadeeth on the authority of Mu’aawiyah ibn Al-Qushayri, may Allah be pleased with him, where he said: “I said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, what right can any wife demand of her husband?’ He replied: ‘You should feed her when you eat and clothe her when you clothe yourself. You should not strike her on the face, and do not revile her or abandon her except in bed.’ ” [Abu Daawood, Al-Albaani - Hasan Saheeh]

Abandoning the wife in bed means not having sexual intercourse with her and sleeping with one’s back turned to her. According to Islamic scholars, this abandonment should not exceed one month as mentioned by Al-Qurtubi . Nevertheless, it should be preceded by advising one’s wife and reminding her of Allah The Almighty. Also, one should clear up any doubts with his wife leniently and gently. Furthermore, he should supplicate for her earnestly repeating the supplication that is mentioned in the verse (what means): {And those who say, “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.”} [Quran 25:74]

Abandoning One’s Fellow Muslims

Abandoning one’s fellow Muslims is a grave major sin if it lasts for more than three days, and if it is not for a Sharee‘ah-approved reason as this leads to the severing of relations as well as harm and corruption. This is supported by many Hadeeths like that one on the authority of Abu Ayyoob Al-Ansaari, may Allah be pleased with him, where the Prophet  said: “It is not lawful for a Muslim to abandon his brother for more than three nights [such that], when they meet, they turn their backs to each other - and the better of the two is the one who is the first to greet the other.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

In a Hadeeth on the authority of Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, the Prophet  said: “It is not lawful for a Muslim to abandon his Muslim brother for more than three days; and whoever does so and then dies, will enter Hell.” [Abu Daawood, Al-Albaani - Hasan]

In a Hadeeth on the authority of ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, the Prophet  said: “It is not right for a Muslim to abandon another Muslim for more than three days. Then if he meets him and gives three salutations, receiving during that time no response, the other bears his sin.” [Abu Daawood, Al-Albaani - Hasan]

In a Hadeeth on the authority of Abu Khiraash As-Sulami, may Allah be pleased with him, he said that he heard the Prophet  say: “Abandoning one’s brother for a year is like shedding his blood.” [Abu Daawood, Al-Albaani - Saheeh]

Hence, it is prohibited for a Muslim to abandon his Muslim brother for more than three days because this leads to social disintegration. However, there are exceptions to this rule. Abandonment is permissible if it would rectify religiously the abandoned person or the one who abandons; otherwise, it is prohibited. The Prophet  and the honorable Companions abandoned the three who did not join them in Jihaad, for fifty days until revelation descended and affirmed that their repentance had been accepted. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {And [He also forgave] the three who were left behind [and regretted their error] to the point that the earth closed in on them in spite of its vastness and their souls confined them and they were certain that there is no refuge from Allah The Almighty except in Him. Then He turned to them so they could repent. Indeed, Allah The Almighty is the Accepting of Repentance, the Merciful.} [Quran 9:118]

Abandoning One’s Kindred

Abandoning one’s kindred is a grave major sin, even if it is for less than three days, as this implies severing ties of kinship. The Prophet  said: “The tie of kinship is suspended from the Throne, and says, ‘Whoever maintains me, Allah will maintain relations with him, but whosoever severs me, Allah will sever relations with him.” Also, Allah The Almighty commanded us to maintain ties of kinship Saying (what means): {And fear Allah, through whom you ask one another, and the wombs.} [Quran 4:1]

However, the person who maintains the ties of kinship is not the one who does so because his relatives do so with him. One can maintain his ties of kinship in different ways like giving gifts, visiting, and sending greetings and letters. Moreover, one can maintain ties of kinship with his non-Muslim relatives by giving money and the like, as stated by Imaam Al-Khattaabi  and others. If one finds any of these ways difficult for him, then he should adopt another way or the ways that he is able to since Allah The Almighty does not charge a soul except with that which is within its capacity. When some people were about to sever ties of kinship with their non-Muslim relatives because they did not adopt Islam, Allah The Almighty revealed (what means): {Not upon you, [O Muhammad], is [responsibility for] their guidance, but Allah guides whom He wills. And whatever good you [believers] spend is for yourselves, and you do not spend except seeking the countenance of Allah. And whatever you spend of good - it will be fully repaid to you, and you will not be wronged.} [Quran 2:272]

Moreover, Allah The Almighty commands us to be dutiful to our parents even if they are disbelievers for He Says (what means): {But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will Inform you about what you used to do.} [Quran 31:15]

Imaam Ath-Thahabi  considered severing ties of kinship as a grave major sin, regardless of the reason why it is done.

 

Abandoning the Disobedient and Heretical Innovators

Abandoning the disobedient and disbelieving innovators is required at all times unless they repent and return to the truth. Whoever reveres an innovator in religion would thereby be contributing to the destruction of the religion. When a man of those who denied the divine decree entered a place where Ibn Seereen  was sitting and wanted to speak about his deviant beliefs, Ibn Seereen  blocked his ears with his fingers and said to him, “Either you leave or I leave.”

Ibn Muflih  said, “Publicly abandoning whoever commits sins, which are related to words, deeds or beliefs, is permissible.”

Ibn Tameem  said, “Abandoning disbelieving innovators, disbelievers, immoral people and those who commit sins publicly, in addition to abstaining from greeting them is a communal obligation, but it is disliked for every single person to do this. Moreover, no one should greet an immoral person who commits sins publicly or an innovator in religion who openly invites to his innovations. On the other hand, the Muslim who does not commit sins publicly should not be abandoned for more than three days. Abandoning such people was made lawful to be a type of treatment rather than a means of destruction; consequently, it should remain within the proper limits so as not to destroy the person who was abandoned.”

The aim of the Sharee‘ah is to maintain people’s interests. Also, there are other factors that must be taken into consideration like how ‘strange’ Islam is at any given time, rampant ignorance, and the necessity of adopting leniency and kindness when calling people to Allah The Almighty or when refuting any malicious allegation. This is necessary so that those who perished through disbelief would perish upon evidence, and those who lived in faith would live upon evidence. ‘Umar, Abu Ad-Dardaa’, may Allah be pleased with them, and Ibraaheem An-Nakha‘i  were of the opinion that one should not abandon his Muslim brother immediately if he committed a sin, because a person may sin sometimes but then return to Allah The Almighty at other times. This is the best opinion that can accord with our current conditions, especially when we cannot force people to be good, not to mention the amount of rampant ignorance that exists in our time.

Hence, if we find that abandoning someone causes him to be more evil, then it is better to maintain relations with him along with calling him to Allah The Almighty.

Abandoning the Husband

It is unlawful for a woman who believes in Allah The Almighty and in the Last Day to abandon her husband or refuse to go to him if he wants to have sexual intercourse with her. In a Hadeeth on the authority of Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, the Prophet  said: “A woman who abandons her husband’s bed is cursed by the angels of Allah The Exalted.” This Hadeeth was narrated by Ahmad and Al-Bukhari  and the narration of Muslim  has the wording: “When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses and he [the husband] spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning.” In another narration, it is mentioned: “… until she returns.”

It is improper for a wife to use her husband’s faults as an excuse to justify her negligence as there is no connection between the two matters. She should discharge her obligations and ask her rights from Allah The Almighty.

The One who Starts by Greeting the Other is the Better One

If abandoning one’s Muslim brother is forbidden in principle, then three days are enough to rid oneself of any negative feelings. The Sharee‘ah considers that the better of two Muslims who are not on good terms is the one who starts by greeting the other. This meaning was practically interpreted by the righteous, who were keen on reconciling people to each other. Abu Al-Hasan Al-Madaa’ini  said, “Al-Hasan and Al-Husayn, the sons of ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib, may Allah be pleased with them, disagreed over something and abandoned each other. Three days later, Al-Hasan, may Allah be pleased with him, came to his brother Al-Husayn, may Allah be pleased with him, while the latter was sitting and kissed his head. When Al-Hasan, may Allah be pleased with him, sat, Al-Husayn, may Allah be pleased to him, said to him, ‘I did not come to you first because you are more deserving of this merit than me. Therefore, I detested having what you are worthier of.’”

The Harm of Abandoning one’s Fellow Muslims

It is known that abandoning one’s Muslim brothers without a Sharee‘ah-approved reason causes a great deal of harm to the society and the individual. Abandoning Muslims is detestable and incurs the anger of Allah The Exalted against those who abandon each other. It also delays the forgiveness of Allah The Almighty and is a trap of the devil through which he induces his followers to drive them to Hell. Mujaahid  said, “The good deeds of the uncircumcised person and the one who abandons his Muslim brother unjustly are suspended until the former is circumcised and the latter repents.”

In a Hadeeth on the authority of Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, the Prophet  said: “The doors of Paradise are opened on Mondays and Thursdays. Every slave who does not associate anything with Allah The Almighty will be granted pardon except the person in whose heart there is rancor against his brother. It would be said: ‘Delay their pardon until they are reconciled.’”

In general, one must abandon sins, disobedience of Allah The Almighty and everything that might lead to them. Also, and more specifically, he must also beware of abandoning the Quran and other acts of worship and obedience to Allah The Almighty who Says (what means): {And the Messenger has said, “O Lord! Surely, my people have taken to themselves this Quran as a thing abandoned.”} [Quran 25:30]