Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {O mankind, fear your Lord, Who created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And fear Allah, through whom you ask one another, and the wombs. Indeed Allah is ever, over you, an Observer.} [Quran 4:1]
Islam encourages marriage and clarifies the wisdom behind it and its rulings, benefits, and virtues. In this article, we will mention some tips for men and women who are about to get married. These tips will serve as reminders for those who already know them and enlightenment for the ones who are ignorant of them.
The wife's rights over her husband:
Let us take a look at a bright image from the house of the Prophet : Al-Aswad said, “I asked ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, ‘What did the Prophet do at home?’ She said, ‘He used to serve his family and when it was time for the prayer, he would go out for prayer.’” [Al-Bukhari]
• Happiness lies in the right choice:
Allah The Almighty has made marriage one of the causes of happiness in this life and has created in humans an instinct for marriage. Marriage can be source of tranquility and happiness if harmony prevails between the two spouses. Allah The Almighty has bestowed on people the blessing of marriage. The Almighty Says (what means): {And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He laced between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.} [Quran 30:21]
It was narrated on the authority of ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Amr, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet said: “The worldly life is enjoyment and the best enjoyment of life is a righteous wife.”
• Marriage is the crown of virtue:
Shaykh Bakr Abu Zayd said,
“Marriage is a legitimate relationship that is established by a contract between a man and a woman with certain conditions and pillars approved by the Sharee’ah (Islamic legislation). Because of its importance, most jurists and scholars of Hadeeth (Prophetic narration) gave it priority over Jihaad (struggle), since Jihaad can only performed by men and marriage is the only way to beget children who will grow up into men. Marriage has great value that is indispensable for the stability and uprightness of life, thanks to its great benefits and noble purposes…”
Allah The Almighty highlights the greatness of marriage and refers to it as ‘the solemn covenant’. This means the covenant that is based on the principle of keeping [one’s wife and treating her] in a [commonly] acceptable manner or releasing [her] with good treatment. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {But if you want to replace one wife with another and you have given one of them a great amount [in gifts], do not take [back] from it anything. Would you take it in injustice and manifest sin? And how could you take it while you have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?} [Quran 4:20, 21]
Muslim men should know that a wife is a trust for whom they will be held accountable on the Day of Judgment. The Prophet said: “Be advised to act kindly towards women.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
• Exchanging presents:
Exchanging presents especially between spouses is á means of implanting love between them. The Prophet said: “Exchange presents so that you would love one another.” [Al-Albaani]
Wife’s rights over her husband:
A quote from the book ‘Fifty Counsels of the Prophet to Women’ : “Marriage is a partnership between a man and a woman for the sake of bringing up a righteous generation who worship Allah The Almighty and develop and populate the earth. The bases of marriage in Islam are love, affection and putting the other partner first. For a marriage to last, Allah The Almighty stipulated rights for the husband and wife that should be fulfilled.”
First: Good treatment and living in kindness
The wife is a trust that is kept in the husband’s house, so he should treat her well and speak to her kindly. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {...And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them -- perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.} [Quran 4:19] The Prophet said: “A believing man is not to hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.” [Muslim]
Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet said: “Be advised to act kindly to woman, for woman was created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is its top. If you attempt to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it, its crookedness will remain there. So be advised (to be kind) regarding women.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
The Prophet said: “The best of you are the best of you to their wives and I am the best of you to my wives.” [Al-Albaani]
Second: Protecting the wife, respecting her and feeling jealous for her:
Protective jealousy for one’s wife is instinctual. Sa‘d ibn ‘Ubaadah, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “If I saw a man with my wife, I would strike him (behead him) with the blade of my sword.” The Prophet said: “You, people, are astonished at Sa’d’s jealousy. By Allah, I am more jealous [for my wives] than he is and Allah is more Jealous [for His slaves] than I am. It is because of this jealousy that Allah has made both apparent and concealed immorality unlawful.” [Al-Bukhari]
In his book ‘Rawdhat Al-Muhibbeen’, Imam ibn Al-Qayyim mentioned some kinds of jealousy that are good and others that are dispraised. He said,
"There are different types of jealousy which can be explained as religious zeal in the first and second case and as manly zeal in the third case:
1. Jealousy of the slave when one of the prohibitions of Allah The Almighty are violated
2. Jealousy of the slave that his heart would rely on anyone other than Allah The Almighty or enjoy company of someone more than he enjoys the company of Allah The Exalted.
3. Jealousy regarding one’s womenfolk.
The abovementioned types are jealousy that Allah The Almighty and His Prophet like. Any other type of jealousy is one of the plots of a devil or a trial from Allah The Almighty, such as the wife’s jealousy when her husband gets remarried."
• Helping the wife to preserve her chastity
This is an established right of the wife that was mentioned in the Sunnah (tradition) of the Prophet . It was narrated on the authority of ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Amr ibn Al-‘Aas, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet said to him: “O ‘Abdullah! Have I not been informed that you fast all the day and stand in prayer all night?” I said, ‘Yes, O Messenger of Allah!’ The Prophet said: “Do not do that! Observe fasting and break your fast; stand up for voluntary night prayer and sleep. Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you and your wife has a right over you. Thus, give each its right.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
The Prophet said that the wife has a right over her husband. Fulfilling this right is considered an act of worship for which the man is rewarded. It was narrated on the authority of Abu Tharr Al-Ghifaari, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet said: “…and in the sexual act of each of you there is charity.” They (the Companions) said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, when one of us fulfils his sexual desire will he have some reward for that?’ He said: “Do you not think that were he to fulfill it unlawfully he would bear a sin? Likewise, if he fulfills it lawfully, he will have a reward.” [Muslim]
• Keeping one’s wife’s secrets
This is one of the mutual rights for both the husband and wife.
It was narrated on the authority of Abu Sa‘eed Al-Khudri, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet said: “The most wicked of people on the Day of Judgment is a man who goes in to a woman (his wife) and she goes in to him, and then he divulges her secret.” [Muslim]
• Financial maintenance
Allah The Almighty Says (what means):
• {Lodge them [in a section] of where you dwell out of your means and do not harm them in order to oppress them. And if they should be pregnant, then spend on them until they give birth.} [Quran 65:6]
• {Upon the father is the mothers' provision and their clothing according to what is acceptable.} [Quran 2: 233]
These two verses deal with the financial maintenance of the woman during her ‘Iddah (waiting period), so maintenance is worthier for the wife who is not divorced.
Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah Has Given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth.} [Quran 4:34]
Commenting on this verse, Imam Ibn Katheer said, “{And what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth.} refers to the dowry and the financial maintenance that Allah The Almighty ordained in the Quran and the Sunnah of His Prophet .”
It was narrated by Abu Daawood that the Prophet was asked about the rights of one’s wife, and said: “Give her food when you eat, clothe her when you clothe yourself, do not strike her on the face, and do not desert her except in the bed.” [Abu Daawood]
Here one remembers the Hadeeth that was narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim on the authority of ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her. She said, “Hind, the wife of Abu Sufyaan, said, ‘O Messenger of Allah! Abu Sufyaan is a miser. Am I allowed to take some of his money secretly?’ The Prophet said to her: “You and your child may take what is commonly [considered] reasonably sufficient. ”
It was narrated by Muslim that the Prophet said during the Farewell Hajj: “Their provision (i.e. the wives’) and clothing according to what is commonly acceptable are their rights over you (i.e. the husbands).”
• Being patient with the wife's mistakes and disregarding them
Perfection is not one of the characteristics of humans, but, in fact, it is human to err. Thus, men are advised that they should disregard the minor faults of t wife. The Prophet said: “A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.” [Muslim]
Hence, a wise husband should not reproach his wife for every fault, but he should look for excuses to justify what she did and advise her as much as possible.
• Teaching her matters of the religion
Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {And enjoin prayer upon your family [and people] and be steadfast therein. We ask you not for provision; We provide for you, and the [best] outcome is for [those of] righteousness.} [Quran 20:132]
Commenting on this verse, Ibn Katheer said, “Save them from the punishment of Allah The Almighty by enjoining prayer upon them and be patient.”
