In this article, we will discuss a great and noble duty that Allah The Almighty has made obligatory for spouses. Muslim homes cannot be reformed and love and affection cannot prevail in them unless this duty is perfectly fulfilled in a way that satisfies Allah. Allah The Almighty instructs His slaves to fear Him and to cherish kinship ties so as to avoid His punishment; He Says (what means): {And fear Allah, through whom you ask one another, and the wombs [kinship]. Indeed Allah is ever, over you, an Observer.} [Quran 4: 1]

The Arabic word for ‘kin’ is ‘Ar-Rahim’, which also means ‘womb’. If a person maintains kinship ties, Allah maintains ties with him; and a person who severs them, Allah severs ties with him, and therefore he experiences loss and evil consequences. We seek refuge with Allah from this.

It is the duty upon both the husband and the wife towards their parents, in-laws and other relatives. Allah The Almighty ordains on the believers to fear Him regarding kinship ties. If a husband wishes that Allah The Almighty would bless his marriage with success and happiness, he is required to be dutiful to his wife's relatives. Likewise, it is obligatory for every wife who truly believes in Allah The Almighty and the Last Day to fear Him regarding her husband's relatives. It was narrated that the Prophet  said: “A person who believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him maintain his kinship ties.”

In this Hadeeth, the Prophet  made maintaining kinship ties a part of faith and belief in Allah The Almighty. This is because either of the spouses would not maintain their kinship ties unless motivated by faith in Allah. The Prophet  fulfilled this right - the right of kinship ties, in the best and most perfect way. He  would maintain kinship ties with his wives' relatives. It is reported that once the Prophet  was sitting with the Mother of the Believers, ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, and he  heard the voice of a woman seeking permission to enter. The Prophet  suddenly stood up. An old woman came in and he  remarked: “This is Haalah. It is Haalah, Khadeejah's sister.” She reminded him  of his relationship with his beloved late wife.

A husband is required to be dutiful to his wife's family and he would not be able to maintain that right unless he has a serene heart, is able to fulfill his promise and has a sense of justice.

Duty towards one’s father-in-law:

The first thing that a husband should remember is his duty towards his father in-law, because his father in-law is the one who chose him from among all people to be his daughter's husband who would protect her, be generous to her, and honor her. A person who is most similar to a father is his daughter. It is even said that the eldest daughter takes after her father. It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said, “Faatimah once came to the Messenger of Allah . By Allah, she walked in the same way as the Messenger of Allah  did.” [Muslim]

When a father chooses his daughter's husband and approves their marriage, this expresses his good intention and faith. In return, a husband is required to be dutiful and grateful to him. There was a wise man whose wife kept on harming him, yet, he never complained to her father. When her harm increased and she became extremely terrible, he was advised to complain to her father. He argued, “Her father married her off to me and honored me. Therefore, I would be too ashamed of myself to go to him and complain.”

A magnanimous, noble man values the kindness that he received from his father-in-law and, further, he returns it in a similar, and even better way, and this is the custom of the noble. When a man remembers that his wife's family chose him, he meets this with the best reward and gratitude; and this is a part of faith as the Prophet  said: “Gratitude is from faith.” [At-Tabaraani]

Moreover, a husband is required to fear Allah The Almighty regarding the rights of his wife's parents; he has to maintain kinship ties with them and be dutiful to them. Maintaining kinship ties with the wife's family is obligatory upon the husband, just as it is obligatory on the wife. Therefore, he should visit them, show love and affection, and make his visit a confirmation of the ties between him and them. Allah The Almighty will be pleased with that person and will bless his marital life. The wife will be delighted when she sees her family being honored by her husband and this will have a positive effect on how she treats his family.

A husband should follow Sharee'ah-approved etiquettes. So, when he visits them, he has to choose convenient times; he has to ask for permission; and he has to observe customary manners while being there. His visits should not be too long and should not violate the privacy of each person in the house. He should adopt decent, modest manner that reflect his piety, because this is the conduct that pleases Allah The Almighty. A man should show utmost respect to his father-in-law, just as he does with his own father. Also, he has to show gratitude to him. A man has to smile to his father-in-law. In most cases, the wife's father should be treated as one’s own father, either due to old age or due to his great right, for he is the grandfather of the man's children. Therefore, a husband should honor and respect him. A man should observe decency regarding what he says in front of his father-in-law. It was narrated that ‘Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “I would frequently discharge pre-ejaculatory fluid, and therefore I would frequently perform Ghusl [ritual bathing] such that [the skin on] my back became cracked. However, I was too shy to ask the Messenger of Allah  due to his daughter's relation with me. Therefore, I requested Al-Miqdaad to ask him for me” [Muslim]

‘Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, was too shy to ask the Messenger of Allah  about what afflicted him, even though it was a necessity and the matter was related to religion and worship. This tells us that a man has to observe modesty when speaking to his father-in-law.

Sadly, some men are not ashamed to say embarrassing things in front of the father-in-law, which is considered a form of showing disrespect to him. Some scholars judge such behavior to be a form of verbal abuse to the father-in-law. Such etiquettes should be observed especially with one’s father-in-law.

It is the right of the father-in-law that his son-in-law should support him in times of need. Scholars say that the command to maintain kinship ties, be dutiful to them and frequently visit relatives is not aimless. Rather, there are underlying meanings and purposes including checking on their condition and supporting them as much as possible. If one's kindred are in need of moral support, as when they are in need of someone to console them because of a disaster or calamity, one should be there for them. The husband should visit his sick relatives, relieve distressed relatives, and advise them to endure their calamity patiently and wait for the reward from Allah The Almighty. The husband should do all he can to support his relatives during hard times.

The husband's most perfect behavior is to be the first to support his wife's relatives during times of affliction. The husband's most perfect behavior is to be the first to support his wife's father in times of need. A husband should do that because he realizes that this pleases Allah The Almighty and knows that when he maintains kinship ties with his father-in-law, Allah The Almighty maintains ties with him, and when he gives, Allah The Almighty makes it up for him in his religion, in his life’s affairs and in his Hereafter.

Bad relatives:

It is better for the husband to seek perfection and exert his best effort in sacrificing and acting nobly which indicates the nobility of his character, purity of soul, willingness to do good as well as his wishing well for his wife's family. When he fulfills these rights and his wife's family are grateful to him as he expected, he is required to praise Allah The Almighty and thank Him for this. However, if they show ingratitude, let him not forget that Allah The Exalted Says (what means): {We will not allow to be lost the reward of anyone who did well in deeds.} [Quran 18: 30]

The most perfect reward will be attained when the husband is afflicted with kindred with whom he maintains kinship ties and they sever them. His reward will be the most perfect if he is generous to them and they are stingy to him; and if he esteems them and they undervalue him. In such a case, according to the Hadeeth of the Prophet  it will be as if he feeds them ashes [Muslim]. Charity, kindness and dutifulness to one's relatives will be greatly rewarded when they are met by enmity, evil and harm.

Allah The Almighty rewards abundantly those who maintain ties with unkind relatives. A person who maintains relations with relatives who are unkind to him does so only for the sake of Allah The Almighty. A husband should know that any good deed he does is for the sake of Allah The Almighty, not for the sake of anyone else. He should also know that it is his duty to support his in-laws. Therefore, if the in-laws neglect the husband’s right, he should not neglect theirs. It was narrated that the Messenger of Allah  said: “Pay back the trust to him who entrusted it to you, and do not betray him who betrays you.” [Ahmad].

A scholar relates that the father-in-law of one of his students would come to him and say bad things about that student. He would accuse him of having done horrible, mischievous acts. The student did not know that his father-in-law would complain about him to his Shaykh. The father-in-law would tell the scholar that he admonishes the student very often and that he was void of goodness. Every time the student went to see the scholar, the latter would ask him about his relationship with his father-in-law and the student would reply that his father-in law was as good as one would wish his father-in-law to be. The student also said that he was very kind, affectionate and dutiful to him.

Once, his Shaykh, the scholar, made him swear and asked him to tell the truth. The student swore that he was on excellent terms with his father-in-law, and that he had never lied about that. Then he told the Shaykh about his dutifulness to his in-laws. Thereupon, the Shaykh was shocked at that father-in-law’s conduct and he told his student about what his father-in-law had said. He advised his student to be kind to his father-in-law, if that father was telling the truth, and to bear with him if he was telling lies. Thereupon, the student cried and swore by Allah The Almighty that he was truthful about what he had said.

The Shaykh then waited for the student's father-in-law. When he showed up, the Shaykh said to him, “You have claimed such and such.” The father-in-law replied, “Indeed, by Allah, he does that.” The Shaykh asked him, “Do you swear by Allah?” The man replied, “Yes, I swear by Allah.” Thereupon, the Shaykh supplicated Allah against him to be punished before the advent of the evening if he was lying. Before sunset, the father-in-law was paralyzed. We seek refuge in Allah from this. Injustice is like darkness.

If one’s wife's father abuses and humiliates him, he should know that by being kind to him he seeks to please Allah The Almighty. By returning his maltreatment with kindness he fears Allah The Almighty and he obeys His orders regarding being dutiful to relatives.

The wife’s role:

Just as a husband is required to perform his duties towards his parents-in-law, a wife is required to fulfill her duty towards her parents-in-law as well. A righteous woman should understand the parents' love for their son and she must not be the least jealous or try to weaken the relation between her husband and his parents. She should also know that if she wishes Allah The Almighty to bless her married life and grant her happiness with her husband, she should support him to be dutiful to his parents.

When the husband's parents are in need for him, the wife -their daughter-in-law- should be there for them, too, to show them, kindness, love, respect, and dutifulness.

Allah The Almighty made the fathers-in-law Mahrams (permanently non-marriageable) to their daughters-in-law in order to strengthen family ties between them, as the daughter-in-law would consider her father-in-law to be like her own father; therefore, she would treat him kindly, look after him and deal with him mercifully. A daughter-in-law should be just as kind to her mother-in-law as well.