The husband is the family's fundament, basis of stability and blissfulness; he is the spring of optimism and hope for the family. To talk about amending the family without the husband being part of it is to be sure that reformation will not take place. The family will never attain stability and righteousness as long as the father remains far from the method and components of amendment.
A family’s life might lose stability and the Divine affection placed by Allah The Almighty between the spouses might be abolished as a result of devilish and haphazard behavior on the part of the head of the family; the husband can turn his family’s life into a nightmare, making the wife and children shocked by behavior that shakes their feelings, deprives their hearts of tranquility, and turns their life into confusion and trouble instead of affection and stability.
Islam is keen on the stability of the family; therefore, it gave the wife different ways to amend the husband and restore him to his blissful family, pleasant life and great responsibilities. Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {And if a woman fears from her husband contempt or evasion, there is no sin upon them if they make terms of settlement between them - and settlement is best. And present in [human] souls is stinginess. But if you do good and fear Allah - then indeed Allah is Ever, with what you do, Acquainted.} [Quran 4:128]
Al-Qurtubi 
said, “’Contempt’ in the verse stands for aloofness, and ‘evasion’ means not to speak nor be affable with her. In this verse, the Quran systematizes the husband's state of evasion when it is feared to occur and threaten not only the security and dignity of the wife, but also the safety of the entire family. No doubt, the hearts always turn from one state to another and feelings change from time to time; and Islam is a method of life to treat each particle and handle any changes.”
Islam made all the parties of the house share the responsibility for its stability, calmness and reassurance: it made the husband responsible for amending his house and his wife, and the wife, in turn, is responsible for maintaining and looking after her house, as well as for amending and looking after her husband. This responsibility is shared by both of them and is the safety-belt of the family to ensure that it is not disbanded or scattered.
However, the Prophetic Sunnah that explains and explicates the Quran, clarified a lot of details concerning these responsibilities.
Concerning the state under discussion i.e. the state of the husband's contempt and aversion, harshness and evasion of his wife, Islam allows the woman to intervene and handle the problem and restore the husband to quiet living and a blissful house, and to use different ways that vary according to the state of people and their way of living.
Ways to amend the husband
1- Dialogue in the manner that is best: among the problems from which families suffer these days is the lack of ways that spouses communicate with each other, which are always cut off or at least rarely followed.
The woman's wisdom to guard her house requires her to remove difficulties from the ways family members communicate, make them seem natural in the marital life, and avoid unreasonable contention and obstinacy which is one of the reasons why the gap between spouses widens. Although unreasonable contention is a destructive emotional ailment, it is easily cured.
2- Devotion to serving him; and it is required under Sharee‘ah in normal cases, and more precisely in such cases, for it makes the husband closer and more likely to accept her and makes her swifter to enter his heart; furthermore, it strengthens the marital relations between them.
There are countless verses and Hadeeths saying that it is obligatory for the wife to obey her husband. More importantly, the man should learn that his wife might be either a cause of happiness or wretchedness. For this reason, the woman should show to her husband the causes of happiness and bliss: “Three [things] are [a manifestation of] happiness for the son of Aadam and another three are wretchedness for him: it is bliss for the son of Aadam to have a good woman, a good residence and a good riding mount; and it is wretched for the son of Aadam to have a foul woman, a bad residence and an unpleasant riding mount.” [Ahmad]
Men should know the importance of having a good, righteous wife at home, as it is one of the most important causes of happiness in life; and this could be achieved only by her devotion to serve him and look after his household.
3- Mediation of the wife's father: if all these attempts fail, another step, more significant and serious in the sight of the husband, is required, i.e. the intervention of the wife's good righteous father. Great emphasis should be placed upon his being good and righteous, whose main concern is to protect the life and family of his daughter, and always seek to alleviate, wisely and rationally, the severity of tension between his daughter and her husband.
This was the case of Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, with her husband ‘Ali, may Allah be pleased with him. It is narrated on the authority of Sahl ibn Sa‘d As-Saa‘idi, may Allah be pleased with him, that he said:
Once the Messenger of Allah 
went to the house of Faatimah but did not find ‘Ali in the house. So, he asked: “Where is your paternal cousin?” She replied, “There was something [a quarrel] between me and him whereupon he got angry with me and went out without having a midday nap at home.” The Messenger of Allah asked someone to look for him. That person came and said, “O Messenger of Allah! He [‘Ali] is sleeping in the mosque.” So, the Messenger of Allah went there and found him lying with his upper garment having fallen to one side of his body to which some dust stuck. The Messenger of Allah started wiping the dust off him, saying: “Get up, O Abu Turaab [you dusty man]! Get up, O Abu Turaab!” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
The wife's father here had a big heart, mature awareness, fine speech, and a sense of humor that went to the heart and removed the anger and aversion that lurked there.
4- Mediation of good righteous friends: good righteous friends may influence the husband particularly if he respects them, their knowledge and trustworthiness and if their words have an effect on him and his behavior.
In this respect, it is narrated on the authority of Abu Juhayfah, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet, , made a bond of brotherhood between Salmaan and Abu Ad-Dardaa', may Allah be pleased with them. Salmaan paid a visit to Abu Ad-Dardaa' and found his wife Umm Ad-Dardaa', may Allah be pleased with her, dressed in shabby clothes (this was before Hijab was ordained) and asked her why she looked like that. She replied, “Your brother, Abu Ad-Dardaa', has no need for [the pleasures of] this world.” When (it was night and a part of the night passed and) Abu Ad-Dardaa' had gotten up to offer the night prayer, Salmaan told him to go to sleep and Abu Ad-Dardaa' slept. After sometime, Abu Ad-Dardaa' again got up but Salmaan told him to go back to sleep once more. When it was the last hours of the night, Salmaan told him to get up, and then both of them offered prayer. Salmaan told Abu Ad-Dardaa', may Allah be pleased with them both, “Your soul has a right over you, your Lord has a right over you, your guest has a right over you, and your family has a right over you. So, give everyone who has a right over you their due right.” Abu Ad-Dardaa' and Salmaan, may Allah be pleased with them, went to the Prophet, , and narrated the whole story to him. The Prophet, , said: “Salmaan has spoken the truth.” [Al-Bukhari and At-Tirmithi]
5- Mediation of good righteous relatives: This might be needed in an advanced stage of dissension. In confirmation of that, Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah is Ever Knowing and Acquainted [with all things].} [Quran 4:35]
Nevertheless, this is an important means of healing that gives life to the marital life, clears the atmosphere, and removes the small impurities of ignorance from it. Here both arbitrators should show both parties their rights and duties.
However, the wife's indulgence and negligence in following up on the mistakes of her husband in an attempt to rectify and reduce them bring about many dispensable problems that are unnecessary for the house, including:
· The husband's contempt, evasion and aversion.
· Alienation between spouses i.e. psychological divorce.
· Children torn between their conflicting parents.
· The loss of the marital bond.
Islam’s general approach to children may be summarized in a few principles. First, it is a divine injunction that no child may become the cause of harm to the parents.
A. The child’s rights: The parent’s duties
Allah, The Exalted, Says (what means): “Mothers may breastfeed their children two complete years for whoever wishes to complete the nursing [period]. Upon the father is the mothers' provision and their clothing according to what is acceptable. No person is charged with more than his capacity. No mother should be harmed through her child, and no father through his child. And upon the [father's] heir is [a duty] like that [of the father]. And if they both desire weaning through mutual consent from both of them and consultation, there is no blame upon either of them. And if you wish to have your children nursed by a substitute, there is no blame upon you as long as you give payment according to what is acceptable. And fear Allah and know that Allah is Seeing of what you do.” [Quran 2: 233]
Secondly, by implication the parents should reciprocate and cause the child no harm either. The Qur’an recognizes very clearly that parents are not always immune from over protectiveness or negligence.
On the basis of this recognition, it (Quran) has, thirdly, established certain guidelines and pointed out certain facts with respect to children.
It points out that children are joys of life as well as sources of pride and fountains of distress and temptation. But it hastens to stress the greater joys of the spirit and cautions parents against overconfidence, false pride, or misdeeds that might be caused by children. The religious moral principle of this position is that every individual, parent or child, relates to Allah directly and is independently responsible for his deeds.
No child can absolve the parent on the Day of Judgment. Nor can a parent intercede on behalf of his child.
Finally, Islam is strongly sensitive to the crucial dependence of the child on the parents. Their decisive role in forming the child’s personality is clearly recognized in Islam. In a very suggestive statement, the Prophet (peace be upon him) declared that every child is born into the true malleable nature of ‘Fitrah’ (i.e., the pure natural in-born, monotheistic belief in God), its parents later on make him into a Jew, Christian or pagan.
According to these guidelines, and more specifically, one of the most inalienable rights of the child in Islam is the right to life and equal life chances. Preservation of the child’s life is the third commandment in Islam.
Allah, The Exalted, Says (what means): “Say, 'Come, I will recite what your Lord has prohibited to you. [He commands] that you not associate anything with Him, and to parents, good treatment, and do not kill your children out of poverty; We will provide for you and them. And do not approach immoralities – what is apparent of them and what is concealed. And do not kill the soul which Allah has forbidden [to be killed] except by [legal] right. This has He instructed you that you may use reason.'" [Quran 6: 151]
Another equally inalienable right is the right of legitimacy, which holds that every child shall have a father, and one father only. A third set of rights comes under socialization, upbringing, and general care. To take good care of children is one of the most commendable deeds in Islam. The Prophet was fond of children and he expressed his conviction that his Muslim community would be noted among other communities for its kindness to children.
It is charity of a higher order to attend to their spiritual welfare, educational needs, and general well-being. Interest in and responsibility for the child’s welfare are questions of top priority.
According to the Prophet’s instructions by the seventh day the child should be given a good, pleasant name and its head should be shaved, along with all the other hygienic measures required for healthy growing. This should be made a festive occasion marked with joy and charity.
Responsibility for and compassion toward the child is a matter of religious importance as well as social concern. Whether the parents are alive or deceased, present or absent, known or unknown, the child is to be provided for with optimum care. Whenever there are executors or relatives close enough to be held responsible for the child’s welfare, they shall be directed to discharge this duty.
But if there is no next of kin, care for the child becomes a joint responsibility of the entire Muslim community, designated officials and commoners alike.
B. The child’s duties: The parent’s rights
The parent-child relationship is complementary. In Islam, parents and children are bound together by mutual obligations and reciprocal commitments. But the age differential is sometimes so wide as to cause parents to grow physically weak and mentally feeble. This is often accompanied by impatience, degeneration of energy, heightened sensitivity, and perhaps misjudgment.
It may also result in abuses of parental authority or intergenerational estrangement and uneasiness, something similar to what is now called the “generation gap”. It was probably in view of these considerations that Islam has taken cognizance of certain facts and made basic provisions to govern the individual’s relationship to his parents.
The fact that parents are advanced in age and are generally believed to be more experienced does not by itself validate their views or certify their standards. Similarly, youth per se is not the sole fountain of energy, idealism, or wisdom.
In various contexts, the Qur’an cites instances where the parents were proven wrong in their encounter with their children and also where children misjudged the positions of their parents.
Allah, The Exalted, Says (what means): And [mention O Muhammad], when Abraham said to his father Aazar, 'Do you take idols as deities? Indeed, I see you and your people to be in manifest error.'” [Quran 6:74]
Allah also Says what means: “And it sailed with them through waves like mountains, and Noah called to his son who was apart [from them], 'O my son, come aboard with us and be not with the disbelievers.' [But] he said, 'I will take refuge on a mountain to protect me from the water.' [Noah] said, 'There is no protector today from the decree of Allah, except for whom He gives mercy.' And the waves came between them, and he was among the drowned. And it was said, 'O earth, swallow your water, and O sky, withhold [your rain].' And the water subsided, and the matter was accomplished, and the ship came to rest on the [mountain of] Joodiyy. And it was said, 'Away with the wrongdoing people.' And Noah called to his Lord and said, 'My Lord, indeed my son is of my family; and indeed, Your promise is true; and You are the most just of judges!' He said, 'O Noah, indeed he is not of your family; indeed, he is [one whose] work was other than righteous, so ask Me not for that about which you have no knowledge. Indeed, I advise you, lest you be among the ignorant.'” [Quran 11:42-46]
More significant, perhaps, is the fact that customs, folkways, traditions, or the parents’ value system and standards do not in themselves constitute truth and rightness. In several passages, the Quran strongly reproaches those who may stray from the truth just because it seems new to them, or contrary to what is considered to be normal, or incompatible with the parents’ values.
Furthermore, it focalizes the fact that if loyalty or obedience to the parents is likely to alienate the individual from Allah, then he must side with Allah, as it were. It is true; the parents merit consideration, love, compassion, and mercy. But if they step out of their proper line to intrude upon the rights of Allah, a demarcation line must be drawn and maintained.
The Quran sums up the whole question in the master concept of ‘Ihsan’ (i.e. a strong sense of God-consciousness which constantly inclines a believer toward piety) , which denotes what is right, good, and beautiful. The practical implications of the concept of ‘Ihsan’ to the parents entail active empathy and patience, gratitude and compassion, respect for them and prayers for their souls, honoring their legitimate commitments and providing them with sincere counsel.
One basic dimension of ‘Ihsan’ is deference. Parents have the right to expect obedience from their children if only in partial return for what the parents have done for them. But if parents demand the wrong or ask for the improper, disobedience becomes not only justifiable, but also imperative. Obey or disobey, the children’s attitude toward parents may not be categorical submissiveness or irresponsible defiance.
The last integral part of ‘Ihsan’ to be mentioned here is that children are responsible for the support and maintenance of parents when the parents become weak and are unable to support themselves. It is an absolute religious duty to provide for the parents in case of need and help them to make their lives as comfortable as possible.
