These are words that should be addressed to parents and mentors in order to achieve a general benefit: Whoever likes his child to be something, should first be that something.

Be a positive role model:

Dear parent, your child is attached to you. You are his role model and leader and the basic moral benchmark on which he depends in all that he does. So, be a positive role model for him to follow in your faith and worship of Allah The Almighty; and be a positive role model for him in your morals, manners and good treatment. In other words, be a positive role model in the complete sense of the word, through your practical treatment with your children, following the example of the Prophet.

Be fair:

If you are not fair, in no way can you be able to judge between two opponents even in a trivial case. Being so, what do you think of the whose case occupies you throughout your entire life? You would not be able to direct your child in the manner you like if he feels you prefer his brother over him. That is the kind of injustice which the child never accepts, as the Messenger of Allah, , did not accept earlier.


Be with him part of his time

Dear parents, you have no valid excuse before Allah The Almighty, nor any argument that is acceptable to the child to justify your failure to find a specific time to sit with him, which is his right over you and everyone should be given his due right. That is also the trust of responsibility, and Allah The Almighty commands you to give back the trusts to those who are liable to them. O you who leave your child to others to bring him up on your behalf; do not weep on the morrow because you are held guilty (for his negligence of you) for as you waste him when he is a child, he shall waste you when you grow old.

Be tolerant:

Frequent blame and reproach for everything, whether or not it is significant, inevitably leads to adverse results, the child would neither follow the given advice, nor would he give up (the mistake). The result would be that you would lose your position of awe and reverence in the sight of your child, who, in turn, would leave you and refrain from listening to you. Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, served the Prophet, for ten years, during which time he never heard from him (any word of rebuke even as trivial as) 'Uff'.

Be intelligent:

Utilize suitable opportunities and current events to implant all the values and morals you like in the heart of your child. What you give your child would then be imprinted in his heart, and become inerasable. The Messenger of Allah  made Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allah be pleased with him, ride behind him on a donkey, and of course, he (Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allah be pleased with him) was happy about riding behind the best of all creation on the same mount. He taught him words which remained not only in his memory but also in the memory of the whole Ummah (nation): "If you are mindful of Allah, He will protect you, and if you are mindful of Allah, you will find Him ever with you. When you ask for anything ask it from Allah, and if you seek help seek help from Allah. Know that if the people were to unite to do you some benefit, they could benefit you only with what Allah had written for you, and that if they were to unite to do you some harm, they could harm you only with what Allah had written against you. The pens (of writing the Divine decree) have been lifted and the pages have dried (of their ink)." [At-Tirmithi]

Similarly, the Messenger of Allah, , rescued the boy before bad habits were inculcated in his breast, and said to him once he noticed any kind of bad behavior: "O boy! mention the Name of Allah, and eat with your right hand and eat of what is nearer to you (in the dish)." [Al-Bukhari] The boy then did not forget it, as shown in his comment, "Since then I have applied those instructions when eating."


Be a storyteller:

A story has the influence of magic on the soul. It absorbs the child's mind and makes him live with its heroes. So, it is due on you, father and mother in particular, to pay special attention to relating stories to children. One-third the Noble Quran consists of stories about ancient people. Moreover, the Prophetic Sunnah contains many authentic stories. Therefore, you should employ those stories to be a source of reflection and giving lessons, as stated by Allah The Almighty when He Says (what means): {There was certainly in their stories a lesson for those of understanding.} [Quran 12:111]

Be patient:

Be patient when listening to the needs of your child, keeping in mind that you are talking to someone with limited mental faculties, so you should speak to him according to his understanding. Your perfect example, the Prophet, , tolerated and was patient with ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, while she was reclining against his back, looking at the display of the Abyssinians. In this context, she said, "(I continued watching) till I was bored” So you may deduce from this event how a little girl (who had not reached the age of puberty) who is eager to enjoy amusement should be treated in this respect."

Be a companion:

Dear parent, let each of you be a companion (to his child), so that you would attract him. No doubt, keeping company has a great impact on the child, and makes his heart like a blank page having all that the mother and father like to be imprinted on it. However, you are not the only companion of the child: there are evil friends who do their best to ruin what you build. So, occupy all the time of your child with your company, and be conscious before your child is stolen from you while you are heedless. Your company pleases him so much, and encourages him to relate his affairs to you and divulge his secrets. So, be his companion, encourage him and praise him a lot. Ibn ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, never left the night prayer after he heard the words of the beloved Prophet, : "What an excellent man ‘Abdullaah is! Were he to pray at night." [Al-Bukhari]

Be a watcher:

Dear parent, do not throw the seed (in the land) and then go and leave it, saying to yourself: I have been cultivating . However, you should wait for the harvest, otherwise, the blight of evil and corruption would come after you to eat your crop before you pluck its fruits. So, you should watch over your child in his morals, particularly truthfulness, for lying is the basis of all vices. When the Messenger of Allah, , liked to prevent a man from all kinds of evil, he said: "Do not lie." Watch over him in his friends and peers. Watch over him in his physical constitution and seclusion. Be careful, lest there arise factors that try to ruin what you have been building throughout the years, seeking the help of Allah The Almighty at all times.

Cultivation in Islam is very important, for indeed all of the religion is based upon upbringing. It starts, first of all, with our own selves, then with our families, and then with the community at large. But this cultivation is most important with respect to our children, so that they are brought up upon the correct path of Islam.

Having children is a blessing from Allah; therefore, it is obligatory for the parents to take care of their children as they are held responsible for them. The Prophet  said: “Every one of you is a guardian and is responsible for the people under his guardianship…” [Al-Bukhari]

The Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet  encourage us to bring up our children correctly; ordering us with righteousness and good conduct ourselves as well as ordering us to prevent our families from falling into that which would result in their own destruction. Allah Says (which means): “O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones...” [Quran; 66:6]

What follows are some practical steps towards establishing the correct cultivation of children.

Seeking righteous children:

When an individual wants to get married, they should have the intention to have righteous children and supplicate Allah to this effect. They should seek their children with the intention to increase the number of the Prophet’s nation, and to get Allah’s reward in this life and the Hereafter. The Prophet  said: “Marry women who are loving and very prolific, for I shall outnumber the nations (on the Day of Resurrection) by you [by your abundant number]." [Ahmad and Al-Bayhaqi]

If one has the correct intention at the beginning of the action, then he will yield its correct fruits at the end.

Setting a Good Example:

The parents should set the best example for their children. They should hasten to do that which is good and, likewise, hasten to abandon all that is evil. Children follow the example of their parents, and they love, respect and admire them. The parents are, therefore, the first and most lasting of examples for their children.

Putting emphasis on Religion:

Parents should consider Islam as the most important matter in their life. They should raise their child to know that the most important aspect of life is being upright in religion, clinging to it firmly. Allah Says (what means): “And this (submission to Allah, Islam) was enjoined by Ibraaheem upon his sons and by Ya’qoob, (saying), ‘O my sons! Allah has chosen for you the (true) religion, then die not except in the faith of Islam.” [Quran; 2:132]


Parents should supplicate Allah to guide their children and keep them upright. Allah Says that the believers say (what means): “Our Lord! Bestow on us from our own wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the Muttaqoon (i.e. pious and righteous persons).” [Quran; 25:74]

Besides supplicating Allah, parents should also take the necessary steps in bringing up their children upon this religion.


Showing Love and Kindness towards Children:

The parent should treat his/her children with love and kindness, and should not always use harshness. However, if the situation requires harshness, and even hitting, then he/she should do so, as and when the situation requires it, but he/she should not make this his/her way (i.e. being always hard and harsh towards the children). We should not be like those people who are always hard upon their children as this may lead them towards further corruption and going astray.

On the other hand, we should not be like those who leave their children without any discipline, otherwise they will follow whatever way they like and do whatever they want.

Teaching Good Character:

The parent should aim to raise his/her children upon good character from a young age. He/she should teach them the Quran, the history of the Prophet  and that of the Companions, may Allah be pleased with them, as well. One should not leave his children to continue making mistakes saying that he will correct them when they get older, because it is indeed more difficult to correct a person when he has grown up adopting incorrect actions and bad characteristics. As a poet once said: “Whoever grows up upon something, he grows old upon that same thing.”

The Prophet  used to train and bring up the children from a young age upon good manners and character. As can be seen in the Hadeeth of Al-Hasan, may Allah be pleased with him, in which he narrates how he once took a date from the dates of charity, and the Prophet  stopped him and told him to take the date out of his mouth. The Prophet  explained to him that the dates were for charity, and that charity was not allowed for the Prophet  or his family.

The Prophet  did not leave Al-Hasan, may Allah be pleased with him, without instructing him; rather, he  stopped him from continuing in what he was doing and explained to him the correct way, in a kind and wise manner.

Being Just with Children:

The parents should neither oppress nor wrong any of their children. They should not show one of their children due favor more than other children, by giving him more or praising him more than any of the others. Indeed this type of favoritism can be a reason for the children swaying from the correct path and developing personal problems later on in life.

Spending Upon one’s Children:

The parents should be generous and spend on their children. They should take the necessary steps to earn lawful money and spend on their children in a manner that is correct. Indeed, anything that one spends on his family with the correct intention will be rewarded. The Prophet  said: “Two Dinaars (golden currency) which you spend by way of charity, or two Dinaars which you give to the poor, or the two Dinaars which you give to your family; indeed the greatest of these as regards reward is that Dinaar which you spend upon your family.” [Muslim]

In conclusion, everyone should take care of his family, for if everyone in the society was to take care of the upbringing of their families and take care of their financial needs, then this would prove good and beneficial for the society as a whole. Contrarily, if everyone were to leave the affairs of their families and their children, then this would lead to the corruption of the society, and poverty would be widespread.a