The child has a clean and pure memory which is not overloaded with problems or troubles like adults. At the same time, it is like an efficient and versatile sharp machine. The child rapidly memorizes and hardly forgets things he commits to memory at an early age. Thus, learning in childhood is faster and better preserved than at any other stage of the child's life. In order to know the best ways to utilize this talent, we ask the following question:

What should our children memorize?

Pondering on the condition of many Muslim children today, we will find many of them repeating songs and TV commercials and memorizing the names of football players. Memorizing the Quran and the Prophet's Ahadeeth (narrations) is not included in their educational programs. When we blame fathers for this deficiency, some of them say that it is difficult for children to memorize the Quran and beneficial knowledge, if doing so is added to the oversized school curriculum that the child studies. Some others do not realize the great capabilities of the child's memory; hence, they do not utilize this talent in a useful way that enrich the mind of the child. Thus, his memory only stores the nonsense he sees on TV without control or censorship. We are dealing with a jewel that our children possess at the early stages of their lives, and it is our responsibility to utilize it in ways that benefit the child in this life and in the Hereafter. To put in order the things that the child should memorize, the priorities are as follows:

1) The Noble Quran: The reward for this is not limited to the children; it extends to the parents who help their children to learn the Book of Allah The Almighty. The Prophet  said: "Whoever reads the Quran, learns it and acts according to it will be made to wear on the Day of Resurrection a crown of light whose like is like the light of the sun and his parents will be made to wear two garments and the whole world is not as good as they are. They will ask, 'Why are we made to wear these?' They will be answered, "Because of your child learning the Quran." [Al-Haakim]

2) The Prophet's Hadeeth: Second to the Quran in importance are the Prophet's Ahadeeth. The father or the educator chooses the sound Ahadeeth which are short and easy to comprehend and which suit the age of childhood. For example, Rabee‘ah ibn Shaybaan said that he asked Al-Hasan ibn ‘Ali  what he had memorized from the Messenger of Allah . Al-Hasan  replied that he memorized his saying: "Give up what is doubtful to you for that which is not doubtful to you; for verily truth is peace of mind and falsehood is doubt." [At-Tirmithi] An anecdote narrated in this regard, i.e. children's memorization of the Prophet's Hadeeth, is about the daughter of Imam Maalik  who committed his Muwatta' to memory. She stood behind the door during her father's class, and when she heard one of his students erring in a Hadeeth, she would knock on the door. Then, Maalik would take note and correct the student.

3) Athkaar and supplications: Supplications, for instance, include those said upon eating, entering the bathroom, sleeping, waking up, using means of transportation as well as the Athkaar of the prayer, which are said in bowing and prostration, as well as Athkaar of the morning and evening. The best way to make children memorize the supplications and daily Athkaar is that they watch and hear adults say them continuously at the proper time and learn them directly from the adults. Ibn ‘Abbaas  said, "I was in the house of my aunt Maymoonah when the Athaan was announced. The Prophet  went out for prayer, saying: 'Allahumma-ij‘al Fi Qalbi Noora, waj‘al-fi Lisaani Noora, wa min Amaami Noora, waj‘al min Fawqi Noora, wamin Tahti Noora, Allahumma A‘thim li Noora. (O Allah, provide me with light in my heart, light in my tongue, light in front of me, light above me, light below me, and strengthen my light).'" [Ibn Khuzaymah]

4) Meaningful poetry and Islamic Nasheeds: The child may be allowed to memorize some meaningful poetry and short poems selected from genuine Arabic poetry. This will develop the child's eloquence and raise the spirit of enthusiasm in his soul towards religion, allegiance to Allah The Almighty, His Messenger, and the believers, and disassociation from others. The child should not be taught profligate and insolent poems as well as the cheap poetry that is prevalent in the present time. Educators may expose the children to the poetry of Imam Ash-Shaafi‘i, Mustafa Saadiq Ar-Raafi‘i, Yoosuf Al-Qaradhaawi, and other collections of old and modern well-composed poetry.

There is no harm if the child memorizes some meaningful Islamic Nasheeds (songs) which entertain the souls due to their beautiful tune. This beautiful tone cheers up the soul and purifies it. It is also one of the interesting means through which we convey a moral value or a useful piece of information to the child. A child can memorize some quotations by the righteous predecessors that contain guidance to particular etiquettes, admonition or the like, such as admonitions of Ibn Mas‘ood . He said, "Whoever is given goodness, it is Allah The Almighty Who has given him; whoever is protected from evil, it is Allah The Almighty Who has protected him," and, "Nothing on the face of the earth is more entitled to be jailed for a long time more than the tongue," and other touching and sincere words.

When can the child memorize?

Specialists say that a child can memorize at the age of three, and the golden period is from five to fifteen. The best time for memorization during the day is the early morning after Fajr Prayer, provided the child is neither hungry nor full. This will sharpen the memory to acquire and comprehend knowledge.

Reward the child for memorization

The best motivation for the child to memorize is to reward him whenever he achieves some progress. He should be morally rewarded by praising him and encouraging him to recite what he memorized in family gatherings and before his friends. Also, he should be materially rewarded by giving him gifts or money as an award for his achievement. It is said that one day Salah Ad-Deen Al-Ayyoobi (Saladin) was walking among the soldiers in the battlefield and passed by a small boy reciting the Quran in the arms of his father. Salah Ad-Deen admired his way of recitation, and thus, drew him close, assigned him a share of his special food, and allocated a piece of his garden for the child and his father. Also, the father of Ibraaheem ibn Ad-ham  said to him, "O my son, learn the Prophetic Hadeeth; whenever you hear and memorize one Hadeeth, I will give you one dirham." Ibraaheem said, "This was a reason that motivated me to learn the Prophetic traditions."

Keep the child away from obstacles of memorization

Obstacles of memorization include deep fear and forms of agitation and nervous tension. Acute psychological and nervous tension constitute an obstacle to sound thinking, and high agitation has a very harmful effect on the various mental functions and processes of the brain, such as understanding, remembering and thinking. In his book Ta‘leem Al-Muta‘llim fi Tareeq At-Ta‘allum, Az-Zarnooji  said that the causes of forgetfulness are misdeeds, sins, grief, sadness for worldly matters, and plenty of business and occupations.

The father has to keep his child away from all forms of sins, whether attending them, watching them, or listening to them, let alone falling into committing them. According to Ibn al-Qayyim  in his book Al-Jawaab al-Kaafi, sins spoil the mind. The mind has a special light and that light will be turned off by sins. When this light is switched off, the formidability of the mind weakens and decreases.

A child should not eat excessively in a way that causes obesity, and hence, laziness, inactivity, and weak intelligence.

We should not forget to supplicate Allah The Almighty frequently that He The Exalted will grant our children the talent of memorization, understanding, knowledge, and working according to them, Aameen.

 

Kids aren't mind readers, but they are capable of reading our body language

When we hear about the tragedies in the world, or about all of the people and children hurt in the worn-torn countries found all around the world; the millions of children who are starving to death or dying of illnesses ...we each should be much, much more thankful to our Creator for all that we have been blessed with and never, ever forget all those who are suffering in our Du’aa (supplications).

Making Du’aa and remembering all those suffering should be a regular occurrence in our households, and with our families. Our children, with all the available perks in life are completely oblivious to the suffering in the world unless we talk to them about it and remind them that for all that they have there are so many that have nothing. By the same token, we need to give ourselves a harsh reminder as well not to take things - specifically our families for granted, as we so often do.

Our children really need us to be there for them, not just to give them lunch – money or pay their allowances.... but to be their rock in the shakable and unsteady world they live in. Most importantly, we need to show them by words and actions, that we love them – at every opportunity we get.

A single action can say, and mean, a lot

We all have clear and concise memories of our parents – clear into our adulthood. We remember what they did, what they said, how they acted, even how they said things... and we also vividly recall what they didn't do or say. Sometimes just a single action in a particular moment can say, and mean a lot to a child, including and especially a teenager. Teenagers and tweens care a lot more about what we, their parent, think, than they would like to let on. So, while they may act like they could care less, there should be no doubt whatsoever that they care immensely.

Some kids, if they do not get adequate positive attention, act out with undesirable behavior to get any attention in any way possible even if it is negative attention from Mom or Dad. Something is always better than nothing, or not enough. Make the time, you may not have it later as we live our lives and get caught up in our own dramas, we often forget that our lives here are only temporary.

At any given time, Allah Almighty forbid it for us, there could be a car accident, a burglary gone bad, an indiscriminate drive-by shooting or let's face it a hate crime committed against any person in our family. People pass away from house-hold accidents every day and then there is illness, which could strike any one of us. These circumstances are all beyond our control and are real.

Because we live with such uncertainty and because we must realize and make our children also understand that they are not invisible... we must make the time to spend with our family and show them we love them; not tomorrow, but today - right now, this moment, because we may not have that time later.

We all have the habit of putting things off, publicly and privately. It is easier, life is busy, and there never is enough time in a day. However, we should take notice to never procrastinate with our love. We cannot afford to take time for granted when it comes to our religion or our family. Time spent on these two vital aspects of our lives is valuable time that is been very well spent.

Start with a hug

I know some of you may not have been raised in a home that displayed affection and the thought of it, the action itself, may be awkward and a little strange. But even if you didn't receive it as a child, know that your children need it from you. Hugging is a whole lot easier than you think, and once you get in the habit of doing it several times per day, it will become natural and a comfort to you and your children.


Comfort in a cuddle!

I make Du’aa that, if haven't already, you begin today by giving your kids a hug each day and tell them you love and care for them. It is such a comfort for a child, or wife or close friend for that matter, to be held close and enclosed in loving arms.

For anyone who may be skeptical about it, you should ask yourself why it seems scary to you. The Prophet Muhammad  was known to be very affectionate and caring towards his children and he  is our best example and role model as is featured in the following Hadeeth: Abu Salamah, may Allah be pleased with him, related that Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, said: "The Prophet of Allah  kissed Hasan ibn ‘Ali while Aqra` ibn Haabis was sitting nearby. Aqra` said, `I have ten children and have never kissed one of them.' The Prophet  looked at him and said, `Those who show no mercy will be shown no mercy"' [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

After you have mulled that over for a while, then ask yourself: what do you really have to lose?