The foremost and fundamental institution of human society is the family unit. A family is established by the coming together of a man and a woman, and their contact brings into existence a new generation. It then produces ties of kinship and community, which gradually develop into a large society. The family is the institution through which a generation prepares the succeeding generation for the service of human civilization and for the discharge of its social obligations with devotion, sincerity and enthusiasm.

This institution does not merely recruit cadets for the maintenance and development of human culture but its guardians. They earnestly desire that those who have to replace them in the future should be better than themselves.  In this respect the family can be truly called the fountain-head of progress, development, prosperity and strength of human civilization on Earth.

Hence, besides the social problems, Islam devotes much attention to those relating to the family and strives to establish this important social unit on the healthiest and strongest foundations. According to Islam, the correct form of relationship between a man and woman is marriage, that is, the one in which full social responsibilities are undertaken by them and which results in the emergence of a family. Irresponsible behaviour are not condoned by Islam as innocent past times or ordinary transgressions. Rather, they are acts that strike at the very roots of human society.

Hence, Islam aims at purifying and purging the society of all activities that encourage such irresponsible action or provide opportunities for them. Regulations of Hijab (an out fit women must adhere to in Islam), ban on free mixing of men and women, restrictions on music and films and discouragement of the spread and propagation of obscenities and aberrations, are all intended to guard against this.

Their sole object is to protect and strengthen the institution of the family. Islam does not merely regard the desirable form of social contact as just permissible but holds and affirms it as a good and virtuous act. Indeed, it is seen as an act of worship. It does not simply look upon celibacy of an adult person with disfavor, but calls upon every young man and woman to take, in his turn, the social responsibilities of married life just as his or her parents did in their time.

Islam also strongly disapproves those rites, ceremonies or restrictions that make marriage a difficult and tedious affair. The intention of Islam is that marriage may become easy and fornication (and adultery) the most difficult thing in society, and not vice versa as it is in most of the societies today.

Hence, besides debarring a few specified relatives from entering into matrimony with one another, it has legalized marital relations with all other near and distant kith and kin. It has removed all distinctions of caste and community and permitted matrimony of any Muslim with any other Muslim, although being equivalent in status is a matter that is recognized when considering marriage. It has enjoined that the amount of Mahr (dower) should be fixed at a low and easy figure, the burden of which can be easily borne by the husband and has dispensed with the necessity of clerics and offices of compulsory registration.

In an Islamic society, marriage is such a plain and simple ceremony as can be performed anywhere before two witnesses, and a Wali (woman’s guardian or one whom he authorizes), though it is essential that the proceedings should know that the couple is now going to live a matrimonial life.

Within the family itself, Islam has assigned to the man a position of authority so that he may maintain order and discipline as the chief of the household.  Islam expects the wife to obey and look after the comforts and well-being of her husband and expects the children to behave accordingly with their parents. Islam doest not favor a loose and disjointed family system, which is devoid of any authority, control and discipline and in which someone is not pointedly responsible for the proper conduct and behaviour of its members.

Discipline can only be maintained through a central authority and in the view of Islam the position of father in the family is such that it makes him the fittest person to take over this responsibility.  But this does not mean that the man has been made a tyrant and an oppressor in the household and the woman has been handed over to him as a helpless chattel. According to Islam, the real spirit of marital life is love, understanding and mutual respect. If the woman has been asked to obey the husband, the latter has been called upon to exercise his privileges towards the welfare of the family and treat his wife with love, affection and sweetness.

Islam makes the marital bond strong but not unbreakable. It aims at keeping the bond intact only so long as it is founded on sweetness of love or for as long as at least the possibility of lasting companionship exists. When this possibility of lasting companionship exists. When this possibility dies out, it gives the man the right of divorce and the woman the right of separation. Under certain conditions, when married life has become a source of misery and nuisance, it also gives the Islamic courts of justice the authority to annul the marriage.

Have you ever seen your father advising his younger brother to stop smoking?

Have you ever seen your father speaking with the seller about the incorrect scales?

Have you ever seen him participating in a religious competition?

Have you ever seen him preparing a thesis in his area of specialization?

Have you ever seen your father helping your mother arrange the house?

Have you ever seen him helping his neighbor carry the furniture?

Have you ever seen him participating in a game and winning the first position?

Have you ever seen him stopping his car after an accident to offer first aid or call an ambulance?

Dear educator, was your father positive?

Could you describe your feelings in each of these situations?

How did you regard your father in each of these moments?,

If you are a positive father, then your child will be positive.

If you are a negative father, then your child will be negative too.

Like Father Like Son

The general conditions of the Muslim Ummah (nation) implant negativity in our children, who hear nothing from their parents but complaints about the bad conditions of the Ummah and the supremacy of its enemies in addition to expressing displeasure with public services.

This makes the child think that everything is upside down and teaches him how to be a good complainer and causes loss of motivation.

The positive person is the one who enjoys a sense of calm, prudence, self-confidence and fairness in addition to openness, acceptance of new ideas, spirit of initiative and the ability to listen and engage in dialogue. The positive person feels that he is always capable of changing his life and believes that it is never too late; so, he never surrenders to despair.

In my opinion, the child’s mentality and feelings are determined in accordance with the positive or negative tendencies of his family and its view of life. That is why we always confirm that upbringing is a serious process.

Ibraaheem  was positive and taught his son positivity:

Ibraaheem  rejected idolatry and confronted his father and people positively. He said to them (what means):

     • {O my father, do not worship Satan. Indeed Satan has ever been, to The Most Merciful, disobedient.} [Quran 19:44]

     • {…."What are these statues to which you are devoted?"} [Quran 21:52]

     • {Uff to you and to what you worship instead of Allah. Then will you not use reason?"} [Quran 21:67]

When his people tried to burn him, he was steadfast, brave and positive, so Allah The Almighty saved him from the fire.

This father was positive when Allah The Almighty commanded him to build the Ka‘bah. He actively went ahead to implement the command and asked his son to help him. Of course, the child positively responded and started helping his father.

Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {And [mention] when Ibraaheem (Abraham) was raising the foundations of the House and [with him] Ismaa‘eel (Ishmael)…} [Quran 2:127]

That is why Allah The Almighty described this positive son Saying (what means): {And mention in the Book, Ismaa‘eel. Indeed, he was true to his promise, and he was a messenger and a Prophet. And he used to enjoin on his people prayer and Zakah and was to his Lord pleasing.} [Quran 19:54-55]

Some people may counter that these are the blessings of the Divine Revelation, and I agree. Indeed, these are the blessings of the Divine Revelation, but it is only sent down to positive people who have the ability to convey the Message of Allah The Almighty perfectly.

A wonderful positive example:

Our righteous predecessors presented the best examples of positivity as shown in the following situation:

Mu‘aawiyah ibn Qurrah  said, “I was walking with Ma‘qil ibn Yasaar and we passed by a harmful object on the road. Therefore, he removed it or put it away (positive action). Later, we passed by a similar harmful object and I put it away (positive reaction). He took me by the hand and said, ‘O nephew, why did you do so?’ I said, ‘I saw you doing this, so I imitated you.’” [At-Tabaraani] [Al-Albaani: Hasan]

The child’s personality is based on the parental role-model:

Indeed, dear educator, when the child sees that his father is negative, he will acquire this quality from him, because children imitate those who are around them in everything.

Children learn through imitation, since their ‎ability to ‎observe and imitate during this stage is wonderful. Scientists even describe it as a formation process in ‎accordance ‎with an example followed by the child. ‎Children learn speech ‎through imitation, listening and ‎observation. They also acquire their ‎tendencies in life and ‎learn the values and the right to choose, as ‎well as their ‎traditions, through imitation. In other words, children ‎learn from the behavior of those around them. Therefore, ‎we (educators and parents) should be more careful about our ‎actions and words because we are role models for our ‎children.‎

Let us give an example:

You entered with your child to a public place, and the person who was sitting next to you lit up a cigarette and its smoke started annoying you and your child.

If you are a negative father, you will keep silent and will not ask the smoker to stop. At this moment, your child will record this event and will never forget it.

In such a case, your child will learn negativity and indifference from you. So, when he grows up and sees the same wrong behavior, he will behave exactly as you behave in front of him unless someone else teaches him positive behavior.

On the other hand, if you ask the smoker to stop so as not to harm you, the child will learn this positive behavior and adopt it for the rest of his life.

This applies to all positive and negative behavior that happens in front of your child, who records everything and then plays what he recorded when he grows up. In such a case, it would be very difficult to change negative behavior into positive.

Imam Al-Ghazzaali  stated this fact saying,

The child is a trust in the hands of his parents, and his pure heart is an unblemished precious stone, free of any engraving or form. It is amenable to being engraved and molded in any direction. If it is trained and taught to be good, it will be raised upon this. Such a child will be happy in this world and the next, and his parents, teachers and educators will all share in his reward.