Assalamu alaykum, Brother, thanks for the reply, finally. I still have a question, you said that keeping ties should be done based on the customs of your country and that if sending a weekly emailwhile living in the same home is not a custom of the country, it is still considered cutting ties:
http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/index.php?page=showfatwa&Option=FatwaId&Id=359431
Where in the Sunnah does it say that deeds should be done based on the customs of the country?
In my heart, I feel that it is wrong, but I tried to fix the issue a lot. I bought one of my sisters a cheap perfume that I could afford and made her a basic card with a pen and gave her a book about Islam which I got for free and a basic card that I printed for free. I am an adult, but my income is low; in addition, she does not deserve more than this.
You said that I did not mention why I hate them and cut them off the ties with them: the reason is that they are bad, meaning that they are not nice to me. They do not care about me, they are sneaky and careless. They do not really care about what I went through with cancer. When I got sick, my sister took the situation and let her hair grow long because my mom was too busy. One sister is worse than the other, and she is the younger one. She is careless; and the other is only there when you do not need money – she is a fake friend. I really do not think that I can go back to talk to them, because I hate them very much. It is not about religion although the younger one. I know that a hadith says: whoever falls into unclear matters falls into haram, but I really cannot fix the issue – I hate them, and sending a weekly email was a push for me even. The reason I ask is because I keep being attacked by jinn while sleeping, and I am afraid that Allah has cut me off, meaning that He might not be protecting me because of this issue with these sisters because I supplicated Allah a lot to protect me from attacks of the jinn, and I say all the thikr (expressions of remembrance of Allah) and read Quran, and it still happens. Please reply directly and do not refer to an old question. May Allah reward you.
Adding to the previous answers, it seems that you are going through difficult times, and you should seek strength from Allah to overcome these difficulties. Allah created us in this life with all kinds of struggle. Allah Says in the Quran (what means): {…And we made some of you as trial for others – will you have patience? And ever is your Lord Seeing.} [Quran 25:20]
If your family is bad to you, just be patient and be good to them for the sake of Allah. Therefore, do not seek their pleasure; you are just obeying Allah, the Most High. It is a level of faith that a Muslim attains when submitting oneself to the orders of Allah. Your duty in Islam is to have strong ties with them regardless of whether they are nice to you or not because it is an individual responsibility and accountability before Allah on the Day of Resurrection.
There are references in the Quran and Sunnah to the customs of the people, which is called ‘urf, including the derivative term ma‘roof.
Increase your faith by making yourself busy with matters of obedience to Allah, and you will see how this life is of no value compared to the Hereafter. Therefore, anything that makes you sad in this life is not worth it, because it will go away and you have to leave it one day. But when the matter is related to the Hereafter, it is different. It is the everlasting life, towards which we have to direct our concern and energy in order to obtain (the good in) it.
Here are some words from Shaykh-ul-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah which help to face the bad manners of your family:
1) Allah is the Creator of all things, including what your family is doing to you, so do not be trapped in judging their actions, as they are nothing but a tool that is being used to test you.
2) Focus on your sins, and that is the way to have the sins forgiven, so repent a lot and ask Allah for forgiveness.
3) Remember the great reward waiting for you if you pardon and have patience.
4) When you pardon and forgive, your heart will be more sound and pure, and that will give you tranquility in this life.
5) Anyone who seeks revenge for his own benefit is never happy; rather, it increases his humiliation.
6) Life is precious, and to waste the time feeling this way is a big loss. So busy yourself with worship of Allah and doing good deeds.
7) Allah is with you as long as you are patient.
8) Your patience is a way to suppress your own ego and pride for the sake of Allah.
9) If you become extremely kind to them for the sake of Allah, maybe they will change, and if they do not change, then at least you are doing what Allah ordered you to do.
10) If you get used to treating them badly, like they are treating you, you will fall into sin.
1. My sister-in-law (husband’s sister) treated me in a bad way and would yell at me and humiliate me in front of everyone. People used to ask me how she was with me. I only spoke the truth and said what she did to me, and I did not lie. I heard that it is okay to do that to get back at the oppressor. Is this true? I read a fatwa that says that this is not considered backbiting. Did I do something wrong? I never ever replied to her when she was hurting me; I just kept quiet, because Prophet Mohammed ordered to either speak good or remain quiet, and I choose to remain quiet.
2. My husband got in a fight with his mom and told her that they cannot go out without his permission because his father left him in charge as he is in a different state, and she and her daughter let my husband walk out the house and started blaming me that I was setting my husband up against his own mom. I swear by Allah, Who created the heavens and the earth, that I did not tell him to disrespect his mom, and he even told them with his own mouth when he was fighting with his mom. She was saying something like, “May Allah take those who oppressed me and set you against me.” He said, ‘If you mean to say that it is my wife, then know that my wife had nothing to do with this.” I have been treated badly, and when they started blaming me for everything, my husband said that I am innocent. I forgave them the first couple of times, but I cannot do so now. I have been asking Allah to make them suffer with the level of oppression which they have caused me. Please, advise me with what to do. They really hate me. They do not even talk with me, and I do not know what I did wrong, and may Allah reward you.
May Allah make it easy for you. According to what you wrote, you have been facing a difficult situation from the misconduct of your in-laws.
Dealing with people in life can be challenging at times. This is all from the qadar (destiny) of Allah. Allah is the Most Wise, and everything is done by a fixed measure for people to be tested on whether they are obedient to Allah in dealing with these situations or not. You do not have much control over others, but you are in charge of your own self, and on the Day of Judgment, you will come by yourself, and you will not be asked about others, but rather only about yourself. Therefore, it is important to have the proper knowledge and principles in life that make you focused on what is benefiting and leave what is harmful for you.
Here are some basic principles that you must have, and then the solution comes afterwards:
1- Allah created us to worship Him alone; therefore, we have one purpose in life, and everything serves this purpose, including your relationship with your in-laws.
2- We have no knowledge of how to live this life seeking the pleasure of Allah unless we learn that from the Quran and Sunnah from the scholars of the religion.
3- After coming to know what Allah wants from you, you should seek help from Allah and be patient in applying it.
Here is some advice based on the principles mentioned above:
1. If people are accusing you falsely, know that Allah is the Most Just; He will protect you as long as you stay honest and truthful.
2. Never return oppression and humiliation with oppression and humiliation; rather, answer with justice and righteousness.
3. Supplicating against the ones that humiliate you is permissible, but a higher level of goodness is to forgive and pardon.
4. You should be grateful to Allah that your husband defends you and is on your side. That should make you overlook others’ oppression of you since they have no authority on you.
5. Focus on your family and take care of your husband and children (if any), and do not get involved with your in-laws except in good manners and goodness.
6. Increase your worship of Allah, make sure you never miss any prayer, and stay away from sins. Increase your faith by doing acts of worship like praying, fasting, charity, and thikr (remembrance of Allah). The more your faith increases, the more you will be under the protection of Allah and it will make you focus on what is benefitting.
7. A higher level of goodness is to be kind to those who are oppressing you, so instead of supplicating against them, supplicate for them that Allah guide them and forgive their sins. The benefit of that is tremendous, the least of which is you get great reward from Allah and that He will protect you from all harm.
May Allah make it easy for you and change your situation to what is best.
My friend and I used to be so close and shared secrets, and we were like sisters. We helped each other and stayed together through thick and thin. All of a sudden, we started fighting all the time, without any concrete reason. At first, we would remember all the good things we have gone through together and would go back to be friends, but now everything is so bad, and we either fight or talk a little, like strangers; we are not even able to support each other.
I want her to become my friend like before; she was so close and supported me.
I suffer from OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) and depression, and it is so hard on me. I stopped taking my medicine because she made me feel better and that there really is good in the world, but now my depression has increased, and I cry almost all the time because I cannot leave her like that; she is a good sister.
I always pray to God that we will return like before, and I ask for His forgiveness. Please, help me, and tell me whether things could return like they used to be.
May Allah make it easy for you and give you a happy life in this world and in the Hereafter. Having a good friend is one of the great pleasures of this world, so it is a difficult thing to lose a friend, especially when there is no clear reason for that. However, I would like to take the matter a step back; it is important that you understand the purpose of life and know Allah with His Beautiful Names and Attributes. He created us to worship Him alone, and He made this life nothing but a test to see who among us are the best in actions. We are tested in this life on our personal level and through other people in our life. Also, Allah is the Most Wise, the Most Merciful; nothing happens except by the Wisdom, Mercy, and Knowledge of Allah. Therefore, we should always be grateful to Him for the fact that He gave us this life and honored us to be believers and worship Him alone. The worship of Allah includes proper belief, fulfilling religious obligations and staying away from what is haram. Also, dealing with people in the best way is part of our religion.
Your situation consists of two aspects; yourself, and the relationship with your friend. Here are some points of advice:
1) Work on your faith in order to increase it; and that is done by learning more about matters of belief; reflecting upon the Names and Attributes of Allah; reading the Quran while reflecting upon it on a daily basis; making sure that your prayers are done with devotion and concentration; never leaving the Athkaar (remembrance of Allah) at all times, especially in the morning and the evening, from the sayings of the Prophet ; give charity; and constantly ask Allah for forgiveness.
2) As for the friendship, you need to understand that nothing stays the same in this life. People come and go, and you have to move on. Do not seek your strength from others, but rather from Allah, The Almighty. Humans cannot offer you anything, because they simply do not own anything. Therefore, when a human being becomes your reason for happiness and sadness, you need to turn to Allah and revive your faith by relying on Allah Alone.
3) So the solution is not going to come from your friend, but, rather, from Allah, the Most High, and if you want what is from Allah, then turn to Him, ask Him, and enjoy the life of being grateful and dutiful to Him.
4) The Quran is a cure for all our ailments, so read it daily, while pondering over the meanings, and by the will of Allah, you will not need your medicine. Of course, there is nothing wrong with taking medicine, but since you said that when your friendship was strong, you were not taking medicine, you should realize that the effect from reading the Quran will be even stronger.
5) Try to see what the root causes for severing the ties of friendship are, and if your friend is willing to discuss them, then that is a good sign, and if she is not, then move on.
6) Sins are causes for the severing of ties of friendship; there are hadiths which carry this meaning: “If two people loved each other for the sake of Allah and then split, it is because of a sin committed by one of them.” [Ahmad]
