Question

Assalamu alaykum: I have been married for a few years. My husband agreed to accept Islam. We agreed to live as Muslims by performing the prayer and the fast to begin with. Praise be to Allah, we lived good years practicing Islam together and even managed to get out of interest by selling some of our property. To give you a brief background about my family, I love my husband and I believe he loves me too. Unfortunately, something happened, but only Allah, the Exalted, knows best. The problem that is pressing me hard is loneliness within my house. In fact, I am a God-fearing person, and I do not go out to seek friends; instead, I enjoy my time studying or knowing the knowledge of Allah, which I feel was neglected before in our life. My husband on the other hand developed another lifestyle, in which he claims he has his own way of seeking Islamic spirituality; that is the center of our problem, because he spends the whole night on his laptop, and in between, I remind him of the prayer, but he does not give me trouble for that, praise be to Allah. This makes me feel sad and neglected in so many ways, so lonely and frustrated. I tried to advise him to change our habit and balance our life. The result of mentioning the problem is that things have escalated to the point that he says that I am bothering him or that we do not understand each other because his level of faith is not equal to mine, while my aim is to share the good religion and the nearness of Allah that I enjoy with him so as to motivate him to learn the basic rules of the prayer, which he does not know exactly, or the Quran. He told me that it is enough for him to look at the sky and that that inspires him, and that the lectures of Hamza Yusuf suffice. In short, I wish I could share the religion with my husband. The other problem is that it is I who is always looking for a solution to maintain my family, my husband does not seem to not know what is bothering me. When I ask him, he becomes rude and tells me that he does not know or that this is how he is and that I should adjust myself to our differences in a life in which religion is private and I am bound to a lonely life and he as well.

Answer

To the best of my understanding of the situation that you are facing, you first need to understand that life is a test and that Allah is the Most Wise. He chose this husband for you for a reason, and that is to establish the religion of Allah in the most perfect way. Your concerns are valid, but what are the ways to face this situation? Here are some points of advice:

1- Strengthen your relationship with Allah, make a lot of istighfar (asking for forgiveness), supplicate, read Quran, and so on, and especially wake up in the last third of the night and ask Allah for help.

2- As long as your husband prays, then be patient with him, treat him well, and suggest to him to teach you something in the religion or to ask a sheikh a question for you, so do something indirect that would get him involved in an indirect way.

3- Often times, people think about the religion as such a huge burden and physical challenge, so try to make it easy for your husband. If he is not praying in the masjid, encourage him to do so and to take you with him when there is a lecture or a sisters’ gatherings and things like that.

4- The environment is very important, so consult with those in your community who are upon the Sunnah of the Prophet, may Allah exalt his mention, to attract him to their events in the masjid or so.

May Allah make it easy for you and bless your marriage.

1- When the religion of Islam was revealed to the Prophet  it was the custom of the people of the pre-Islamic era to hate and detest women. Allah, The Exalted, Says (what means): {And when one of them is informed of [the birth of] a female, his face becomes dark, and he suppresses grief.} [Quran 16: 58]

They disdained the infant girl and would bury her alive. Islam prohibited this and insisted that she be exalted and maintained with dignity. Allah, The Almighty, Says (what means): {And when the girl [who was] buried alive is asked, for what sin she was killed.} [Quran 81: 8-9]


In some Ahadeeth, the Prophet  said:

• "Whoever maintains two daughters until they become independent will come on the Day of Resurrection along with me (close to each other) like these two (and he joined his two fingers)." [Muslim]

• "Whoever is put to trial by these daughters and he treats them kindly, these daughters will act as a shield for him from Hell." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

2- When the religion of Islam was revealed to the Prophet  it had been the habit of the people of the pre-Islamic era to prevent the woman from her share in the inheritance. Islam gave her this right, whether little or large; Allah, The Exalted, Says (what means): {For men is a share of what the parents and close relatives leave, and for women is a share of what the parents and close relatives leave, be it little or much - an obligatory share.} [Quran 4: 7]

3- When the religion of Islam was revealed to the Prophet  it had been the habit of the people of the pre-Islamic era to inherit women against their will. When a woman's husband died, one of the heirs would come, throw a garment over her and say, "I have inherited her just as I have inherited his wealth." This would entitle him to have more control over her than herself. Islam prohibited this. Allah, The Exalted, Says (what means): {O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion.} [Quran 4: 9]

4- When the religion of Islam was revealed to the Prophet  it had been the habit of the people of the pre-Islamic era to make difficulties for their women in order to prevent them from receiving their rights. A man would prevent his divorcee from remarrying until she had returned everything he had spent on her. A father would prevent his daughter from marriage, and likewise, the brother would prevent his sister if he so willed. A man would mistreat his wife and refuse to divorce her unless she ransomed herself. Islam prevented all this and eradicated such behavior. Allah, The Exalted, Says (what means):

• {And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality.} [Quran 4: 19]

• {Do not prevent them from remarrying their [former] husbands if they agree among themselves on an acceptable basis.} [Quran 2: 232]

5- When the religion of Islam was revealed to the Prophet  the woman was suffering from her husband's oppression, bad morals and ill treatment. Islam prohibited this and commanded the husband to treat her just as he would like her to treat him. Allah, The Exalted, Says (what means):

• {And live with them in kindness.} [Quran 4: 19]

• {And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable.} [Quran 2: 228]

6- When the religion of Islam was revealed to the Prophet  the widow's ‘Iddah (waiting period after the death of her husband) was a complete year. Islam lessened it to just a third. Allah, The Exalted Says (what means): {And those who are taken in death among you and leave wives behind - they, [the wives, shall] wait four months and ten [days].} [Quran 2: 234]

7- Islam instructed that women should be treated with kindness. In a Hadeeth, the Prophet  said: "Be kind to women." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

It also forbade one to hate his believing wife. The Prophet  said:

• "A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he would like another one." [Muslim]

• "The best of you are those who are the kindest to their wives." [At-Tirmithi]

• "This life is enjoyment, and the best of its enjoyment is a righteous wife." ` [Muslim]

While indicating the characteristics of the righteous wife, the Prophet  said: "She is the wife who pleases her husband when he looks at her, obeys him when he commands her and safeguards his honor and wealth when he is not present." [Ahmad and An-Nasa’i]