It is reported that these verses were revealed when the mother of Sa’d Ibn Abu Waqqas who was a companion of the Prophet was so upset when she learned that he had embraced Islam. She tried to persuade him to recant. Realizing that he was determined to follow the Prophet she tried to increase the pressure on him. She knew that he was a most dutiful child and he loved her dearly. She thought that if she brought hardship on herself, he would feel sorry for her and might listen to her. She swore that she would not taste any food or drink until he had left the Prophet .
The judgment in his case was given by Allah in the above quoted verses. Sa’d did not listen to his mother and continued to be one of the best companions of the Prophet . He was later given the happy news by the Prophet that he was certain to be admitted into Paradise.
It is clear from his story and the verses revealed by Allah concerning it that when it comes to matters of faith, a non-Muslim parent may not be obeyed. That, however, does not mean to be unkind to such a parent as we mentioned before. We are still required to be kind to him or her, hoping always that they may recognize the truth of Islam.
There is absolutely no graver sin than shirk, (i.e. to associate partners with Allah) yet Allah the Almighty advised us to keep them company in this life and show them benevolence. This is the only time when we can say no to parents—but not walk out on them. Instead, we should be with them, support them in all kinds of ways when they need us, so long as they do not ask you to go against the teaching of Allah and his Messenger . This also goes for the rest of our non-Muslim kinfolk.
Remember what Yoosuf, may Allah exalt his mention, said as Allah informs us in the verse (which means): "Verily, he who fears Allah with obedience to him, and is patient, then surely, Allah makes not the reward of the Muhsinun (righteous) to be lost." [Quran 12:90]
We do good if we pray Allah to enlighten our non-Muslim parents and guide them to accept Islam. We cannot, however, pray Allah to forgive them. Allah forgives all sins with the exception of associating partners with him. All non-believers associate partners with Allah in one form or another. It is, therefore, futile to pray Him to forgive what he has told us He would not forgive. Moreover, it is an affront to Allah.
It may be hard for a Muslim person to be unable to pray for the forgiveness of his non-Muslim parents. Let us remember that the Prophet’s own parents were non-Muslims. He asked Allah’s permission to pray Him to forgive his mother. His request was declined. We know that Allah granted every prayer the Prophet made either for himself or his companions or, indeed, Muslims generally. The fact that Allah did not permit the Prophet to pray for the forgiveness of his own mother suggests that this is not a trifling matter at all. It is indeed much more beneficial to one’s non-Muslim parents who are alive that he prays Allah to guide them to Islam.
The merits and benefits of keeping good family relations:
1. The Way to Paradise
The Messenger said: "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, then let him be generous to his guest, and whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him maintain the bond of kinship, and whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him say that which is good or observe silence." [Al-Bukhari] Abu Ayyoob A1-Ansaari, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated: "A man said: 'O Messenger of Allah, inform me of a certain deed that if I do it, I shall enter Paradise.' He said: `worship Allah and do not associate any thing with him, establish Prayer, give Zakah and maintain bonds of kinship'".
2. Abundance and Longevity
It is narrated by Abu Sa’eed Al-Khudhri, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Messenger of Allah said: "Whoever desires for Allah to multiply his provision and increase his age, he should maintain good relations with his kin".
3. Beautiful Pleasures of life
Take advantage of every opportunity which presents itself to help them, visit them and be there for them, for the sake of Allah.
Think about that great moment when your little nephew or niece opened the door and shouted out, "It is my auntie....! It is my uncle ..," then threw themselves, innocently, in your arms. What a great blessing!
The curse of Allah upon those who sever blood relations
Allah, has severely warned those who cut off their blood relations and family ties. The Prophet also condemned such people. Allah the Almighty Says (what means): "Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom Allah has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight." [Quran 47:22-23]
All Muslims should read these two verses over and over again, and let them sink in, because the verse right after that says (what means): "Do they not then think deeply in the Quran? Or are their hearts locked up?" [Quran 47:24] We seek refuge in Allah, the Lord of the worlds, from the sealing of our hearts and the subjugation of our weak selves.
Even the company of those who mistreat their families and are cut off from them is accursed. 'Abdullaah Ibn Abu 'Awf, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that, "One time we were sitting with the Messenger who said, `No one who cuts off his ties should sit with us.' So a young man stood up from the crowd and went to visit his aunt, with whom he had some frictions, she then asked forgiveness for him, and he did the same for her, soon afterwards, he came back to our gathering circle, upon which the Messenger said: "The Mercy will not descend on people among whom there is a person who severs kin ties."
Severing one's blood ties is far from a trivial choice: it is an evil that may hinder you from entering Paradise: the Messenger of Allah said: "No one who severs his family ties will enter Paradise." [At-Tirmithi]
Part of the danger resulting from cutting off one's relations can be sensed from the following hadeeth: Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, related that a man came to the Prophet and said: "O Messenger of Allah, my relatives are such that I cooperate with them, but they cut me off; I am kind to them but they ill-treat me; I forbear but they are rude to me." The Prophet replied, "If you are as you say, you are then feeding them with hot ashes; and so long as you remain the way you are, Allah will always help you and he will protect you against their mischief." [Muslim] Imaam An-Nawawi said: "The hot ashes are a metaphor for the amount of pain and agony experienced by the one who eats them." The hadeeth pertains also to the people who behave differently. They will maintain good ties as long as their kindred do the same, but otherwise they sever them. Real cherishing of the blood relation is not observed in anticipation of reciprocation on the part of one's kin; but the ties should be maintained for Allah's sake only, even if this is done from one side only neglecting the behavior of the other side in return. ‘Abdullaah Ibn 'Amr, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet said, "A person who reciprocates in doing good is not the one who joins his blood relations generously; but he is one who joins with his blood relations when they sever the kindship ties." [Al-Bukhari] This wonderful hadeeth puts all things in perspective for those who are so skilled at pointing fingers, trying to justify the haughtiness of their own selves by always blaming other people, thus justifying their cutting of ties. The Messenger openly states that regardless of their behavior you should visit them; regardless of their detachment, you should maintain your ties; regardless of their offensiveness, reward them with forbearance, and most importantly, never cease to include in your supplications that Allah grant them a change of heart; for all the hearts are between His fingers, He flips them as He wills.
The Messenger of Allah set for all humanity the greatest example of forgiveness and mercy after he conquered Makkah. The Makkans had tortured, killed, and humiliated Muslims for so long, and killed some of the dearest relatives of the blessed Prophet himself. But the Messenger answered them by saying "I would say to you what Yoosuf said to his brothers: No reproach on you this day; May Allah forgive you; He is the most Merciful of those who show mercy. Go free; you are all pardoned!" This incident never fails to bring tears to a Muslim's eye. In fact, any human being would be moved by such nobility and mercy to tears. No wonder ‘Aaishah, may Allah be pleased with her, when asked about the character of the Messenger said that his character was the Quran. Better yet Allah bears witness that his Messenger stands on the highest plane of character. Allah Says (what means): "And verily, you have an exalted standard of character." [Quran 68:4]
Ways to enhance your relations
Here are ways for us to fortify our ties and strengthen our bonds with our kinsmen:
1. Arrange frequent visits with those who live close by, on a weekly basis if they are in the same town or on a yearly basis at least if they reside overseas, depending on a person's abilities. But always remember, the least you can do nowadays is to pick up a paper and a pen and write to them how much your heart yearns for them and that they are not at all forgotten. If not, pick up the phone and tell them how much you love them and cannot wait to visit with them. Little things can make a big difference.
2. In a family gathering, do not let the opportunity to clear up all misunderstandings, pass you by and show all of your relatives your love and concern.
3. When conversing with them, take interest in what they have to say, even if it is not your cup of tea. Listen to their concerns, and help them if you can, and at least give them hope and your prayers—for sincere prayers, reassurance and love are worth much more than any-thing else.
4. Have respect for all elderly people in your family, be all-ears when they are telling their stories and try to learn from their past experiences.
5. Bring joy to family gatherings by creating an atmosphere of fun, sharing jokes or even getting a bit playful at times—but always within the limits of decency and without hurting anyone's feelings.
6. Be there for them, and offer to help in every way you can.
Many good deeds bear fruit that will not be seen until the Hereafter. But keeping good family relations is something that will benefit you immediately, by making this life a lot happier, lighter, pleasant and more rewarding. Most importantly, Allah will reward us generously for every smile, every hug, every act of generosity, every phone call or letter, every word of encouragement, every suppression of anger, and every instance of forgiveness towards your family members. Who can afford to be deprived of such an immense reward? Do not allow yourself to be of those who sever what Allah has ordered to be joined. He the Almighty Says (what means): "Those who break Allah's covenant after ratifying it, and sever what Allah has ordered to be joined, and do mischief on earth, it is they who are the losers." [Quran 2:27]
