It is a fact that Muslim women and Muslim men chat and meet on social media. Regardless of the fact that for some it is OK and for others it is not so OK, let’s face the reality and help the sisters so that they are not victims of liars and they can distinguish between Muslims with good intentions from those who are not having good intentions. I receive messages from new Muslim or non-Muslim sisters chatting with Muslim brothers, and this is an attempt from my part to clarify their doubts.
1. THE SEX SEEKER
This is the number one complaint I see from sisters on Facebook. This guy may have an innocent profile, but in the moment you come into contact with him, it is clear that he is only after sex. Some guys do it furtively, asking for full-body pictures, etc. until they finally ask you for a nude picture and more! Others are incredibly frank about it and inform you in advance that they are looking for a physical relationship. And there are also a few disturbed people who show you without prior warning what they are looking for by sending you a picture of something you really didn’t want or didn’t need to see! Of course, to the mix we have to add the married guys that are online for this same purpose.
2. MR. ME
He is the king and you are lucky to have the privilege of speaking with him. He will find ways to make you feel inadequate like commenting on your appearance, your weight, or even the area where you live! He can be very clever and manipulative in the way it makes you feel that you are not good enough. He thinks everyone should strive to be like him and be with him. It makes you come to him, he makes too little effort to know about you because you are not important enough to be considered an entity in your own right. Mr. Me is completely selfish and he does not try to learn about your interests. Whether you’re having conversations online or talking on the phone, if a man doesn’t ask you questions about you to get to know you better, that should be a warning sign for you.
If a man is sending you messages and the conversation only revolves around him, he is not interested in knowing about you at all.
3. THE VISA SEEKER
While there are some honest men from other countries looking to marry a woman because they are truly in love, there are other men who are only looking for a visa. He is usually a student or is sharing a room in an apartment with 5 of his cousins. He wants to marry you as soon as possible. He verifies that you was born here and work here. He will move to your country at the speed of light, he will request to meet your family the following weekend and be married by the end of the month.
4. MAMA’S BOY
While there are men who are on good terms with their family and show a respectful attitude towards the one who gave birth to them, there are certainly some who take it to the extreme. Typically he is the man who shows devotion to his mother in his profile or at least in the first minutes of talking to him. And most of his phrases begin with “my mother …”. He continually quotes the hadith that speaks of Jannah under the feet of the mothers as a free pass, to demand that you do everything his mother says, wants and does. He will accurately describe what he expects from you as a wife, generally he expects you to do the things his mother does for him. He wants you not only to live with his mother, but to take active steps to learn from her and be like her. He is often the only son in the family, so he’s grown up being waited on hand and foot by women and he expects no different from his wife.
5. THE MYSOGINIST
Many men become misogynist after suffering a deep hurt from a woman in the past. But that is not an excuse to behave like that. He is angry and uses terms like “you, women + negative generalization.” He spends an extraordinary amount of energy telling you what he doesn’t like or what he expects from a woman. He doesn’t make much effort to show you affection, because according to his thinking you should be the one showing him that still there are good women. But believe me, he won’t believe you anyway. This guy needs professional help before he can really hope to find a wife. Otherwise, he will spend his hours chatting with women with the sole purpose of showing them that they are wrong about everything and pointing out their failures.
6. THE GUY OF THE FAKE PICTURE
This will only come to light when he shows a real photo of himself or, worse, when you go to meet him and what appears to be his dad turns up. The fake photo he shows in his profile is sometimes a model, an actor, a random photo found on Google, or even himself 30 years ago. When you ask him why the reality and the picture are so different he laughs sheepishly, or he adopts some holier than thou attitude and tells you how people are only behind a pretty face, or he just admits that it is an old photo as if to say “well duh”. Meanwhile, you have to sit down to drink some coffee with a stranger even stranger than you expected!
If his profile picture is too perfect to be true, download it to your computer and then drag it to Google. You can do an image search.
7. MR. BIG DADDY
He is an older gentleman, generally divorced, but definitely desperate. He just looks for younger girls to help rekindle those long-extinguished flames by making him feel young and vibrant again. He does not see himself as a sugar daddy and does not want to give you gifts in exchange for your company, because he only wants you to want him, regardless of the fact that he may be decades older than you. Hunting the young is his way of never getting old.
8. THE LOVE BOMBER
Attraction at first sight? Of course. But, true love at first sight? And after taking a look at your profile picture? No. This guy uses text messages, emails or excessive phone calls to tell you: “You are beautiful! I fell in love with you the moment I saw your picture. I know we are meant to be together!” Nobody falls in love with a picture, a profile or a brief message.
Relationships take time to build. Liars, narcissists and sociopaths have agendas. They often seem intense and deep. They move fast and get serious too soon.
This guy wants to convince you that he is madly in love with you. He will do everything possible to intensify the relationship so that you feel breathless and swept off of your feet.
If you know someone like that, go away. This is not a modern version of love at first sight (of your profile picture), it’s a sign that they’re a bit of a creep.
You might think that there is a possibility that you have a real connection. But if that is really the case, it won’t be because of their fake flattery and hyperbole. In simple terms, when they begin to say, “Since you came into my life, babe, I was born again,” you should think again.
On the other hand, it is hard to resist this guy, because he will make you feel so special and so appreciated, and who doesn’t like that? He will talk about a promising future with you, from the first conversation or the second. He will tell you that you are beautiful, that he cannot believe how lucky he is to have known you, though, in reality, he hardly knows you. The problem with this guy is that he is so intense (probably crazy, in fact) that inevitably, as suddenly as his adoration for you flourished, it will also fade away once he really knows you a little. He will realize that, in fact, you do not match his preconceived and idealized vision of the perfect woman he made of you. It’s a no-win situation, so learn to recognize the warning signs early. Don’t be blinded by the flattery and attention. Just run.
9. MR. IMPATIENT/THE RUSHER
This guy gets angry or annoyed in a hurry. If you do not respond to his message immediately, he sulks or complains about it. Or, he may pressure you into meeting right away, 15 minutes after the first message exchange. If you don’t do it (and you shouldn’t!), he may pout or try to wheedle you into changing your mind.
This guy may be needy, controlling or jealous. Or he may want to meet you for a brief sexual adventure instead of developing a relationship.
If a man is looking for something serious, he will take the time to talk with you. He will also give you the opportunity to know him before trying to see you.
10. HE’S TAKING TOPLESS SELFIES
Anyone who uses a picture of their naked torso to advertise themselves as a potential mate is, in my view, not to be trusted – especially if it’s taken in front of a mirror with the flash covering up their face. They might be hoping you’ll be so distracted by their abs you won’t notice.
Also, if he’s prepared to post a half naked picture in the public domain – just imagine what you might be sent in private.
11. THEY DON’T MESSAGE YOU BACK FOR DAYS
The conversation flows perfectly, you are being hilarious, there are even jokes in between and then … silence. And the silence may last for days or weeks.
While they have the right to leave you hanging while they live their own lives, appearing and disappearing again for days could create a tension that you don’t want to be part of.
This is a classic move. It is when someone just keeps the other interested, they put you on “standby”, and they speak again to you when they feel alone or when their first option does not work out.
This not only refers to social media but can also be extrapolated to the real world. Does the person in question approach to you, he is kind, you follow the game but he never comes with something concrete? You fall in love and then he tells you that your relationship is nothing, that you are only friends… but he occasionally turns back to you? These are also signs of breadcrumbing, in addition of being clear red flags. You might be in a relationship that is undefined or that it seems it does but it doesn’t. If you are in a relationship like this, cut it out because it will not end in anything good. They are only toxic relationships where one of the two people feeds his ego and he has the other there for when another of his plans fails. Do you think you are the only person that is waiting for his messages? Ha!
Detect this behavior from the beginning, speak kindly to him and wait for his response.
Does he sound honest? Give him a chance, but if he still acts the same for another week, say goodbye.
12. THEY TALK ABOUT MONEY CONSTANTLY
Showing off the cash you earn is the real-life equivalent of holding a sign that says “Marry me for my money,” which funnily enough, never happens.
Think about why they need to talk so much about their money.
Suggests deep insecurities or potential lies.
Solution: Steer them off the topic or tell them it makes you feel uncomfortable.
If they keep coming back to it, go away. Marrying someone for their money? No, thanks.
