In the Name of Allah,
the Most Gracious,
the Most Merciful
Allah, the Exalted, says in the Glorious
Qur’an:
“Among His signs is that He created for
you wives from among yourselves, that
you may find tranquility in them, and He
has put between you affection and
mercy.” [30:21]
WOMEN AS WIVES
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One of the great signs of the
Benevolence, Mercy and Power of
Allah, the Exalted, is that He created for
mankind mates, one from the other, so
that they are comforted, satisfied and
assisted by one another.
The basic foundation of the society is
the family, and the husband and the wife
are co-partners in that family upon
which a Muslim home is established.
For the success of the family and the
tranquility of the home, Islam grants
each spouse certain rights and duties.
We will only focus on the rights of the
wives in the following section.
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01DOWRY:
A dowry is the right of every bride at the
time of marriage. A marriage contract is
not considered legal and complete
unless a dowry has been specified. This
right cannot be forfeited, even if the bride
approves, until after the marriage
contract is completed. The dowry
belongs to the woman entering marriage,
and she has the freedom to do whatever
she wants with what she owns after the
marriage contract is fulfilled. Allah, the
Exalted, states in the Qur’an:
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“Give the women whom you marry their
dowry with a good heart. If they remit
any part of it to you, of their own good
pleasure, take it and enjoy it fully without
fear of any harm.” [4:4]
The husband is not allowed to take
anything back from the dowry if he
decides later to divorce her; as Allah,
the Exalted, states in the Qur’an:
“If you want to replace one wife with
another and you have given one of them
a great amount [in gifts], do not take
[back] from it anything. Would you take
it in injustice and manifest sin? And how
could you take it while you have gone in
unto each other and they have taken
from you a solemn covenant?” [4:20-21]
This verse indicates the sacredness of
the marriage vows and the intimacy of
the marriage relationship, as well as the
right of retaining the dowry gift in case of
divorce. Allah, the Exalted, also states in
the Qur’an:
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“O you who believe! You are forbidden
to inherit women against their will, and
do not make difficulties for them in order
to take [back] part of what you gave
them unless they commit a clear
immorality. And live with them in
kindness. For if you dislike them -
perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah
makes therein much good.” [4:19]
This verse ensures the wife’s rights and
complete justice even if the man dislikes
her for any reason. This is also mentioned
in an authentic prophetic tradition
wherein Abu Hurairah reported that the
Messenger of Allah said:
“A believer must not hate a believing
woman (his wife). If he dislikes one of
her characteristics, he will be pleased
with another.” [Muslim]
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02 FINANCIAL SUPPORT:
The husband must give honorable and
sufficient sustenance to his household
according to his status and means.
Allah, the Exalted, says:
“Let the rich man spend according to
his means, and the man whose
resources are restricted, let him spend
according to what Allah has given him.
Allah puts no burden on any person
beyond what He has given him. Allah
will grant after hardship ease.” [65:7]
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If a sufficiently rich man refuses to spend
on his family in accordance with his level
of means, and the wife was able to take
a portion of his wealth, she may take
that which satisfies her essential needs
and that of her children, avoiding
wastage and extravagance. Hind bint
‘Utbah came to the Prophet
complaining about her husband, saying:
“My husband is a miser and does not
spend enough on me and his children.”
He replied: “Take whatever suffices you
and your child within proper bounds.”
[Bukhari]
If a husband came under heavy financial
strain and was incapable of fulfilling his
family’s financial needs, or if he left his
wife for an extensive period of time,
whereby the wife was harmed due to
that absence, the wife is entitled to seek
court intervention, if she desires to annul
that marriage, as indicated by the
verdicts of the jurists in Islamic
jurisprudence.
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The Prophet of Allah explained these
rights when he said:
“Fear Allah in regards to women for you
have taken them by the oath of Allah,
and made intimate relations with them
legal by the sacred word of Allah. Your
right is that no one you dislike should be
allowed to enter your home … and their
right is that you feed and clothe them
within your limits.” [Muslim]
The Prophet said to his companion
Sa’ad ibn Abi Waqqas:
“No amount you spend on your family
seeking reward from Allah but that He
will reward you, even if it is a bite of food
that you place in your wife’s mouth.”
[Bukhari & Muslim]
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03 JUSTICE, EQUALITY
AND FAIRNESS:
Men who are married to more than one
wife are required to act with justice,
fairness and equality in dealing with
them. This includes provision, clothing,
housing and sharing his time, concerns
and intimate relations. Allah, the
Beneficent, says:
“And if you fear that you will not deal
justly with the orphan girls, then marry
those that please you of [other] women,
two or three or four. But if you fear that
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you will not be just, then marry only one
or those your right hand possesses.
That is more suitable that you may not
incline to injustice.” [4:3]
The Prophet of Allah said:
“Whoever has two wives and favors one
of them over the other, will come on the
Day of Resurrection with one of his
sides leaning.” [Abu Dawood, Tirmidhi, &
others and verified]
This indicates that the husband must
demonstrate justice, fairness and
equality amongst all his wives. He is
warned of this dire punishment of
paralysis and deformity in the hereafter,
just as he paralyzed and deformed the
rights of one of his wives in this world.
It is unlawful for a man to mistreat his
wife in any fashion with abuse,
hardships, harassment, undue burdens,
insults, beatings, abuse to her wealth
and funds, forbidding her from lawful
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outings, and so forth in an attempt to
force her to pay all that she possesses
as ransom to her husband so that he
may release her through divorce. Islamic
laws do permit the husband to impose
certain restrictions upon the wife that
displays some immoral and shameful
conduct that is reasonably deemed to
be harmful to the entire society and
social order. The purpose of these
restrictions is to encourage her to return
to proper behavior. Those who continue
to act indiscreetly, leading to suspicion
of actual infidelity may be offered
divorce, just as she may seek “Khul’a’”
wherein she asks for dissolving the
marriage contract due to his misbehavior.
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04 PROTECTION AND
PRESERVATION:
A husband must protect and prevent his
wife and children from any possible
harm or immorality to the best of his
abilities. Allah, the Exalted, says:
“O you who have believed, protect
yourselves and your families from a Fire
whose fuel is people and stones, over
which are [appointed] angels, harsh and
severe; they do not disobey Allah in
what He commands them but do what
they are commanded.” [66:6]
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All that protects from unlawful and
shameful deeds is commendable, but
extremism is not. He also said:
“There is a kind of jealousy that Allah
loves and a kind which He hates. The
kind that he loves is in the doubtful acts,
and the kind he hates is in the acts
without any doubt.” [Abu Dawood & Nasa`e]
The Prophet of Allah also said:
“Verily Allah gets jealous and the
believer gets jealous and the jealousy of
Allah is to see a believer doing unlawful
acts …” [Bukhari, & Muslim]
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05 COMPANIONSHIP,
CARE AND INTIMATE
RELATIONSHIPS:
A husband must live with his wife
honorably, kindly and with respect. He
must maintain a decent, clean and
acceptable appearance when he relaxes
in his household, just as he likes his wife
to do for him at home, since this is only
mutual respect and decency to one
another. The Prophet of Allah said,
encouraging and explaining the
comprehensive principle about good
character and behavior:
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“The most complete believers are those
with the best characters, and the best
of you are those who are best to their
womenfolk.” [Tirmidhi & Ibn Hibbaan, and
verified]
The Messenger of Allah used to mend
his own clothes and shoes and help his
wives with their daily chores. His wife
Aishah was once asked: “What did the
Messenger of Allah use to do while at
home?” She responded: “He used to
serve and assist his household, and
when he would hear the call to prayer,
he would leave to pray.” [Bukhari]
The Messenger of Allah was always
pleasant, kind and caring to all, and
would occasionally play and joke politely
with his family members. The Prophet of
Allah said:
“Everything devoid of the remembrance
of Allah is just vanity except four: to joke
and play with one’s wife, to train one’s
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horse, to travel between two
destinations, and to learn swimming.”
[Nasa’ee and verified]
This tradition indicates that most
pastimes and amusements are a waste
of time and are therefore without reward,
except these mentioned above which
are useful, lawful, and fulfill valid
beneficial purposes. Allah’s Prophet
is also well known for being cheerful and
decent in joking with his family and
playing with them. An example of this
fun pastime is when ‘Aishah the mother
of the believers, said:
Allah’s Prophet raced with me and I
won the race before I grew and gained
weight. After I became a bit older and
put on weight he raced with me again
and he won. The Prophet of Allah
said to me upon winning the race:
“This (win of mine makes up) for that
(win of yours).” [Ahmad & Abu Dawood]
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The Messenger of Allah is reported to
have sat in the house for a short while
with his family, talking to them, giving
them company and showing kindness,
before going to sleep, and after offering
the late evening prayer. In the authentic
traditions we find that Ibn ‘Abbas
narrated:
“I slept at the house of Maymunah (his
aunt and the Prophet’s wife) one night to
see the Prophet’s worship in night
prayer. He talked with his wife for a
period of time, and then slept. Later in
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the night he awakened and prayed what
Allah had written for him.” [Bukhari &
Muslim]
Allah, the Exalted, states in the Glorious
Qur’an:
“Indeed, in the Messenger of Allah, you
have a good example to follow for
whoever has hope in the Meeting with
Allah and the Last Day, and remembers
Allah much.” [33:21]
Hence, Allah’s Prophet is the best
example to follow for all. Muslims ought
to follow the pattern of Allah’s Prophet
in all of their affairs, personal and
public, throughout their lives.
All the secrets of the wife should be kept
and preserved and her shortcomings
hidden. No private affairs should be
made public or shared as a conversation
item, even among the closest friends.
The Messenger of Allah said:
“One of the worst people in the sight of
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Allah on the Day of Resurrection is a
man who has intimate relations with his
wife, or a wife who has the same with
her husband, then one of them discloses
that privacy to others.” [Muslim & others]
It is the right of the married woman to
spend the night with her husband and
have sexual fulfillment, satisfaction, and
gratification. This right is one of the most
emphasized rights in Islam, equal to the
need of man to have his fulfillment. The
husband is required and obliged by
Islamic law to fulfill the sexual rights of
his spouse, to ensure the satisfaction of
the spouse so as to prevent her from
being inclined towards shameful acts,
may Allah forbid. A spouse, as any other
female, has a great need for being loved
and cherished, cared for, and fulfillment
of her natural and physical rightful
desires.
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Islam forbids husbands from engaging
themselves in matters of physical
worship and devotions, like prayers and
fasting, in a way that may detract them
from attending to their spouses’
physical, sexual and social needs. In a
famous incident Salman Al-Farisi
reported:
“I went to visit my brother in faith, Abu-
Darda and upon arrival, I was greeted
by his spouse Um Darda who was in an
unkempt state. Seeing that, I asked her,
‘What is the matter with you; why are
you in this state and not attentive to
your husband?’ She said: ‘Your brother,
Abu-Darda has no interest in this world
and its affairs. He spends his nights
praying and his days fasting!’ Upon the
arrival of Abu-Darda, who welcomed
Salman and offered him some food,
Salman said: ‘Why do not you eat with
me?’ Abu-Darda said: ‘I am fasting.’
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Salman said: ‘By Allah, you must break
your fast and eat with me.’ Abu-Darda
broke his fast and ate with Salman.
Salman spent that night with Abu-
Darda, and Abu Darda got up during the
night to offer some night prayers
whereupon Salman stopped him from
doing so, saying: ‘Your body has certain
rights upon you, your Lord has certain
rights upon you, and your family has
certain rights upon you. Fast some days
and break the fast on others, approach
your spouse (for marital relations). Grant
everyone their due right.’ Just before
the break of dawn, Salman permitted
Abu-Darda to get up and offer prayers.
Both of them rose, performed ablution,
offered prayers and then headed to the
Masjid to offer Fajr (dawn) prayer. Upon
finishing the prayer with the Prophet of
Allah Abu-Darda reported to the
Prophet about the incident. The Prophet
of Allah said: ‘Salman has spoken the
truth.’” [Bukhari]
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Considering the needs of his wife, a
husband should not be away from home
for an extended period of time. Caliph
Umar ibn Al-Khattab, after consulting
with his daughter Hafsa about the length
of the period a woman can patiently
bear her husband’s absence, set this
period at six months.
Abdur-Razaq and others narrated a
famous story that:
“Umar ibn al-Khattab was making night
rounds when he heard a woman lament:
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‘The night has grown long, and its end is
dark and black, I am sleepless since I
have, with whom to play, no lover,
If there was not (the Lord) whose Throne
is above the Heavens, the sides of this
bed, would roll, shake and quiver!’
In the morning he went to her and asked
her the reason for her poetry, and she
answered that her husband had gone
with the soldiers on a long campaign.
Umar then conferred with his daughter
Hafsa on how long a woman can be
patient for her husband to return. After
some moments of hesitation and
embarrassment, in which he convinced
her that this question was for the general
good of the Muslims, she replied six
months.”
After this, Umar would close a campaign
within six months so that they could
return to their wives within that time.
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This period is approximate since
circumstances may allow it to be less,
or force it to be more. She may tolerate
the absence of her husband for more
than six months, or she may demand
him to come back before that time.
The husband may not refuse or deny his
spouse’s legitimate request unless he
has a valid excuse. A husband must not
make any financial decisions on behalf
of his spouse unless she gives him such
permission. The husband has no right
to take any of his spouse’s financial
assets without her approval.
He should also consult his spouse in the
major household decisions, children’s
affairs and other mutual affairs. It is not
wise to dictate a man’s opinion upon the
other members of the family without
listening to the spouse’s opinion, as
long as her opinion is wise and correct.
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Allah’s Prophet gave us a practical
example in this matter. On the “Day of
the Pact” with the Quraish tribe, the
Prophet commanded his companions
to shave their heads and to exit the
state of “Ihraam”, but they were slow
and did not hasten to fulfill his command.
Um Salamah, the Prophet’s wife,
recommended that he do so himself
and then go out before his companions.
Allah’s Prophet acted upon the
recommendation of his wife, doing what
she suggested, and when the
companions saw his action they all
hastened in obedience.
A husband must avoid counting every
innocent mistake his spouse may make.
For instance, the Prophet of Allah
said:
“A husband should not come to his
home from a journey late at night
(without announcing his arrival in
advance).” [Bukhari & Muslim]
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This recommendation is given so that
the wife may have time to comb her hair
or wash herself and that the husband
may not find his spouse in an unprepared
state, which might become a reason for
his displeasure. Of course with the
modern facilities, nowadays husbands
have the ability to inform their wives well
in advance, whether the arrival is during
the daytime or late in the night.
It is the obligation of a husband to be
kind, attentive, sharing and caring with
his spouse. He must demonstrate
honesty, decency, patience and care,
and must take into consideration her
human nature. Women appreciate being
loved tenderly and being well taken care
of. A husband must demonstrate his
affection, love, appreciation, caring,
consideration and genuine keenness of
his spouse.
The system of divorce in Islam is
designed to protect the rights and
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interests of the woman, and allow ample
opportunity and time for reconciliation.
We will discuss in more detail below, but
here we only mention that in divorce, as
in marriage, one must act decent with
civil behavior to assure the right of both
parties, as Allah, the Most Wise, says:
“Divorce is two times. Then, either keep
[her] in an acceptable manner or release
[her] with good treatment.” [2:229]
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To download and read the complete book,
click on the cover picture here.
This is an excerpt
of a larger book titled
“Women in Islam”
by Abd Ar- Rahman
bin Abd Al-Kareem Ash-Sheha.
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