Am I Free to Search and Choose a Religion?

QAs-salamu `alaykum, My niece has a Christian Finnish mother and a Muslim Jordanian father. She lives in Finland with both parents. She's 15 years old. She questions Islam, and is considering to convert to Christianity at the age of 18 (as the Finnish government laws permit that). Her questions were evolving about how Islam sees and treats women, which she feels is as second-rate, and a woman is seen as a weak creature who needs the man to do everything for her. She also has questions about why a Muslim woman is not allowed to marry a Christian man. My question is, how can I approach her young age and stubborn mind to introduce Islam to her without putting any pressure on her? I want her to willingly choose Islam and to think positively about Islam. She's been raised in a foreign country in a small city where there is no Islamic community. All her friends are of other religions, and all are affected by the misconceptions about Islam. I want to know how I can reach her heart. I'm her closest aunt and everyone is counting on me to approach her. Please give me advice, as we do not want to lose her.


ANSWER

I think, as you rightly pointed out, you should not attempt to push or impose any ideas on your niece. Preferably, try to just indicate clearly in any e-mail, phone call, or encounter with your niece that you will always respect her choice and that the freedom of religion is respected in Islam.


Yet, on this ground, she has the right to get accurate information on Islam so that she could make her choice on solid ground. If I were you, I would suggest that she read, in a systemic way, about all world religions. Making the switch from Islam to Christianity is not the only choice.

Wa Alaykum Assalam Dear Lama,

Thank you for your concern and compassion. I also must thank you for the way you put your question in such clear phrasing.

Am I Free to Search and Choose a Religion?

Islamic Spirituality in the Modern World


I think, as you rightly pointed out, you should not attempt to push or impose any ideas on your niece. Preferably, try to just indicate clearly in any e-mail, phone call, or encounter with your niece that you will always respect her choice and that the freedom of religion is respected in Islam.

Yet, on this ground, she has the right to get accurate information on Islam so that she could make her choice on solid ground. If I were you, I would suggest that she read, in a systemic way, about all world religions. Making the switch from Islam to Christianity is not the only choice.

A serious search might (and most probably will) take her back to Islam. But, again, it is her freedom to choose and Islam does respect her choice. But she will only do herself justice if she chooses on solid grounds.

If she is willing to challenge the faith of her father, then she should feel more challenged to learn and to read more and also to do justice to Islam by reading Islamic sources, not by reading about Islam. If she agrees to this, then she can embark on the search for the religion she wants to embrace.

It surely should take more than three years if she is serious. By the time she is 18, she will have the option to change her religion although she might not have yet reached the decision. Thus, she should take as long as she wishes and not feel pressured.

Journey in Search of Knowledge

Belief is the Seed of Spiritual Happiness


It might be strange to introduce herself at the university saying, “I was born Muslim but I converted to Christianity.” It may raise a brow or even trigger, “Wow! That must have been tough! How brave!” Nevertheless, does that mean then that she is a free woman who freely chose the only obvious option that was present in her Finnish society?

I also would advise that your niece start reading good quality, authentic books, and meet reputable scholars of Islam to answer her questions. Tell her also that you are willing, on her forthcoming visit to Jordan, to take her to the nearest church to ask the priest any questions she might have. This should be on the condition of having done her previous homework — of reading about Christianity, its diverse versions, and also the challenges it is facing.

I just want to remind you that one way to embrace any religion is to feel a sense of faith in your life. Books are not the only tool of knowledge. Meditation, exposure to nature, and awareness of artistic and cultural manifestations of different religious rituals or faith traditions are other tools. This is along with a sense of appreciation of the beauty of the universe created by Allah, the One and Only Creator and Sustainer of all.

Women in Islam


Status of Women in Islam

As for the issue of women in Islam, your niece will find lots of nonsense on the Internet along with some very good writings, and examples of Muslim women who defend women’s dignity and equity from within Islam. I am sure such figures can be inspiring too.

Am I Free to Search and Choose a Religion


She should learn how to make her own objective search until she reaches the truth. Only then would she be able to make a decision that is fair to herself.

Women and Islamization, by Karin Ask and Marit Tjomsland, discusses the Islamic resurgence. It also discusses how many Muslim women chose to embrace progressive ideas and keep their religiosity too, within the wider frame of Islamic reform and social movements.

I am sure there are more updated writings on that, but this book was a real eye-opener when it came out. At aboutislam.net you will come across many articles, on women in Islam that deserve to be read.

Last but not least, we are here for her if she needs to ask freely about anything.

And Allah knows best.

I hope this helps. Please keep in touch.

Walaikum Assalam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh.