I Want to Marry a Christian Guy
10 October, 2020
QAs-salam alaykum,
Please, I need your sincere advice. About 2 years ago, I fell in love with a Christian guy. He loves me, too.
I know I can't marry him because of the Islamic rulings. Now he wants to accept Islam because he wants to marry me, but I fear things will not be right in the future.
What should I do?
ANSWER
Nasira S. Abdul-Aleem
10 October, 2020
In this counseling answer:
After he takes his Shahada, wait—at least a few months—and see what happens before marrying him.
He may not like it if his family rejects him, but he will hold his ground if he is a sincere believer.
Remember, kindness is not belief. The Prophet’s uncle, Abu-Taalib, was all goodness to the Prophet (saw) but to the end he was an unbeliever.
Nothing causes fear of sinning like the Hell Fire, and nothing causes more devotion than love for Allah’s (swt) mercy. That love is the best!
This guy may be a nice person now, but without taqwa that could change because the thing(s) behind his niceness are not those that would protect you securely.
What Are the Interfaith Marriage Rules
What Are the Interfaith Marriage Rules?
As-Salaamu ‘Alalikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh,
Because you have not told me what exactly makes you fear the future, I am going to respond to your question assuming that you fear that his faith in Islam will not be sincere and that he only converted to marry you. Also, you may fear that your family may not trust his conversion and/or that his family may reject him if he converts.
Wait
If those are the reasons, then one way to figure out the answers to them is to take your time. After he takes his Shahada, wait—at least a few months—and see what happens before marrying him. During that time, you can see if he was sincere. You can also see what his family thinks and does to him.
I Want to Marry a Christian Guy - About Islam
If, on the other hand, you have to marry him immediately after he converts because you and he can’t wait (you fear you may commit zina), then at least be aware of the risk you are taking. You may end up suffering in your life with a person who is not a believer in Islam in his heart.
Sincere believer
If he is a true believer in Islam in his heart, he will be able to deal with his family rejecting him—well, depending on how one defines the word “deal”. He may not like it if his family rejects him, but he will hold his ground if he is a sincere believer.
But, if his conversion was only to marry you and you don’t marry him right away, then he may return to the religion of his family. It would be very important for you to find out the answer to this question before marrying him—beyond just what he tells you.
If he takes his Shahada and deals with its fallout before you marry him, you will be able to be much more knowledgeable about what is really going on in his heart, In Sha’ Allah.
Check out this counseling video:
Signs of faith
Remember, kindness is not belief. The Prophet’s uncle, Abu-Taalib, was all goodness to the Prophet (saw) but to the end he was an unbeliever. Abu-Safyan, on the other hand, fought the Prophet (saw) and became a Muslim in the end… May Allah (swt) be your guide in figuring out whether this person converts to Islam sincerely or to just be able to marry you.
Some people are nice out of pride. They are good because it makes them feel good about themselves. They are not conscious of or interested in doing good things to please Allah (swt). The problem with that sort of goodness (for personal pride) is that it is not reliable the way taqwa (God-consciousness) is.
Taqwa
Taqwa is love for Allah (swt) and fear of Allah (swt) that He (swt) will remove His protection of you in this life and punish you in Hell in the next. Love of Allah (who is Ar-Rahman and Ar-Raheem) gives us hope in His mercy that He (swt) will forgive our sins and save us from His punishment – which is removing His protection in this life and putting you in Hell Fire in the Next.
This way of thinking is the most reliable because nothing causes fear of sinning like the Hell Fire, and nothing causes more devotion than love for Allah’s (swt) mercy. That love is the best! So, this guy may be a nice person now, but without taqwa that could change because the thing(s) behind his niceness are not those that would protect you securely.
I strongly suggest you let him take his Shahada and then see what he does after that. May Allah (swt) make it easy for you.
Why Muslim Woman Cannot Marry Non-Muslim Man
11 April, 2017
QAs-salamu `alaykum. I would like to know why a woman is not allowed to marry a non-Muslim man while a Muslim man can marry a Jewish or Christian lady? What is the wisdom of that?
ANSWER
Ask the Scholar Editor
11 April, 2017
Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
In this fatwa:
1- Islam does not encourage the interfaith marriages.
2- The general rule of Islam is that Muslims should marry Muslims.
3- A Muslim male or female should not marry a non-Muslim male or female.
4- The only exception is given to Muslim men who are allowed to marry the chaste girls from among the People of the Book.
A Muslim woman is better suited to a Muslim man than a woman of Christian or Jewish faith, regardless of her merits. This is because marriage is not based on fulfilling one’s sexual desires; rather, it is an institution. It aims to establish a home on the basis of tranquility, faith and Islamic morals. To fulfill this task, the whole family must apply Allah’s course and try to convey His message.
It is obvious that Islam made it impermissible for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim with aim of keeping her away from things that may jeopardize her faith.
In fact, Islam aims at protecting religion. To achieve this goal, it prohibits a Muslim from being involved in something that represents a threat to his religion. A Muslim woman will not feel that her religion is secure while being with a Jewish or a Christian husband especially as the majority of the People of the Book do not show due respect to our Prophet, Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him).
Allah Almighty says: “And the Jews will not be pleased with thee, nor will the Christians, till thou follow their creed. Say: Lo! The guidance of Allah (Himself) is Guidance. And if you should follow their desires after the knowledge which hath come unto thee, then wouldst thou have from Allah no protecting friend nor helper.” (Al-Baqarah 2:120)
Given the fact that the husband is generally the head of the household, it’s not far-fetched for a non-Muslim husband to prevent his Muslim wife from performing some Islamic rituals which may seem a nuisance to him, for example fasting, or even refraining from marital relations during the fast.
As a result, he might force her to change her religion, and if she refuses, the situation may culminate in divorce.
As for why Islam allows a Muslim man to marry a Christian or Jewish woman, it’s clear that every Muslim believes in Moses and Jesus (peace be upon them) and he holds all the Prophets of Allah in high esteem. Thus a Muslim finds no harm in his wife’s being a Christian or a Jew, for the spirit of tolerance Islam holds for other religions is ingrained in him.
Allah Almighty knows best.
